classical_hero
In whom I trust
Why is American beer like having sex in a canoe?
I got this from Monty Python.
Spoiler :
I got this from Monty Python.
#~~ The HEhe HAha Joke Thread ~~#
- Thread starter Abaddon
- Start date
- Status
Dragonlord
Fantasy Warlord
madviking
north american scum
L
L
L
Love
Deity
Its the austrailians aight?
skadistic
Caomhanach
Sorry if its repost and I didn't think it needed its own thread.......
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary :
8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing !
---------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary :
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I,
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust
them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was
some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises
and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********! The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...... for
now....
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary :
8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing !
---------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary :
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I,
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust
them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was
some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises
and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********! The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...... for
now....
Swedishguy
Deity
"Tell me a joke!"
"Well, it was this story about...
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary :
8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing !
---------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary :
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates
and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I,
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only
thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust
them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was
some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary
confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises
and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously ********! The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...... for
now..."
Sophie 378
Avvie by ybbor
Skadistic, where did you get that from? I've got a newspaper clipping with some of that text which is at least ten years old. I'll snap it and post the pic here next time I go home for a weekend (it's at the parent's house in Wales, I'm in Birmingham, and it's a six-hour journey, so that'll be in a couple of weeks or so).
skadistic
Caomhanach
Shanked it from another forum from a guy who shanked it from another forum.
Swedishguy
Deity
What is a halfling?
Spoiler :
skadistic
Caomhanach
I don't get any spammy e-mail at all so you may be right.
Employees of a Software Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.
Some are in Loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager.
They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
...
...
.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"About a litre."
----------
- Lisa
Some are in Loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined,notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, They asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Project Manager.
They're asking for a Rs.500 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."
One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
...
...
.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"About a litre."
----------
- Lisa
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know? I lost my wife here in this supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman asked.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
----------
- Lisa
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman asked.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
----------
- Lisa
A married man and his secretary are having an affair.
They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary's appartment for an afternoon of ......., whatever its called.
They fall asleep and don't wake up till 8 PM later that night.
They quickly get dressed and the man asks the secretary to take his shoes and go and rub them in the grass.
The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
The wife's very upset and asks, "Where the hell have you been?"
The husband replies, "I was taught in school that truth is very painful, but it sets you free, so I will not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair, we left work early today, went to her appartment, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!!"
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"
----------
- Lisa
They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary's appartment for an afternoon of ......., whatever its called.
They fall asleep and don't wake up till 8 PM later that night.
They quickly get dressed and the man asks the secretary to take his shoes and go and rub them in the grass.
The secretary thinks this is pretty weird, but she does it anyway.
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door.
The wife's very upset and asks, "Where the hell have you been?"
The husband replies, "I was taught in school that truth is very painful, but it sets you free, so I will not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair, we left work early today, went to her appartment, made love all afternoon, and then we fell asleep. That's why I'm late!!"
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains all over your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"
----------
- Lisa
Jawz II
Oh Dear
I think golfers use special golfing shoes (those ninnies). Good story all the same.
Catharsis
catch u on the flip scythe
The joke-bot strikes again! Funny though.
Funny though.
Xanikk999
History junkie
- Status
