[RD] 'What will people say' trailer

[bhavv]

I want to share and discuss this upcoming film and the serious issues it covers for a lot of people of south Asian origin:

It personally reminded of a case with a family I knew as a child that ran a cornershop near to both my school and the main Hindu temple my parents used to take me to. I knew the parents well as they always served me and I used to visit regularly both after school and religious events.

Their 20 year old daughter was dating a white guy who was also on drugs. The parents therefore roofied her with Rohypnol and carried her off to the airport to try force her onto a plane for a forced marriage in Pakistan. They obviously ended up being caught and the parents were jailed (old article but it happened literally 10 minutes away from where I grew up):

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/8076504.Parents_jailed_for_kidnap_bid/

From discussions and reading plenty of other people's stories on ex Muslim communities, having heard from several people who similar things happened to, there having been many televised programmes covering, and one of my cousin's having been beaten up when she told her parents that the guy they picked for her to marry 'was not the right man for her', I do not view these incidences as isolated or part of any extremist sect, they are widespread and common among both Muslim and Hindu culture, and even continue on happening today.

My father had wanted to forcefully 'marry me off' to a girl when I was 16 and he read my text messages from a mobile chat room while going through my things, as well as having constantly threatened to kill me if I tried dating anyone well into my 20s, and previously having forcefully kept me locked at home and never allowed me to socialize outside of people of his choosing. This isn't a story at all unique to me either, it's the same stories with almost every ex Muslim / Hindus living in the west.

There are cases written almost everyday on one of the ex Muslim forums I'm currently using where girls are being forced to marry, wear the hijab / burqa / niqab and similar things, one single example I can provide as no doubt people will keep asking for proof if I don't:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/8uq1k0/comment/e1iif31

Yet when people in such situations make any attempt to voice their discontent with their religious upbringings, they are typically silenced and accused of being racists, religion-phobes, spreading hate speech and such things. No one outside of the ex religious groups seem to want to hear, believe or understand these issues, and will use their usual 'but not everybody does that' excuse to dismiss any such complaints. 'Multiculturalism' and typically SJW type beliefs lean in favour of defending the religions and cultures, while refusing to acknowledge the real scale at which these incidences occur.

Furthermore, the people who are victims in these situations are living in constant terror. They are too afraid to call the police or get any help in case of being beaten more or even killed by their parents, along with being conditioned all their lives to think that no one will help them because parents are always right and can do whatever they want towards their kids. This leads to most of these cases never actually being reported, and as a whole next to nothing being done to help people living in these situations, or even acknowledging that such situations exist.

 

[Zkribbler]

Watch The Jazz Singer. It's the first talking motion picture and deals with this situation in the Jewish religion. See also, My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I want to share and discuss this upcoming film and the serious issues it covers for a lot of people of south Asian origin:

It personally reminded of a case with a family I knew as a child that ran a cornershop near to both my school and the main Hindu temple my parents used to take me to. I knew the parents well as they always served me and I used to visit regularly both after school and religious events.

Their 20 year old daughter was dating a white guy who was also on drugs. The parents therefore roofied her with Rohypnol and carried her off to the airport to try force her onto a plane for a forced marriage in Pakistan. They obviously ended up being caught and the parents were jailed (old article but it happened literally 10 minutes away from where I grew up):

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/8076504.Parents_jailed_for_kidnap_bid/

From discussions and reading plenty of other people's stories on ex Muslim communities, having heard from several people who similar things happened to, there having been many televised programmes covering, and one of cousin's having been beaten up when she told her parents that the guy they picked for her to marry 'was not the right man for her', I do not view these incidences as isolated or part of any extremist sect, they are widespread and common among both Muslim and Hindu culture, and even continue on happening today.

My father had wanted to forcefully 'marry me off' to a girl when I was 16 and he read my text messages from a mobile chat room while going through my things, as well as having constantly threatened to kill me if I tried dating anyone well into my 20s, and previously having forcefully kept me locked at home and never allowed me to socialize outside of people of his choosing. This isn't a story at all unique to me either, it's the same stories with almost every ex Muslim / Hindus living in the west.

There are cases written almost everyday on one of the ex Muslim forums I'm currently using where girls are being forced to marry, wear the hijab / burqa / niqab and similar things, one single example I can provide as no doubt people will keep asking for proof if I don't:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/8uq1k0/comment/e1iif31

Yet when people in such situations make any attempt to voice their discontent with their religious upbringings, they are typically silenced and accused of being racists, religion-phobes, spreading hate speech and such things. No one outside of the ex religious groups seem to want to hear, believe or understand these issues, and will use their usual 'but not everybody does that' excuse to dismiss any such complaints. 'Multiculturalism' and typically SJW type beliefs lean in favour of defending the religions and cultures, while refusing to acknowledge the real scale at which these incidences occur.

Furthermore, the people who are victims in these situations are living in constant terror. They are too afraid to call the police or get any help in case of being beaten more or even killed by their parents, along with being conditioned all their lives to think that no one will help them because parents are always right and can do whatever they want towards their kids. This leads to most of these cases never actually being reported, and as a whole next to nothing being done to help people living in these situations, or even acknowledging that such situations exist.

Anyone who doesn't believe these things happen is either a hermit with no contact with the outside world, or willfully ignorant.

There have been some horrific cases in Canada, where young women (some just teenagers) have been taken "back home" with the intent of forcing them to marry. As for the ones who end up dead... the term "honor killing" needs to go away and be replaced with "murder."

Anyone in Canada who is trapped in this situation should do whatever they can to report it to the RCMP. Yes, Canada has multiculturalism as an official policy. But that doesn't include allowing forced marriages, kidnappings, or murders.

 

[bhavv]

Anyone who doesn't believe these things happen is either a hermit with no contact with the outside world, or willfully ignorant.

There have been some horrific cases in Canada, where young women (some just teenagers) have been taken "back home" with the intent of forcing them to marry. As for the ones who end up dead... the term "honor killing" needs to go away and be replaced with "murder."

Anyone in Canada who is trapped in this situation should do whatever they can to report it to the RCMP. Yes, Canada has multiculturalism as an official policy. But that doesn't include allowing forced marriages, kidnappings, or murders.

On that note, several times over the last 5-10 years, I've reported both my issues, and that my dad beats and abuses my mum daily and literally keeps her as a slave to the police. They refuse to do anything because I have no evidence, and it's their word against mine.

When mentioning these things in the past online, I've been told several times 'thats your mum's choice. She's there / doing that because she wants to'. Meanwhile while I was a child I had to put with my mum having several mental breakdowns and screaming that she wanted a divorce / wanted to kill herself / nobody loves her etc etc. She is unwilling for whatever reason to seek help for herself.

More recently I reported her mental health issues to the NHS. Again, they can't and won't do anything unless she goes to see them herself which she never has or will.

Also when police have been involved before, my mum will literally hide in her room because she's terrified of speaking to them. My dad will say everything for her, including 'shes sick, she's got this and that and she cannot communicate well'. They'll believe him because 'he sounds fine / well spoken' and leave my mum alone and not bother talking to her at all, and she actually wouldn't anyway out of fear of how my dad might react to her afterwards.

I also sent the police an online message and said that they need to find a way to separate my parents in a way that they can talk to my mum privately without my dad finding out. They didn't even respond and won't do a thing about it unless she calls them herself.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

On that note, several times over the last 5-10 years, I've reported both my issues, and that my dad beats and abuses my mum daily and literally keeps her as a slave to the police. They refuse to do anything because I have no evidence, and it's their word against mine.

When mentioning these things in the past online, I've been told several times 'thats your mum's choice. She's there / doing that because she wants to'. Meanwhile while I was a child I had to put with my mum having several mental breakdowns and screaming that she wanted a divorce / wanted to kill herself / nobody loves her etc etc. She is unwilling for whatever reason to seek help for herself.

More recently I reported her mental health issues to the NHS. Again, they can't and won't do anything unless she goes to see them herself which she never has or will.

Also when police have been involved before, my mum will literally hide in her room because she's terrified of speaking to them. My dad will say everything for her, including 'shes sick, she's got this and that and she cannot communicate well'. They'll believe him because 'he sounds fine / well spoken' and leave my mum alone and not bother talking to her at all, and she actually wouldn't anyway out of fear of how my dad might react to her afterwards.

I also sent the police an online message and said that they need to find a way to separate my parents in a way that they can talk to my mum privately without my dad finding out. They didn't even respond and won't do a thing about it unless she calls them herself.

Ask them if she has to die by suicide or murder before they'll get off their backsides and do something.

Does she have any friends or acquaintances outside the home? If so, is there a way that one of them could contact the police and ask them to do a wellness check (obviously when your dad's not home)?

If your mom did get out of there, would she have another place to go that's safe?

 

[bhavv]

Ask them if she has to die by suicide or murder before they'll get off their backsides and do something.

Does she have any friends or acquaintances outside the home? If so, is there a way that one of them could contact the police and ask them to do a wellness check (obviously when your dad's not home)?

If your mom did get out of there, would she have another place to go that's safe?

Ask them if she has to die by suicide or murder before they'll get off their backsides and do something.

Does she have any friends or acquaintances outside the home? If so, is there a way that one of them could contact the police and ask them to do a wellness check (obviously when your dad's not home)?

If your mom did get out of there, would she have another place to go that's safe?

No all her friends / relatives support the culture, and she herself simply believes 'this is my way of life / culture, this is what I have to do to be a good woman'.

My dad has kept her firmly under his grip including full financial control. She isn't allowed to work because my dad needs food on his plate everyday and his house cleaned. If his dinner isn't ready for him, he goes ballistic. This doesn't happen much anymore because his dinner is always ready for him.

He claims to other people that she doesn't work because of her health, which even if that was true he does nothing to help her get welfare or any kind of financial independence. Her entire life has been controlled by him, and at this point she would not be able to cope or manage without him.

Even my brother defends it. In fact he told me that the only reason he wanted to get married was so he could have someone to clean his windows and cook his dinner. Then they all got overly offended and mad over my choosing not to attend or support his arranged marriage, and I've never once said a word to and refuse to ever speak to my sister in law, or my brother ever again, and same for my parents after moving out soon.

- I just remembered that my brother would happily support my mum any time, but if he finds out that any possible rift or domestic issue arises due to my efforts to report it and get her help, that would likely result in me being honor killed by him, though that doesn't stop me trying at all.

I will be getting full restraining and non contact orders against them after moving out, and stepping up my efforts of reporting such incidences and possibly taking my dad to court, but I am incredibly limited in what I can do while still under my dad's roof.

I have a massive backlog of emails to social services and the police, coulcellors / psychiatrists I have spoken to about these things, and many posts on lots of forums all spanning over the last 10+ years to use as evidence, but ofc my family will want to deny everything.

However if they ever manage to get my mother alone without a single other family member / relative in the room to intimidate her, make her swear on her religion and simply ask her questions, she is highly likely to spill out everything.

Another thing is I've tried several times to confront my dad directly about these things. He will deny anything he has ever said or done to me and say 'If this happened so long ago, how can you even remember it?' - like because people don't have memories. Secondly if saying anything about my mum - 'How does that bother / concern you?' - essentially she is his property not mine so I'm not allowed to stand up for her.

An immediate trigger for him is asking why, or simply telling my mum to get a job (I only did this because she takes all her issues out on me including lambasting me for being on benefits, hence 'you don't even work / why don't you go get a job yourself then?'). But he's able to conceal all this in front of anyone else with his 'shes sick' excuse, which he knows won't work on me when he's always told me that she can't work because she's a woman and needs to stay at home to do all his chores.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I wish I could help. It sounds like an absolute nightmare.

About the closest thing that happened in my family was when my mom drove to Vernon (an all-day drive), picked up my great-aunt, and brought her here so she could have a visit with my grandmother.

The next day her son (my dad's cousin) showed up, ordered his mother into the car, and took her home again. Apparently she wasn't allowed to have a holiday without her husband's permission (oh, horrors, they would have had to cook their own meals for a few days!). But of course it's not like your situation, with arranged marriages, and the rest of it.

 

[Lexicus]

I want to share and discuss this upcoming film and the serious issues it covers for a lot of people of south Asian origin:

It personally reminded of a case with a family I knew as a child that ran a cornershop near to both my school and the main Hindu temple my parents used to take me to. I knew the parents well as they always served me and I used to visit regularly both after school and religious events.

Their 20 year old daughter was dating a white guy who was also on drugs. The parents therefore roofied her with Rohypnol and carried her off to the airport to try force her onto a plane for a forced marriage in Pakistan. They obviously ended up being caught and the parents were jailed (old article but it happened literally 10 minutes away from where I grew up):

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/8076504.Parents_jailed_for_kidnap_bid/

From discussions and reading plenty of other people's stories on ex Muslim communities, having heard from several people who similar things happened to, there having been many televised programmes covering, and one of my cousin's having been beaten up when she told her parents that the guy they picked for her to marry 'was not the right man for her', I do not view these incidences as isolated or part of any extremist sect, they are widespread and common among both Muslim and Hindu culture, and even continue on happening today.

My father had wanted to forcefully 'marry me off' to a girl when I was 16 and he read my text messages from a mobile chat room while going through my things, as well as having constantly threatened to kill me if I tried dating anyone well into my 20s, and previously having forcefully kept me locked at home and never allowed me to socialize outside of people of his choosing. This isn't a story at all unique to me either, it's the same stories with almost every ex Muslim / Hindus living in the west.

There are cases written almost everyday on one of the ex Muslim forums I'm currently using where girls are being forced to marry, wear the hijab / burqa / niqab and similar things, one single example I can provide as no doubt people will keep asking for proof if I don't:

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/8uq1k0/comment/e1iif31

Yet when people in such situations make any attempt to voice their discontent with their religious upbringings, they are typically silenced and accused of being racists, religion-phobes, spreading hate speech and such things. No one outside of the ex religious groups seem to want to hear, believe or understand these issues, and will use their usual 'but not everybody does that' excuse to dismiss any such complaints. 'Multiculturalism' and typically SJW type beliefs lean in favour of defending the religions and cultures, while refusing to acknowledge the real scale at which these incidences occur.

Furthermore, the people who are victims in these situations are living in constant terror. They are too afraid to call the police or get any help in case of being beaten more or even killed by their parents, along with being conditioned all their lives to think that no one will help them because parents are always right and can do whatever they want towards their kids. This leads to most of these cases never actually being reported, and as a whole next to nothing being done to help people living in these situations, or even acknowledging that such situations exist.

This is what Republicans want to do in the United States when they talk about "family values."