The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Uncle Sparky]

My joke about rice cakes was removed for being completely tasteless.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What is the difference between a Trump Republican and a Ukrainian?

Spoiler :

A Ukrainian defends their capital.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My wife just opened the car door for me...

This would have been a nice gesture had she not been driving 100 kph.

 

[Kyriakos]

Could go into videos, but it is lame-cool imo:

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I tried to 'walk like an Egyptian'...
Now I need a Cairo practor.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I know one, but he's a bit of an old Giza.

 

[Miniskirt]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
A hippo is extremely large.
A zippo is a little lighter.

 

[Kyriakos]

 

[Miniskirt]

x - y = y - x

same difference

 

[Miniskirt]

(A- or B+) / 7

seventh grade

 

[Gori the Grey]

I used a hair dryer to completely dry up a little rivulet flowing through my back yard.

Maybe you think that's a little ex-stream.

 

[Miniskirt]

3.BB

three point shot

 

[Uncle Sparky]

You can't just throw money at a problem and expect it to go away.
Unless I am the problem.
Then please go ahead.

 

[Miniskirt]

A notable difference between men and women is that when a woman asks you to smell something it likely smells nice.

 

[Arakhor]

I used to be addicted to Phil Collins, but take a look at me now!

That said, do you think that Phil Collins is his real name or a pseu-pseu-pseudonym?

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium.

Me: 0mg!

 

[Gori the Grey]

Wouldn't you know it! That darned sock developed another hole!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I was fired from my job making calenders...

They told me I took too many days off.

 

[dariusII]

Last night, instead of buying carrots for my rabbit, I stayed out all night drinking and dancing. Boy, I really let my hare down.

 

[soundjata]

Napoleon enters a bar, throws his hand out of his jacket and into the air proclaiming: "I vanquished!"

The barman answers (in a barman tone): "I'm sorry sir we just have 19 chairs."

Spoiler :

It works better in French. If I translate:
"J'ai vaincu" is heard exactly like "J'ai vingt culs" or "I have 20 asses"