Narz
keeping it real
I've had lovers I wasn't friends with.
Should I assume she doesn't like me and just move on?
- Thread starter longtimelurker0
- Start date
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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Here's an update guys:
So for the past almost 3 months, I only ran into her 3 times total. We don't share any classes or anything this semester, so it's extremely hard to see her. The first 2 times, I was too terrified to ask her out. Finally with the semester coming to a close, I decided to make it a goal to somehow run into her and ask her out. I scripted out the scenarios in which I would ask her out, and traversed paced along certain streets from time to time where I know she'd be coming/leaving class. Well her response, after I asked her out to coffee was that she studies in the coffee shop often and I'm welcome to drop by, which I take as a rejection. I think it's best to leave her alone, but if any of you guys think otherwise, please say so.
My feelings for her weakened considerably as the semester progressed, and in fact it weakened to the point where I was periodically shifting between sorting of liking her and another friend. For both girls, the feelings were fairly light, and went back and forth from one girl to another. So rejection wasn't a really big deal, and I felt much happier having gotten the gut to ask her out than any sort of disappointment that could've resulted from the rejection.
As for the other girl who I also periodically liked, I don't like her right now at the moment, but because the first girl rejected me, it's POSSIBLE that I'd start liking her again in the future. Or not, who knows, crushes are unpredictable. Besides, this girl is studying abroad next semester, so I doubt I'll get an opportunity to ask her out before the semester ends, and it'll be after the summer before anything happens.
So for the past almost 3 months, I only ran into her 3 times total. We don't share any classes or anything this semester, so it's extremely hard to see her. The first 2 times, I was too terrified to ask her out. Finally with the semester coming to a close, I decided to make it a goal to somehow run into her and ask her out. I scripted out the scenarios in which I would ask her out, and traversed paced along certain streets from time to time where I know she'd be coming/leaving class. Well her response, after I asked her out to coffee was that she studies in the coffee shop often and I'm welcome to drop by, which I take as a rejection. I think it's best to leave her alone, but if any of you guys think otherwise, please say so.
My feelings for her weakened considerably as the semester progressed, and in fact it weakened to the point where I was periodically shifting between sorting of liking her and another friend. For both girls, the feelings were fairly light, and went back and forth from one girl to another. So rejection wasn't a really big deal, and I felt much happier having gotten the gut to ask her out than any sort of disappointment that could've resulted from the rejection.
As for the other girl who I also periodically liked, I don't like her right now at the moment, but because the first girl rejected me, it's POSSIBLE that I'd start liking her again in the future. Or not, who knows, crushes are unpredictable. Besides, this girl is studying abroad next semester, so I doubt I'll get an opportunity to ask her out before the semester ends, and it'll be after the summer before anything happens.
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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Welcome to drop by... is rejection?
Pardon me for being unfamiliar with all this, but she did not suggest a specific time to meet up or anything. I felt she was deliberately being vague so as to not shoot me down too hard.
Or maybe she is hinting that she wants you to step up and make the plans?
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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So I guess the game is not over yet...
I should've researched the possible outcomes before I asked her out. If you two are indeed correct, my biggest mistake then was expecting an easy black and white response.
On second thought though, I don't really study at the coffee shop at all, I only very rarely go in to grab a to-go drink. In fact, we never ran into each other inside there at all, but then again, I'm rarely there. If she really isn't interested, would she really have told me where she hung out?
sophie
Break My Heart
To an optimist every weed is a flower; to a pessimist every flower is a weed.
I recommend against going all creepy stalker, but just as no means no, you are welcome to stop by and talk to me means you are welcome to stop by and chat.
I also wouldn't treat it like a research project, she's a person and not the kilogram standard bar that is only handled with gloves and otherwise locked securely in a vault. Just ask what her interests are, man, figure out what you guys have in common.
I also wouldn't treat it like a research project, she's a person and not the kilogram standard bar that is only handled with gloves and otherwise locked securely in a vault. Just ask what her interests are, man, figure out what you guys have in common.
Yeah, don't get into the habit of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Well, I think that you missed the boat completely on this. Too Bad.
sophie
Break My Heart
Honest answer is the same as I've given the last two times you've bumped this thread: if you like a girl, chat her up. Ask her out on a date. Don't delay. You can't ignore a girl (or anybody, for that matter) for a month and then expect she'll still be there waiting for you.
Also: to both you and The_J (who seems to do similar things going from the Rants/Raves):
Don't overthink it. If you're running through various scenarios and "chance" meetings in your head you've already overthought the Thing.
I don't know how many times I've posted this video. It feels like a lot. But I'm just going to keep doing it:
Link to video.
This one is equally good:
Link to video.
Also: to both you and The_J (who seems to do similar things going from the Rants/Raves):
Don't overthink it. If you're running through various scenarios and "chance" meetings in your head you've already overthought the Thing.
I don't know how many times I've posted this video. It feels like a lot. But I'm just going to keep doing it:
Link to video.
This one is equally good:
Link to video.
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
- Joined
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Well I already kinda did. I told her if she wanted to grab coffee and that was the response she gave (you can stop by at the coffee shop where I study alot). Maybe I should starting hanging out there more often and talking to her? At least now, I know where I can find her very often rather than just banking on a chance encounter on the street.
Narz
keeping it real
Finding a good chick is a numbers game, be bold & mac it to any girl you have the least attraction to, that way when you finally find a good one there won't be any of this "terrified to talk to her" stuff.
Also, if you're lucky you may get laid a few times while you're waiting.
Also, if you're lucky you may get laid a few times while you're waiting.
sophie
Break My Heart
I mean like. Within a week. Not 6 months later. She turned you down. Pining isn't going to change her mind. Move on. That goes likewise with your "on-again-off-again crush". If you haven't pulled the trigger yet then it's probably time to move on.
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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Im confused here. So should I move on or should I talk to her more at the coffee place and give it a chance? Yes I moved too slow but I can't change the pAst
Because from what I understood between you and antilogic, she didn't completely turn me down => there is still a chance.
"To an optimist every weed is a flower; to a pessimist every flower is a weed."
"Don't snatch victory from the jaws of defeat" Antilogic => MY original thought that she turned me down is not correct.
I'm not pining right now or anything, perfectly ready to move on, in fact that's what I stated when I first bumped this thread today. But I can't exactly understand what you guys are implying, unless if you disagree with Antilogic here.
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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The takeaway I'm getting is that, I'm having trouble separating by what I SHOULD HAVE done in the past (yes I moved too slow but I dont have a time machine) and what I should be doing NOW.
A. If my assertion that her reaction when I bumped this thread implies a rejection ("you're welcome to drop by for coffee when i study ...") is correct => move on.
B. If that previous statement is not correct => there should be a chance.
C. something else.
Which one of the three options is this?
Gotcha.
So looking back a bit, I think Owen thinks the iron has cooled too much to strike, I'm not as tuned in to the thread but it might be.
So this new girl, how long has it been since you have introduced yourself? What does she like to do?
longtimelurker0
Chieftain
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Ok, that seems to clear things up. Thank you.
sophie
Break My Heart
I mean I can't tell you whether or not to pursue the girl because I wasn't there. From the outside I don't think so, but I can't read her body language or get a vibe. Obviously you're still on this chick because here you are still talking about her 6 months later. If you're still into her and you're getting a vibe that she might be into you then go hit her up at that café. If you're getting a vibe that she was "trying to let you down easy" then maybe it's time to pack it up and move on. Go with your gut dude. It's your life.
