ROTQM03: Return of the Quantum Monkies

[Rex Tyrannus]

INTERIOR: MR. TEENEYVILLE -- COMMAND CENTER

Grape Ape and Nikko are reviewing recon photos:

Santiago

Madrid

Barcelona

Seattle

Seville

Los Angeles

Boston

Washington

Bangalore

New York

Orleans

GRAPE APE: Nice. Well done. I suppose, if I were to attack, I'd hit Boston.

NIKKO: I don't know, looks pretty tough to me.

GRAPE APE: Beter than those others though. Plus, we just might be able to hold it. How goes the drafting?

NIKKO: Not well, the local population won't support any more. We need to grow more humanzees.

GRAPE APE: I see. Well, we'll just have to make do. Anything else to report?

NIKKO: Yes, it seems that human known as Elizabeth is trying to bolster her defenses at that worthless city she founded near New Chimsepolis.

GRAPE APE: Any problems disuading her of that idea?

NIKKO: None. Some of our infantry were a little dinged up, but no casualties.

GRAPE APE: Excellent, keep me posted.

To be continued...

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

INTERIOR: MR. TEENEYVILLE -- MONKEY HQ -- CORRIDOR

CORNELIUS: Bobo!

Bobo stops in the corridor and turns to face Cornelius.

BOBO: Yes, Your Ape-ness?

CORNELIUS: I thought you decided to stay.

BOBO: Well, the grenadier we ran into at backwater changed my mind.

CORNELIUS: Bobo, we need you!

BOBO: We?

CORNELIUS: Yes.

BOBO: Oh, what about you need?

CORNELIUS: (mystified) I need? I don't know what you're talking about.

BOBO: (shakes his head, fed up) You probably don't.

CORNELIUS: And what precisely am I supposed to know?

BOBO: Come on! You want me to stay because of the way you feel about me.

CORNELIUS: Yes. You're a great help to us. You're a natural leader...

BOBO: No! That's not it. Come on. Aahhh -- uh huh! Come on.

Cornelius stares at him, understanding, then laughs.

CORNELIUS: You're imagining things.

BOBO: Am I? Then why are you following me? Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?

CORNELIUS: I'd just as soon kiss a Humanzee.

BOBO: I can arrange that. You could use a good kiss!

Angrily, Bobo strides down the corridor as Cornelius stares after him.

#

INTERIOR: MR. TEENEYVILLE -- COMMAND CENTER

The empire aproaches...

Apart from the distant thunder of laser gunshot blasts, the corridor is strangely quiet and empty. Running footsteps echo through the stark hallway, then Bobo appears. Cracks have appeared in some of the walls and some pipes have broken, sending hot steam billowing into the underground hallways. Bobo hurries into the command center. It is a shambles, but some people are still at their posts. As he enters, a gigantic cave-in almost obliterates the room. He finds Cornelius and Chimps near one of the control boards.

BOBO: You all right?

Cornelius nods. He is surprised to see him.

CORNELIUS: Why are you still here?

BOBO: I heard the command center had been hit.

CORNELIUS: You got your clearance to leave.

BOBO: Don't worry. I'll leave. First I'm going to get you to your ship.

CHIMPS: Cornelius, we must take this last transport. It's our only hope.

CORNELIUS: (to controller) Send all troops in sector twelve to the south slope to protect the riflemen.

A blast rocks the command center, throwing Chimps backward into Bobo's arms.

ANNOUNCER: (over loudspeaker) Human troops have entered the base.

BOBO: Come on...that's it.

CORNELIUS: (to head controller) Give the evacuation code signal. And get to your transports!

Cornelius looks exhausted. Bobo grabs him and starts to lead him out. As Bobo, Cornelius, and Chimps run out of the command center, the code signal can be heard echoing off the corridor walls.

HEAD CONTROLLER: K-one-zero...all troops disengage.

CHIMPS: (to Bobo and Cornelius) Oh! Wait for me!

#

The command center now appears to be empty. After a few seconds, the camera pans left and we see Grape Ape and Nikko looking confused while construction workers are replacing overhead heating pipes. The sparks from the previous scene are now clearly from the welding torches.

GRAPE APE: Evacuate? Over...what?...four enemies? Five?

NIKKO: Beats me. Who's in charge now. You?

GRAPE APE: (shrugs) Whatever. Does it matter? In an hour, Chimps and Cornelius will have finished wetting their diapers and come back in here, telling us what to do again.

NIKKO: So, in the meantime, what do we do about those enemy troops that just landed?

GRAPE APE: Kill them! We have two infantry and three riflemonkeys right there! It doesn't take a rocket-simian to figure that one out.

NIKKO: (speaking into a microphone) Fire at will commander.

Grape Ape heads over to the coffee machine, sips, and smiles.

GRAPE APE: Mmmm, banana nut. My favorite.

After a few akward moments, Nikko grabs his earphones and motions for Ape to be quite.

NIKKO: (into the mic) Excellent, resume your patrols, lieutenant. (To Ape) Just as you said, Ape. All enemy forces are cleared from Simian territory. Only loss was a rifle-monkey on some bad luck. (95.3% odds )

GRAPE APE: Good. See? Now where's that issue of Playsilverback? I feel a dump coming on.

To be continued...

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

INTERIOR: ISABELLA'S STAR DESTROYER MADRID-- ISABELLA'S CHAMBER

The Dark Lord, Queen Isabella, is alone in her chamber. A strange sound enters the room and a light begins to play across Isabella's dark figure. She looks up and bows quickly. A twelve-foot hologram of the Galactic Emperor materializes before Isabella. The Emperor's dark robes and monk's hood are reminiscent of the cloak worn by Ben Kenobi er...Kahuala? (What kind of monkey sounds like Kenobi?). His voice is even deeper and more frightening than Isabella's.

ISABELLA: What is thy bidding, my master?

DARTH FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: There is a great disturbance in the Timeline. We're in the Industrial Era.

ISABELLA: (under her breath) No sh*t. Did the railway cars give it away or was it the riflemen we've been building for the last ten years? (To Darth FDR) I have felt it.

DARTH FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: We have a new enemy -- Cornelius.

ISABELLA: Yes, my master.

DARTH FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: He could destroy us.

ISABELLA: He's just a Monkey. His science can no longer help him.

DARTH FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: The knowledge is strong with him. The son of Pholkhero must not continue to live.

ISABELLA: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.

DARTH FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?

ISABELLA: He will join us or die, my master.

Isabella kneels. The supreme Emperor passes a hand over the crouched Lord of the Spanish and fades away.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Okay, that was the end of the story. Some out of character notes:

First, we're losing money at 0% science. We suck.

Next, I rased Lizzy's stupid city on my last turn. It'd been operation for at least 20 turns. It'd have popped by now, if she were inclined to dump any culture into it. I didn't want her to upgrade that archer. Plus, in doing so, I sank a frigate and some galleons.

Darth FDR is amassing a stack near Mr. Teeneyville.

Lizzy's doing likewise

Last, bad combat roll. Bummer.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Here's a save, if anyone wants to keep going...

http://forums.civfanatics.com/uploads/85158/Mr._Chimps_AD-1340.Civ4SavedGame

Edit:

Roster:

Rex Tyrannus: Just played
GreyFox: Up, but on auto-skip
Pholkhero: Up, if he want's to be
Ruff Hi
negyvenketto: sparce internet access
Lobster Boy

@Negy, no problem on the internet access. Chime in when you can. Don't when you can't.

 

[ruff_hi]

A partial turnlog is below. Unfortunately, I kept forgetting to close the Autolog, so I lost all of the turns from the AI's desperate assault on Mr Teenyville.

This confuses me. You don't have to close the autolog ... in fact, the only way to close it, is to close the game or load from a saved file. Can you fill in what you mean by 'close the autolog'?

 

[GreyFox]

Well ... since I have played one more turn last round, and is official on autoskip ... well ... just skip me if the next player can play ... else I will most probably be able to pick this UP in 24hrs.

 

[pholkhero]

good turns. I suppose the cribbing is a testament to george lucas, not to having very little time

I can play, but it won't be till tonight (10 hours hence)

edit: have played, report tonight, sad news

 

[Lobsterboy]

This confuses me. You don't have to close the autolog ... in fact, the only way to close it, is to close the game or load from a saved file. Can you fill in what you mean by 'close the autolog'?

With the old autologger, I got in the habit of opening the autolog file in Notepad to edit the logged turns and add commentary as I play. I forgot that I can do it from the game interface!

 

[pholkhero]

INT, Bar. Mr Teeny is seated alone at the bar, a mostly-empty bottle of liquor stands next to a fully empty one. Mr Teeny is swaying slightly on his stool.

TEENY (to no one): It was my time! It was my chance!
We won against the humans:

We found them, and we killed them!

My city was free of their foul stink! I flew above them, and the quivered in fear!

And then, my general, Tootsie, was ambushed in the trees:

I should've heeded this signs, but i was full of battlelust. Disaster came, again, to our shores. Those Spanish, the vile, vile humans with their long hair and mustaches . . . we drafted and whipped in the empire as we could, but it was to no avail.

They attacked:

And the four horsemen rode south, deeper into our empire:

In a rage, I ran from the walls of my city, into incoming English humans:

But I was pulled back by my own men. There were just too many English:

I haven't seen Mr Chimps. Or, rather, he hasn't seen me. None of them come to see me now. It's just me and you now.

Mr TEENY looks up, and sees the bartender has since left.

Fade to Black.

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Wow, Mr. Teeney's a sultry, angry drunk, huh? Who would've figured? Anyhow...

Roster:

Rex Tyrannus: Full of piss and vinegar
GreyFox: Auto-skippin' to his lou
Pholkhero: Just layed
Ruff Hi: Once again, making a mockery of his socks
negyvenketto: Intermittant transmi--[noise]...
Lobster Boy: It may have taken $50, but we can all call him Lobster Man now

 

[Rex Tyrannus]

Ruff, are you still on this? Looks like you might have the honors of chashing it.

 

[Zophos]

Wow, Mr. Teeney's a sultry, angry drunk, huh? Who would've figured? Anyhow...

Rex, I'm going to pretend that you meant 'sulky, angry drunk'. Although, if memory serves, you were the one who brought up humanzees...(shudder).

 

[ruff_hi]

Ok - will play today.

BTW - what happened to our nukes?

 

[ruff_hi]

@Monkeyshine ...

Sir, what do we do now?
Why are you calling me SIR - I'm only a cook.
Not anymore Sir - you are the Supreme Commander
??? - explain
I've just returned from the Capital ... Mr Teenyville ... with the following intel (shows him picture ... see below) ... even the workers are fleeing in general panic!
Right - fire the nukes
We don't have any
Attack with the lander
Lost
Anyone for coffee?

I returned the next day and it wasn't ours anymore ... I did find this blowing in the wind ...

----------------------------New entries----------------------------
Turn 291 (1400 AD)
Mr Teenyville grows: 6

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast near Mr Teenyville, Worker loses to: English Catapult (5.00/5) (Prob Victory: 100.0&#37
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Monkeyshine, Rifleman defeats (14.00/14): Spanish Cavalry (Prob Victory: 91.4%)

Turn 292 (1406 AD)
Rifleman promoted: City Garrison I
Test Site Alpha grows: 6

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Rifleman defeats (2.80/14): Mongolian Cavalry (Prob Victory: 90.4%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Rifleman defeats (6.44/14): Mongolian Cavalry (Prob Victory: 71.5%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Grenadier loses to: Mongolian Cavalry (9.30/15) (Prob Victory: 32.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Rifleman loses to: Mongolian Rifleman (11.48/14) (Prob Victory: 2.3%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Archer loses to: Mongolian Keshik (1.68/6) (Prob Victory: 30.6%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Archer loses to: Mongolian Pikeman (3.96/6) (Prob Victory: 25.1%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Backwater, Rifleman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (13.65/15) (Prob Victory: 0.0%)
Christianity has spread: Backwater
Backwater lost
Christianity has spread: Backwater (Spanish Empire)
Christianity has spread: Backwater (Spanish Empire)

Turn 293 (1412 AD)
Ruff_Hi: Whipped
Mr Teenyville finishes: Rifleman
Test Site Alpha finishes: Grenadier
Monkeyshine grows: 4

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (20.00/20): English Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): English Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (18.40/20): English Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (14.00/20): English Redcoat (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (14.00/20): English Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (6.16/14): English Cavalry (Prob Victory: 99.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry loses to: English Cavalry (1.50/15) (Prob Victory: 95.7%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (6.44/14): English Cavalry (Prob Victory: 97.2%)

Turn 294 (1418 AD)
Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) promoted: City Garrison I
Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) promoted: City Garrison II
Palewyn Gareseth (Grenadier) promoted: City Garrison I
Palewyn Gareseth (Grenadier) promoted: City Garrison II
Mr Teenyville begins: Grenadier (38 turns)

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (18.20/20): American Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (13.00/20): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 98.3%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (11.90/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 97.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier defeats (10.92/12): American Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (6.44/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 90.9%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) defeats (11.62/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 95.6%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (10.92/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 82.4%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier defeats (5.52/12): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 95.5%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier I of Mr Teenyville (Grenadier) defeats (6.96/12): American Grenadier (Prob Victory: 96.6%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) defeats (10.22/14): English Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) defeats (8.12/14): English Cavalry (Prob Victory: 95.5%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (8.10/15) (Prob Victory: 57.6%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (0.42/14): Spanish Cavalry (Prob Victory: 56.1%)

Turn 295 (1424 AD)

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (3.36/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 99.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) defeats (5.60/14): English Cavalry (Prob Victory: 81.5%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (10.20/20): English Grenadier (Prob Victory: 99.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (6.86/14): Spanish Cavalry (Prob Victory: 75.7%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier loses to: Spanish Cavalry (8.10/15) (Prob Victory: 58.8%)

Turn 296 (1430 AD)
Rifleman promoted: Guerilla I
Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) promoted: City Garrison III

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Infantry defeats (9.00/20): American Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (8.68/14): American Catapult (Prob Victory: 100.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman defeats (2.38/14): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 76.9%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: American Cavalry (3.75/15) (Prob Victory: 75.3%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Infantry loses to: American Cavalry (15.00/15) (Prob Victory: 34.4%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier I of Mr Teenyville (Grenadier) defeats (9.72/12): American Catapult (Prob Victory: 99.7%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: American Cavalry (11.85/15) (Prob Victory: 29.8%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier I of Mr Teenyville (Grenadier) defeats (0.12/12): American Cavalry (Prob Victory: 29.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: American Cavalry (11.70/15) (Prob Victory: 33.7%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: American Cavalry (8.70/15) (Prob Victory: 14.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) defeats (1.26/14): Spanish Catapult (Prob Victory: 73.5%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Spearman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (6.60/15) (Prob Victory: 0.2%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Axeman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (13.05/15) (Prob Victory: 0.1%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Rifleman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (15.00/15) (Prob Victory: 0.1%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Archer loses to: Spanish Cavalry (13.20/15) (Prob Victory: 0.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Archer loses to: Spanish Cavalry (10.35/15) (Prob Victory: 0.0%)
While defending in Simian territory on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Axeman loses to: Spanish Cavalry (11.55/15) (Prob Victory: 0.0%)

Turn 297 (1436 AD)
Grenadier I of Mr Teenyville (Grenadier) promoted: Medic I
Mr Teenyville grows: 4
Monkeyshine finishes: Rifleman

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Grenadier I of Mr Teenyville (Grenadier) loses to: American Cavalry (12.45/15) (Prob Victory: 3.7%)
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Mr Teenyville, Areri Coand Astoaa (Rifleman) loses to: American Cavalry (13.35/15) (Prob Victory: 2.6%)
Christianity has spread: Mr Teenyville
Mr Teenyville lost
While defending in the wild on the coast at Mr Teenyville, Worker loses to: American Cavalry (8.70/15) (Prob Victory: 97.4%)

Turn 298 (1442 AD)
Wewan Eroiwyth Ybirac (Rifleman) promoted: City Garrison I
Wewan Eroiwyth Ybirac (Rifleman) promoted: City Garrison II
Monkeyshine begins: Theatre (7 turns)

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Monkeyshine, Wewan Eroiwyth Ybirac (Rifleman) defeats (11.90/14): Spanish Cavalry (Prob Victory: 95.9%)

Turn 299 (1448 AD)
Monkeyshine finishes: Theatre

IBT:
While defending in Simian territory on level ground at Monkeyshine, Wewan Eroiwyth Ybirac (Rifleman) defeats (11.90/14): French Cavalry (Prob Victory: 96.2%)

Turn 300 (1454 AD)
Monkeyshine begins: Catapult (10 turns)

IBT:

Turn 301 (1460 AD)


Fire in the Hole

 

[ruff_hi]

(comments on logger ...)
- I'm going to take out the 'on the coast' parts - I don't like it
- the theatre actually took two turns - don't think the logger can handle whip overflow - will look into it
- the loss of the second group of workers should have occured 'near' the city, not 'at' the city
- it looks like my turn counter is off by '1'

 

[Lobsterboy]

Mr. Teenyville lost?!?!

*'Taps' begins playing in the background*

 

[Zophos]

Ow.

I take it that the lander perished in the fall of Mr. Teeneyville? I know the nukes disappeared along with New Chimpsepolis, last set. 11 good tech units gone, including two precious Infantry (plus a handful of Axes and other low-tech Cavalry fodder). Two of the remaining four cities gone.

What's left?

Just...ow.

(Note: I am not criticizing the play. It looks like they threw the kitchen sink at you, and you stemmed the tide as well as could be hoped for.)

 

[ruff_hi]

I take it that the lander perished in the fall of Mr. Teeneyville? I know the nukes disappeared along with New Chimpsepolis, last set. 11 good tech units gone, including two precious Infantry (plus a handful of Axes and other low-tech Cavalry fodder). Two of the remaining four cities gone.

(Note: I am not criticizing the play. It looks like they threw the kitchen sink at you, and you stemmed the tide as well as could be hoped for.)

Stemmed the tide ... all I did was whip a few units when I could, move some units into cities and hit enter ... the only mistake was not getting the lander out when there was only two injured units left ... I ran the workers away but that didn't help

 

[pholkhero]

- it looks like my turn counter is off by '1'

might be that i have 4000 as turn 0 and you have at as 1?

I forgot all about those nukes, too, until days later! All in all, a good game.

Surely the next person should just finish it out, and write us a stirring conclusion!