What's a better first question to open conversation with a new acquaintance?

[Valka D'Ur]

I've gone recently to a lot of speed dating, so I do have to start a lot of conversations.
My 2 go-to questions so far are:
- "Tell me everything about you." This is clearly a joke, since in the described situation we got max 5 minutes. Despite Gori's objection to the topic, most people then actually will start with their job
- "Tell me the most interesting thing about you", or "an interesting thing". This can work fine, but sometimes people then start to think and don't know what to answer , so sometimes I add "or something boring, if you like". (which then often also leads to the job...)

The problem with the second one is that what the person being asked finds most interesting about herself may be something you find utterly boring.

 

[The_J]

That itself is alright. If you're a semi-good conversationist, then your passion for whatever subject you find interesting will make the conversation interesting. I mean I had a friend talk interestingly for a half hour about weird samurai helmet pictures he found on google (that guy is amazing at talking).
And if the other person is bad at this, then you can always change topic .

 

[schlaufuchs]

Maybe for the reason I noted in post 15: it's something you're already comfortable with people knowing about you.

Or maybe because the standby question is so frequent that people get practiced at that as the first thing something will want to know about them.

Or maybe because lots of people do like their jobs, as schlaufuchs said, and those jobs do say something about who they are as a person.

I didn’t say lots. Please make sure the court stenographer records that I did not say lots.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Let the record show that schlaufuchs said only that some unspecified percentage of people "do like their jobs," and that it was Gori the Grey who, in speculating why many people at speed-dating event reference their jobs, added "lots."

The problem with the second one is that what the person being asked finds most interesting about herself may be something you find utterly boring.

Learning that early might be considered a plus, though, in a speed-dating situation.

 

[Synobun]

I've gone recently to a lot of speed dating, so I do have to start a lot of conversations.
My 2 go-to questions so far are:
- "Tell me everything about you."
- "Tell me the most interesting thing about you"

I would have absolutely nothing productive to say in response to either of these things.

 

[Deadly Dog]

This is a great question. One I had to really grapple with when I moved to a location where chronic unemployment was a thing and people were experiencing 2 or more boom /bust cycles a lifetime. Here, there is no such default break the -ice-question. In fact, it's kinda rude. Instead best just ask "whaddayat?" and you'll get an afternoon of conversation.

 

[Angst]

i met my friend's roommate for the first time recently. we were at her place taking care of the dog, making sure to walk it, and making sure that it pooped. but it didn't poop. which was important. so when her roommate entered the door i blurted out "he didn't make a poop".

i like to think most of my first interactions are similar. i don't usually think much when i'm social.

 

[Birdjaguar]

I've gone recently to a lot of speed dating, so I do have to start a lot of conversations.
My 2 go-to questions so far are:
- "Tell me everything about you." This is clearly a joke, since in the described situation we got max 5 minutes. Despite Gori's objection to the topic, most people then actually will start with their job
- "Tell me the most interesting thing about you", or "an interesting thing". This can work fine, but sometimes people then start to think and don't know what to answer , so sometimes I add "or something boring, if you like". (which then often also leads to the job...)

I am not in the dating market, and certainly far from any speed dating situations, but I think I would use questions like:

• Tell me three things you do for fun when you are getting to know a person?
• What did you do for fun on a recent weekend?
• Where did you go what did you do on your last prolonged vacation?
• Is there a place you'd like to go or a thing you'd like to do that is within a day trip from here?

 

[Gori the Grey]

• Ya come here often?

 

[EvaDK]

The best conversation opener I know of, is to get the other person talking about something they would like to share with you, but are perhaps a bit hesitant to open up about. You can choose to reveal something about yourself, a doubt or insecurity, to make it easier for them to likewise open up.

Once you have established interest/connection/trust, the rest is - usually - fairly straight forward.

 

[Angst]

• Ya come here often?

i usually ask this a lot. but only when they're hosting.

 

[Samez]

Birdjaguar and EvaDK have some good suggestions.
I would probably ask something along:
Do you have a favourit place?
There are so many ways to answer the question and you will always learn something about the other person.

 

[Synobun]

[approaches Syn]
So [clears throat], what do you think of the 3BodyProblem books? ^^

They aren't great. The extreme technical focus on human logic gates is probably as effective as horse tranquilizers.

 

[Kyriakos]

They aren't great. The extreme technical focus on human logic gates is probably as effective as horse tranquilizers.

It has worse issues, actually the logic gates were cool imo ^^
Wait, where are you going?!

 

[AmazonQueen]

Wrong thread

 

[Hygro]

100% situational small talk

 

[Hygro]

E.g “How are you?”

 

[Angst]

E.g “How are you?”

oh god no, this ruins non-english speakers at least. for me, it's the devil

 

[Synobun]

oh god no, this ruins non-english speakers at least. for me, it's the devil

Hur mår du?

 

[Hygro]

oh god no, this ruins non-english speakers at least. for me, it's the devil

Well that makes it even better!