Random Rants

[IglooDame]

When you tunnel into my apartment, will I be sucked into the hole like that crab?

Si, si, what a great idea!! I must run to tell my superior of this immediately!!

 

[The Last Conformist]

Si, si, what a great idea!! I must run to tell my superior of this immediately!!

So, the plan is, Bozo is sucked thru the hole and hits your superiors with great force, leaving you to inherit the throne?

 

[IglooDame]

So, the plan is, Bozo is sucked thru the hole and hits your superiors with great force, leaving you to inherit the throne?

I wonder how fast hamburger must be going before it reaches "terminal velocity" (Terminal to the target, not terminal to the acceleration)?

 

[Bozo Erectus]

I stapled myself to the ceiling, I wont be getting sucked through any holes! Tunnel away my little amigos! Bwahaha! Bwahahaha!

 

[Japher]

I hate people who accuse me of using big words.

I hate ppl who hate me... and TLC

 

[Kozmos]

The bus was 10 mins late....

YEEEEEEEEEEAAARRGGHHHH!!!!!

 

[Jawz II]

i cant drink alcohol cause it messes with my already messy stomach

i cant smoke the gonja

i think i just might kick my own ass out of boredom

 

[nonconformist]

My political views, including my opinion on Thatcher:

Okay, I thought I'd put my political views down in concrete, so you can all know what kind of nutter you're talking to, and you can point and laugh.

Economic:
-The state should be socialist. 'Nuff said.
-An economic saferty net (i.e unemployment benefits and social security) should be provided by the state to all people.
Except the ones the state is actively trying to destroy.
-Rich bastard should be made poor and made to live in squalid property.
-Margaret Thatcher should be strung up from a lampost, for all to see, and an annual pilgrimage shall be held to stone the carcass.

Social:
-Legalise all drugs. The state should distribute.
Why? More access for addicts, and it cuts off the oxygen of cash to the mafia and dealers.
Fun!
-Legalise more or less everything. The state has no right in people's bedrooms. From a scientific point of view (and science is today's fuhrer), all types of consentual sex etc. are not bad.
-Get rid of the damn Church of England. How do you think the infidels feel?

Military:
-Last resource in times of crises.
-Stop using it for fegging economic gain, you hypocritical tossers.
-Have a suicide battalion comprising of chavs whisked off the streets of Newcastle.

Other:
-Don't give Northern Ireland back. At least not until the IRA stops being gits, and the north and south want to reunify, which they don't.
-Belgium should immediately be split into Flanders and Wallonia, and have the two parts handed to Holland and France respectively. Belgium is not a real country.
-Holland should be annexed by France. It is not a real country.
-The USSR should reform under the leadership of George Galloway.
-I fall over a lot.

 

[Trafalgar]

School kids with HUGE backpacks .What do they have in there? They’re only at school for a few hours. You can’t get by them in the bus and when they sit down the damn pack whacks you in the arm or the head! My backpack was about the same size and I had a tent in it for camping for three months! Okay, rant over, go about your business.

 

[taper]

I wonder how fast hamburger must be going before it reaches "terminal velocity" (Terminal to the target, not terminal to the acceleration)?

Wanna find out? Tie a string to a piece of hamburger and stick it out the window while driving. When the hamburger is at a 45 deg angle, the speed of the car minus headwind or plus tailwind is approximately the objects terminal velocity.

I can do science, me.

 

[Urederra]

Poor kids...

I guess that everything in their backpack can fit in my laptop.

 

[Irish Caesar]

Atlanta radio sucks.

 

[marshal zhukov]

My collegue who is a devout muslim washed himself and then put on some sweet smelling perfume (excessively I might add) IN OUR OFFICE before praying to Allah. I am now sitting in a room which smells like a bordello and can not open the window because it is -5°C and windy and I hate cold more than anything else.

Hilarious

 

[Sophie 378]

An old rant in an old email about my first-year flatmates and various fellow students:

Christ. Just spent 4 hours cleaning kitchen and hallway. How can they stand to live in such squalor and filth? Do they just not care, or not even notice when there’s about ½ a bucketful of mess on the floor and it’s too dirty to see the pattern, and all the counters are covered in mess and dirt, bits of food, splatters, wrappers etc, and every single thing that’s out is filthy? Teabags, banana skins, bread crusts, onion skin, butter, biscuits, tomato sauce, potato peel, oil splatters, eggshell, a fish finger, plastic bags; packets of this, that and the other; more than a handful of miscellaneous crumbs, a bag of dead salad, apple cores, yoghurt pots, foil thing cases, ketchup, rice, pasta, grated cheese, splashes of milk and juice, cornflakes, all the nuts and bits of dried fruit that Manzil picks out of her muesli, a few spoons and knives (no forks for once) etc – and that’s just from sweeping the floor and tidying the counters and table, before I even get started on actually cleaning anything or washing up. A whole bin-bag full. They are DISGUSTING! And simultaneously neurotic about GERMS. I rescued a slightly blackened saucepan from the rubbish left by the opposite flat, and Manzil was having hysterics about “oh, why did they throw it away then? Someone might have DONE something in it. They wouldn’t throw it away unless it was like really horrible, no-one would just chuck stuff out just because they didn’t feel like cleaning it.” She got so worked up I put some of her disinfectant in it to pacify her (she then drained her leeks into it, so helpful) and filled it with boiling water. She uses antibacterial washing-up liquid (on the rare occasions she actually uses it), and has three things of bleach and other scary cleaners, not that she ever actually uses them. I honestly believe that I’m the only one who cleans regularly or thoroughly.
And how can those ****wits outside make so much noise just by rollerblading? Shouting about how different bits of the road make them go faster as well as the wheel-on-road noise thing. Heh heh, one of them fell over rather thoroughly, trying to do something show-offish just because a couple of tarted-up girls walked past. Honestly, the more I see of people acting like this, a) the less I feel inclined to go out and get pissed, b) the more I feel like going to live in Germany where there are more rules about socially acceptable behaviour, and rights and responsibilities of people in blocks of flats etc. When I’m out with Emma, I can have fun, get giggly etc on a glass of Sangria, but I don’t come back yelling and puking and disturbing everyone else for hours. What is the point? You go out, spend money on booze, vomit, go home and black out, then don’t remember anything AND have a hangover the following morning. Very expensive and wasteful.

And they NEVER bought or replaced loopaper or lightbulbs...
I expect the autocensor will mangle this a bit... god I was so !

 

[marshal zhukov]

I going to start 2006 unemployed and without money ( well, duh uh )

 

[Trafalgar]

My collegue who is a devout muslim washed himself and then put on some sweet smelling perfume (excessively I might add) IN OUR OFFICE before praying to Allah. I am now sitting in a room which smells like a bordello and can not open the window because it is -5°C and windy and I hate cold more than anything else.

The question is, how do you know what a bordello smells like?

 

[Sophie 378]

Another old rant...

I’m very pissed off at most of my flatmates. The first week Manzil was here, she carelessly binned one of my spoons. Since then, everyone has made themselves quite free with my stuff, and the breadboard is broken in three, the plastic sieve has been melted (I’d left it with pak choi in it in a saucepan with a lid on, on the hob: I found someone had pinched the pan, used it and left it dirty, put my sieve on top of the grill and then used the grill so that the sieve melted – and either not noticed or not confessed), another of my spoons has vanished, one of my knives has been broken, the wooden board has warped because they keep blocking the sink with food and leaving taps on when I leave it there, one of the plates has cracked quite spectacularly (but not yet broken), the plastic board has been indelibly stained, a spatula is chipped and a wooden spoon is singed, and they keep just taking my clean stuff out of my cupboard, using it, and leaving it out dirty. Even when they wash it, none of them believe in rinsing and none of them can wash properly, so the things are still dirty and greasy. Someone keeps leaving ripped-open half-used packets of potato waffles out, and half-eaten ones around too, including on the washing-up rack, on my board, and on the floor. Half-used tins of baked beans are not exactly a rarity either. I’ve defrosted the freezer twice this term and both times within a day someone has left the door wide open. Oh, and they keep leaving the gas on too (lit if you’re lucky, just on it you’re not), and setting the smoke alarm off, and leaving the grill full of burnt fat and the oven the same, except that that stuff also chars because, guess what, none of them brought a roasting tin or anything, so they all just balance their stuff – including burgers, meat including mince to defrost it, KFC, chips, waffles etc – straight on the oven grid, and never retrieve the fallen things from the floor of the oven, let alone clean the oven or oven racks. I’ve asked Mona to use my metal oven plate thing, so it hasn’t been quite as awful recently.

At least one of them hasn’t realised you have to use the shower curtain so as not to flood the bathroom, someone keeps leaving blobs of black makeup in the sink, all four of them leave black hairs all over the bathroom and completely blocking the bath plug-hole, the bathmat is usually in a crumpled sodden heap, they never open the bathroom window to let the steam out after showering, I’m lucky to find the towel not on the floor let alone clean and folded on the rail, and no-one ever seems to do any tidying or emptying of bins.

Most weeks I do a wash of the kitchen, bathroom and loo towels, bathmat, drying-up cloths etc (and I pay for the powder, and £2.10 for washing and drying); I tidy and hoover the hall (which despite being less than twenty foot long can take 20 minutes as they leave so much crap in it); clean the loo and sinks, tidy the kitchen counters, oven, grill, hob and floor and then wash them, and do loads of their washing up because it disgusts me. It’s always me who empties the bins and takes the rubbish away and puts in a new bag, always me who replaces light bulbs, always me who does evicting various insects (the others except Emma are too cowardly), and always me who turns the smoke alarm off (the others are too afraid of the noise to get close enough to turn it off). I know you think it’s really wet of me, Mummy, but I’d rather spend the time cleaning than have to live in their squalor. I’ve decided to do an experiment: since the start of the exams, I have been only clearing up after myself: I am not tidying or cleaning the public areas any more than I need to so that I can use them – just pushing their mess out of the way or working round it. It’s been more than three weeks and no-one has done any tidying or cleaning at all (but Emma swept the kitchen floor yesterday), and the lightbulb in the loo went five days ago now. I’m just not going to do anything until at least Wednesday next week, when my exams are FINISHED. I bet they haven’t noticed, that they won’t notice when I do a blitz and clean it all afterwards, and I would be astonished if they did anything. The only act of cleaning or providing I have ever noticed (apart from by Emma) is that someone has, within the last week, cleaned the bathroom mirror – and at the start of the year they all bought bleach and disinfectant and washing up-liquids which they never use, though when they do actually wash their things (instead of just draining the liquids into the bin, putting the solids into the sink – note which way round they do it – and then rinsing them under the tap), they usually use my washing-up liquid. Emma has bought loopaper three times, too. I brought the draining rack, the cutlery racks, the three public towels, the bathmat, the oven cloth, the sponges, two of the four drying-up cloths, the gas lighter, the boards that all of them use without asking or cleaning afterwards, and the washing-up bowl that they all nick when they think they might be sick or want to soak something (except Cherry uses the bathroom sink for soaking, overnight and usually a whole day, too – and Manzil who was once sick in the sink on Thursday, went straight home for the weekend, and on the Tuesday, I got fed up enough to clean the lumps out myself), and bought most of the cleaning stuff, sponges, always the loopaper and lightbulbs. I really hope that wherever I live next year is better.

 

[Perfection]

What kind of MORON puts all the technical lectures I need at the same time?

 

[Kozmos]

School kids with HUGE backpacks .What do they have in there? They’re only at school for a few hours. You can’t get by them in the bus and when they sit down the damn pack whacks you in the arm or the head! My backpack was about the same size and I had a tent in it for camping for three months! Okay, rant over, go about your business.

Too true.I feel like a walkin behemoth in a bus and the worst part its only books im carrying.

 

[IglooDame]

Wanna find out? Tie a string to a piece of hamburger and stick it out the window while driving. When the hamburger is at a 45 deg angle, the speed of the car minus headwind or plus tailwind is approximately the objects terminal velocity.

I can do science, me.

Thanks, but I meant the other kind of terminal velocity - what speed does the hamburger have to impact someone's head at in order for them to become terminally dead?