18 Civs; the Aztec Version

Part IX​
1921AD​
The reinforcements make their landing
MONTEZUMA: Ha! A timely arrival!
VERZUMA: Hmm. Cyrus ain’t gonna like that.
MONTEZUMA: You bet. He’s just a loser all round, to be honest.
AXA: Although look who’s talking.
POPOL: On a technological note, we now have computers, so you can finally play Civ!
MONTEZUMA: WOOHOO! Now I can conquer the virtual world in addition to the real world!
 
1923AD​
Montezuma meets Tokugawa
TOKUGAWA: The once proud nation of Japan sees that it cannot destroy the Mongols without help.
MONTEZUMA: I like that, “once proud”.
TOKUGAWA: Come and join us in our purge of the illiterate weaklings.
MONTEZUMA: What, attack Japan?
TOKUGAWA: Yeah – I mean, don’t play games with me, Montezuma.
MONTEZUMA: OK, I’ll war with you instead.

(Tokugawa exits)

VERZUMA: We have taken back Kumbi Saleh AGAIN. Although it looks like we might actually hold it this time.
MONTEZUMA: If you don’t, there’s gonna be trouble. Just thought I’d mention it.
 
1925AD​
The Aztecs commence the space race
POPOL: At last, the Apollo Program is complete sire! And there is good news! The Aztec scientists have concluded that it will be possible to send men up into space.
AXA: Looks like your dreams will finally be realised.
MONTEZUMA: What, I finally get to crack Qin’s head open like the nut he is?
AXA: No, not that dream. That other dream.
MONTEZUMA: The one about having ménage-a-trois with identical twins?
AXA: What? OK, keep your dreams to yourself. I meant the one about going into space!
POPOL: Unfortunately, the scientists need to conduct more tests and build some incredibly large and strong parts for this space vehicle to become a reality.
MONTEZUMA: Well keep me notified anyway. Now, I understand I have another nuke waiting for me? Time to blow up Susa.
 
1926AD​
Qin approaches Aztecs
QIN: Come on, you bloodthirsty maniac. Help us own the Mongols.
MONTEZUMA: No, I prefer to watch your pathetic little struggle from over here.
QIN: Coward. (exits)

VERZUMA: The latest capture is Jinjan!
MONTEZUMA: Take Pi – Ramesses as well. And then I think I’ll get peace. I wanna concentrate on space now.
VERZUMA: It shall be as you wish, darling.
 
1927AD​
Pi- Ramesses didn’t stand a chance

(Montezuma stands in front of Cyrus’s court at Persepolis)

MONTEZUMA: And so, that is why you should vassaslise yourself to Aztecs!
CYRUS: So let me get this straight. You propose that we become your vassals, so that Qin is pissed off and because it would be a laugh?
MONTEZUMA: You have to admit, it would be quite funny. And you would gain our protection from other bad guys out there.
CYRUS: Such as?
MONTEZUMA: Erm . . . I don’t know, Cathers, Sal, all those losers.
CYRUS: No, you do not convince me. But I do want peace. So I will now make you an offer. I will give you Military Science, 170Gold and . . . oh fine, the city of Herat.

(There are murmurs and protestations among the Persian back benches)

MONTEZUMA: Oh fine. I accept.
CYRUS: Good. My political opponents are going to have a field day over this anyhow.
MONTEZUMA: Your problem, not mine.
 

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1928AD​
Cyrus is back in Tencohtitlan
MONTEZUMA: Which son of a mongoose let you in here . . . oh wait, we’re not at war any longer, are we?
CYRUS: Indeed not. Instead, I amhere trying to screw you over in a different way. I’ll give you 110 Gold for Rocketry.
MONTEZUMA: I wouldn’t give you Pottery for that. Get out!
CYRUS: Fine. But you’re off my Christmas card list permanently now. (Cyrus exits)

MONTEZUMA: Ooh, big whoop.
POPOL: Yeah, whose Christmas card list is sire still on anyway? Literally everyone is furious with you. Although I think Sal is only Annoyed.
MONTEZUMA: Too right. Me and Sal are best mates!
 
1929AD​
Elizabeth wants Computers
MONTEZUMA: And I want to rule China, but it doesn’t work like that.
ELIZABETH: But it does work like this; you give me Computers, and England might improve its opinion of your squalid cesspit you call your Empire.
MONTEZUMA: England can think what it likes.
 
1931AD​
Genetics is completed
POPOL: This will provide a health boost to all of our cities.
VERZUMA: Very nice!
AXA: And we are also the largest (while Axa is speaking, a man enters and gabbles something in Popol’s ear, who nods) allows us to out-culture our rivals without being particularly cultural, if you get my drift.
MONTEZUMA: I get your drift all right. It would be hard to miss your stench. Anyway, meeting over.
POPOL: Erm . . . Lady Verzuma, could I have a word.
VERZUMA: I suppose.

(Popol waits until they are alone)

POPOL: My lady, I know of your plot to assassinate the Emperor.
VERZUMA: What? Don’t be stupid. There is no such plot.
POPOL: You don’t understand. I support your move for Empress.
VERZUMA: Really?
POPOL: Of course. The Emperor has mismanaged our country for long enough.
VERZUMA: OK. Thank you, I suppose.
POPOL: I also have intelligence that you are having trouble finding the opportunity to kill him.
VERZUMA: You really know everything, don’t you?
POPOL: I have a plan. (whispers into Verzuma’s ear. A slow smile spreads across her face)
VERZUMA: You know, that might just work . . .
 
1932AD​

(The alarm sounds one night in the palace)

POPOL: What’s up?
MAID: Quick sir, the Emperor is dying!

(Popol rushes up to the Emperor’s quarters. Lying on the floor, in a pool of blood, is Montezuma, dead)

POPOL: What in the name . . .

(A few seconds later, there are more sounds on the stairs, and Verzuma, followed by Axa, arrive on the scene)

AXA:OK. Am I crazy, or is that the Emperor, dead on the floor?
VERZUMA: It’s definitely the Emperor. He’s been stabbed!
POPOL: And I know who it was too. It was Verzuma! (points finger)
VERZUMA: (puzzled) What?
POPOL: You heard right, murderess!
AXA: I knew she was evil!
VERZUMA: So you regret your actions. Well it’s too late! The Emperor is dead, and you have absolutely bugger all proof that it was me! And so I shall take my position as sole ruler of this Empire, and my first action will be to expel you do the remotest islands of Japan!
POPOL: Tell me, oh wise Miss Cruz, what technology did we research only last year?
VERZUMA: What? Who cares?
POPOL: Just answer.
VERZUMA: Erm . . . it was Genetics, wasn’t it?
POPOL: And what did that allow us to do?
VERZUMA: Oh, it was all that GM stuff and gene mapping and experimental cloning and . . . (stops in her tracks, horrorstruck) wait. No, you wouldn’t. Surely you wouldn’t. Why would you do such a thing? One is bad enough!
AXA: Wouldn’t what?

(Montezuma enters)

POPOL: Oh, I would, and did. I cloned the Emperor. Because it allowed me to expose you for the evil scheming . .. .. .. .. . that you are!
MONTEZUMA: I witnessed the murder of my clone first hand, Vera! Do you have any idea WHAT IT DOES TO A MAN?
VERZUMA: Erm . . . (trembles)
MONTEZUMA: Enough. TAKE HER AWAY! And let her be executed within the hour.

(A screaming Vera is led from the room)

MONTEZUMA: Well I have to say, you were right about her after all, Popol.
POPOL: My duty is to protect you, my lord.
AXA: So . . . you’re not dead?
MONTEZUMA: Does it look like it? Anyway, I have some better news. You know about this new United Nations concept.
POPOL: Yes, apparently they can vote on laws, which all leaders must then abide by.
MONTEZUMA: Well, they’re holding elections to determine who should lead them, and I am up against Elizabeth! And I get the most votes out of everyone, so I should blatantly get in no problem.
AXA: But don’t the other world leaders get votes too.
MONTEZUMA: Oh yeah. Way to go Axa, you just spoiled my day there.
 
1933AD​
Sure enough, Montezuma comes second in the race for Secretary General
POPOL: You know, if you were up against Liz in a diplo vote, she might win a diplo victory.
MONTEZUMA: Not funny Popol. I think I have just about enough votes anyhow to block that unpleasant thought. I mean, what has England done do deserve a win?
 
1945AD​
A no nukes resolution is passed
MONTEZUMA: Spoilsports. Not that I have anyone to nuke at the moment, but I was considering declaring war on the last turn and just destroying everyone with them.
AXA: I say its for the best.
MONTEZUMA: Yeah well you would, wouldn’t you. Your aim in life is Puritanical; to stop me having fun, as I see it.
 
1962AD​
The spaceship is completed
MONTEZUMA: LAUNCH!

(The spaceship zooms off into the sky leaving clouds of gas behind it. Within a minute, it is too far away to see)

MONTEZUMA: I hope they make it safely. Cos if they die on the way, I’ll kill them. This shows that Aztecs are the dominant force in this world.
POPOL: It will take them years to get there. So lets fast-forward time . . .
 

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Afterwards​
MONTEZUMA: So what’s the details on our Empire then?
AXA: Your game time of 14 hours 24 minutes was spread out over 13 sessions. That’s a hell of a long time!
MONTEZUMA: It seems like longer, what with you guys annoying me. What else?
AXA: Oh. Here’s something you might find interesting; we were rarely top in power.
MONTEZUMA: What?
AXA: The graph shows that early on, during our mad jaguar rush, we were top in power, but then we subsided. The Persians emerged as the most powerful nation, and at the height of their power, we madly took them on.
MONTEZUMA: So the Persians were who were above us in power. I assumed it was Qin.
AXA: Anyway, we actually battered the Persians, but just as their power nose-dived, the Chinese power rating skyrocketed. We were second pretty much all the way.
MONTEZUMA: Ha! But we were better value for our rating. Our troops were much more highly promoted, Double T was pumpin’ em out at Level 5.
AXA: By contrast, our culture was apparently superior to all. So I think I did my job pretty well!
MONTEZUMA: Shut up, it’s only because we had so many cities I reckon. But good effort anyway.
AXA: Thank you sire.
POPOL: Expansion was good, you yourself managed to build 18 cities, and razed 3, not to mention how many you must have captured.
MONTEZUMA: That’s good guys. I’ll do the military; my favourite unit was Artillery, of which I built 43.
AXA: And your favourite building was Libraries, of which you built 41!
MONTEZUMA: 41 Libraries! What a waste of hammers!
POPOL: Do you want your score sire?
MONTEZUMA: Hell yeah. I assume I got Augustus Caesar?
POPOL: Well . . . not quite. With 12532, you only managed Charlemagne.
MONTEZUMA: Crap! Actually I’m not surprised.
POPOL: Really?
MONTEZUMA: I think that after the early rushes, I played this very sloppily indeed. Anyway, there’s only one thing left to do now.
AXA: What’s that?
MONTEZUMA: SACRIFICE YOU TWO TO THE GODS! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Amazing update, Pacifist, and even more amazing story! I couldn't believe Monty had actually been killed (it's actually impossible). Brilliant ending!
On a sadder note, it's over, no more updates, no more moronic leaders. It's all over. :'(
 
Wow, what a finish!!! Next I want to see you winning a cultural with Kublai, and I don't want a NO.

P.S. He won't do that!! He won't sacrifice them!!
 
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