18 Civs; the Mongol Version

[Pacifist46]

2950BC

GENGHIS: I’ve been thinking.
IALBUK: (mutters) Indeed a rare event.
GENGHIS: Ever since we met those mangy Chinese, our direction has been clear; to exterminate them and rid the land of their influence.
GRIZNAKH: And now we have!
GENGHIS: Shut up. And now we have! So, what next?
ISHAK: You what?
GENGHIS: I said, what happens next? We must have a focus.
IALBUK: Well, I am currently focussing on the properties of this rather intriguing metal called bronze, it’s really . . .
GENGHIS: Aah! You are all missing the friggin’ point! We must have a general focus, and that means as a plural, Ialbuk.
GRIZNAKH: Well, here’s my suggestion. We just stay as we are, no more of this stupid expanding, I mean, really, we’re big enough now, aren’t we?
GENGHIS: No.
GRIZNAKH: And then we just feast all day, every day until we die. I’m surprised at my own genius, really.
GENGHIS: Thank you Griznakh for your meaningful contribution. Now, has anybody got any half-decent ideas?
KOLAI: Yep. We bide our time, all the while sharpening our military skills, until we are ready to strike at the heart! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
GENGHIS: Strike at the heart of what?
KOLAI: Well, erm, I . . . suppose I didn’t get that far.
IALBUK: Ha! Nice going, Kolai.
GENGHIS: Well, he does have a point. We must leverage our military skills more. It’s basically all we’re good at.
GRIZNAKH: Hey! I’m good at eating!
GENGHIS: We must explore and discover other places to attack!
GRIZNAKH: Is that all you can think of doing? Why not make some friends?
GENGHIS: What is that? Eugh! Friends! It sounds like some disgusting, I don’t know, disease or whatever.
ISHAK: My scouts are, like still scouting around our position, and, like, other empires might also have scouts, which could stumble across us, cos’ we are large and mighty and that.
GENGHIS: It’s a good plan, lads.

And so the plan was passed to, essentially, carry on. The scouts, however, continued to draw blanks as they explored southern jungles, eastern wastelands and northern forests for other humans. All they found were a few animals, such as wolves, that weren’t so friendly, and the scouts had to fend many packs of these off. Then Ialbuk presented his discoveries . . .

 

[Pacifist46]

GENGHIS: Ialbuk? You have finished your work on bronze finally?
IALBUK: I believe so, sire.
GENGHIS: At last! I was just about to pull you off the project.
IALBUK: Well, I hardly see how that would have helped, you oaf.
GENGHIS: YOU CALL ME AN OAF AGAIN AND I’LL HAVE YOU HANGED! RIGHT?
IALBUK: Understood sire. Well, reluctantly I have concluded that Bronze has few useful properties, sire.
GENGHIS: And now he tells us he hasn’t actually made any progress. Can you believe this guy?
IALBUK: Actually, though, Bronze will be of some use. Let me show you something.

He reaches under the table, and brings out a large club. Stuck to the top of the club is a lump of metal with a sharp edge.

IALBUK: I designed it myself. Meet the axe.
KOLAI: That looks bloody QUALITY! I don’t see how any warrior with a club could stand up even a regular guy with one of these beauts!
IALBUK: Indeed, I concluded that the primary use of the axe will be to use against our foes . . . when we get some foes.
GENGHIS: That is nice work, Ialbuk.
IALBUK: It has other uses as well, it can be used to chop down all the trees that didn’t surround our starting position, boosting production.
GENGHIS: Hang on. If we supplied citizens with these . . .
ISHAK: It would be friggin’ mint!
IALBUK: It would be highly dangerous and unadvisable . . .
GENGHIS: . . . we could reinstate Slavery! The problem of runaway slaves is solved, no slaves are gonna run away from guys wielding these!
IALBUK: I’m starting to go off metals, I think.
GENGHIS: Yes! Slavery! Start churning out these axes, Ialbuk, I need a lot of them.
IALBUK: Well, there is one saving grace, I mean problem, sire.
GENGHIS: I don’t see any.
IALBUK: Bronze, I’m afraid, is not present even remotely near our borders. I made this axe from a natural deposit in the southern jungle.
GENGHIS: NOOOOO!
IALBUK: Until we either expand down there, or find another source, your precious axes are a pipe dream.
GENGHIS: Well, I still want my own slaves, at least. Give me that axe!

 

[Pacifist46]

While Genghis’ dreams of axe domination were quite far off, the other advisors set about finding other ways to improve Mongol life. Kolai went down to help the workers pasture the horses so he could start studying chariots. Ishak’s scouts found a very rare and valuable metal to the north east of Karakorum, which Ialbuk gleefully identified as gold. Ialbuk himself collaborated with Griznakh in setting up a school for studying the gods. It was found that the gods would approve of monuments being erected in their favour, and would grant them more land gradually. Ialbuk also took a handful of men from Karakorum down to the lake, which no-one had so far found a use for, and showed them that in fact, there were strange scaly creatures called fish in there. The men were scared of the water at first, but were soon splashing around, trying to grab the slippery characters. With time, they discovered there were more efficient ways of trapping the animals, who Griznakh ate and pronounced “simply splendid morsels”.
And then, visitors arrived.

 

[Pacifist46]

2280BC

GENGHIS: Where did they come from, Ishak?
ISHAK: Like, the north and that, but they was going on about, like, some southern kingdom in the jungles, west of where our scouts down there gave up. It’s awesome.
GENGHIS: You bet.

Genghis and his advisors were standing outside the council town yurt, looking down the main street. The old man Haselof was also there, beaming as usual. The foreign king’s retinue was proceeding down the street, watched in awe by onlookers lining the sides. As they got nearer, Genghis studied them. They wore much richer, and also very different, clothes.

GENGHIS: Haselof! Why are they wearing girly little purple tunics?
HASELOF: They’re not girly, they’re just different. Like you said everyone here should wear brown because “it looks cool”. You must respect their culture.
GENGHIS: Bollocks. It’s girly. And did rocks fall on their heads, or why have they bandaged them?
HASELOF: Please, sire, just try and greet them politely.

The procession reached the town yurt, and the foreign king strode out to meet Genghis, hand outstretched. Genghis returned the handshake cautiously.

KING: Greetings! I am Asoka of India.
GENGHIS: Greetings, oh girly one.

Haselof slaps his hand to his forehead.

GENGHIS: I am Genghis, Khan Of The Mongols, Vanquisher Of China, and Soon To Be A Load Of Other Stuff Too.
ASOKA: Nice title. But who you calling girly? You all wear brown, everyone knows only women wear brown.

Genghis bristled. Haselof prayed to the gods. To his relief, a moment later, Genghis relaxed and laughed.

GENGHIS: You certainly have a sense of humour, King Asoka. Come, let us discuss many things.

The meeting went well, and afterwards, so did the feast. King Asoka left lat in the afternoon, and it was generally agreed that his visit had been successful.

GRIZNAKH: I hope we have more foreign visitors soon. That feast was first rate!
KOLAI: I studied their weaponry, and I didn’t see any axes. They are weak.
GRIZNAKH: Kolai, we are not attacking everyone we meet.
KOLAI: Oh yeah? Just wait and see what Lord Genghis says.

Just then, Genghis strides in, accompanied by Ishak, Ialbuk and Haselof.

GENGHIS: We’re not attacking the Indians, Kolai.
GRIZNAKH: Ha! Wait, why?
GENGHIS: We’ve found another people. And they are much closer.

 

[Pacifist46]

KOLAI: Hey! What’s that stuff about a free technology?
IALBUK: It’s called Writing. A standardised form of writing to be used throughout the world, to ease communications. But it can wait.
GENGHIS: Haselof and I briefly communicated with the leader of these Japanese people, Tokugawa. In fact, it was very brief. He seemed to want to get rid of us.
IALBUK: (mutters) Yeah, he couldn’t stand the smell.
HASELOF: I’ve had dealings with Tokugawa before. It’s not often I say this about people, but he is a swine. He’s a short, irritable man who, for some reason, is very protective of his lands. He wouldn’t even let me travel through them.
ISHAK Maybe he’s, like, running some massive secret illegal project there.
HASELOF: The man couldn’t run a corner yurt, let alone anything massive. Or illegal! My advice is, leave them well alone.
GENGHIS: Ha! No, I plan to visit Japan. I’ll enter their lands alright!
HASELOF: Oh, for crying out loud, will you STOP attacking people!

The advisors freeze, stunned by the outburst. Genghis, however, is unmoved.

GENGHIS: You said it yourself, the man’s a bastard. Besides, you didn’t want to be on this council. I make the decisions.
HASELOF: (slumps) Fine.
GRIZNAKH: Well, I support Haselof. Attacking people is monstrous, it’s barbaric, and worst of all, it’ll divert resources away from food production.
GENGHIS: Nope, too bad. Don’t worry, we’ve got to find something to attack them with first. Chariots will help, but we need more metals. Ialbuk, study metals again, and this time, try and find something closer to home, will you?
IALBUK: Will do, sire.

And so the flurry of activity ended for the meantime. Ialbuk, secretly glad at being able to study metals once more, made expeditions around the Chinese capital. Ishak’s scouts had worse luck. They were ambushed by bears, and, not being warriors, perished. Ishak trained some more scouts, and they set off to the east. A few years later, scouts emerged from the west, wearing blue.

 

[Pacifist46]

GENGHIS: A third neighbour! So, scouts, from where do you hail?

The advisors and Haselof were interviewing the scouts.

SCOUTS: We bring greetings from the rich, expansive Persian Empire. Our king, Cyrus, ordered us to search these lands for barbarian tribes. And look who we found!
HASELOF: (whispers) The Persians, a mighty people from the plains and deserts to the west. Very strong, but they look down their perfumed noses at people who live as plainly as we do.
GENGHIS: Scouts, just because we live with no luxuries does not mean we are barbarians.
SCOUTS: It kind of does to us. But we come in peace. Mighty Cyrus has, in his benevolence, decided to seek peaceful relationships with upstart empires such as yours for the time being.
GENGHIS: (infuriated) Oh, thank you, Mighty Cyrus. You are so wise and kind and generous. How can we repay you? Let me grovel and kiss your sandals, or better still, you can kiss my hairy . . .
HASELOF: We accept your offer of peace, and praise your benevolence.
SCOUTS: We are pleased. You show the beginnings of wisdom in your decision. We must leave now, but our stay has been mutually beneficial, we hope.

The scouts stand up, and leave the yurt.

GENGHIS: Haselof! Stop interfering in my negotiations!
HASELOF: So you call telling our most powerful neighbour to bugger off and wait to be conquered negotiations? I was saving us from destruction!
GENGHIS: Jeez. OK, I’ll let you off this time, seeing as we have already picked our next target. We don’t want to fight two wars at once.

And so the Mongols, who before had been so comfortable knowing that they were by far the most powerful guys around, now had a glimpse of the wider picture. Three other empires! And Haselof said there were more too. Genghis realised that he could no longer take on all his enemies at once.

But no problem. He would just have to finesse the situation.

 

[Pacifist46]

III – The Wrong Man​

The yurt door opened.

“Come in” hissed a voice.

The man entered the tent cautiously, rubbing his hands together for warmth. He was glad to be out of both the cold and the dark; as this was a secret meeting, no fires were allowed outside the tent, lest they attracted attention. Inside the yurt, however, he could see a roaring fire, around which sat six hooded men, their faces obscured in shadow.

One of the men began to speak.

“So, you have arrived . . . You wish to join our little . . . club?” His voice sounded old, and oddly familiar.

Hell, no, thought the man, I’d rather be anywhere than here. But he remembered his mission.

“I do.”

The hooded leader nodded.

“It seems that you share our vision. Moreover, you are stealthy enough to have arrived here without being spotted – you could be valuable to us indeed. However, there is the small matter of trust . . .”

The man seized his moment.

“You may trust me. Is my being here tonight not proof of that?”
“It helps” said the man. “But first, you must take the . . . proper . . . initiation.”
That sounded fun. “Wait. How do I know I can trust you?”
“You don’t” said the man. “You will just have to gamble”.
“Will you not even reveal your face?” This was a huge risk, but the man did not feel like going through any sort of, well, initiation.
The hooded leader took his time replying. “Initiation comes first . . . then we shall see”.
“OK.”

One of the other hooded figures beckoned to the man. As he came, he stumbled, hoping to look up and see the hooded figure’s face.

But the figure turned away.

The other hooded figures strapped him to a wooden board by his hands and legs. Lying there, the man felt suddenly alone and frightened. Would he come through this? He prayed to the gods.

Then the hooded leader stood over him. And suddenly swept off his hood.
And the man knew he was going to die.
“You!” he screamed.

The leader nodded, almost sadly. “Yes, I” he replied, and then leant over the man, and stabbed him in the neck.

 

[Pacifist46]

GENGHIS: I don’t BELIEVE it!
The advisors are seated round the table, being drenched in spittle from Genghis’ outbursts. Haselof is also there.
GENGHIS: That is the third spy we have sent to infiltrate my enemies, and also the last! It obviously isn’t working.
ISHAK: Most people would have, like, seen that after the second one at least, no joke, I did.
GENGHIS: Shut your fat flopping mouth. So what are we gonna do. Huh?
HASELOF: There will be some way to identify your killers – what are you smirking at, Ialbuk?
IALBUK: Ha! The futility of it all. They are clearly one step ahead of you.
GENGHIS: Of you?
IALBUK: I mean of us. They know every move we make.
GENGHIS: (thinks) OK, all of you, just wait outside a moment. Apart from you, Haselof, I want a word with you.

The advisors file out

GENGHIS: You see, Haselof, I’m starting to think there’s a mole on my council. Inside job, that sort of thing, you see?
HASELOF: (sarcastically) Really? Now that you mention it, you’re sooo right. There actually must be.
GENGHIS: (misses sarcasm) It must be one of the four, but I’m not sure which. I want you to have them all followed. This should sort it out.
HASELOF: A wise plan, sire. If there’s nothing else to discuss, I’ll get right on it.

Haselof exits the yurt, and the advisors file back in
GENGHIS: Ialbuk, I think we’re done with the important stuff now, so what have you been doing?
IALBUK: How gracious of you to ask. I have been doing exaaaaaactly what you told me to. To quote Ishak, “like, research weapons and that”.
GENGHIS: Oh yeah. So?
IALBUK: So I think I got something we can use.

He brings out another axe, and then another weapon made from metal with a long sharp blade.

GENGHIS: Fancy.
IALBUK: The axe and the sword. Two absolutely lethal weapons. And now we can make them in their hundreds.
GENGHIS: How come?
IALBUK: Because of a new metal, which I recently discovered in vast quantities in a hillside near Beijing. Iron. It’s so much better than bronze too.

 

[Pacifist46]

KOLAI: (dribbling) Sweeeeeeeeeeeet.
GENGHIS: Get in! So let’s start building them!
IALBUK: You have to mine it first.
GENGHIS: What? Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
IALBUK: I? I did not create the earth, I am merely . . .
GENGHIS: Yeah, yeah, heard it before. So first we mine this iron, then we build our weapons, then we head over to Japan and start seriously sticking it to them!
IALBUK: Erm . . . it’s not quite as easy as that, sire.
GENGHIS: WHY NOT?
IALBUK: Well, a, how the hell are you gonna get to Japan, it’s over the sea.
GENGHIS: Is that all? We simply build an armada of Fishing Boats and sail over there.
IALBUK: Which brings me on to b, where the hell you gonna build this armada? You haven’t got a coastal city.
ISHAK: Sire, building, like, a thousand boats and that . . .
GENGHIS: Now what?
ISHAK: Well, it’s not very cost effective, is it? Like, we’d take so long raising the capital, by the time we, like, managed it, Japan would have come over here and kicked our butts first. And that’d be well bad.
KOLAI: And my warriors will not consent to travel in mere flimsy fishing boats! It is not safe, sire.
GENGHIS: Bloody hell. Why can’t stuff just be simple? Going over to Japan and coming back as rulers of it should be simple. But, no, it’s all this bloody planning and logics and what have you, get in the way of the real business.
IALBUK: When you say logics, did you mean logistics?
GENGHIS: I bloody well know what I meant, thank you Ialbuk.
IALBUK: I don’t think anyone else did.
GRIZNAKH: Well, Genghis, the fact of the matter is that preparation is the key. Thinking things through sets us above the other civilizations.
GENGHIS: Shut up, Griznakh, this is war, it’s got nothing to do with you. So, Ialbuk, if you’re so smart, how do we get to Japan?
IALBUK: We don’t yet.
GENGHIS: WHAT?
IALBUK: Hey! I’ll work on it!
GENGHIS: You better. And Ishak, we need a coastal city.
ISHAK: Safe.
GENGHIS: Yeah. But Japan sure aren’t, cos’ we do planning. Apparently, anyway.

The ability of the Mongols to plan their invasion proved to be crucial to it’s success in the long run, and once Genghis had calmed down, he saw that his advisors had been right. It was possible to topple Japan, but it would take some forethought. Indeed, Ialbuk was working on the most important of these problems, crossing the sea. Progress was slow, and it took all of Genghis’ self-restraint to avoid throttling his scientific advisor on many occasions. It was probably for the best, then, when other matters arose, distracting Genghis’ attention.

 

[Pacifist46]

1720BC​

GENGHIS: A bit full of himself, this Cyrus, isn’t he?

Genghis, the four advisors and Haselof were standing in front of the town yurt again, watching Cyrus’ slow progression down the main street. The thronging crowds had turned out once more, and Cyrus was waving to them all, even kissing his hand and raising it aloft. At one point, he even stopped and threw some gold into the crowd, causing a mad scramble. The Persian King was clad in thick robes of the most beautiful bluish hue, as were all his advisors, family members and even musicians, who were playing haunting Persian melodies behind their king.

GENGHIS: I mean, when I agreed to his state visit, I didn’t know that he’d strut down the street like he owned it. And his taste in music is awful.
IALBUK: And he proceeds so slowly. At this rate, it’ll be nighttime before he reaches us.

In fact, it was only another 15 minutes before Cyrus made it to the end of the street. He was a frighteningly tall man, even a few inches taller than Genghis, who was no dwarf, but he kept his head aloft. This made him appear as if he was looking down his nose at you all the time.

Which in this case, he was.

CYRUS: Mighty Persia extends its strong arm in friendship to its allies, the worthy Mongols.
GENGHIS: Your gesture is acknowledged, appreciated, and reciprocated.

Griznakh was right, thought Genghis, that did sound posh.

CYRUS: Come. Let us talk.

The party proceeds into the yurt.

CYRUS: So, still tent dwellers, eh? Never mind, I’m sure we will manage to civilise you, given time.
GENGHIS: We are perfectly civilized, thank you. However, we prefer a simple lifestyle, unadorned by such luxuries as may be found in Persia.

The Persian king cannot stop himself from snorting derisively.

CYRUS: Ha! Do not get ideas above your station, Genghis. You are a poor, weak, barbarian tribe.
GENGHIS: Hey? But you said we were worthy?
CYRUS: That was just for show.
GENGHIS: Oh. I get it. You think I’m the AI Genghis.
CYRUS: Whatever. Now, the main reason for me visiting such a bunch of losers like you is because, unbelievably, you actually own some land. Not for long, of course, but even so, I am an impatient man. I would like to have a look at my future empire now. So grant me access to your lands, so I can go look.
GENGHIS: Bah! You think I’ll do something like that for nothing in return.
CYRUS: The greedy nature of barbarians is common knowledge actually.
GENGHIS: What, standing up for ourselves is being greedy?
CYRUS: Yet again, you presume that you are Persia’s equals. A ridiculous notion, but one that is firmly planted in your minds, being the stubborn mules that you are. In return, you may access my lands, so that you can experience a little luxury before the gods come for you. This will also serve the purpose of showing you how hopeless it would be to even attempt to compete with Persia.
GENGHIS: Ha! We’re out of your league mate.
CYRUS: Indeed; you are several divisions below us.
GENGHIS: I accept your proposal. In fact, it’s identical to one I already have with India. Asoka was here only last week sorting it out. He reckons we’re equals, so there.
CYRUS: But you are equals. You are both barbarians, who will be crushed.
GENGHIS: So, Cyrus, does Persia actually have any equals?
CYRUS: Fat chance! You blatantly haven’t learnt anything I’ve been saying.
GENGHIS: Right. Goodbye, you can bugger off now.
CYRUS: Finally! I was beginning to think you’d never say it.

Cyrus exits

GENGHIS: What a jumped-up, self-important, snooty, snobby, hoity-toity, nose in the air, down-to-mars, judgemental and patronising GIT!
ISHAK: So, you, like, didn’t take to him?
GENGHIS: Listening to him talk, you’d think we all went around drinking, grunting and fighting in the mud all day long.
IALBUK: I agree. Not all of us indulge in your hobbies, sire.
GENGHIS: Wait until I fight out where his empire is. I’ll smash his brains out.
HASELOF: Ah, the typical Mongol solution to everything.
GENGHIS: Too right it is, Haselof. So, that’s two leaders we have Open Borders with then.

 

[Pacifist46]

While diplomatic relations were started with two of the Mongols neighbours, the third, Tokugawa, refused any further contact with the Mongols, or even with any civilization, preferring for his people to stay secluded on their seemingly safe island. Of course, Genghis had plans for the Japanese. In fact, those plans were starting to come together very nicely . . .

 

[Pacifist46]

1520BC​

The advisors are at a meeting headed by Ialbuk

IALBUK: Right guys, you remember our quandary about how to ship 600 screaming Mongols across the oceans to Japan?
GRIZNAKH: Of course, do get on with it man. People have better things to do.
IALBUK: Oh come on. I’m on the verge of revealing my solution to a three-hundred year old problem, and all you can think about is eating?
GENGHIS: Ha! What did you expect, Ialbuk?
GRIZNAKH: I really don’t know why you chaps make out that I eat all the time. I bet I eat no more than the rest of you.
GENGHIS: Put together, maybe.
GRIZNAKH: And anyway, I was thinking about a drink, so there.
IALBUK: Listen! We said workboats were too small, yes?
KOLAI: Yeah, and way too flimsy. It’d fall apart at the first sight of a storm.
IALBUK: So I was thinking, why not just build bigger boats, on much the same principles, but they would be stronger. Of course they’d take more people to row, but I have perfected a design which could fit about 200 warriors in just one boat.
GENGHIS: Build them bigger. Why the hell did no-one think of that? And, come to think of it, did that really take you 300 years?
IALBUK: It certainly did! I needed to, erm, perfect the mast trajectory and, erm, the spacing between the oars, and . . .
GENGHIS: Alright, keep your kolpak on. Good work. But one thing. I remember that I pointed out, in my wisdom, about the problem of being a landlocked state.
IALBUK: Hey! I said that!
GENGHIS: Shut up. So how are we going to solve that one?
ISHAK: Well, I, like, might have had a bit of a stormer on that one.
GENGHIS: (sighs) And does that help or not?
ISHAK: Like course it does, man, it’s wicked, ain’t it? Have a look at my new maps, and dude, notice especially this south-eastern kinda bit!

 

[Pacifist46]

IALBUK: Nice! You founded a new port! Now my ships can become a reality!
ISHAK: Yeah, well I named it Beshbalik, cos’ it sounds well hardcore, don’t it.
GENGHIS: It does. Your name is accepted.
ISHAK: Cheers.

And so the second phase of the Mongol Invasion of Japan was able to commence. Although he was interested in overseeing the construction of his boats, Ialbuk primarily focussed on a new growing threat, the first real recession that the Mongols had experienced. This recession, caused mainly by plummeting yurt prices, meant that many businesses in the commerce sector went bankrupt, and unemployment rose worryingly. If it kept up for long, Ialbuk knew that his research budget would be slashed. So he discovered new industries for people to get jobs in. Pottery was the first. Agriculture, something the Chinese had mastered, followed. Just before the discovery of Agriculture, however, more civilizations finally got in touch with the Mongols.

 

[Pacifist46]

1200BC​

Genghis and the team are in a meeting with a new leader.

GENGHIS: So who the hell are you again?
LEADER: I am the rich and glorious Saladin, Sultan of magnificent Arabia!
GENGHIS: Right. So I’ll file you under “L”, with the rest.
SALADIN: “L”?
GENGHIS: Yeah. L for Loser.
SALADIN: Like I give even a fraction of a damn about what you heathen idiots think anyhow. All that do not serve the Hindu gods must be crushed.
GENGHIS: OK, you sound a lot like Cyrus.
SALADIN: Cyrus? He’s my best mate. He even reckoned that we were equals.
GENGHIS: Did he now? I think he might have been having you on there.
SALADIN: I think I’d know if I was being lied to, thank you fool. And anyway, Cyrus is a remarkably humble person.
GENGHIS: You what? Are we talking about the same person?
SALADIN: I think I’m done here. Until the next painful encounter.

Saladin strides out.

HASELOF: The Arabians are in a similar vein to the Persians really. Big head, small brain.
GENGHIS: And he has a religion! Eugh! Hope we don’t get any of those around here.

As the advisors exit, Genghis catches Haselof on the arm

GENGHIS: Just wondered if those tails I asked you to put on the advisors had found anything out.
HASELOF: Tails? Oh, I rem – erm, I mean, yes, actually I was going to tell you about that! We believe we have identified the traitor!
GENGHIS: Finally! Who was it? No, let me guess. Griznakh! He always seems to disagree with me.
HASELOF: Erm, no sire.
GENGHIS: I know! Then it was Ishak! His stupidity is but a clever mask, behind which lurks a devious and evil mind!
HASELOF: No actually sire, it was, erm . . . Ialbuk.
GENGHIS: Aha! I thought so! Have him executed within the hour.
HASELOF: Well, sire, if I could just have a few more weeks to finish, I mean, prove that he is indeed the traitor . . .
GENGHIS: NO! I said have him hanged within the hour. And let the masses come and watch, so they see what happens if you cross ME!
HASELOF: I suppose it will have to be as you wish, sire.

Within an hour, Ialbuk was in the hangman’s noose in the main square on the edge of town, bound hand and foot. A crowd again turned out, but this time, there were no cheers, just low murmurs.

GENGHIS: Any last words, you traitorous wretch!
IALBUK: Just that yet again, it was not me, and I know you have no proof, and are merely jumping to conclusions. Whoever told you was lying.
GENGHIS: Ha! I don’t think so!

Genghis turned, and walked over to the lever that would open the trapdoor, sealing Ialbuk’s fate. A deathly silence fell over the onlookers. Genghis rested his hand on the tip of the lever, started to bring it down . . .

VOICE: Stop! You have the wrong man!

Genghis snatched his hand away.

GENGHIS: Who said that?

A man pushes his way to the front of the crowd.

MAN: It was that man!

He points at a figure trying to sneak away.

GENGHIS: Haselof! That’s ridiculous! He is my most . . .
MAN: I have here proof that he hired me as an assassin. Look! He signed this contract.

Genghis looked at the contract. It was definitely Haselof’s writing. It was unmistakeable. And then Genghis started to see that it all fit. He had been in the meetings, explaining why none of the spies came back alive. He had been caught off-guard when asked about the tails on the advisors, which of course never existed. And firstly, he had refused a place on Genghis’ council.

GENGHIS: Haselof? Why?
HASELOF: Why? Because it is sad, when a civilization cannot live in peace, when it feels it must war with it’s neighbours, killing hundreds, thousands on each side! And I looked at your vision for the Mongol Civilization when you settled down, and I saw war. Nothing else!
GENGHIS: Well, why didn’t you join my council? You could have had some influence then.
HASELOF: Ha! Influence! On your council! You must be kidding me! Since when has your council ever made a decision that went against your ideas?

There is an awkward silence.

IALBUK: Hey! Can someone untie me please?

He is ignored

HASELOF: I thought, that by staying off your council I might have a bit more say in what went on, on my own, not as one of many. But you still didn’t listen. So I used my influence to draw a coalition of people together, and we plotted to kill you. And indeed, we were close to acting.

I should have seen it coming, thought Genghis. Deep down, he was heartbroken that the old man had chosen to set his course against him. For a fleeting moment he felt something close to sympathy.

Then he hardened himself.

GENGHIS: Right, Haselof, you are a traitor, all told. Therefore you must die.
HASELOF: Maybe some day.

The old man turned and sprinted away with incredible speed across the plain. He was hiding something else, thought Genghis with surprise. There was no way he was going to get away, though. He crouched and picked up a spear on the floor, then turned, ran, and threw it with all his might. It sailed all of a hundred metres, and punched it’s metal head straight through Haselof’s back, The old man dropped, dead before he hit the ground.

GENGHIS: Leave the bastard for the crows.

With that, he turned and left. The crowd, also, slowly dispersed. Genghis’ remarkable display had awed them all. There was no chance of his authority being challenged ever again.

IALBUK: Come on! Someone has to untie me!

 

[pianoman1242]

Poor Ialbuk. Now they'll never get sailing!

 

[micbic]

Is it my idea, or this story is more ''serious'' and has more depth than the other two, which were just hilarious???
Also, a thought: Is Haselhof the inside enemy of Genghis?

 

[Pacifist46]

It's meant to be a combination of the two: still funny, but with a plot (which I haven't actually thought much about yet). Hopefully people will still read it.

 

[micbic]

I like it more like that.

 

[Pacifist46]

IV – A Mongol Surprise​

1160BC

GENGHIS: Man, am I fed up with this.

Genghis is sitting in a large, grand room with Ishak.

GENGHIS: Honestly, I almost wish your stupid scouts hadn’t found this place Ishak. And next time, make sure I get decent accommodation before I come, yeah? This place is a dump.
ISHAK: Sire, chill out, you’ve only been waiting for like ten minutes. And you’re, like, well lucky there’s anywhere like this in a frontier fort anyway.
GENGHIS: Ten minutes too long. I shouldn’t be kept waiting like a common man.
ISHAK: If she’d visited you, you would have kept her waiting for like, ages.
GENGHIS: Ha! Yeah, for days! Let ’em stew, that’s my motto.

The door opens, and the Russian Queen, Catherine enters. Both men gasp simultaneously. Ishak bows low, and promptly stands up again when Genghis slaps him round the head. Catherine takes a seat across the table.

CATHERINE: Vell hello, Khan Genghis of ze Mongols. Eet eez a pleasure to meet you at last. I have been told you are a very . . . eenteresting character.
GENGHIS: Interesting, handsome, a fearsome warrior, what more could you want in a guy, eh?
CATHERINE: A brain cell is von. However, us Russians ‘ave decided zat you are not to be conseedered an enemy at ze present time.
GENGHIS: Good! I wouldn’t harm a fly.
CATHERINE: Zat is because few flies possess anyzing zat you vould vant, no?
GENGHIS: Yeah, well, erm . . . in that case, Russia’s safe then, isn’t it? I’ve already got access to a load of crappy northern plains, I don’t need more.
CATHERINE: Ah! I am eensulted!
GENGHIS: Oh come on, face the truth. By the way, you don’t know anyone called Tokugawa, do you?
CATHERINE: Tokugawa? ‘Oo is ee?
GENGHIS: A nobody, I mean, nobody. Forget I asked.
CATHERINE: Hmm. I shall take my leave of you, Genghis.

Catherine gets up and strides out of the room, watched by both Genghis and Ishak.
ISHAK: That wasn’t, like, so productive.
GENGHIS: Well, the only thing I’d want with Catherine is to get reproductive, ain’t it?

Back in Karakorum, the other leaders are equally dismissive of the usefulness of the Russians.

KOLAI: Bah! Their lands are too far away.
GRIZNAKH: Not to mention about as useful as a tinned can opener.
IALBUK: Although there may be some future opportunities to trade with them . . .
GENGHIS: Possibly. But they’ll still be there then, so let’s just forget about them.

Indeed, the discovery of the Russians impacted little upon the life of the Mongols at this early stage. Genghis kept his war machine on full throttle, although he managed to take the time out to found another city . . .

 

[Pacifist46]

975BC

GENGHIS: Some interesting news people.
GRIZNAKH: A new foodstuff has been invented!
KOLAI: You have developed a new combat manoeuvre!
IALBUK: The gods have seen fit to enlighten you with the secrets of a new technology!
GENGHIS: No, no, and not even close! I’ve founded a new city!
ADVISORS: Oh, right. Yeah, erm, cool.
GENGHIS: Don’t look enthusiastic, will you?
KOLAI: Don’t worry, I wasn’t.
GENGHIS: (sighs) Anyway, the point is, look at this, and what do you see?