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On friday? Schools's ending for the week AND an update! That's good enough for me!
18 Civs; the Mongol Version
- Thread starter Pacifist46
- Start date
Pacifist46
King
IX - Of Vassals and Spies
1150AD
The council meeting is unexpectedly interrupted
GENGHIS: So that was my new policy to squeeze extra taxes out of those farmers, next I have
Louis bursts through the yurt door
GENGHIS: Louis! Come to give you and your kingdom up to the mighty Mongols have you?
LOUIS: Erm actually, youre right.
GENGHIS: Yeah, Im always wait, but I was being sarcastic! What have you really come for?
LOUIS: I just told you, I want to become your vassal.
GENGHIS: Right, sure you do. So if you want to become my vassal, you wont mind signing this treaty then, will you?
LOUIS: No! I wont! Now give it here, and Ill sign it.
Louis signs the paper
GENGHIS: Ha! You screwed up big time there Louis, because that treaty makes you a vassal of Mongolia for the foreseeable future!
LOUIS: Which, for the last time, is what I wanted!
GENGHIS: Crap. You really wanted to become our vassal, didnt you?
LOUIS: He finally figures it out. Congratulations Genghis, you win the sharpest leader of the year award.
GENGHIS: Do I? Wow!
LOUIS: Now THAT time I was being sarcastic.
GENGHIS: Idiot. In that case I demand you tribute me Stone.
LOUIS: What? I become your vassal and this is how you treat me?
GENGHIS: Definitely! Now pay up, or face the Mongol horde.
LOUIS: You really are impossible, Genghis. Have it your way.
Louis exits.
ISHAK: Hey, sire, like, theres summat else and stuff. You remember, like, the city of Beshbalik?
GENGHIS: How could I forget?
ISHAK: Well, like, you know Great Spies?
Genghis is silent
ISHAK: Well come on sire, cos if you dont, then it wont make sense, like, what I say in a minute.
GENGHIS: You dont make sense now. And of course I know bloody great spies! Get on with it, you blabbering fool.
ISHAK: Well, like, theres been an emergency of one in Beshbalik.
GENGHIS: An emergency? What happened?
ISHAK: I just told you. An emergency!
GENGHIS: Yes, give me some friggin details! Was there a riot? A fire?
ISHAK: Like, what are you on about sire? Theres no rioting and that, just an emergency of a Great Spy!
GRIZNAKH: I rather think the lad means to say emergence.
GENGHIS: Oh. Ishak, you are an absolute moron. Why are you on my council again? Was there no-one better?
ISHAK: Sire, like no way am I the worst on this council thingy! For one, Kolai is way thicker than me.
GENGHIS: Yes, but in his position, intelligence is not a prerequisite.
ISHAK: And secondly, Oggy reckons that he could do a better job of leading the tribe. But I was like, no way man, the Khans got it down, and he was like, well I suppose hes got good advisors, and I was like, damn straight, Im on that council shizzle, and he was like, fair enough like, youre a safe pair of hands, so yeah.
GENGHIS: Right. That almost led somewhere, but then you stopped. But to be honest, I cant think of anyone intelligent in the tribe.
GRIZNAKH: Thats because our higher education system is a figment of the bureaucratic imagination. Plus you double taxes for people that stay on at school after 14.
GENGHIS: Damn right. Lazy buggers should go get jobs and start contributing to the economy.
IALBUK: If we could return to the emergence of the Great Spy?
GENGHIS: Fine. What do you want me to do?
ISHAK: Well, you can send him to spy in a foreign court, and thatd get us loads of intelligence about their plans and that. But its well risky. Or, you could use him to help Ialbuk on, like, secret research projects and that. Third thing, you could, like, tell him to settle and combine research with some medium espionage to get, like, a little bit of both. To be honest, I prefer that third one.
GENGHIS: So, youre saying I have two options: research or espionage.
ISHAK: Well, yeah sire, and
GENGHIS: But youre saying I could do both?
ISHAK: Yes, but they wont be
GENGHIS: Well thats a no-brainer.
IALBUK: Which is why the Khan had to make this decision.
GENGHIS: Option three it is lads.
Genghis was satisfied with what he saw as a clear stroke of genius. The Great Spy settled in Beshbalik, adding to the citys notoriety as well as boosting science.
Pacifist46
King
1160AD
ELIZABETH: Absolutely exquisite to see you again, my dear Genghis.
GENGHIS: Cheers. Whadda ya want?
ELIZABETH: A little Open Borders perhaps? Since were such good friends.
GENGHIS: Yeah, sure. See ya.
Elizabeth exits
GENGHIS: God I am knackered this morning. Cant you guys deal with this crap so I can go and sleep?
GRIZNAKH: I wish it were so, my lord, but unfortunately you wrote a law prohibiting morons from acting in your name, didnt you?
GENGHIS: Too right. Well if you lot stopped being morons then I could trust you. Its your fault.
Frederick enters
FREDERICK: In Germany there are far fewer morons.
GENGHIS: Well send me some non-morons then, if youve got so many to spare.
FREDERICK: Id love to, but whats the point? You will be conquered in a few years anyway.
GENGHIS: The day we get conquered by a bunch of scrawny, bratwurst eating Germans is the day Kolai becomes professor of mathematics at, erm, Paris University.
FREDERICK: Thats not an insult. Bratwurst is nice. And rather scrawny and intelligent than big and thick.
GENGHIS: That, my friend, is where youre going wrong. Whoever conquered an empire with intelligence?
FREDERICK: Look, Im pressed for time, and so, as much as I enjoy the challenge of trying to teach you something, Im proposing this trade and then leaving.
ELIZABETH: Absolutely exquisite to see you again, my dear Genghis.
GENGHIS: Cheers. Whadda ya want?
ELIZABETH: A little Open Borders perhaps? Since were such good friends.
GENGHIS: Yeah, sure. See ya.
Elizabeth exits
GENGHIS: God I am knackered this morning. Cant you guys deal with this crap so I can go and sleep?
GRIZNAKH: I wish it were so, my lord, but unfortunately you wrote a law prohibiting morons from acting in your name, didnt you?
GENGHIS: Too right. Well if you lot stopped being morons then I could trust you. Its your fault.
Frederick enters
FREDERICK: In Germany there are far fewer morons.
GENGHIS: Well send me some non-morons then, if youve got so many to spare.
FREDERICK: Id love to, but whats the point? You will be conquered in a few years anyway.
GENGHIS: The day we get conquered by a bunch of scrawny, bratwurst eating Germans is the day Kolai becomes professor of mathematics at, erm, Paris University.
FREDERICK: Thats not an insult. Bratwurst is nice. And rather scrawny and intelligent than big and thick.
GENGHIS: That, my friend, is where youre going wrong. Whoever conquered an empire with intelligence?
FREDERICK: Look, Im pressed for time, and so, as much as I enjoy the challenge of trying to teach you something, Im proposing this trade and then leaving.
Attachments
Pacifist46
King
GENGHIS: Hmm. A tricky one. What do we think lads?
IALBUK: I say the trade is worth it, Paper is getting to be common knowledge now, and we may as well get something for it.
GENGHIS: Right. Anyone else? No? Ok, trade accepted. Now off you go.
Frederick exits
GENGHIS: So what else is going down?
IALBUK: We have this very morning finished research on the great technology of Paper!
GENGHIS: Paper? Didnt we just trade that?
IALBUK: Yeah.
GENGHIS: Wait, and didnt you say it was common knowledge?
IALBUK: It is.
GENGHIS: So WHY DID WE ONLY GET IT TODAY?
IALBUK: Because you wanted military items like Trebs and Maces before other mundane stuff like Paper. And Engineering and Guilds are definitely not common knowledge. So relax, Im still ahead of the game.
GENGHIS: Hmm. So carry on.
ISHAK: Moving on, like, we have a chance to vote for this wacky new Apostolic Palace biz.
GENGHIS: Whats the lowdown?
ISHAK: Basically, the two greatest leaders of, like, the Hindu faith and that, are up for election, and then they get some powers and stuff, and basically, its worth having. Sire, youre up for election, against Cyrus.
GENGHIS: Ha! Well no-ones gonna vote for that supercilious Persian, its in the bag lads. So do I get some votes?
ISHAK: Sire, I, like, already used our votes to vote for you, cos it was well obvious, werent it.
GENGHIS: Nice one.
KOLAI: Sire, I am informed that we may also adopt Theocracy, which helps our units with experience apparently. It sounds like a good plan.
GENGHIS: Well I dont give a crap what it sounds like. You gotta give this a detailed, considered decision.
GRIZNAKH: Absolutely.
GENGHIS: So, looking at it, Kolai said something about maybe getting more military experience. So lets go for it.
IALBUK: Really sire?
GENGHIS: Well what other religious civics are gonna give us military bonuses? Jeez Ialbuk, learn when to spot a good deal, yeah? So lets adopt this theocracy.
IALBUK: Ok, sire, but that means some riots.
GENGHIS: Couldnt care less. Now go and do it.
The anarchy lasted for about ten years, but Genghis reckoned that was a reasonable price to pay. Then he received a visit from the Egyptians.
IALBUK: I say the trade is worth it, Paper is getting to be common knowledge now, and we may as well get something for it.
GENGHIS: Right. Anyone else? No? Ok, trade accepted. Now off you go.
Frederick exits
GENGHIS: So what else is going down?
IALBUK: We have this very morning finished research on the great technology of Paper!
GENGHIS: Paper? Didnt we just trade that?
IALBUK: Yeah.
GENGHIS: Wait, and didnt you say it was common knowledge?
IALBUK: It is.
GENGHIS: So WHY DID WE ONLY GET IT TODAY?
IALBUK: Because you wanted military items like Trebs and Maces before other mundane stuff like Paper. And Engineering and Guilds are definitely not common knowledge. So relax, Im still ahead of the game.
GENGHIS: Hmm. So carry on.
ISHAK: Moving on, like, we have a chance to vote for this wacky new Apostolic Palace biz.
GENGHIS: Whats the lowdown?
ISHAK: Basically, the two greatest leaders of, like, the Hindu faith and that, are up for election, and then they get some powers and stuff, and basically, its worth having. Sire, youre up for election, against Cyrus.
GENGHIS: Ha! Well no-ones gonna vote for that supercilious Persian, its in the bag lads. So do I get some votes?
ISHAK: Sire, I, like, already used our votes to vote for you, cos it was well obvious, werent it.
GENGHIS: Nice one.
KOLAI: Sire, I am informed that we may also adopt Theocracy, which helps our units with experience apparently. It sounds like a good plan.
GENGHIS: Well I dont give a crap what it sounds like. You gotta give this a detailed, considered decision.
GRIZNAKH: Absolutely.
GENGHIS: So, looking at it, Kolai said something about maybe getting more military experience. So lets go for it.
IALBUK: Really sire?
GENGHIS: Well what other religious civics are gonna give us military bonuses? Jeez Ialbuk, learn when to spot a good deal, yeah? So lets adopt this theocracy.
IALBUK: Ok, sire, but that means some riots.
GENGHIS: Couldnt care less. Now go and do it.
The anarchy lasted for about ten years, but Genghis reckoned that was a reasonable price to pay. Then he received a visit from the Egyptians.
Pacifist46
King
1170AD
Hatshepsut is meeting with the Khan
HATSHEPSUT: Khan, your empire has become mighty indeed.
GENGHIS: Damn right. I notice Egypt is a still a fly-blown desert stuck between empires whose leaders know what they’re doing to some extent.
HATSHEPSUT: You know what, Genghis? I agree.
GENGHIS: You do? Glad you see sense!
HATSHEPSUT: And so I wish to ally with the great Mongol empire.
GENGHIS: Nice ambition, but what does the great Mongol empire need with allies? Especially with allies that wouldn’t be useful AT ALL in a war.
HATSHEPSUT: I thought you might say that. So instead, I’ve come to offer Egypt to become a vassal state of Mongolia.
GENGHIS: You as well as Louis? This is awesome! I kick one guy’s butt and now everyone is scared of me!
HATSHEPSUT: You accept?
GENGHIS: Hell yeah!
HATSHEPSUT: Thank you Genghis.
Hatshepsut turns to leave
GENGHIS: Wait! You wouldn’t want to give us Drama for free would you? As a token of your obedience.
HATSHEPSUT: You’re right. I wouldn’t.
GENGHIS:Oh. Oh well, I’m not too disappointed.
Hatshepsut exits
GENGHIS: So, I can’t wait to go and use my new powers!
GRIZNAKH: New powers? What the devil are you talking about man!
GENGHIS: Man?
GRIZNAKH: Erm … I mean, sire, yes, sire.
GENGHIS: I mean those powers you said I’d get when I become resident of the Apoplectic Palace or whatever it was.
GRIZNAKH: Apostolic Palace, my lord. And, well, the voting didn’t quite go your way.
Hatshepsut is meeting with the Khan
HATSHEPSUT: Khan, your empire has become mighty indeed.
GENGHIS: Damn right. I notice Egypt is a still a fly-blown desert stuck between empires whose leaders know what they’re doing to some extent.
HATSHEPSUT: You know what, Genghis? I agree.
GENGHIS: You do? Glad you see sense!
HATSHEPSUT: And so I wish to ally with the great Mongol empire.
GENGHIS: Nice ambition, but what does the great Mongol empire need with allies? Especially with allies that wouldn’t be useful AT ALL in a war.
HATSHEPSUT: I thought you might say that. So instead, I’ve come to offer Egypt to become a vassal state of Mongolia.
GENGHIS: You as well as Louis? This is awesome! I kick one guy’s butt and now everyone is scared of me!
HATSHEPSUT: You accept?
GENGHIS: Hell yeah!
HATSHEPSUT: Thank you Genghis.
Hatshepsut turns to leave
GENGHIS: Wait! You wouldn’t want to give us Drama for free would you? As a token of your obedience.
HATSHEPSUT: You’re right. I wouldn’t.
GENGHIS:Oh. Oh well, I’m not too disappointed.
Hatshepsut exits
GENGHIS: So, I can’t wait to go and use my new powers!
GRIZNAKH: New powers? What the devil are you talking about man!
GENGHIS: Man?
GRIZNAKH: Erm … I mean, sire, yes, sire.
GENGHIS: I mean those powers you said I’d get when I become resident of the Apoplectic Palace or whatever it was.
GRIZNAKH: Apostolic Palace, my lord. And, well, the voting didn’t quite go your way.
Attachments
Pacifist46
King
GRIZNAKH: Erm, yes, as you can see, you were the only person who voted for, erm, you. Everyone else voted for Cyrus, apart from Alexander, who abstained. So Cyrus got the job.
GENGHIS: Traitorous dimwits! Blatantly rigged! I demand a recount!
GRIZNAKH: Unfortunately sire, recounts are not allowed.
GENGHIS: Even that Egyptian whore voted for Cyrus! And she said she was scared of me! Ill teach her a lesson. Send the lads round to take a city or two.
KOLAI: Sorry sire, but the lads need to be training for taking on Persia as soon as possible.
GENGHIS: Well there aint no training like the real thing, and I say, go invade Egypt!
IALBUK: You cant sire. Besides, look on the bright side, Alexander hates the Persians, and only dislikes us.
ISHAK: The A-unit knows, like, what it is, man. He knows the score.
GENGHIS: Stupid Cyrus. Well he can have his moment of victory. It will make my inevitable victory even sweeter.
GRIZNAKH: Yes, sire.
Genghis mood lasted a while, and it was fortunate indeed that the next few years were uneventful for the Mongols. Apart from the year 1180AD, when another Great Spy was born.
GENGHIS: Traitorous dimwits! Blatantly rigged! I demand a recount!
GRIZNAKH: Unfortunately sire, recounts are not allowed.
GENGHIS: Even that Egyptian whore voted for Cyrus! And she said she was scared of me! Ill teach her a lesson. Send the lads round to take a city or two.
KOLAI: Sorry sire, but the lads need to be training for taking on Persia as soon as possible.
GENGHIS: Well there aint no training like the real thing, and I say, go invade Egypt!
IALBUK: You cant sire. Besides, look on the bright side, Alexander hates the Persians, and only dislikes us.
ISHAK: The A-unit knows, like, what it is, man. He knows the score.
GENGHIS: Stupid Cyrus. Well he can have his moment of victory. It will make my inevitable victory even sweeter.
GRIZNAKH: Yes, sire.
Genghis mood lasted a while, and it was fortunate indeed that the next few years were uneventful for the Mongols. Apart from the year 1180AD, when another Great Spy was born.
Pacifist46
King
1180AD
ISHAK: Yo dudes! Guess whats happening, like?
GENGHIS: Like, what like? Like?
ISHAK: Like, youll like this! But Id like you to guess.
GENGHIS: Well alright then. Youve found someone with a reasonable grasp of the basics of the Mongol language to replace you so that I can not only easily understand whats going on, but also hear about it before BLOODY TOMORROW!
ISHAK: Erm nope, that aint it. Have another guess.
GENGHIS: Why dont you guess where my friggin fist is going to
IALBUK: Sire, sire, calm down. Ishak, hurry up.
ISHAK: Like, we have another emergency.
GENGHIS: What? And youre delaying telling me because?
ISHAK: No, wait, not emergency. Emergence. Thats it! And you said my language skills were poor sire!
GENGHIS: No, I said they are poor, as in they still bloody are. So an emergence of what?
ISHAK: Another Great Spy. This time in Kyoto. Like, is that bangin, or what?
GENGHIS: Bangin? For gods sake, use some more descriptive adjectives! Yes, its good for the empire. Do the same thing as last time and settle the guy.
ISHAK: Bangin I mean terrific choice sire.
The next few years went without major incident in the Mongol empire. A small gang of axemen raiding the area around Tabriz were ruthlessly put to the sword, and made an example of. Genghis obtained access to the world maps of his vassals, which Ishak thought was simply bangin . Genghis nearly murdered Ishak, citing deliberate attempts to irritate him, but luckily was restrained by his advisors. An epic complex was built in Beijing, named the Heroic Epic which served to increase the numbers and quality of military recruits being drawn from the Mongol metropole. Ialbuk concluded his research on Printing Press, which allowed the Mongol money system to become leaner and more efficient than ever, which greatly benefitted the economy, and of course enabled the printing of books on paper, not that Genghis read much anyway.
Then, in 1230AD, diplomatic tensions heightened once more. Diplomacy not being one of the Great Khans strong points, he was somewhat indelicate whilst undergoing crucial talks with the Persian leader, Cyrus.
ISHAK: Yo dudes! Guess whats happening, like?
GENGHIS: Like, what like? Like?
ISHAK: Like, youll like this! But Id like you to guess.
GENGHIS: Well alright then. Youve found someone with a reasonable grasp of the basics of the Mongol language to replace you so that I can not only easily understand whats going on, but also hear about it before BLOODY TOMORROW!
ISHAK: Erm nope, that aint it. Have another guess.
GENGHIS: Why dont you guess where my friggin fist is going to
IALBUK: Sire, sire, calm down. Ishak, hurry up.
ISHAK: Like, we have another emergency.
GENGHIS: What? And youre delaying telling me because?
ISHAK: No, wait, not emergency. Emergence. Thats it! And you said my language skills were poor sire!
GENGHIS: No, I said they are poor, as in they still bloody are. So an emergence of what?
ISHAK: Another Great Spy. This time in Kyoto. Like, is that bangin, or what?
GENGHIS: Bangin? For gods sake, use some more descriptive adjectives! Yes, its good for the empire. Do the same thing as last time and settle the guy.
ISHAK: Bangin I mean terrific choice sire.
The next few years went without major incident in the Mongol empire. A small gang of axemen raiding the area around Tabriz were ruthlessly put to the sword, and made an example of. Genghis obtained access to the world maps of his vassals, which Ishak thought was simply bangin . Genghis nearly murdered Ishak, citing deliberate attempts to irritate him, but luckily was restrained by his advisors. An epic complex was built in Beijing, named the Heroic Epic which served to increase the numbers and quality of military recruits being drawn from the Mongol metropole. Ialbuk concluded his research on Printing Press, which allowed the Mongol money system to become leaner and more efficient than ever, which greatly benefitted the economy, and of course enabled the printing of books on paper, not that Genghis read much anyway.
Then, in 1230AD, diplomatic tensions heightened once more. Diplomacy not being one of the Great Khans strong points, he was somewhat indelicate whilst undergoing crucial talks with the Persian leader, Cyrus.
Pacifist46
King
1230AD
GENGHIS: Ha! Thats right, Cyrus, you sucker, take your deal and stick it up your pompous a
IALBUK: Sire! Manners dont cost anything, you know.
GENGHIS: Yes, I bloody do know, thank you Ialbuk. I wouldnt be so bloody polite to this loser otherwise.
CYRUS: Bah! I dont need this stupid Open Borders Trade anyway! And what do I want with Mongol pig? I much prefer to save my Persian wines!
GENGHIS: Good, cos thats how it stays from now on!
Genghis leaves Persepolis and travels back to Karakorum
GENGHIS: Man do I enjoy taking guys like that down a notch.
IALBUK: You really might have been more diplomatic, you know.
GENGHIS: Why? Were declaring war on him really soon anyway, and frankly, Ialbuk, I dont need the guy to like me.
KOLAI: Let em hate, so long as they fear us, eh?
GENGHIS: Dammmmmmmn straight. Right, so did Louis reimburse us with that wine we dont get from Cyrus?
IALBUK: Yeah. I gave him rice for it actually. We have 8; no-one will miss it.
GRIZNAKH: Begging your pardon, but I certainly will!
IALBUK: Remember we now have extra pig.
GRIZNAKH: Oh, well alright then!
And ten years passed. For the Mongols, it went quickly in a flurry of activity, as they made the final preparations for war. But other things occurred first.
GENGHIS: Ha! Thats right, Cyrus, you sucker, take your deal and stick it up your pompous a
IALBUK: Sire! Manners dont cost anything, you know.
GENGHIS: Yes, I bloody do know, thank you Ialbuk. I wouldnt be so bloody polite to this loser otherwise.
CYRUS: Bah! I dont need this stupid Open Borders Trade anyway! And what do I want with Mongol pig? I much prefer to save my Persian wines!
GENGHIS: Good, cos thats how it stays from now on!
Genghis leaves Persepolis and travels back to Karakorum
GENGHIS: Man do I enjoy taking guys like that down a notch.
IALBUK: You really might have been more diplomatic, you know.
GENGHIS: Why? Were declaring war on him really soon anyway, and frankly, Ialbuk, I dont need the guy to like me.
KOLAI: Let em hate, so long as they fear us, eh?
GENGHIS: Dammmmmmmn straight. Right, so did Louis reimburse us with that wine we dont get from Cyrus?
IALBUK: Yeah. I gave him rice for it actually. We have 8; no-one will miss it.
GRIZNAKH: Begging your pardon, but I certainly will!
IALBUK: Remember we now have extra pig.
GRIZNAKH: Oh, well alright then!
And ten years passed. For the Mongols, it went quickly in a flurry of activity, as they made the final preparations for war. But other things occurred first.
Pacifist46
King
1240AD
MANSA: Genghis, I have been deliberating for some years now.
GENGHIS: It feels like millennia. Cut it short man.
MANSA: Mali is too weak to stand up for itself.
GENGHIS: Made a muck, eh Mansa?
MANSA: No! I, erm, blame it on my crappy starting position.
GENGHIS: Right.
MANSA: So I feel the more powerful nations circling Mali, waiting for an opportune moment to strike and wipe us from the face of the earth.
GENGHIS: Yeah, Ive been keeping an eye on you.
MANSA: And so, I concluded the only way to avoid war is to come for your protection. I offer you, Genghis, Mali, as a vassal, and beg for your protection.
GENGHIS: You as well? Jeez! These last years have been crazy. Its been an onslaught of vassals and spies!
MANSA: Do you accept?
GENGHIS: I do accept!
MANSA: Thank you! I am content, knowing I have avoided war with the worlds most powerful nation!
GENGHIS: You have. However, you havent avoided war with the worlds second most powerful nation.
MANSA: What?
GENGHIS: Im about to declare war on that condescending Persian and his hordes of perfumed little warriors. And Im expecting you to join in. Or do I have to make you?
MANSA: Gaaah! Well I have no choice, but this is awful?
GENGHIS: Awful? Once I wipe out Persia, itll be great! I can literally do anything I want then.
IALBUK: Before you go, sire, can I just inform you of a few developments.
GENGHIS: As long as they are few.
IALBUK: A great scientist has been born in Kyoto, and we settled him there.
GENGHIS: Good.
IALBUK: And Kyoto also finished Notre Dame.
GENGHIS: Excellent!
GRIZNAKH: Although, as I still point out, it was a really stupid place to build a wonder which only affects cities on the same continent.
GENGHIS: I dont do continents Griznakh. Im more of an incontinence guy myself.
GRIZNAKH: I am sure that if you knew what you had just said, you wouldnt be, sire.
GENGHIS: Oh shut up. Right, Mansa, wait there. Weve got some deals to do, before we go off and tell Cyrus to surrender.
MANSA: Do we?
GENGHIS: Well, we is a bit strong. But I have. Firstly, Im demanding you give me your gems resource, or else I will crush you immediately.
MANSA: I cannot object.
GENGHIS: Secondly, were doing this trade, which is a bit fairer.
MANSA: Genghis, I have been deliberating for some years now.
GENGHIS: It feels like millennia. Cut it short man.
MANSA: Mali is too weak to stand up for itself.
GENGHIS: Made a muck, eh Mansa?
MANSA: No! I, erm, blame it on my crappy starting position.
GENGHIS: Right.
MANSA: So I feel the more powerful nations circling Mali, waiting for an opportune moment to strike and wipe us from the face of the earth.
GENGHIS: Yeah, Ive been keeping an eye on you.
MANSA: And so, I concluded the only way to avoid war is to come for your protection. I offer you, Genghis, Mali, as a vassal, and beg for your protection.
GENGHIS: You as well? Jeez! These last years have been crazy. Its been an onslaught of vassals and spies!
MANSA: Do you accept?
GENGHIS: I do accept!
MANSA: Thank you! I am content, knowing I have avoided war with the worlds most powerful nation!
GENGHIS: You have. However, you havent avoided war with the worlds second most powerful nation.
MANSA: What?
GENGHIS: Im about to declare war on that condescending Persian and his hordes of perfumed little warriors. And Im expecting you to join in. Or do I have to make you?
MANSA: Gaaah! Well I have no choice, but this is awful?
GENGHIS: Awful? Once I wipe out Persia, itll be great! I can literally do anything I want then.
IALBUK: Before you go, sire, can I just inform you of a few developments.
GENGHIS: As long as they are few.
IALBUK: A great scientist has been born in Kyoto, and we settled him there.
GENGHIS: Good.
IALBUK: And Kyoto also finished Notre Dame.
GENGHIS: Excellent!
GRIZNAKH: Although, as I still point out, it was a really stupid place to build a wonder which only affects cities on the same continent.
GENGHIS: I dont do continents Griznakh. Im more of an incontinence guy myself.
GRIZNAKH: I am sure that if you knew what you had just said, you wouldnt be, sire.
GENGHIS: Oh shut up. Right, Mansa, wait there. Weve got some deals to do, before we go off and tell Cyrus to surrender.
MANSA: Do we?
GENGHIS: Well, we is a bit strong. But I have. Firstly, Im demanding you give me your gems resource, or else I will crush you immediately.
MANSA: I cannot object.
GENGHIS: Secondly, were doing this trade, which is a bit fairer.
Attachments
Pacifist46
King
MANSA: Thats alright actually. Anything else?
GENGHIS: Nope. Lets go! WARRRRR! Mwa-ha-ha!
A few days later and the Mongol court arrives on the border of Persia.
GENGHIS: Look at those cities! This has the makings of an EXCELLENT war!
MANSA: Erm, yes, great. I sit at home, praying Cyrus doesnt manage to send a force my way, and gain nothing.
GENGHIS: Miserable git. Right. Kolai, order the men to war!
KOLAI: MOVE, YOU BASTARDS! ADVANCE, FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE!
Kolais orders, bellowed in his top parade-ground style, carried even to the furthest men in the vast Mongol horde lined up, ready to advance. The army set off, making for the ancient fortress of Susa, the easternmost cornerstone of the Persians core swathe of land, the rich heartland of the second most powerful nation known to the Old World.
GENGHIS: Nope. Lets go! WARRRRR! Mwa-ha-ha!
A few days later and the Mongol court arrives on the border of Persia.
GENGHIS: Look at those cities! This has the makings of an EXCELLENT war!
MANSA: Erm, yes, great. I sit at home, praying Cyrus doesnt manage to send a force my way, and gain nothing.
GENGHIS: Miserable git. Right. Kolai, order the men to war!
KOLAI: MOVE, YOU BASTARDS! ADVANCE, FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE!
Kolais orders, bellowed in his top parade-ground style, carried even to the furthest men in the vast Mongol horde lined up, ready to advance. The army set off, making for the ancient fortress of Susa, the easternmost cornerstone of the Persians core swathe of land, the rich heartland of the second most powerful nation known to the Old World.
Attachments
Pacifist46
King
Genghis was barely able to contain his excitement. The Malinese king, on the other hand, was barely able to contain his lunch. Cyrus could quite plausibly send a sizeable force to Mali, and wipe out any Malinese army that stood to resist him. However, what he was unaware of, and the news of which would take many more days to carry to the Persian king, was that in the north, a second horde, under the command of general Kachiun, was advancing towards the small northern citadel of Ghulaman.
Attachments
Pacifist46
King
The time had come for the reckoning between these two great nations, bitter rivals who hated everything the other stood for. Genghiss core principle of hard discipline and hard conditions, an empire where every man treated all others as an equal, a harsh society without social rank and class, where warriors were held in the highest regard; such a principle was regarded as outright barbarity by the Persians, who prided them selves on civility and knowing ones place. The Persian Empire was strictly adherent to social class, and the nobility ruled over the poor with little regard for the wretched lower echelons of society, struggling to eke out a living. But Persia had thrived on such a system, it was true. The Persians regarded themselves as civilised; they placed hygiene, etiquette and diplomacy at the heart of their values, values which the Khan sneered at as effeminacy and decadence.
The Persian armies were not as harshly trained as the Mongols, who appreciated more the need for hard drilling without fuss, and were willing to be out in all weathers, not caring how dirty or how exhausted they became. Nor were the Persian armies as numerous as the Mongols. So knew Cyrus as he sat in his office, late at night, preparing his defence. But might was not the only thread in the tapestry of war. There was guile and cunning, of which the Persians had ample. And there was espionage, which Genghis had neglected in his use of the great spies. Cyrus knew he would have to wring every advantage for the maximum effect if he was to stand a chance against the Mongol hordes. He worked feverishly into the night, and in the morning, unveiled his detailed and wildly complex plans to his advisors. They were good plans, it was agreed. And the plans were put into operation.
The battle for dominance of the Old World was beginning in earnest.
To be continued
The Persian armies were not as harshly trained as the Mongols, who appreciated more the need for hard drilling without fuss, and were willing to be out in all weathers, not caring how dirty or how exhausted they became. Nor were the Persian armies as numerous as the Mongols. So knew Cyrus as he sat in his office, late at night, preparing his defence. But might was not the only thread in the tapestry of war. There was guile and cunning, of which the Persians had ample. And there was espionage, which Genghis had neglected in his use of the great spies. Cyrus knew he would have to wring every advantage for the maximum effect if he was to stand a chance against the Mongol hordes. He worked feverishly into the night, and in the morning, unveiled his detailed and wildly complex plans to his advisors. They were good plans, it was agreed. And the plans were put into operation.
The battle for dominance of the Old World was beginning in earnest.
To be continued
Pacifist46
King
Thanks for waiting guys. Next update will be exactly 2 weeks from now, on Friday 7th May.
If anyone was wondering if there was any logic whatsoever behind these seemingly arbitrary deadlines I set myself, there isn't. None at all.
If anyone was wondering if there was any logic whatsoever behind these seemingly arbitrary deadlines I set myself, there isn't. None at all.
Nerowannabe
Warlord
If I may say so, this update was bangin'!
Pacifist46
King
Cheers Nerowannabe! I like bangin' comments like that!
danjuno
Cole Phelps, Badge 1247
Excellent update!
eduhum
Aahh the gold old days...
7th may?
Pacifist46
King
Very sorry about the huge delay in getting out this latest update - more computer troubles I'm afraid. I promise it'll be out by Sunday (23rd).
Mercade
the Counsellor
Very interesting story, Pacifist46. 
Really true to your name 
Maybe I overlooked some of the details, but can you list exactly which game settings are you using? I saw something about Noble difficulty? Which exact scenario is it? Is it in BTS, or? Thanks.
Really true to your name Maybe I overlooked some of the details, but can you list exactly which game settings are you using? I saw something about Noble difficulty? Which exact scenario is it? Is it in BTS, or? Thanks.
Pacifist46
King
Hi Mercade, yeah it's on Noble difficulty, I can play on higher difficulties but this makes a better story
.
And it's on the Earth18Civs scenario that came with vanilla Civ IV (the original) but I'm playing it on BtS, if you have BtS they've redone all the vanilla scenarios to be compatible with it. If you want to play it yourself, just look through the scenarios, there's one that let's you play on the Earth map and gives you 18 choices of leader, that's the one
.And it's on the Earth18Civs scenario that came with vanilla Civ IV (the original) but I'm playing it on BtS, if you have BtS they've redone all the vanilla scenarios to be compatible with it. If you want to play it yourself, just look through the scenarios, there's one that let's you play on the Earth map and gives you 18 choices of leader, that's the one
