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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Besides training most of the major Greek heroes, Charon was also a doctor... which would make him the Centaur for Disease Control.
     
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  2. old_andy

    old_andy Chieftain

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    My anesthesiologist asked if I wanted to be put under with gas, or a boat paddle.

    It was a classic ether / oar decision.
     
  3. old_andy

    old_andy Chieftain

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    Apparently: "What made you fall from heaven sweetheart" is an inappropriate pick up line to use on Satan.
     
  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    The Wrong Answer:

    She: Describe our relationship in two words.
    He: Our what?
     
  5. caketastydelish

    caketastydelish By any means necessary

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    Why is Australia the most politically corrupt country?

    Spoiler :
    Because they have Kangaroo courts.
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I wonder what would happen if someone in Argentina said, "Alexa, take down the power grid".
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2019
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  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Before appearing in Episode IV - A New Hope, Mark Hamill hadn't seen a single Star Wars movie...
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I hate it when people can't let go of the past... especially debt collectors.
     
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  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Bad puns... that's how eye roll.
     
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  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    There is no sound quite as beautiful as a baby laughing...
    unless its 3 a.m....
    and you're alone...
    and you don't have a baby.
     
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  11. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    In the Bookstore

    Me: Do you have any books on turtles?

    Clerk: Hard cover?

    Me: Yes, and with small heads.
     
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  12. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I was planning a trip to Australia, and was asked by the travel agent if I had a criminal record.
    I replied, "I didn't know you still require one."
     
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  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Q: Why don't the Republicans impeach Trump?
    A: Because they insist upon carrying a baby to full term.
     
  14. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    Q : How do you stop a charging elephant?

    A: Take away his USB cable.
     
  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I was at a wedding yesterday. During a toast, the bride's brother said, "All married people: Please stand beside the person whose made your life worth living." …

    The poor bartender was almost crushed to death.
     
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  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    As my Granddad always said, "If one door closes, another door opens."
    Lovely man; awful cabinet maker.
     
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  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend... I'm positive she was seeing someone on the side.
     
  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Where do I see myself in one year?
    I really don't know... I don't have 2020 vision.
     
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  19. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Moderator

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    Back in distant years, people had to choose between chicken and sausage for their meat dish. It was the breast of times; it was the wurst of times.
     
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  20. Ozbenno

    Ozbenno Fly Fly Away Moderator Hall of Fame Staff

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    I'm trying to breed a dog that gets sad when it eats cantaloupe. I'll call it a melon collie.
     
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