The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Broken_Erika]

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

 

[Ozbenno]

Why did the elephant cross the road?

Because it was chained to the chicken.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

It was chicken.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes... they performed unspeakable acts on me.

 

[Perfection]

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What do you call a magical dog?

Spoiler :

A labracadabrador.

 

[PhroX]

There once was a man from Peru
Whose limericks always end on line two

 

[Ozbenno]

Did you hear about the Italian chef?

He pasta way

 

[Arakhor]

He was feeling cannelloni!

 

[Ozbenno]

He's now just a pizza history.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

He was kind of pesce...

 

[GoodSarmatian]

His suicide note said "I chianti take it anymore".

 

[PhroX]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

 

[PhroX]

I was going to tell a joke about time travel, but none of you guys liked it.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I've been trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek league, but good players are hard to find...

 

[GoodSarmatian]

Did you hear about the guy who smuggled drugs into Saudi Arabia ?
He was stoned.

 

[PhroX]

It's that time again: Dave's Joke of the Fringe 2018
The winner, by Adam Rowe:

"Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job - knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day."

Others:

• "I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring" - Leo Kearse
• "I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed" - Olaf Falafel
• "In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me" - Daniel Audritt
• "What do colour blind people do when they are told to eat their greens?" - Flo and Joan
• "I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts" - Darren Walsh
• "Trump said he'd build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick. He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project" - Justin Moorhouse
• "I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it" - Adele Cliff
• "Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off?" - Alex Edelman
• "I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it's like this all the time" - Laura Lexx

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I'm great at Spelling Bees... its the other words I have trubble with.

 

[Arakhor]

I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate bunny the other day, so I asked him what his favourite Christian festival was. He said, "You have to love Easter, baby."