Should I assume she doesn't like me and just move on?

[Borachio]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinder_(app)

Certainly looking at pictures of other women can dislodge a fixation on a particular one. And they don't necessarily have to be pornographic pictures, either.

Which is good... if you're viewing them in a public place.

 

[daft]

I suggest the following:

Be a friggin' man!

Ask her out, if the answer is NO, then move on!

 

[JollyRoger]

 

[Birdjaguar]

IMO, its best to make romantic intentions clear pretty quickly (like within the first 4 hours), touch her alot (not grope, like touch you on the shoulder while you're talking), hold good eye contact, etc. If she doesn't take to it well she doesn't like you, if she does she probably would at least consider you. Once you lose the momentum its almost always too late (if you like a girl don't try to hide it, girls want sexual affections as well but they're less willing to take risk because there's more social stigma against them being forward about wanting a boyfriend/sex/etc & if you're pretending you only want to be friends/keep it platonic she will probably lose interest).

Life is short so best to seize the moments. Get accepted or rejected quickly & then you won't be left wondering. You can move on to the next candidate.

When you live in your head wondering you won't learn much. When you put yourself out there over & over you can at least analyze where you went wrong (or perhaps you're learn what type of girls are worth pursuing).

Once you're putting more energy in than the girl & the ratio is getting worse & worse its probably too late to salvage anything (this is from personal experience). So in answer to your question - Move On! You're in University, there are lots of new opportunities to meet women.

If you are only looking for sex, this advice might hold value. Beyond that it is pretty worthless.

Reread Perfection's post; it is on the mark.

 

[longtimelurker0]

Okay, allow me to amend my statement: Beta males never get the girl they want.

Take me and my wife for example: When I met my wife, she was friends with this guy who was very similar to the OP. He had a crush on her for years and could never work up the courage to ask her out. The thing is, my wife told me she thought he was pretty cute and nice and probably would have said yes to him if he had asked her out. Well, he didn't get motivated enough to do something about it until after she got engaged to me. At that point he got so desperate that he told her he loved her and tried to kiss her; at which point my wife punched him in the mouth and told him to never speak to her again.

The funny thing? He had years to try and win her affection and couldn't do it because he was too much of a coward. You know how long I knew my wife before I asked her to marry me and she said yes? Five whole days. Sometimes all it takes is to act like an alpha for once in your life. Stop thinking about things and just do it. I really don't see why that is such a problem for a lot of people.

EDIT: I would also say you are wrong in saying that beta males get beta females. Beta males also tend to get alpha females because alpha females, like alpha males, have dominant personalities. Dominant personalities seek out submissive personalities, so alpha females are actually attracted to beta males.

To be honest, it's alot easier, at least for me, to ask out a friend than an acquaintance, which better describes the situation right now. Two reasons: 1. You're much more comfortable around her and 2. A crush on a friend tends to be much more intense, at least for me, so the push factor is much higher. That said, a crush on a friend is also much more painful if she rejects you, and this exactly what happened 2 years ago. I had a crush on a girl who I was friends with for a few months before liking her, and when she rejected me, it took me over a year to fully get over her. I think the problem here its that it's actually not that hard to get the current crush off my mind if i really try. Whereas in high school, my friend dominated my thoughts after I started liking her, and continued to do so after she rejected me. So in this situation, I kinda just take the chicken's way out and avoid thinking about her rather than confronting my feelings.

 

[Tigranes]

What is the point of courting if to start one you need the girl to like you from the beginning? Many girls are not even sure as what to wear in the morning, why you don't even have an option C: she is not particularly interested but would not mind to consider your advances. You simply make sure that YOU really, really like her. And if you do -- you methodically will try to win her over. It is more acceptable for a man to be bold even if borderline impudent, versus polite while borderline wishy-washy. "Your interest in me is flattering" -- that's what any normal girl will think, unless she has a boyfriend/romantic interest (and regardless whether she likes you or not). By the way, the purpose to ask her out is precisely to find out if she is at least theoretically available. Simply evaluate your own feelings and act accordingly with conviction.

 

[Tigranes]

I suggest the following:

Be a friggin' man!

Ask her out, if the answer is NO, then move on!

Is this your definition of a friggin' man? My oh my. Western civilization is definitely in decline.

When I like a girl the only "No" that can make me to move on is when I see her with another guy and she looks happy. Because if a simple No is enough to discourage you -- that proves that you didn't care much about her in the first place. And in that case you don't even need to make a move. You know how many girls normal healthy male may "like" about the same time?


Link to video.

 

[Narz]

I'd recommend at least a few months between first date and marriage myself.

My rule of thumb is 10 years but to each their own.

 

[Narz]

If you are only looking for sex, this advice might hold value. Beyond that it is pretty worthless.

What do you know about talking to women, you've been married for what, twenty years?

And I assume he wants to have sex with her otherwise this thread would not be here. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with a woman. If you make yourself seem nonthreatening & like a non-sexual being a woman will respond in kind.

If a woman needs some wooing period of many weeks or months before she's "ready" to be physical the sex isn't going to be worth it anyway. And imagine what a marriage to such a woman will be like. This isn't the 1800's.

 

[Narz]

When I like a girl the only "No" that can make me to move on is when I see her with another guy and she looks happy. Because if a simple No is enough to discourage you -- that proves that you didn't care much about her in the first place.

Why bother trying to "win someone over" when you can find someone who actually likes you from the get go?

There's this meme that the more a woman resists or plays hard to get the more valueble she is. This is usually the opposite of reality IMO. Obviously most women will be a little coy/challenging but if a woman is super hard to get this is not a sign she has high value, more like she has issues.

That said, you want a woman who pushes you but not who runs away & makes you pursue. No means no. Better to find a yes.

 

[Perfection]

When I like a girl the only "No" that can make me to move on is when I see her with another guy and she looks happy. Because if a simple No is enough to discourage you -- that proves that you didn't care much about her in the first place.

Caring about someone is not the same as projecting a narcissistic view of yourself as something she needs.

 

[Borachio]

What is the point of courting if to start one you need the girl to like you from the beginning? Many girls are not even sure as what to wear in the morning, why you don't even have an option C: she is not particularly interested but would not mind to consider your advances. You simply make sure that YOU really, really like her. And if you do -- you methodically will try to win her over. It is more acceptable for a man to be bold even if borderline impudent, versus polite while borderline wishy-washy. "Your interest in me is flattering" -- that's what any normal girl will think, unless she has a boyfriend/romantic interest (and regardless whether she likes you or not). By the way, the purpose to ask her out is precisely to find out if she is at least theoretically available. Simply evaluate your own feelings and act accordingly with conviction.

This is borderline creepy, verging on stalking, and definitely narcissistic.

Times have moved on, and men should face up to the fact that women are losing all interest in them altogether.

Is this your definition of a friggin' man? My oh my. Western civilization is definitely in decline.

When I like a girl the only "No" that can make me to move on is when I see her with another guy and she looks happy. Because if a simple No is enough to discourage you -- that proves that you didn't care much about her in the first place. And in that case you don't even need to make a move. You know how many girls normal healthy male may "like" about the same time?

Let me get this straight: if a woman says no to you twice, you take that as a double negative and assume she really means yes?

 

[Kyriakos]

Link to video.

 

[Borachio]

But...


Link to video.

 

[Kyriakos]

^Cultural appropriation

(although not as much as SRV's version)


Link to video.

 

[Borachio]

Indeed. Just who do you think invented the guitar? And electrickery.

 

[Kyriakos]

All music notation ultimately goes back to Pythagoras.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

I read the OP and it really seems like she isn't into the guy and he has spent months agonizing and overthinking a very simple act.

Just move on, to be honest.

 

[Sommerswerd]

It is pointless to say "just move on." He can't move on, and doesn't want to. It seems like this is a situation where the fantasy of being with the girl someday, (but just not today) is preferable to the possibility of rejection. There isn't really any way off that crazy-train. If you would rather just hold on to the possibilty-fantasy then go ahead and just keep dreaming about her for the next however many years you have left in college... It won't kill you. The longer the fantasy goes on the higher the chance that the reality is never going to live up to the fantasy anyway... it gets way too built up over time.

TBH if you "prefer to date friends" then that is an indication that you are just shy and inexperienced. Shy and inexperienced guys always try to transition "friendship" crushes into relationships because, that is probably what happened with your first real girlfriend, so you think that is a method that works. But it only "worked" that first time by coincidence/accident. As an adult, you will eventually figure out that when you want girls you have to either pursue them, right out of the gate, or if you want to be shy/lazy, whatever, then just have to pick from the girls that throw themselves at you (if there are any... there probably are, but you just aren't attracted to them).

 

[warpus]

TBH if you "prefer to date friends" then that is an indication that you are just shy and inexperienced.

Depends on where you're from, in a lot of places "dating" doesn't really happen and "hooking up" with members of the opposite sex from your friends circle is what is more common. This then leads to relationships and so on.

But yeah, I think here in North America trying to "date" your friends is going to be a challenging proposition for most..