The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

Besides training most of the major Greek heroes, Charon was also a doctor... which would make him the Centaur for Disease Control.

 

[old_andy]

My anesthesiologist asked if I wanted to be put under with gas, or a boat paddle.

It was a classic ether / oar decision.

 

[old_andy]

Apparently: "What made you fall from heaven sweetheart" is an inappropriate pick up line to use on Satan.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The Wrong Answer:

She: Describe our relationship in two words.
He: Our what?

 

[caketastydelish]

Why is Australia the most politically corrupt country?

Spoiler :

Because they have Kangaroo courts.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I wonder what would happen if someone in Argentina said, "Alexa, take down the power grid".

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Before appearing in Episode IV - A New Hope, Mark Hamill hadn't seen a single Star Wars movie...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I hate it when people can't let go of the past... especially debt collectors.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Bad puns... that's how eye roll.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

There is no sound quite as beautiful as a baby laughing...
unless its 3 a.m....
and you're alone...
and you don't have a baby.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

In the Bookstore

Me: Do you have any books on turtles?

Clerk: Hard cover?

Me: Yes, and with small heads.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was planning a trip to Australia, and was asked by the travel agent if I had a criminal record.
I replied, "I didn't know you still require one."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Q: Why don't the Republicans impeach Trump?
A: Because they insist upon carrying a baby to full term.

 

[Serutan]

Q : How do you stop a charging elephant?

A: Take away his USB cable.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was at a wedding yesterday. During a toast, the bride's brother said, "All married people: Please stand beside the person whose made your life worth living." …

The poor bartender was almost crushed to death.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

As my Granddad always said, "If one door closes, another door opens."
Lovely man; awful cabinet maker.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend... I'm positive she was seeing someone on the side.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Where do I see myself in one year?
I really don't know... I don't have 2020 vision.

 

[Arakhor]

Back in distant years, people had to choose between chicken and sausage for their meat dish. It was the breast of times; it was the wurst of times.

 

[Ozbenno]

I'm trying to breed a dog that gets sad when it eats cantaloupe. I'll call it a melon collie.