Will you cohabitate me? Marriage vs cohabitation

[Gustave5436]

Cohabitation, statistically speaking, is more egalitarian than marriage. The only reason (from a feminist standpoint, at least) to get married is legal; e.g. getting the state to recognize a family for the purposes of immigration.

 

[LucyDuke]

This has been discussed before. And as in that previous discussion I will bring up that its been proven that couples that cohabitate prior to marriage have a increased chance of getting a divorce.

We've also discussed that that doesn't say anything about cohabitation influencing the rate of divorce, it just says that the folks that tend to cohabit and then marry are the same folks that tend to get divorced.

Children, on the other hand, are the ties that bind. Once they enter the mix, you're NEVER going to get away from your partner. Ever. Whether you're married or not.

There's always murder.

 

[Leifmk]

We've also discussed that that doesn't say anything about cohabitation influencing the rate of divorce, it just says that the folks that tend to cohabit and then marry are the same folks that tend to get divorced.

At least around here, the only types of people who are at all likely to get married without having lived together first are members of various minority religions (or minority sects within the majority religion, I suppose). Even among deeply religious mainstream Christians with long-standing family traditions of being deeply religious (the kind of people who typically don't serve alcohol at their weddings as it would offend all of their aunts and half of their uncles) cohabiting for a while first is, by far, the norm. Demonstrating that members of such minority religions are also less likely to get divorced even with a deeply dysfunctional marriage is left as an exercise for the reader.

 

[LucyDuke]

That's mostly the case here too. The point's just that there is no implication that cohabitation causes divorce. I'm tired of seeing that wrong argument.

 

[[to_xp]Gekko]

I don't want The Law to get involved in my intimate relationships, thank you very much.

 

[classical_hero]

I like how people are saying the reason they want a co habitation is that so they can have an easy opt out. Why even bother with a relationship if you are thinking ways of getting out, since a relationship is hard word, so it is best to make the relationship worthwhile. I am most definitely going to get married before living together.

 

[GenMarshall]

The end result for me has to end in marriage.

 

[Grisu]

As for me, I'd definitely want to cohabitate for a long time before marriage. I probably wouldn't ask for marriage unless I intended to have children with that person.

that's what we did: We lived together for 5 years before getting married when we decided to have kids...still looking fine

I suspect the people involved in a given relationship have far more to do with it's success/failure than any legal structure.

Well said

 

[JohnRM]

Since this is spawning/being birthed in another thread, I'm making a new thread.

Discuss the relative merits of marriage and cohabitation. Do you instinctively think newly weds have a closer relationship than a couple who has cohabitated, let's say, 1 year? How long does it take for cohabitation to be considered a strong relationship? Would you be interested in cohabitating before marriage? If you would rather cohabitate for a long time, what would push you to get married (i.e. if you think you don't need to get married to have a good relationship, why would you marry?)?

As for me, I'd definitely want to cohabitate for a long time before marriage. I probably wouldn't ask for marriage unless I intended to have children with that person.

I will NEVER marry someone before I live with them. You learn a lot about a person that one can only learn through living with that individual. In a lot of cases, it will save you from marrying someone you otherwise would have had you not ever lived with them.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

I like how people are saying the reason they want a co habitation is that so they can have an easy opt out.

Which People?

Why even bother with a relationship if you are thinking ways of getting out, since a relationship is hard work, so it is best to make the relationship worthwhile.

Indeed.

I am most definitely going to get married before living together.

Why?


My situation: Living together (cohabitation). The only reason for me to get married would be because the girlfriend likes the idea. But since it's pretty expensive we're waiting for more financial stable times.

For other people, I really don't care how you are most comfortable in your relationship. I do not see one being superior to the other.

 

[Mise]

"Cohabitation" is an awfully sterile word for "living with the person you love."

Not only that, but it's vague and inaccurate beyond belief. Do married people not also cohabit? Right now, I'm cohabiting with a boy and a girl, neither of whom I am in a relationship with.

 

[Grisu]

"Cohabitation" is an awfully sterile word for "living with the person you love."

Not only that, but it's vague and inaccurate beyond belief. Do married people not also cohabit? Right now, I'm cohabiting with a boy and a girl, neither of whom I am in a relationship with.

absolutely...in Switzerland we use the term 'Konkubinat' for a marriage-like cohabitation...that term isn't much better :/

 

[Leifmk]

The Scandinavian "sambo/samboer" is much cuter, though. (Literal translation: together-liver.)

 

[Cheetah]

I cohabited with 3 of my friends during college. Was great, we got a bigger house and better standard than if we had found some small student-cave each on his own.

And since we knew each other since kindergarten basically, there wasn't to many surprises in how people acted. There were a few of course, but that was taken care of with some hefty, rational discussions of the facts, in addition to mocking, insults and death-threats.

The most important thing about a girlfriend, wife, mate or anyone I'm going to live with is that they are able to hold a rational, fact-based discussion when disagreements occur.

 

[Arwon]

This has been discussed before. And as in that previous discussion I will bring up that its been proven that couples that cohabitate prior to marriage have a increased chance of getting a divorce.

That's not causation.

 

[Lord Baal]

I suspect the people involved in a given relationship have far more to do with it's success/failure than any legal structure.

Well said.

This has been discussed before. And as in that previous discussion I will bring up that its been proven that couples that cohabitate prior to marriage have a increased chance of getting a divorce.

Have an increased instance of divorce does not imply an increased chance of divorce. This just means that more people who cohabit first get divorced, probably due to the "oh, we've been together so long, let's get hitched" scenario. It doesn't mean that cohabiting first increases your chance of getting divorced later.

Unless you are planning to have kids or you are extremely religious, I think it's rather pointless to get married these days. It just makes things a lot messier if you do end up breaking up.

My girlfriend and I are getting married for purely fiscal reasons. Her great-grandmother is leaving her money, but is a devout Buddhist, and wouldn't give it to us if we weren't married. Though I might have been inclined to pop the question to her at some point anyhow, just to avoid the confusion that our children might have over her having a different last name. As it is, we'll be married before our bun-in-the-oven is six months old, so that won't be a problem.

Cohabitation, statistically speaking, is more egalitarian than marriage. The only reason (from a feminist standpoint, at least) to get married is legal; e.g. getting the state to recognize a family for the purposes of immigration.

Yeah, that's another reason we'd considered, even before the financial motivation kicked in.

I like how people are saying the reason they want a co habitation is that so they can have an easy opt out.

Looking through the thread, I haven't seen anyone say that. I'm cohabiting right now, and believe me, getting out wouldn't be easy. Half the stuff here is ours, rather than mine or hers, and she's carrying my child.

Why even bother with a relationship if you are thinking ways of getting out, since a relationship is hard word, so it is best to make the relationship worthwhile.

Agreed totally.

There's always murder.

I was going to say "an unfortunate accident."

Right now, I'm cohabiting with a boy and a girl, neither of whom I am in a relationship with.

That's just begging to be used out of context.

The most important thing about a girlfriend, wife, mate or anyone I'm going to live with is that they are able to hold a rational, fact-based discussion when disagreements occur.

You know, up until last week I'd had several years of that with my girlfriend, even before she moved in with me. Now that she's pregnant, she has completely lost the ability to think rationally. Just Sunday night she informed me that she was splitting up with me because I make fun of her taste in movies (obviously she didn't). I'm sorry, but any movie with Britney Spears as the lead is by definition a product of Satan, and I say that as a proud agnostic.

 

[Ziggy Stardust]

I like how people are saying the reason they want a co habitation is that so they can have an easy opt out.

Looking through the thread, I haven't seen anyone say that.

Me neither. So if you please Classical Hero, would you be so kind to elaborate on your statement?

 

[Quackers]

Only matters if couple has children.

 

[Leifmk]

Legally, here the status of the relationship mainly matters if there are children involved, or if one partner dies. Inheritance rights, see. Whether the partners were married or not turns out to be particularly important if one of them dies and the other has other legal heirs (such as children from a previous relationship, or siblings, or whatever).

Possible horror scenario for the unprepared and unmarried: Your partner dies after many years of living together in a house you owned together. Your partner has siblings. There was no testament. Suddenly, your partner's siblings stand to inherit his or her half of the house, immediately. If they care little enough for you, you may be forced to move. (If you'd been married, you would have the right to live there for the rest of your life even if you didn't have the means to buy out the other heirs).

Laws on this sort of thing will, of course, vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

 

[Yeekim]

Is it just me, or does the first line of heading sound like something you could tell to a tapeworm and a liver fluke?