Roll to Dodge - Help NC Get Out of Bed Edition

"Mike, instead of wasting our power fighting here, lets us team up and escape with the power of Pepsi Portal!"
 
I pack up a bunch of my finely crafted numbers and get myself and Crezth in one of the conveniently located spaceships to take us to The Parliament.
 
Obtain a sheet from a closet or storeroom in the bunker to provide to Gurra.

Chess: Qa5
 
I've had an exhausting two weeks.

I inform King John that a legal proceeding involving me will surely not be boring. Let me represent myself, and I can shatter any kangaroo court you might send my way. Unless he'd prefer a trial by combat, that is...

11: "A trial could be fun. Although if it is boring, would will wish you had run."

Court begins and the familiar tune begins to play.

"Omega124, you are accused of aiding and abetting Lucina, enemy of the state." says the Judge Clyde. "How do you plea?"

The reckless attacks just keep getting more reckless!! "CATASTROPHIC CUSHION CHARGE!" downwards, towards SouthernKing and the ground!!!

6: You hit SouthernKing with the pillow, but it doesn't do anything as he is out of mana.

I levitate and grab on to the mezzaluna, which can fly of its own violition, and use it to fly around cutting up Thunderfall until he is Totinos™fall

(1) 1: "Oh ho, you think you can trick me with such a normie trick?" THUNDERFALL ducks under the Mezzaluna, punches it with his Feel the Thunder and shatters your weapon. The impact throws you across the room and you break both of your legs from the fall (-13 HP, -1 to movement).

THUNDERFALL takes some asprin to remove the headache (18) 17: oh god oh frick it was a +2 asprin (+2 to next roll) also his headache is gone.

In a catlike fashion I revel in my victory at Rosalind, impressing an indelible anecdote about parliamentary procedures that is also incredibly valuable to whatever the hell she has going on. +3 total at that.

(20) 23: I can't argue with such shameless minmaxxing. Rosie gets +10 to dealing with the Parliamentary crisis.

Nothing has changed.

13: Indeed, that is an accurate statement of events.

"Mike, instead of wasting our power fighting here, lets us team up and escape with the power of Pepsi Portal!"

(20) 20: "Wait, you know how to get to the Pepsi Portal? Show me the way!" He stops attack you and seems to ease up a lot.

Mike attempts to stop being on fire by pouring Pepsi all over himself. (11) 12: He is no longer on fire.

What do you mean "action"? I just want to lie down

19: Honestly fair. A doctor comes in and gives you drip filled with bone fixing juice (remove all injury penalties, saline bonus upgraded to +25 HP/turn).

Action: meditation.

15: You reflect and meditate on your recent actions. Helping Aleks save Canberra from getting blown up was very honourable of you. You feel the honour start returning to your body (+50% Honour). Also you become acutely aware of the fact that you are bleeding and how much it hurts ow.

I pack up a bunch of my finely crafted numbers and get myself and Crezth in one of the conveniently located spaceships to take us to The Parliament.

(5) 15: You pick up your finely crafted numbers and enter your spaceship, which is very fast, and park in the highly paid mathematician's parking in the front gate. You are greeted by your boss, who has a look of relief on her face knowing that you are here to fix the situation.

Obtain a sheet from a closet or storeroom in the bunker to provide to Gurra.

Chess: Qa5

6 (7): Sheet of paper? Sheet of metal? Sheet as in a blanket? You're going to have to be more specific in the future.

"Bf4"



SouthernKing continues falling! 2 turns until instant death!

****************
The Battle of Beijing rages! 18: The Maras are too powerful! Despite Hilary Clinton's best efforts, the U.S Carrier group is driven out of Beijing! SouthernKing's Maras have seized Beijing. They also get a bonus action this turn...

The Maras quickly assemble a comically oversized trampoline to catch their boss. 18: SouthernKing will no longer die when he hits the ground, but it will still hurt a lot.

The Revolutionary Nuclear Disarmament Party and the Police clash at Canberra Airport! 19: Despite Aleks being afk for a bit, the RNDP manage to beat the police into submission. Hip hip hooray for the great leader! They look towards Aleks towards guidance. (+2 Leadership).

ori says "Unlike you Pillow Samurai, I am not that concerned with useless concepts such as honour, I am more interested in getting the job done." ori pulls out a ladder and makes a slam at SouthernKing! (12) 13: ori's ladder slams into SouthernKing's right arm, breaking it! (-7 HP, -1 to actions involving the right arm).

Sasaki Kojirō (no relation) prepares for a hopeless last stand against the Mara hordes (15) 14: All of his honour and tactics have been compiled into one last stand against the demonic horde (+8 to attacking the Maras next turn, then will die).

Hilary Rodham Clinton rings for backup 16: more U.S military assets will be coming to fight the Mara hordes in 2 turns.

I continue to play F/GO.

I'll update stats tomorrow morning and will try and return to a normalish update schedule the morning after that.
 
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I soften SK's fall with a secret soundjustu technique called "Turning it up to 11."
 
"I plead not guilty, your honor, on account of the fact that Lucina has not been formally charged with any crimes herself, and therefore any aid I theoretically may have given to her could not have been criminal"
 
After looking around to make sure Kojiro isn't watching and Becky hasn't turned up to judge me, I activate the secret pillowmove "sneaky sleepytime switcheroo" to turn my mana damaging attacks into physical damaging ones, and vice versa.
 
Zardoz speaks to me and voms up infinity guns which I will proceed to psychically fire at Thunderfall. Could a normie do THIS? (Please see SK for answer not Thunderfall)
 
Now that I’ve been safely moved to Parliament, time to reveal I’ve placed the doomsday device in Big Ben, and unless the British Parliament turns over supreme power to me, Big Ben is going bing bang BOOM! And probably several of the surrounding blocks.

Westminster Shabby, baby!
 
Now that I’ve been safely moved to Parliament, time to reveal I’ve placed the doomsday device in Big Ben, and unless the British Parliament turns over supreme power to me, Big Ben is going bing bang BOOM! And probably several of the surrounding blocks.

Westminster Shabby, baby!

Jesus Christ weren't you shopping for mattresses like an hour ago
 
I use the waterbending techniques which I learned from the Sea Dragon to heal myself.
 
Using my cheetah-like Pepsi senses, I guide Mike to the great Pepsi Portal and out of the underworld.
 
I use my finely crafted numbers to solve all the problems that Australia's government is dealing with. All of them. I will solve everything. This is what I do - solve things.
 
I sign the petition
 
But I can...
 
Does the petition exist in the second timeline? If so it clearly didn't work

Unless I am already the Prime Minister...
 
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