Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[mythmonster2]

I become the king of hell, using my troops to force Hades to surrender Hell to me.
EDIT: Yay, I got 1000th post!

 

[GenMarshall]

Samus and I encounter a shed.

 

[choxorn]

20 (9):

Now you're making me cry.

I fail to discover what my quest is.

 

[kill fire]

After tasting such an amazing cheese, I focus it's pure energy into making myself even stronger.

 

[tuxedohamm]

Some how, the rats allow me to regain more hp than I have.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I teleport to the sphere of discovery

2: OVER NINE THOUSAAAAND!, SHOOP DA WOOP, FFFFFFFUUUUUU, etc.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (11): Miraculously, you avoid attrition from such concentrated stupidity.

I watch some dramatic soap opera while the doctors monitor my progress.

1 (1): You see Seon trapped in the Scourge of teh Intarwebz just as you regenerate enough of your brain to be offended by it. The surgeon orders another shot of makeupamedisyl as you suffer 30 damage.

I become the king of hell, using my troops to force Hades to surrender Hell to me.

9 (10): You sway the unaligned NPCs to you, but you can't quite wrest control of Hell.

Samus and I encounter a shed.

5 (8): You find no sign of human habitation.

I fail to discover what my quest is.

6: You must forge Samurai Jack's sword.

After tasting such an amazing cheese, I focus it's pure energy into making myself even stronger.

18: You are restored to full health, gain a bonus from eating cheese, and a +2 bonus to all defences.

Some how, the rats allow me to regain more hp than I have.

5: The rats infect you with disease for 7 damage. Then they attack.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4: You suffer 16 damage.

 

[choxorn]

Now that I'm no longer cursed, I heal myself with the Rod of Asclepius.

 

[kill fire]

Alright, lets wrap this up. I place a hit on tuxedohamm, seeing as he has low health.

 

[Seon]

Okay that's enough of this. I destroy the Scourge of the Interwebz, restoring order and sanity to the universe.

 

[mythmonster2]

Eh, I don't need hell anyways. Storm out with all my troops and get into my helicopter to lead them from above.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Now that I'm no longer cursed, I heal myself with the Rod of Asclepius.

19: You heal back up to full health.

Alright, lets wrap this up. I place a hit on tuxedohamm, seeing as he has low health.

2: He motions to retaliate.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (7): You take 13 damage from some arbitrary means.

Okay that's enough of this. I destroy the Scourge of the Interwebz, restoring order and sanity to the universe.

13 (20): Everyone gains +1 to their rolls.

Eh, I don't need hell anyways. Storm out with all my troops and get into my helicopter to lead them from above.

13 (15): Your Surprise Emergence grants a +2 bonus to your next attack.

The rats swarm tuxedohamm.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (10): He suffers 9 damage.

 

[kill fire]

Meh, I cancel the hit and go back to base to hang out with my fellow mobsters.

 

[Seon]

I become the new administrator of Heaven.

 

[choxorn]

I talk to God and ask him how I should go about making Samurai Jack's sword.

 

[mythmonster2]

I find the nearest person and attack them with ALL my forces: the heli, the moose, the cops, and the cult.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Meh, I cancel the hit and go back to base to hang out with my fellow mobsters.

3 (4): The police raid your hideout!
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (7): You take 11 damage before pointedly forcing the cops out.

I become the new administrator of Heaven.

20 (20): God takes another holiday and leaves you in charge.

I talk to God and ask him how I should go about making Samurai Jack's sword.

15 (16): You must enlist the help of Odin, Ra, and Rama.

I find the nearest person and attack them with ALL my forces: the heli, the moose, the cops, and the cult.

17 (20): You fire up, up, up at Seon for a staggering 75 damage.

The rats make another charge at tuxedohamm.
ROLL TO DODGE!
8 (9): tuxedohamm suffers 7 damage.

 

[Seon]

I strike back against mythmonster with the divine fury of entire Heaven.

Edit: Oh, and finally that +5 against the damned comes into play

 

[mythmonster2]

Order my troops to hold off the divine forces while I engage Seon in personal combat, aiming to drink his divine blood, which will hopefully give me a better bonus than mortal blood. This ain't a battle Seon: this is war.

 

[kill fire]

Now that the cops are dealt with, I continue to hang out with the mobsters.

 

[choxorn]

I send a message to Odin, Ra, and Rama to come help me forge Samurai Jack's sword, cause it will be awesome, and they can have 10 bucks.