Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.
If a man without children tells a dad joke, is that a faux pas?
I found that I've been happier since I switched from coffee in the morning to orange juice.
My doctor credits the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it's the Vodka.
This Saturday is Mexico's 'Day of the Dead'.
Today is 'Day of It's Only a Cough'.
Are police dogs allowed to give regular dogs 'the sniff' without probable cause?
Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.
Today, my daughter asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 16 years old and she still doesn't know my name is Ben.
Q: Why are there no jokes about Jonestown?
A: The punch lines are too long.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm invisible!
I'm sorry, I can't see you right now.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken.
Kid: Santa, what is the story of your reindeers' names?
Santa: Well, I named them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow.
Kid: What about Donner
Santa: The year was 1847. Heavy snow trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...
Kid : What about Blitzen?
Santa: The year was 1941. Heavy snow trapped us in Russia...
I just realized that Donald J. Trump is the first Home Alone 2 actor to be impeached...
Donald J. Trump is also the first WWE Hall of Famer to be impeached...
Archeologists have just opened a previously unknown burial chamber in a pyramid, and found it full of chocolate coated hazelnuts...
It is believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.
We are just hours away from 2020... remember to raise your glasses at midnight!
Cashier: Would you like cash back?
Me: Yes! I mean who wouldn't... there's Ring of Fire, Folsom Prison Blues, not to mention his Christmas Album.
"Some people may be talking about New Year's diets, but I'm going to eat another cake!", I retorted.
What is the difference between an actor and a mutual fund?
A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money.
Punctuation is important. It is the difference between...
I'm giving up drinking for a couple of months, and
I'm giving up. Drinking for a couple of months.
You offer a sincere compliment on a great moustache and suddenly she's not your friend. - Marty Feldman
Separate names with a comma.