Should I assume she doesn't like me and just move on?
- Thread starter longtimelurker0
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Josu
Emperor
Ask her go out or whatever you do in your country.
If answers yes -> profit
If answers no -> move on
TIP: You do not choose to move on, it just happens. Be patient, do not make a drama about it.
If answers yes -> profit
If answers no -> move on
TIP: You do not choose to move on, it just happens. Be patient, do not make a drama about it.
CavLancer
This aint fertilizer
No drama no thread.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
The way I read the exchange(s) described in the OP is.. the girl might have been open to a romantic relationship at one point (and might still be), but doesn't believe that OP will ever ask her out, since he's had so many opportunities and never did. So she's going on with her life, while at the same time being polite enough to respond to OP here and there, since he actually makes for a decent friend and there is no reason to cut him out of her life quite yet. Whether she would be interested or not is something you can only figure out if you ask her, though. If you don't, you'll never know.
Manfred Belheim
Moaner Lisa
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She sounds very un-interested to me...
Borachio
Way past lunacy
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Ah right. So the consensus is: to ask her out and find out once and for all whether she's interested or not? And if not, move on?
The alternatives are 1) to never ask her and not risk rejection, but never know for sure.
or 2) to never ask her but assume she doesn't like you and just move on, but never know for sure.
Well, I don't know. How does a lifetime of never knowing for sure sound? Might be better than rejection. Depending on how fragile the ego in question is.
And rejection might be better than "acceptance" leading to engagement, marriage, 2 or 3 children (or childlessness), followed by a messy divorce and paying the mortgage on a house you never get to live in, and children who either hate you or never come and see you, but still cost you money.
The alternatives are 1) to never ask her and not risk rejection, but never know for sure.
or 2) to never ask her but assume she doesn't like you and just move on, but never know for sure.
Well, I don't know. How does a lifetime of never knowing for sure sound? Might be better than rejection. Depending on how fragile the ego in question is.
And rejection might be better than "acceptance" leading to engagement, marriage, 2 or 3 children (or childlessness), followed by a messy divorce and paying the mortgage on a house you never get to live in, and children who either hate you or never come and see you, but still cost you money.
He'll never know for sure unless he asks.
Remember: The beta male never gets the girl.
Borachio
Way past lunacy
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This is plain nonsense. The beta male gets a beta female who doesn't want an alpha male.
We see this all the time with sea lions. Down the beach from the alpha male and his hareem are the couples who just want a quiet life and do very nicely, thank you.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
Nonsense, beta males get gamma girls, and gamma males get epsilon girls.
But yeah, you've got to do the asking out part of the process before it becomes a game of "does she like me? Or not?" in your mind, weeks or months later. At that stage it is likely statistically too late. The key is that it doesn't matter if she likes you or not. If you like her, you ask her out. If you don't, you don't. This is all on you; her feelings don't come into play until she says "Yes" or "Hell no".
But yeah, you've got to do the asking out part of the process before it becomes a game of "does she like me? Or not?" in your mind, weeks or months later. At that stage it is likely statistically too late. The key is that it doesn't matter if she likes you or not. If you like her, you ask her out. If you don't, you don't. This is all on you; her feelings don't come into play until she says "Yes" or "Hell no".
I won't argue that point, but (especially in this situation) I would say that it is more a matter of being less needy, and you offering more value instead. It sounds like you are needing her to like you back. How would that make her feel? Instead you need to offer her someone she can talk to, someone she can walk to her car with at night, chivalry, support for getting through your classes--and do all that unconditionally. Now you make yourself more attractive, and not just to her. More importantly, you make YOU a better man. And that, in the end, will serve you better than she ever will, no matter how awesome she is.
CavLancer
This aint fertilizer
Epsilon girls get epsilon girls.
Okay, allow me to amend my statement: Beta males never get the girl they want.
Take me and my wife for example: When I met my wife, she was friends with this guy who was very similar to the OP. He had a crush on her for years and could never work up the courage to ask her out. The thing is, my wife told me she thought he was pretty cute and nice and probably would have said yes to him if he had asked her out. Well, he didn't get motivated enough to do something about it until after she got engaged to me. At that point he got so desperate that he told her he loved her and tried to kiss her; at which point my wife punched him in the mouth and told him to never speak to her again.
The funny thing? He had years to try and win her affection and couldn't do it because he was too much of a coward. You know how long I knew my wife before I asked her to marry me and she said yes? Five whole days. Sometimes all it takes is to act like an alpha for once in your life. Stop thinking about things and just do it. I really don't see why that is such a problem for a lot of people.
EDIT: I would also say you are wrong in saying that beta males get beta females. Beta males also tend to get alpha females because alpha females, like alpha males, have dominant personalities. Dominant personalities seek out submissive personalities, so alpha females are actually attracted to beta males.
warpus
Sommerswerd asked me to change this
Kids, do not try this at home.
Me asking someone I knew only for 5 days to marry me: should raise a crapton of red flags in her mind.
Someone saying yes to my proposal after only 5 days of us knowing eachother: Even larger red flags being raised in my mind.
Well it's worked out so far. We just celebrated our 5th anniversary 7 days ago. Plus, I remember reading somewhere that marriages in which the couple don't really know each other for a long period of time (such as arranged marriages) tend to last longer and have lower rates of divorce than marriages where the couple dated for a while before getting married.
Although I will admit that I was wondering if I had made a mistake or not. Especially since I was in Iraq at the time and I had only spoken to her through an online dating site. The first time we actually saw each other in person is when she flew out with my parents to welcome me home from Iraq.
As a married man with children who has been in a relationship for over 14 years now, the only advice I can offer is that apparently there is thing called Tinder and you should totally download it, from what I am told.
Re alpha beta gamma up to omega, it seems that virtually no girl is with a boy that looks clearly better, at least round these parts...
The opposite is beyond just the norm.
Not that it matters. Personal way of viewing things means you won't calculate your way to success in this. The worst thing that can happen is that she drugs you and you lose a kidney.
The opposite is beyond just the norm.
Not that it matters. Personal way of viewing things means you won't calculate your way to success in this. The worst thing that can happen is that she drugs you and you lose a kidney.
Borachio
Way past lunacy
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You're saying that ugly women can't get good looking guys?
This is plain wrong, imo. My mother was about as ugly as a person can get and still be recognizably human. And she was about as ugly as my father was good looking.
As for being dominant, although my father pretty much did exactly as he was "told", my mother very rarely said anything at all.
Let's face it, people are far too complicated to fall neatly into any of this alpha, beta, omega nonsense.
Which is why i said 'round these parts'. You are in England. Also known as Land of not very good-looking women
