Random Rants LXIX: Life is a Dismal Chore
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Gori the Grey
The Poster
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We're not off track. Bad literary criticism is grounds for a rant.
After much pressure by lots of people around me, I attempted to take depression treatment to the next level yesterday and the day before, by doing an "intensive outpatient" thing at a local mental hospital, where basically you are a patient but get to go home in the afternoon.
All it consisted of were group sessions involving dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) - the latest fad in psychotherapy - interspersed with many breaks consisting of doing nothing, or an "outdoor recreation" thing that was just a small enclosure with a few benches and a basketball court. Had to surrender my shoes with laces, belt, pencils, cell phone, any other means of intellectual stimulation, etc., but they did give me a little composition book thingy on which I could write with markers or some sort of bendable non-stabby pencil thing that was always in short supply.
The fad for DBT is bad for me because it's a type of therapy which was originally designed for patients with borderline personality disorder, which involves rapid, unpredictable, often aggressive, and difficult to control mood swings. I'm the opposite of that: a chronic depressive who sees everything as utterly meaningless, with low energy levels and motivation, except when I get some burst of inspiration to do something interesting but financially ruinous like buying and playing with thousands of dollars of chemicals and science equipment, or just a waste of time like researching how the world works (both scientifically and in terms of its political economy) in depth and writing long internet posts about this. Being taught how to deal with anger isn't particularly useful for me - I'm almost pathologically non-angry. But for some reason, rather than learning that they might want to try different types of therapy for different types of mental cases and split up groups of patients accordingly, hospital psych people still just fall for one-size-fits-all fads.
A real psychiatrist, the ones authorized to throw pills at people, did see me for about 15 minutes, in which he interpreted my trying to rattle off my extensive psych history in as little time as possible as the pressured speech of a manic patient. There was one actionable suggestion involving a switch in drugs that I might try with my normal psychiatrist, because psych drugs are like Pokemon and I haven't caught them all yet. But I'm never going back to that place or anywhere like it again, and it will probably cost me several hundred dollars even with decent student insurance; it would have cost considerably more if I'd gone there for the full 2 weeks, or if God forbid I'd been uninsured or underinsured. Good thing I'm not the type of person who just does whatever the "experts" say I should.
On the bright side, at least I didn't get possessed by a demon during a group session, like one lady did. I hope they had a good exorcist on call.
All it consisted of were group sessions involving dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) - the latest fad in psychotherapy - interspersed with many breaks consisting of doing nothing, or an "outdoor recreation" thing that was just a small enclosure with a few benches and a basketball court. Had to surrender my shoes with laces, belt, pencils, cell phone, any other means of intellectual stimulation, etc., but they did give me a little composition book thingy on which I could write with markers or some sort of bendable non-stabby pencil thing that was always in short supply.
The fad for DBT is bad for me because it's a type of therapy which was originally designed for patients with borderline personality disorder, which involves rapid, unpredictable, often aggressive, and difficult to control mood swings. I'm the opposite of that: a chronic depressive who sees everything as utterly meaningless, with low energy levels and motivation, except when I get some burst of inspiration to do something interesting but financially ruinous like buying and playing with thousands of dollars of chemicals and science equipment, or just a waste of time like researching how the world works (both scientifically and in terms of its political economy) in depth and writing long internet posts about this. Being taught how to deal with anger isn't particularly useful for me - I'm almost pathologically non-angry. But for some reason, rather than learning that they might want to try different types of therapy for different types of mental cases and split up groups of patients accordingly, hospital psych people still just fall for one-size-fits-all fads.
A real psychiatrist, the ones authorized to throw pills at people, did see me for about 15 minutes, in which he interpreted my trying to rattle off my extensive psych history in as little time as possible as the pressured speech of a manic patient. There was one actionable suggestion involving a switch in drugs that I might try with my normal psychiatrist, because psych drugs are like Pokemon and I haven't caught them all yet. But I'm never going back to that place or anywhere like it again, and it will probably cost me several hundred dollars even with decent student insurance; it would have cost considerably more if I'd gone there for the full 2 weeks, or if God forbid I'd been uninsured or underinsured. Good thing I'm not the type of person who just does whatever the "experts" say I should.
On the bright side, at least I didn't get possessed by a demon during a group session, like one lady did. I hope they had a good exorcist on call.
Boots, I want to apologize on behalf of the credible members of the psychological community. Some of these fad treatments are just downright stupid, and some of them are dangerous. There is nothing wrong with the treatment programs like the one you went to, but they should be tailored for the people that they serve, not just jamming you into a program when you do not have similar issues as everyone else, or symptoms that indicate that you have the issue that they are attempting to treat. Psychology/psychiatry is not an exact science, and there are personal biases in every therapist, unfortunately.
Just remember: To get the treatment that you need, sometimes you need to scream to be heard.
Just remember: To get the treatment that you need, sometimes you need to scream to be heard.
Broken_Erika
Play with me.
I managed to pick up a browser hijacker for Firefox...Friggin Fantastic.
GoodSarmatian
Jokerfied Western Male
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After working late shfts for the past few weeks, I'm now on the early shift.
I prefer the early shift, but the transition is brutal.
I prefer the early shift, but the transition is brutal.
Broken_Erika
Play with me.
I've run several anti-malware programs and not one of them has detected anything wrong. Meanwhile every third link i click on redirects me to various porn ads....
Well, I'm thinking of doing that, in increasingly radical ways. On the counseling/psychotherapist side I'll start fairly small, with a scattershot approach for therapists until someone actually clicks. I have a couple of friends who are themselves therapists and can help me with advice on this end.
But the psychiatrists are going to have be strong-armed, fairly soon. I'm willing to give them one last chance (Lamictal replaced with Depakote), but if this fails, I'll start playing hardball in a really unusual way.
One of psychiatry's problems is that SSRI and SNRI drugs are not very effective for a large proportion of the population, not even when you add atypicals like bupropion in my case. They supplanted the previous generation: MAOIs and tricyclics, which were broadly more effective overall but had much worse side effect profiles. I'm leaning towards doctor-shopping until I can find someone with balls enough to start me on an MAOI, despite the wash-out period and the long list of dietary and OTC medication (e.g. no cough syrup or Sudafed) restrictions.
There's a devious plan that would up my odds of success here. I'd import the reversible MAOI moclobemide, which is a low-risk (no dietary restrictions, effects wear off in hours), low-reward MAOI in use in every Western country save the US and can be legally imported as it is not a scheduled substance. Then I use it to handle the wash-out and switch period*, and then after three weeks present myself to psychiatrists saying, "Look, I'm already on an MAOI and have been off SSRIs and bupropion for more than the recommended two weeks. Give me one of the more effective MAOIs - I recommend Parnate/tranylcypromine to start out - and I will follow the dietary regimen with a blood pressure cuff to monitor in case of hypertensive crisis, and a thermometer plus a knowledge of what serotonin syndrome does, e.g. hyperreflexia and extreme anxiety/dysphoria in addition to hyperthermia. And I'll sign every waiver that exists; I will not sue you if something bad happens."
It might not work, and it might harm me, but it has a hell of a lot better chance of getting me to the point where I can make positive changes in my life than any of the newer, ineffective (in my case) drugs. It will also help that I am scientifically literate and can read the same papers they can, and have an authoritative (and male) voice that gets most shrinks to respect my knowledge.
*I have actually done this for about a week and a half before deciding against it and restarting the "normal" meds after the Effexor brain zaps did not dissipate and no mood improvement (albeit no collapse either) was noted. Point is that I've taken moclobemide with no authorization and it has sort of worked, enough to give me some confidence that I can do it for real.
Synobun
Deity
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Check your extensions!
Broken_Erika
Play with me.
No Extensions installed, no new add-ons, nothing i can find in the registry, no new startup services. The little buggers hidden real good.
shadowplay
your ad here
When I finally reach my goal weight, I promise to never post a mirror selfie of me in a tank top.
Broken_Erika
Play with me.
After some 8 hours of scanning and manually scouring the registry.
The infection has been removed... the soul of this machine has improved.
The infection has been removed... the soul of this machine has improved.
good news. Do you run a basic antivirus program like Malwarebytes all the time in the background?
shadowplay
your ad here
Lohrenswald
世界的 bottom ranked physicist
I'm back to the same procratitanion <snip> that's <snip> me up all this time
also my psychologist wants to end our conversations so I'm nervous about that too
not as much as the deadline tomorrow I'm not working towards though
Moderator Action: No swearing, please. - Vincour
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
also my psychologist wants to end our conversations so I'm nervous about that too
not as much as the deadline tomorrow I'm not working towards though
Moderator Action: No swearing, please. - Vincour
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889
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