Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[Thorvald of Lym]

I entertain the repair crews with a concert in their resting time.

4 (8): Those Monarchist bastards blew out your speakers!!!

I redistribute my bullets to Ghost Writer's torso. Socialism!

6 (10): Dammit, the hyenas are in the way again!
Ghosty can't attack, but he can still try to implement his Executive Power: Golden Parachute!
ROLL TO DODGE!
6 (14): You shoot the money out of his hand before he can complete the transaction.

I set a course for Mars.

8: It's gonna take you a while, what with you're on literally the opposite side of where you need to be.

I swear at CFC for unsubscribing me. Again.

20: Your tirade is so vicious that it punches through the board censors, leading to a groundswell of CHAOS and ANARCHY that so overwhelms site staff that they shut down the website, creating a paradox where this game can't exist! A resonance cascade ensues that blows the Universe apart, and when the Powers That Be have finished piecing the splinters back together, you've been patched back into our dimension!

I UNLEASH MY LIMIT BREAK.

OMNISLASH

17 (12): You run the bugger through.

Omega124 has defeated the Ghost Writer! She claims Ghost Writer's items as spoils of war.

SOL 740 goes for the 80th.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16 (17) A direct hit deals 21 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom moves to finish off its rival monarchy in Bhutan.
ROLL TO DODGE!
14 (15): George adds another title to his self-awarded CV.
Bhutan has been defeated by the EKNC!
Seeing CivGeneral trying to flee the combat zone, the Kingdom fires another nuke!
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (15): And it asplodes! The Mike Pence loses all shielding, and the armour suffers -12% durability. EMP aftershocks cause moderate damage to internal systems.
Loss of armour penalizes the USS Mike Pence's basic defence bonus -1.
The Somali invaders retry for Ehtiopia.
ROLL TO DODGE!
18 (20): A ruthless offensive seizes Addis Ababa and the remaining southern territories, crippling the country's Defence -3, and endangering South Sudan -2 Defence.

​

Really cool boss fight concept btw Thor. Oh yeah, btw who make up the Gang of Four/Patron Saints in this boss battle?

If I gotta kill a game, might as well do it with style.

The original Gang of Four were christos' characters from Multipolarity, Ted Cruz was an accident because Ailed flubbed his action, and the Ghost Writer is a nod to Domination3000, AKA GhostWriter16, who argued unironically that Somalia is the paragon Libertarian state.

At this stage I think they're all dead except Christos Xinjiang, and also Ghost Writer who is at the brink of destruction and is cornered by Megs, CivCuba, and a pack of hyenas.

And of course, there's still King George himself...

 

[JohannaK]

I do the concert using the Charles de Gaulle's speaker system.

 

[CivCube]

I unleash hell on the Writer That Is Now A Ghost's forces.

 

[Omega124]

I. GO. TO. AMERICA.

;_;

 

[NinjaCow64]

Wait, so if I kill all the bosses the game will finally finish right?

 

[Omega124]

Wait, so if I kill all the bosses the game will finally finish right?

Correct

 

[NinjaCow64]

That's convenient that I've been patched right above Hendo's corpse, the last known location of the tyrant Christos Xingjiang.

 

[GenMarshall]

...

I have the onboard crew repair the ship.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I do the concert using the Charles de Gaulle's speaker system.

4 (8): Again, you don't have clearance to board the ship.

I unleash hell on the Writer That Is Now A Ghost's forces.

14 (20): You go to town on the Mogadishu command in something I think I can spin as a metaphor for unfettered capitalism's end stage of self-cannibalization. The Somali cell will not be able to attack for 10 turns!

I. GO. TO. AMERICA.

;_;

1: Deciding to bee-line for it, you run as fast as you can... straight into a wall. You suffer 15 damage and worsen your concussion by 1.

That's convenient that I've been patched right above Hendo's corpse, the last known location of the tyrant Christos Xingjiang.

14: You phase in to the Eternal Kingdom's secret base and gather up everything Christos hadn't looted. Hey, hendo won't be using it...

I have the onboard crew repair the ship.

8: In your haste to steal the ship, you didn't realize they hadn't loaded the engineering provisions.

SOL 740 locks on to the 52nd.
ROLL TO DODGE!
17 (19): A precise blast deals 22 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom begins a fresh invasion of eastern India.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (5): The salient overextends itself and is soon encircled and destroyed, earning India +1 Defence. The American cell attempts a landing in Suriname.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): The landing is intercepted off the coast.

 

[Omega124]

I cry because the mod hates me and Ill never return home ;_;

 

[JohannaK]

I sneak onto it and play the gig anyway!

 

[CivCube]

I take out the rest of the Somali cell.

 

[GenMarshall]

I read up on the ship's manual on how to restore the shields.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I cry because the mod hates me and Ill never return home ;_;

20 (16): Well at least you've come to terms with the universe. You return to karmic balance.

I sneak onto it and play the gig anyway!

20 (20): Your heart-rending ballad boosts French morale, providing the nation +3 Defence.

I take out the rest of the Somali cell.

11 (15): You clear out the junior officers, extending the attack penalty 3 turns.

I read up on the ship's manual on how to restore the shields.

7: That's a job for the crew, not one person.

SOL 740 goes for the 80th again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (8): The unit disperses before the beam can get a lock.

The Eternal Kingdom launches a surprise offensive into the Russian Far East!
ROLL TO DODGE!
20 (20): Consolidating control of border territories, the Monarchists seize control of THREE more nukes! They will be ready for deployment in 4 turns. The Traitor Legion launches a commando raid on French Guyana!
ROLL TO DODGE!
13 (11): Bypassing the coastal patrols, the Monarchists seize the territory, though they haven't made it to the spaceport... yet. The reorganized South African command renews the assault on Mozambique.
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (11): Inhambane Province falls to the horde.

NinjaCow64 is declared AWOL.

​

 

[CivCube]

I head down to South Africa to eliminate the cell there.

 

[JohannaK]

I take off and head for Mongolia.

 

[GenMarshall]

...

I eat some ice cream to make me feel better.

 

[NinjaCow64]

After that brief nap from inter-dimensional travel, I start shouting to get Christos' attention. "1v1 ME IRL YOU TRYANT!"

 

[Omega124]

I wander the seas for ten years like Oddysseus

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I head down to South Africa to eliminate the cell there.

2 (5): Ah, but you see, even though the fronts haven't linked up properly, the Monarchists were able to smuggle in some high-ranking officers to assume command. They've been waiting for you, Mr. Cube... What took you so long?
ROLL TO DODGE!
2 (8): Concentrated fire greets your arrival, bestowing 18 damage as you crash at the feet of Christos Xinjiang, Patron Saint of Nihilism!

ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!
12 (16): Moving quickly, you tackle him before he can draw his weapons, penalizing his initial attack -2.
ROLL TO AGGRESS!
8 (11): You grapple with him for 6 damage.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (9): Using a combination of gun- and knifeplay, he deals 10 damage and inflicts minor wounds that bleed at -2 hitpoints/turn.

I take off and head for Mongolia.

20 (20): Leaving the French to their fate, you blast off for the other side of the world and reach Asia before ground targeting can paint you.

I eat some ice cream to make me feel better.

14: You enter a sugar rush that boosts your next five rolls.

After that brief nap from inter-dimensional travel, I start shouting to get Christos' attention. "1v1 ME IRL YOU TRYANT!"

3: Well he's over in South Africa at the moment, but the 52nd Infantry Division is willing to keep you company.
ROLL TO DODGE!
4 (2) Maybe picking fights in the middle of enemy territory when you're below half health with no combat equipment wasn't the brightest move, as you're treated to a rain of bullets dealing 19 damage.

I wander the seas for ten years like Oddysseus

12 (9): I'm assuming you don't think you can actually walk that water, in which case you'll need a boat.

SOL 740 goes for the 17th again.
ROLL TO DODGE!
10 (11): It strafes the column for 10 damage.

The Eternal Kingdom again moves in on Nepal.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (5): Still not learning its lesson, the army's clumsy attack is easily repelled, fortifying the border 1 point. Having failed to capture the Space Oddity, the US insurgents throw a tantrum on Mexico.
ROLL TO DODGE!
1 (3): The disorganized attempt at a campaign is effortlessly rebuffed, and Mexican Defence rises 2 points. With CivCube distracted, the South Africans invade Zimbabwe.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (5): It's an embarrassing show all-round as the offensive likewise fails, letting Robbie entrench himself 2 points.

The Eternal Kingdom has readied TWO nukes!!