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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Ferocitus

    Ferocitus Deity

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    I groaned.
     
  2. PhroX

    PhroX Emperor

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    If a man without children tells a dad joke, is that a faux pas?
     
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  3. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I found that I've been happier since I switched from coffee in the morning to orange juice.
    My doctor credits the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it's the Vodka.
     
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  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    This Saturday is Mexico's 'Day of the Dead'.
    Today is 'Day of It's Only a Cough'.
     
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  5. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Are police dogs allowed to give regular dogs 'the sniff' without probable cause?
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.
     
    Timsup2nothin likes this.
  7. Ozbenno

    Ozbenno Fly Fly Away Moderator Hall of Fame Staff

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    Today, my daughter asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 16 years old and she still doesn't know my name is Ben.
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Q: Why are there no jokes about Jonestown?

    A: The punch lines are too long.
     
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  9. PhroX

    PhroX Emperor

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    Doctor, doctor, I think I'm invisible!
    I'm sorry, I can't see you right now.
     
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  10. Timsup2nothin

    Timsup2nothin Veteran of 1000 psycic wars

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    Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

    Spoiler :
    To prove he wasn't chicken.
     
  11. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Kid: Santa, what is the story of your reindeers' names?

    Santa: Well, I named them after memories, like Prancer frolicking through the snow.

    Kid: What about Donner

    Santa: The year was 1847. Heavy snow trapped us in the Sierra Nevada...
     
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  12. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    Kid : What about Blitzen?

    Santa: The year was 1941. Heavy snow trapped us in Russia...
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2019
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  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I just realized that Donald J. Trump is the first Home Alone 2 actor to be impeached...

    Donald J. Trump is also the first WWE Hall of Famer to be impeached...
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2019
  14. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Archeologists have just opened a previously unknown burial chamber in a pyramid, and found it full of chocolate coated hazelnuts...
    It is believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher.
     
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  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    We are just hours away from 2020... remember to raise your glasses at midnight!
     
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  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Cashier: Would you like cash back?

    Me: Yes! I mean who wouldn't... there's Ring of Fire, Folsom Prison Blues, not to mention his Christmas Album.
     
  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    "Some people may be talking about New Year's diets, but I'm going to eat another cake!", I retorted.
     
  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    What is the difference between an actor and a mutual fund?

    Spoiler :
    A mutual fund will eventually mature and make money.
     
  19. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Punctuation is important. It is the difference between...

    I'm giving up drinking for a couple of months, and

    I'm giving up. Drinking for a couple of months.
     
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  20. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    You offer a sincere compliment on a great moustache and suddenly she's not your friend. - Marty Feldman
     
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