The LAMEST jokes you can think of...

[Veritass]

Q. What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?

A. Desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin.

 

[Veritass]

Q. What's brown and sounds like a bell?

A. Dung!!

[Best delivered with a loud bell-like "Dung!!"]

 

[salty mud]

I'm gonna tell you the funniest joke I now. Hold on to yer chairs, folks!

In the mind of an old farmer lady in 1954
"What's an Elvis? Must be a new type of pie. Mmmm, Elvis pie!"
*Swedishguy falls off the chair and rolls around laughing*

It's so funny... (cough, cough weeezz)

Cookie to the one who gets the joke first.

I don't get the joke but have you played 'Destroy All Humans' lately? The farmers, when scanned, "Man, whats an Elvis? Must be a new type of cow. Jersey, Fresian... Yup, the Elvis."

 

[Swedishguy]

I don't get the joke but have you played 'Destroy All Humans' lately? The farmers, when scanned, "Man, whats an Elvis? Must be a new type of cow. Jersey, Fresian... Yup, the Elvis."

Yup, it was taken from Destroy all Humans.

Elvis pie. That almost sounds like Elvis's pie. Get it?

 

[CivRulesAll]

a guy was shot nine times. he got up 8. why didnt he get up the last time?
he died

 

[flyingchicken]

Why do Christians never get thirsty?

Spoiler :

Because Jesus was the King of the Juice.

 

[Da_V_Man]

A man walked into a bar. Ouch!

Did you hear that joke about the deaf man? He sure didn't!

Why did the monkey fall outta the tree?
He was dead
Why did the second monkey fall outta the tree?
He was dead too
Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?
His foot was stapled to the second monkey's back
Why'd the fourth monkey fall outta the tree?
He lost his balence
Why'd the Fifth monkey fall outta the tree?
Peer pressure.

 

[Swedishguy]

What if "polyest" was a verb?

Spoiler :

polyest, polyester, polyestest

 

[ggganz]

What if "polyest" was a verb?

Spoiler :

polyest, polyester, polyestest

Um, adjective?

 

[Swedishguy]

Um, adjective?

Uh, yeah. Cough.

 

[Love]

A seal walked into a club. ouch

 

[salty mud]

3 men walk into a bar. You think one of them would of seen it.

 

[Veritass]

Two hippie chicks walk into a bar.
One says, "Hey, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other answers, "No, but I bet it hurts."

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Q. What's brown and sounds like a bell?

A. Dung!!

[Best delivered with a loud bell-like "Dung!!"]

I can hear Eric Idle saying that, but can't place it exactly.

 

[ArneHD]

Hickory Dickory Dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The other two escaped with minor injuries

Hickory Dickory Dock,
An elephant ran up the clock.
The clock is currently being repaired.

 

[Empiremaker]

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with four left legs?

Lean Beef

 

[nonconformist]

I can hear Eric Idle saying that, but can't place it exactly.

Yeah, it was a sketch where Graham Chapman and Carol Cleveland are getting romantic, and Eric Idle comes in out of nowhere, ruins the moment, and ends up inviting a disgusting man and his wife (John Cleese and Terry Jones), a man with a Goat (Michael Palin), a flamboyantt guy in only a speed and a mask, and a miner's chorus.

 

[GVBN]

This is the sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KTIdZZ5rAo

 

[Veritass]

Q. What's gray and comes in quarts?
A. An elephant.

 

[Swedishguy]

Why did the old woman find Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince disturbing? She thought it read "Harry Potter and the Half Black Chick". Hurhurhur.