The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I tried a tropical fruit diet... it's enough to make a mango crazy!

 

[Gori the Grey]

Do you know this thread, Uncle Sparky:

https://forums.civfanatics.com/threads/1001-bad-or-good-jokes-about-civ.516644/

You might like it. I posted in it a ton.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

If you play Justin Bieber songs backwards, you hear Satanic messages. Even worse, if you play them forward, you hear Justin Bieber.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

To all the people who talked about me behind my back, you discussed me.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was going to post a time travel joke, but no one here got it.

 

[Kyriakos]

Well, there is a rather terribly bad greek joke, which sort of retains its relative intelligibility in english, so here goes:

"First there was pode
then came pode-pode
then came pode-pode-pode
then came pode-pode-pode-pode
then came pode-pode-pode-pode-pode
then came pode-pode-pode-pode-pode-pode
then came pode-pode-pode-pode-pode-pode-pode
and in the end also octapode came, and they all left."

 

[Kyriakos]

Philosoraptor rocks:

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Sally Hawkins sleeps with the fishes.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I told the interviewer, "I find it inspiring to work with people more talented than me."
He replied, "So, you're willing to work with anyone, eh?"

 

[Timsup2nothin]

I had a good alzheimer's joke that I meant to post, but I've forgotten it.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

People are missing the spirit of the Ides of March. It's not just about stabbing... it's about coming together to stab in groups.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day.
Give a man a pen, and he'll probably draw boobies.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

A group of crows is known as a murder if there is probable caws.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Metamoophosis by Franz Calfcow is udder nonsense.

 

[Kyriakos]

 

[Arakhor]

Did you hear about the haruspex who used to read his own entrails for divine guidance? It took an awful lot of guts.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I ate a clock today... it was time consuming.

 

[Arakhor]

A farmer lived in ancient Rome. He was working in the fields one day when he came across a giant strawberry, about one foot wide and 18 inches high. He thought this would be a novelty that many would want to see, so he took it home, washed it off and set it up on a plinth as a display. He advertised the giant strawberry far and wide and people came from all over the empire to see the exhibit. He charged admission and made a pile of money.

However, he failed to report his earnings to the tax authorities, so two burly chaps with distinctive accents were sent to his farm to confiscate the exhibit. When they arrived at his door, he said, "I suppose you have come all this way to admire my exhibit as well?"

"No," they said. "We've come to seize yer berry, not to praise it."

 

[shadowplay]

I found a rolled up sock in the leg of one of my pants. I put it back in my underpants where it belongs.