The many questions-not-worth-their-own-thread question thread XXI

[sophie]

What is it about optimism, positive self esteem and confidence that attracts other people?

People like people that appear to know who they are and where they are going.

This is especially true in the dating scene. How can you expect a girl to like you if you don't even like yourself? Really CG you just need to get some goddamn confidence. Beating up on yourself like this isn't going to solve any of your problems. You need to redirect your negative energy towards something productive. Rather than focusing on the negative in your life, focus on little things you can do to fix those negatives. A good start would be taking some of the advice RLF, me, and syn just gave you and seriously take 2 weeks to knuckle down and try applying those things listed to your jobsearch. If you really work at it and do the sorts of things we told you to do I am nearly certain you will find a job by the end of December.

"It's time for you to look inward and start asking yourself the big question: who are you and what do YOU want?"

 

[Borachio]

If somebody said something like that to you, Owen, do you suppose that would make you feel more confident?

What is it about optimism, positive self esteem and confidence that attracts other people?

I'm not sure this is the right sort of question. What is it about you that makes you think you are pessimistic, lack self-esteem and self-confidence?

 

[sophie]

If somebody said something like that to you, Owen, do you suppose that would make you feel more confident?

If somebody said that to me, and I was really in a low place, yes. Moping never solved anybody's problems, and he's been like this for years. It's irritating when people take time out of their day to give him really good advice (that he asked for) and he just ignores it and goes back to moping.

 

[Borachio]

Well, you have a point.

 

[Quackers]

In lieu of Owen's response it depends. Some people who are, really, really down. Suicidally will not respond well. People who are unhappy over something or are simply upset may respond to it. Also it relates to your current state of mind at the very minute you hear it - like i've heard some bad news and then a minute later somebody says something like "oh sorry Quackers remember that thing i said i was gunna do for you? yeah i forgot" - which makes you snap, when in a good mood you wouldn't

Also, Owen has very good advice.

 

[Farm Boy]

People like people that appear to know who they are and where they are going.

This is especially true in the dating scene. How can you expect a girl to like you if you don't even like yourself? Really CG you just need to get some goddamn confidence. Beating up on yourself like this isn't going to solve any of your problems. You need to redirect your negative energy towards something productive. Rather than focusing on the negative in your life, focus on little things you can do to fix those negatives. A good start would be taking some of the advice RLF, me, and syn just gave you and seriously take 2 weeks to knuckle down and try applying those things listed to your jobsearch. If you really work at it and do the sorts of things we told you to do I am nearly certain you will find a job by the end of December.

As a counterpoint to the "pull your ass up by the bootstraps" schtick - if you are the sort of person that gets totally immersed into a movie or a book, like I am, I recommend using the "mental filter remover" of your choice in a responsible dose and watching Bedazzled or instead watching Fight Club sober.

It's asinine, but it's true that self confidence gets you a really long way on its own. You can usually get a lot farther with a little competence and a lot of confidence than you can with a lot of competence and little confidence. Confidence also feeds itself with success, so it's cyclical. Hard to get started but easier once it's rolling. Of course, it can get to meglomania.

 

[Borachio]

How about self-hypnosis for self-confidence? Seems like a good way to break out of the cycle of "I can't do anything therefore I'm no good so I don't do anything."

Possibly. But of course I can't be sure about anything, can I? Useless individual that I am.

 

[_random_]

So I'm working on this college app, and it has two different sections that seem pretty redundant with headers that imply each is optional.
Here's one, labeled "Co-Curricular Activities":

Additional Information (Not Required): You are encouraged to submit a resume of activities or complete the following to share with the admission committee your list of activities and leadership roles. These may be activities you are involved with in school or your community and may include part-time job experience as well. This information may be used for further scholarship consideration.

And below it is a way to list all your extra-curriculars and what not, give your time of participation and briefly describe them.
Then there's another section for a resume, headered thusly:

We encourage you to submit a resume of your co-curricular activities here by either uploading your resume or by cutting and pasting it into the box below.

Then they just give you space to upload a document or copy+paste some text.

So, the question is, should I do both or only one? And is one preferable to the other? And if I do a resume, how should I format it?

 

[madviking]

It can't kill you to do both.

 

[Synobun]

How about self-hypnosis for self-confidence? Seems like a good way to break out of the cycle of "I can't do anything therefore I'm no good so I don't do anything."

Hypnosis is essentially just lying to yourself. It might work, but not long term unless you're willing to base your very foundation upon an intricate set of lies that you've convinced yourself are real.

No, confidence and ethic needs to be learned, earned, and maintained. Any other way and it's simply superficial. A means to an end.

What is it about optimism, positive self esteem and confidence that attracts other people?

Personally, I want to be with a woman that thinks of herself as a reasonable human being rather than a woman that thinks she is of Satan's spawn.

How can you provide a safe, happy environment to your life partner and eventual family if you cannot even do that for yourself?

 

[Borachio]

Hypnosis is essentially just lying to yourself. It might work, but not long term unless you're willing to base your very foundation upon an intricate set of lies that you've convinced yourself are real.

No, confidence and ethic needs to be learned, earned, and maintained. Any other way and it's simply superficial. A means to an end.

I don't agree.

There's some evidence to show that people who suffer from depression and low self-esteem are the realists of human society.

People with high self-esteem and confidence are essentially deluded.

I myself choose to be happy and self-confident. Unreasonably so. But I simply prefer it. And it seems to harm no one. Though I suppose I could take it to ridiculous lengths - but I have sufficient confidence in my own judgement to suppose that I don't.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

What is it about optimism, positive self esteem and confidence that attracts other people?

Are they what people find attractive anyway? Don't assume optimism because you see someone act optimally. Likewise why assume confidence when in truth someone has done something that they're scared of? I'm attracted (I don't mean sexually) to people who do the best and scariest things. I'll never truly know what they had to confront to take those actions, I just know they did them.

Take for example your employment aspirations. You know what course of action is optimal and you know what you find intimidating. Really, you've got the tools. Knowing this, optimism and confidence whilst helpful really only make it easier, they aren't absolutely necessary to getting the job done. Lacking confidence and optimism, well you've just gotta do it the hard way man, and that's why I'm definitely cheering you on.

 

[ace99]

Does anyone else have the irrational fear that one day when they flush the toilet the toilet is going to say "No, I've had enough of eating your crap" and explode all over you?

 

[Borachio]

That's very strange you should ask that of me. But, no.

Which is not to say I've never had equally bizarre thoughts.

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

Does anyone else have the irrational fear that one day when they flush the toilet the toilet is going to say "No, I've had enough of eating your crap" and explode all over you?

Despite lacking evidence either way I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict no, no one does.

 

[Quackers]

Does anyone else have the irrational fear that one day when they flush the toilet the toilet is going to say "No, I've had enough of eating your crap" and explode all over you?

everytime from now on

 

[rugbyLEAGUEfan]

everytime from now on

Screw you both, now I'm off to the garden for my morning ablutions.

 

[Synobun]

I don't agree.

There's some evidence to show that people who suffer from depression and low self-esteem are the realists of human society.

People with high self-esteem and confidence are essentially deluded.

That depends on your definition of realism. There are many amazing things on this planet and there are many horrific things on this planet. The current norm is that the exposed are terrible, the hidden are great. What's your point?

You're not a realist for being a negative nancy and crapping on everyone's parade. You're just being a self-pitying douchebag. A realist determines the PROS and CONS of *any* situation. They weigh both sides and make a calculated response. They do not sit in the corner, mope, and cry (well, they could, but if they said it was because they were a realist, they're just making excuses for themselves).

 

[Borachio]

Nononono. You don't understand. This was a bit of serious research I heard about. They discovered that people who were graded as with high self-esteem high confidence ranked themselves more competent at tasks than they actually were. With the depressed ranking themselves correctly.

It was quite a well designed experiment.

 

[Synobun]

Nononono. You don't understand. This was a bit of serious research I heard about. They discovered that people who were graded as with high self-esteem high confidence ranked themselves more competent at tasks than they actually were. With the depressed ranking themselves correctly.

It was quite a well designed experiment.

For what it's worth, I'd rather have an employee tell me they did a good job rather than having a guy walk up to me with a frown, hand me a folder, and look at the ground as he says, "I guess I did okay..."

Confidence in your work may not instantly make it better, but it makes the presentation of your work better.