NEB1: One Thousand and One Ways to Die

EDIT: update below

Lord Iggy said:
Watch from 4:00 to 6:07.

I still have slooow speed internet... Could you describe it please? :(

Matt0088 said:
Glory to the Red Crusade!

No wonder the soviet women are angry, it seems the evil capitalists have been stealing their winter clothes.

DRM kills babies! Space Hamsters support the war against DRM!
 
Robot Chicken Sketch Featuring COBRA.

The Terror Drome
(Done in the style of The Office)

Theme Music. View of vehicles passing by and entering a parking lot around COBRA headquarters. View of a bunch of COBRA henchmen in cubicles. Shot changes to Major Bludd, with black gloves, black helmet, eyepatch, and shirt with tie.

Scene 1

Bludd: It's my job to provide a bridge between the blokes at the top of the ladder like Cobra Commander and Serpentor and the peons at the bottom. I help the peons feel valuable... although it helps not to call them peons.

Henchman enters, wearing COBRA gear under a button-up shirt and tie.

Henchman: Here's that report you wanted sir.

Bludd: I told you not to staple it, wretch!

Manager slaps henchman twice. Henchman falls to the ground. Manager drops stapled papers on him.

Scene 2

Inside a large room filled with complex machinery. A scientist holds a leber controlling a large cloning device.

Scientist: Yeah, cloning is an integral part of COBRA's plan for world domination.

Scientist pulls lever. Clone emerges from Cloner. Clone Salutes Firmly.

Clone 1: Hail COBRA!

Clone Goosewalks Off.

Scientist: Hail COBRA. Basically my job is to defrag the DNA sequencer before each cloning, reduce the capacitor-

Scientist pulls lever. A slightly tipsy Second Clone emerges from Cloner. Clone Salutes shakily and speaks in a slightly higher-pitched voice.

Clone 2: Hail COBRA!

Clone Goosewalks Off.

Scientist: Hail COBRA- And monitor the plasma feed. I started out in accounting, but there's a lot more room for advancement down here.

Scientist pulls lever. A Third Clone emerges sideways from Cloner with one leg twisted behind the other and an arm stuck bizarrely behind his head.

Clone 3 (accented): Hayel NOBRA! Hyuh hyuh.

Clone staggers and flails his way out.

Scientist: Hail NOBR- ah, hang on a second.

Scientist pulls out an axe and starts chasing down the clone.

*****

It goes on for a little while- it's probably far easier to just set the player to the 4:00 minute mark and let it load for a few minutes.
 
I just noticed, the map on the front page has a port on B8 and the last update has a port on C8 but not B8. Did the port move itself?!?!?:crazyeye:

Can't wait for the update.
 
Oh no! My secret research into moving cities has been found out! :)
But that's strange. According to past maps it was moved inbetween turn 7 and 8. Must've been an accedent when Daft enlarged the map.
Also can't wait for update. I'll finally recontinue the war with red.
 
Turn 12

The mysterious mercenary force known as 'Space Pirat' joined Red and Brown forces in the fight against COBRA, while other Red forces were sent to deal a decisive blow to AQUA command. However, once again things did not go according to plan for Holy Field Marshal Matt0088. Orange loyalists within the Red army planned to rebel, with General Popcornlord at the forefront. The newly-arrived Admiral TerrisH learned of the plan and informed the Field Marshall. Various sabotage plans were foiled in time, however it was too late to imprison General Popcornlord…

---

Red command seemed to overestimate the loyalty of the former Orange units. In fact, most of their commanding officers had only agreed to join Red army with the assurance that it would not be permanent. Attempts to arrest the officers were blocked by loyal troops. They were waiting for the call to arms - 'Order 66' - which was now hurriedly broadcast by General Popcornlord from his position on the north-east front, as Matt0088's personal tank guards closed in. All the former orange units honoured the call, and the uprising began.

Former Orange HQ was quickly overrun by Orange irregulars, which were already in place nearby. Loyalists within the HQ made sure there was no prolonged siege of the command bunker. Propaganda messages were soon being sent over the communication system, and more recruits were gained.

Red Heavy troopers at the C5 airfield had orders to intervene, but instead found themselves fighting against an armored car unit which had joined the rebellion. The cars eventually retreated under the cover of smoke and took up position in the nearby hills and mountains, guarding the approaches to the HQ.

However, Orange forces were unable to capture Red's new Missile Boat. Admiral TerrisH and his crew of Red loyalists were able to blast a path through the ice, get the ship clear of the dockyards at Orange HQ, and then use expensive guided missiles to upset nearby Orange units.

Meanwhile, on the frozen waterway near Aqua HQ, Aqua forces were glad to see Popcornlord's bodyguard troops and Matt0088's tanks start fighting each other. Despite taking more losses to enemy fire and breaking ice, Matt0088's tank guards were able to hold position, and supported a renewed attack on Aqua HQ, when Red airborne troops led by newly-promoted General Quoo bravely parachuted into the frozen forests at A8, behind the Aqua front line. Fierce fighting took place, but the defence of Aqua HQ held out until Aqua reinforcements arrived. Chaotic troops in the north-east wilderness also began to distract Quoo's men - at least those who were not still entangled in the treetops.

scen12b.png


Red and Aqua troops facing each other at B6 and B7 continued their truce and disobeyed any orders to fight, even while air combat took place overhead. Red interceptors kept the Aqua light fighters from causing trouble and shot several of them down. With the absence of cloud cover, Aqua pilots dived to low level, but the frozen ground made it easier for Red missiles to lock on to their heat signatures.

Things were chaotic enough that Popcornlord's surviving men were able to escape, and meet up with other Orange units at their newly-liberated HQ.

---

Aqua armored cars reached the Anarchist transport ship at C6 and took possession of it, facing no resistance. It is rumoured that $1 worth of supplies were found onboard, and Aqua trucks are now in the process of retrieving them. However it is also rumoured that both Brown transport helicopters and an Orange submarine (travelling under the ice) reached the ship first and may have found other things of value.

---

The 'Deep Blue' faction held on to its occupied territory but remained at peace with both COBRA and the Aqua nationalists.

---

The front between the Red, Brown and COBRA-CGC (Gold/former Green) armies saw a lot of heavy firepower in use, and became more radioactive, but relatively few close battles took place.

As mentioned, the mercenary force known as Space Pirat suddenly arrived in Soldia, siding with Red army for an undisclosed amount. Although assumed to be just another bunch of eccentric foreign mercenaries, the amount of heavy weaponry deployed was surprising.

scen12a.png


Led by CAO Symphony D., the Space Pirat armored forces rolled forwards to attack the COBRA front line and prove their worth. However they first ran into Chaotic troops and irregulars on the outskirts of city E2. A fight could not be avoided, although it was over fairly quickly, especially as Red troops moved in to help from the east. Some of the Chaotics fell victim to Space Pirat psychological warfare, agreeing to join up with Space Pirat rather than fight to the death as they usually would.

Melting snow led to flooding across the plains at F2 and further held up the Space Pirat light tanks. Air attacks caused more problems. The heavy tanks were able to fire indirectly at COBRA forces from the hills at F3, but this is as far as the Space Pirat offensive has got for now.

Brown units seemed nervous of Space Pirat's presence, or in any case did not allow passage of their rocket launchers into the mountains at G1.

In the skies overhead, COBRA unleashed their latest weapon, a wing of hi-tech heavy fighters, which roamed across the front, firing guided missiles from medium and high altitude with near impunity. Space Pirat's advancing forces were a particular target. But teething problems with the advanced FTW targeting systems saved more than one target from destruction. Space Pirat's Gunships evaded attack as they moved to the far south.

Meanwhile the planned southwards advance by Red forces from the F5 airfield never materialised. Red's loyal troopers and Charles Li's flakkers were occupied with the task of stopping a heavy tank unit, which had rebelled and declared support for the Orange cause. Fierce fighting took place around the empty runways and hangars. Bombardment by CGC guided missiles and COBRA rocket artillery didn't help the situation. Charles Li's flakkers proved their bravery by attacking the heavy tanks at close range. Eventually, all the Orange tank crews were killed or captured, and Red's troops were able to recover the few heavy tanks still in some kind of working order.

COBRA forces in the nearby jungle at G5 took the opportunity to dig in, although they came under fire from Red's heavy artillery. The COBRA repair robots helped to dig shelters and reduce casualties.

COBRA medium tanks at H4 tried to repair and reorganise, but came under heavy fire from hidden Brown artillery, and later from Space Pirat rocket launchers. The best the COBRA mechanics could manage was to fix the tanks at roughly the same rate as they were being busted up. COBRA's own rocket artillery fired back at nearby Red units but also took heavy damage from incoming fire.

Brown armored cars bravely tried to hold up COBRA's advance on the port at I3. Under fire from the big guns of CSS Ardashir, attacked by Light Artillery and CGC infantry, and with their retreat cut off by COBRA's own armored cars, the Brown defenders were wiped out. COBRA claimed another victory, but it almost turned sour for Field Marshall Thlayli as a barrage of long-range missiles fired from Space Pirat Gunships struck the CSS Ardashir, one exploding on the observation deck where Thlayli was personally overseeing the battle. Miraculously, Thlayli survived with only minor wounds, and damage control teams soon restored all critical systems.

COBRA armored cars probed into Brown territory. Brown's troops have shown themselves to be experts in stealth and camouflage. The exact location of Brown HQ is still unknown.

---

Most of south-east Soldia remained calm. Chaotic troops held on to city I10, committing more massacres and forcing more civilians to join up as irregulars. There was some fighting with nearby CGC Snipers.

COBRA declared city G7 to be the new capitol of Soldia. A subdued ceremony was held in the city centre. Although in better condition than the blackened crater of the former capitol, G7 is still almost entirely in ruins after being fought over by Anarchist, Green, Aqua and COBRA forces.

---

Following the appearance of the new Red commanders TerrisH and Qoou, other reinforcements have arrived or have been recruited for other armies:

Troopers and Light Artillery joined Aqua army at B8.

Troopers and a Humvee unit joined Deep Blue faction in city E8.

Combat Engineers and Light Tanks joined COBRA at their HQ. CGC forces also received a Light Fighter unit at the H9 airfield.

It is rumoured that Orange reinforcements are on the way from outside Soldia, and they are attempting to cross the frozen lakes in the north.

UNKNOWN units joined Brown army.

---

> Strange atmospheric phenomena are visible over D1 (Red HQ) and G1.

> The giant battle robot still lies disabled at H3. It could be captured and dismantled for parts ($) or possibly repaired and used intact.

> The small humanoid robots are still wandering around underwater, currently beneath the bridge at G6.

> Kangaraptors still roam in the south-east.

> Strange radar signals have been detected at long range. Another giant UFO may be approaching ?!

---

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: from The People's Democratic Republic of Greater Gondwania (southern neighbour)

Gondwania.png


"We are alarmed by the escalation of fighting in Soldia, especially the involvement of new foreign elements.

We demand at least one of the following terms to be met immediately:

#1: The illegal non-state actor known as Space Pirat withdraws or disbands 50% of its forces currently in Soldia.

#2: Red command transfers $5 to non-profit charities under our protection, to give aid* to the innocent civilians and refugees of Soldia

If neither of these demands are met, then we reserve the right to enter the Soldian conflict in support of those who we believe offer the best chance of lasting peace and prosperity for the region - namely COBRA.

The elite 8th Gondwanian army, AKA 'The Desert Raccoons', are already preparing for deployment to southern Soldia. Hail COBRA."


(*certain luxury yachts, cars, private aircraft, holiday mansions, bulk quantities of narcotics or items of military hardware may be necessary to facilitate the transfer of aid, and these items are to be included and counted as part of the overall aid mission)

---

INCOMING TRANSMISSION: from The Royal Kingdom of Palatine (north-eastern neighbour)

RoyalKingdomofPalatine.png


"We are alarmed by the escalation of fighting in Soldia, especially the involvement of new foreign elements.

If the Gondwanians enter the conflict, then we reserve the right to enter Soldia in support of our own interests, namely anyone who would support the return of the traditional Soldian monarchy, even in a ceremonial role.

We warn you that our Royal Army has been modernised, and is no longer purely ceremonial in nature.

In the meantime we urge all sides to resolve the conflict peacefully."


---

WEATHER REPORT:

Skies are expected to stay clear. Temperatures will rise, gradually melting snow and ice, with the risk of flooding in some areas. The ice across the northern waterway will begin to break up.

Radioactive fallout is expected to spread east, and possibly north-east as winds change.

INCOME:

Red received $5 out of a maximum of $6.
Orange received $1 out of 2.
COBRA received $10 out of 10.
Green received $0 out of 0.
Aqua received $3 out of 3.
Deep Blue received $1 out of 2.
Brown received $2 out of 2.

Space Pirat received $0 (+$3 special) out of 0.

NOTES:


Apologies for the extended delay :(

PM's to certain people will be sent in a moment, feel free to post or PM any questions tho.

For damaged cities etc where the income is random, I have decided this with an actual dice roll, I assure you it is not mod bias!

I'm now giving priority to custom names for factions/armies, IE COBRA instead of Gold.

Units trying to dig in while under attack may not be able to do so, though they won't suffer any extra penalty.

Units trying to rest/regroup/repair while under attack are liable to take extra damage. It may be best to move wounded troops out of harm's way first. Although the whole process may take a couple of turns, at least they won't be permanently destroyed and removed from the game.

Space Priat's account is currently negative, after I allowed spending to go ahead despite bonuses not being achieved. The accountants are not happy about this situation!

@Symphony D., I wanted to give your units a different look to make them stand out as mercenaries, IE the two-tone colour scheme. Let me know if you're not happy. Also, it turns out the heavy tank graphic you pointed out was already in use as the 'medium tank' in this game, so I went with the custom Tiger graphic I found. I hope that's OK.

Zoomed view:
spirat.gif


Matt0088 said:
I just noticed, the map on the front page has a port on B8 and the last update has a port on C8 but not B8. Did the port move itself?!?!?

Oh dear :o yeah it must have happened when I enlarged the map. If you can live with it, I'd like to keep it as it is now... It's been involved in fighting since it was 'moved' but I don't think it was before.

Lord_Iggy said:
Scientist pulls lever. A Third Clone emerges sideways from Cloner with one leg twisted behind the other and an arm stuck bizarrely behind his head.

Clone 3 (accented): Hayel NOBRA! Hyuh hyuh.

Clone staggers and flails his way out.

Scientist: Hail NOBR- ah, hang on a second.

Scientist pulls out an axe and starts chasing down the clone.

Lol :D

Lord_Iggy said:
It goes on for a little while- it's probably far easier to just set the player to the 4:00 minute mark and let it load for a few minutes.

Thanks a lot, I will try that! EDIT:
This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by The Cartoon Network, Inc..
:(

MAP:
 

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Excellent update. Hail COBRA!

From: COBRA Command
To: Deep Blue


Your forces are urgently needed to the north, to keep Nationalist forces under Vertinari from being wiped out entirely. We will continue to honor the COBRA-Nationalist alliance.

From: COBRA Command
To: The People's Democratic Republic of Greater Gondwania


Truly we seek to end this squabbling and reunite Soldia under a peaceful autocratic state. We will transfer 2$ to your 'charities' to express our profound appreciation for your offered assistance.
 
@Daft- Great update! And yeah, that's unfortunate- Robot Chicken videos have a short lifespan on Youtube.
 
Up and moving. -CGC
 
Very nice update, especially because of the return of Orange!
Yes! Cocobas may join the fight, allied with orange (and aqua)! Of course, if these foriegners move in, the map will need to be expanded. I'll finally be able to see these foriegners in the north that support us nationallists so much.
I like the units for the space pirats. Gives them a nice foriegn look.

TO: Aqua
FROM: Orange

Both of our forces in the north would do best against Red. Therfore I ask for a non-aggression pact, so that their threat may be dealed with quicker.
 
Very nice update, especially because of the return of Orange!
Yes! Cocobas may join the fight, allied with orange (and aqua)! Of course, if these foriegners move in, the map will need to be expanded. I'll finally be able to see these foriegners in the north that support us nationallists so much.
I like the units for the space pirats. Gives them a nice foriegn look.

OOC: Map is expanded...Popcornlord looks to the north to see a large ocean than before. :p
 
Thayli said:
From: COBRA Command
To: The People's Democratic Republic of Greater Gondwania

Truly we seek to end this squabbling and reunite Soldia under a peaceful autocratic state. We will transfer 2$ to your 'charities' to express our profound appreciation for your offered assistance.

To: COBRA Command
From: The People's Democratic Republic of Greater Gondwania


Thankyou for your generous offer, however we cannot accept at present. We first wish to see if Space Pirat or Red Army will reply to our original demands.

Popcornlord said:
Yes! Cocobas may join the fight, allied with orange (and aqua)!

Only if you support the return of a constitutional Soldian monarchy!

Thlayli said:
Cocobas? That's the worst mangling of chocobo I've seen in a while.

I'm sure there was a 'K' in there somewhere :) I remember a friend telling me about them from FFVII, and they could fly or something? I guess the graphics I found are from FFVI, before it went all 3D.

--

@All, is Neverwonagame3 still around? (he's the Deep Blue faction in this game)
 
Lurker's Comment: Getting increasingly interesting, anything for a potential player to know about joining? :p
 
Retroactively deleted.
 
TO: The Royal Kingdom of Palatine
FROM: Nationalists of Soldia

We agree to install a monarch in a ceremonial and regulatory role. This monarch will have formal command of the armed forces, will have the power to stop movements from going through Parliament and above all the power to disolve a corrupt government if they can prove to the people it is corrupt. These are just the main points finer details can be dicussed later when we are not fighting for our lifes and beliefs.
HAIL COBRA
HAIL SOLDIA
AND HAIL THE FUTURE KING!

TO: Our Nationalist Allies Orange
FROM: Nationalist-Monarchist forces (OOC: note the name change)

We fully agree to this NAP and would like to further it with an invitation to join the COBRA-CGC-Nationalist alliance providing the aforementioned parties have no objections. Do you require any assistance or prahaps more urgently can you provide any? We need support as we are surrounded and hard pressed on all sides.

TO:COBRA
FROM:Nationalist-Monarchist forces

Allies we desperately require support. Can you spare any $ or men to aid us? We will be able to hold without them but it will be a far more costly to us.

Orders incoming very soon Daft.
 
I only remember a few special chocobos in IV being able to fly, even though I haven't played past VII. They were amphibious, however. And yes, I do support a return to monarchy (details will come when I'm comfortably in peace, should be about 100 turns ;)).

TO: Nationalist-Monarchist Allies
FROM: Orange Rebels

I am not willing at this moment to join the Cobra alliance (Honestly I'm suprised at the offer after order 66). I will, however, attempt to provide what assistance I can afford. Just be warned it won't be that much.
 
alex994 said:
Lurker's Comment: Getting increasingly interesting, anything for a potential player to know about joining?

Everyone hates COBRA, except people who hate Red more, and there's no chinese-equivalent faction yet :)

You can always join as a new commander on one of the 'main' factions - Red, COBRA (Gold), and Aqua - and get $6 to spend initially. If you wanted to join Brown, Orange, Deep Blue or Space Pirat you'd have to ask the other player first.

Symphony D. said:
I actually quite like the paintjobs (fit the EAO nicely) though the Rocket Artillery doesn't quite fit in (that different red--I like the richer shade on the tanks better).

Cool, I tried to use the colour you provided, but the re-colour tool I use doesn't match the same exact brightness and saturation, and I was too lazy to do it manually :) Anyway I'll make the rocket launcher fit the tanks.

Vertinari118 said:
TO: The Royal Kingdom of Palatine
FROM: Nationalists of Soldia

We agree to install a monarch in a ceremonial and regulatory role. This monarch will have formal command of the armed forces, will have the power to stop movements from going through Parliament and above all the power to disolve a corrupt government if they can prove to the people it is corrupt. These are just the main points finer details can be dicussed later when we are not fighting for our lifes and beliefs.
HAIL COBRA
HAIL SOLDIA
AND HAIL THE FUTURE KING!

To: Nationalist-Monarchist forces
From: The Royal Kingdom of Palatine


We are pleased to hear of your support. We promise to support the Soldian Nationalist-Monarchist cause but only in the event that other foreign powers intervene first.
 
We the cows of this world, hereby do solely pledge our perpetual and lasting service to Brown, and our Squirrel brothers. Oppressed workers of the world unite!

For the Union!
 
We the cows of this world, hereby do solely pledge our perpetual and lasting service to Brown, and our Squirrel brothers. Oppressed workers of the world unite!

For the Union!

I wouldn't be getting any fund increase from this...would I?
 
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