Ask a Girl

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Hmm, after consulting Civrules and with another poster I think it will be left entirely down to chance. Ohwell, plenty of other girls in the meantime!
 
Hey is Golden Touch still here? Or did something happen to her...:(

Anyway Civrules I have a question for you...
I met this really great girl recently I'm 99% sure that she likes me, but I'm unsure of how to actualy try to step beyond simply being friends without scaring her away or sounding like an idiot.
I have seen the "don't worry about it if you screw up theirs always more..." advice posted on many threads except that it really doesn't apply here I mean how many girls do you find who are Hot & Trekkies...
We get along quite well I'm just not sure how long I should be happy with that before I try for more, or what to say etc.

Thanks in advance
 
nc-1701 said:
Hey is Golden Touch still here? Or did something happen to her...:(

Anyway Civrules I have a question for you...
I met this really great girl recently I'm 99% sure that she likes me, but I'm unsure of how to actualy try to step beyond simply being friends without scaring her away or sounding like an idiot.
I have seen the "don't worry about it if you screw up theirs always more..." advice posted on many threads except that it really doesn't apply here I mean how many girls do you find who are Hot & Trekkies...
We get along quite well I'm just not sure how long I should be happy with that before I try for more, or what to say etc.

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

I'm going to give my 2 cents worth. I'm sure Civrules' answer will be little different from mine.

If you are so sure that this girl likes you, then you are already halfway there. All you have to do now is get her comfortable around you, so that you can later close the deal. The way you do that is get her to spend time with you. It doesn't matter what that is, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a date. It could just be hanging out with you while you do chores around your house, or errands. Or it could be a date. Invite her to hang out with you in any context. The key to comfort is transition. Start by inviting her to hang out with you in a place not far from where you usually see her. It could even be the same place. Then, invite her somewhere that is halfway between that place and your home. Then, invite her to your home, or at least get her to walk into it, even if she doesn't stay. Finally, invite her to your home. I think you get the idea after this part. Whatever you do, never insinuate that you want to sleep with her. Even if it is blatanly obvious what you are up to, the girl will let you get away with it if she likes you. In the same way, if this girl likes you as much as you say, it almost doesn't matter where you invite her to. She will make time and effort to join you, even if it is obvious what you are up to (and perhaps BECAUSE it is obvious what you are up to).

While you guys hang out, try to feel out the situation. If you get a feeling that her interest level is increasing, test things out by touching her, or kissing her. In this way, you will get a better idea of her comfort level around you, and will know if you are proceeding too slowly, too rapidly, or just right.

Hope this helps.
 
nc-1701 said:
Hey is Golden Touch still here? Or did something happen to her...:(

Anyway Civrules I have a question for you...
I met this really great girl recently I'm 99% sure that she likes me, but I'm unsure of how to actualy try to step beyond simply being friends without scaring her away or sounding like an idiot.
I have seen the "don't worry about it if you screw up theirs always more..." advice posted on many threads except that it really doesn't apply here I mean how many girls do you find who are Hot & Trekkies...
We get along quite well I'm just not sure how long I should be happy with that before I try for more, or what to say etc.

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...

Follow what Nanocyborgasm told you to do...

AND while you are at it, keep in mind these things. Memorize them and repeat them until you believe them. :lol:

1) Girls are very sensitive. They are socially superior to guys and are VERY intuitive. They read into everything. Therefore, don't try too hard to achieve anything. Let things progress smoothly by being very relaxed in everything that you do. Be the most relaxed guy in the group.
2) Comfort, as Nanocyborgasm said, is the most important. If she doesn't have the comfort, she'll get buyers remorse later on and go weird on you if you do something. It is also very important because girls act on emotions and not what seems logical. Throw logic out the window. If things seem right (aka - enough comfort), you'll succeed.
Personally, I hate the societal BS of "asking girls on a date." I invite them to hang out. If I fear the girl will be a flake (and yes a lot of girls flake on all guys; me, you, everyone - DO NOT take it personally), I say that it'll be a quick outting so she doesn't freak out. Once she's out with you, you need to be very cool about everything. Do not look for approval because...
3) Wussy behavior is the number one killer of attraction. No girls like wussies. I know a girl (close friend) that recently got a boyfriend (also close friend of mine) and she's constantly talking to me how he's not being A MAN. He's very indecisive, and not confident when it comes to moving up. I swear, it's amazing when I read something in a book and then it gets confirmed in Real Life by a girl.

Actually this is important, this girl is a decent, good looking, smart, and socially-aware girl who said the following (quoted):

"Just make him be a MAN! Pick the movie you want to see! Don't ask for my opinion, you're the man. I honestly wish he was more of a jerk at times!"

Yes, she said that. I was afraid of repeating it because everyone here would go into the "jerk" discussion. Remember that often girls don't know what they want. It doesn't have to do with being a jerk or not, its all about being a man and taking the lead!

Reading and believing is NOT the same as seeing and believing. Girls can teach you a lot that books can't.
Anyways, about the wussy behavior. If you go in for a kiss and she pulls away don’t be a wussy and apologize. Girls look for confidence as their number one desire, NOT humbleness! So don't think you are doing something grand by assuming you are doing the right thing by saying, "I'm sorry."

Don't place a lot of importance on this outting with her. It'll just make you screw up by seeming needy for approval.

PS: Just as a disclaimer since you said you are pretty sure the girl likes you. Don't be outcome-dependent. Girls can throw stuff at you you never expected, so be very flexible. In fact I encourage you to place less importance on the assumption of her liking you or not. That's irrelevant.

But if things do work out for you two (and I hope they do), the game doesn't stop. Things working out for you doesn't give you a free pass to say, "yes, I got her. Now it's time to stop with the silly games." I used to think games were silly too, until I realized that I'd keep failing if I wasn't being a challenge.
 
Why can't you girls avoid so many damn mood swings?

I mean, lotsa females I know swing from PMS to *happpeeeeee* in a mere 5 minutes. Annoying as hell.
 
Question for the Girl(s):

Would you date a guy like me (in my avatar)??? How would you rate my pic?

<<<<<<<<<
 
Hi guys, this is for girls and guys, I just didn't want to start another one of those infamous girl advice on a bus threads. But it's pretty much the same thing. Here's the scenario:
All my life I've been a shy quiet guy, I was homeschooled and out of five siblings I was the one who kept to myself and hardly interacted with anoybody. Growing older I found I wanted to but didn't know how, social situations and just talking with people was just plain difficult, unless they were really extroverted and all I had to do was listen and keep the conversation going, not bring up any conversation myself. I'm getting a little better, but I still find myself facing awkward silences because I can't find the way to say anything to people most of the time, unless we had something specific to talk about (like work, games, etc.) and even then I tend not to be say that much. But anyways, that just to let you know what kind of guy you're dealing with... (i'm 20 by the way)

The issue now is that there's this girl I'm interested in; she works at a bar (no, she's not a trashy girl or anything like that) where I first met her, and then I realized we go to the same classes. At the bar with the help of some liquid courage I've tried talking to her but ended up just saying nonsense (After the trivial what shes taking in school and hows work questions) and after I'd say a little but of nonsense and she'd reply however she was able to, though she didn't really have anything to reply to, I' wouldn't what to say or talk about and just walk away, before coming back 15 minutes or more afterwards and repeating the process of making a fool out of myself. Not even a funny interesting fool, just a plain dumbass. Once right before I left the bar I told her she was a beautiful woman, and she seemed a little suprised but smiled and said thanks and I just left.

And then at school when she first saw me there she stopped to say hi and we exchanged names and that was it, she had to go. Afterwards we pass by eachother with hi's a few times.

Now after all that, tonight I thought I'd just go to the bar and this time actually talk to her (she sells drinks at a stand thats rarely busy) but once again I couldn't bring myself to talk to her normally. I said hey, bought a beer, said some silly nonsense about yup its me again, left, went back, unable to find anything to say, i just asked her what her favorite song was ( since music was playing, you know)... but she couldn't think of one and then someone came to buy beer and so I just waved bye and left and after that she left before I was able to see her again.

My problem is that I have no idea how to talk to this girl or what to talk about or how to bring myself to start, have, and carry a conversation with her, either at the bar, in school, and especially if I ever had the nerves to, heaven forbid (but please don't) ask her out to coffee... (yes, I've never done this before)

Can anyone help me out here?
 
abstraction said:
Hi guys, this is for girls and guys, I just didn't want to start another one of those infamous girl advice on a bus threads. But it's pretty much the same thing. Here's the scenario:
All my life I've been a shy quiet guy, I was homeschooled and out of five siblings I was the one who kept to myself and hardly interacted with anoybody. Growing older I found I wanted to but didn't know how, social situations and just talking with people was just plain difficult, unless they were really extroverted and all I had to do was listen and keep the conversation going, not bring up any conversation myself. I'm getting a little better, but I still find myself facing awkward silences because I can't find the way to say anything to people most of the time, unless we had something specific to talk about (like work, games, etc.) and even then I tend not to be say that much. But anyways, that just to let you know what kind of guy you're dealing with... (i'm 20 by the way)

The issue now is that there's this girl I'm interested in; she works at a bar (no, she's not a trashy girl or anything like that) where I first met her, and then I realized we go to the same classes. At the bar with the help of some liquid courage I've tried talking to her but ended up just saying nonsense (After the trivial what shes taking in school and hows work questions) and after I'd say a little but of nonsense and she'd reply however she was able to, though she didn't really have anything to reply to, I' wouldn't what to say or talk about and just walk away, before coming back 15 minutes or more afterwards and repeating the process of making a fool out of myself. Not even a funny interesting fool, just a plain dumbass. Once right before I left the bar I told her she was a beautiful woman, and she seemed a little suprised but smiled and said thanks and I just left.

And then at school when she first saw me there she stopped to say hi and we exchanged names and that was it, she had to go. Afterwards we pass by eachother with hi's a few times.

Now after all that, tonight I thought I'd just go to the bar and this time actually talk to her (she sells drinks at a stand thats rarely busy) but once again I couldn't bring myself to talk to her normally. I said hey, bought a beer, said some silly nonsense about yup its me again, left, went back, unable to find anything to say, i just asked her what her favorite song was ( since music was playing, you know)... but she couldn't think of one and then someone came to buy beer and so I just waved bye and left and after that she left before I was able to see her again.

My problem is that I have no idea how to talk to this girl or what to talk about or how to bring myself to start, have, and carry a conversation with her, either at the bar, in school, and especially if I ever had the nerves to, heaven forbid (but please don't) ask her out to coffee... (yes, I've never done this before)

Can anyone help me out here?
Click to expand...

My friend, your problems are not insurmountable.

What you should first do is remove all expectations about an encounter with any girl. It may sound easier said than done, but no girl should be worth pining over. It should be like Zen. Accept what is and embrace it. Like the samurai who embraced death were those least likely to die in battle, you will discover that once you don't care, you will be more successful. Girls like a confident guy so this approach will become its own reward.

As far as your approach, you're on your way. When your target didn't give you the attention you wanted, you walked away and then came back. You may not have realized it, but you were conditioning her. But you weren't consistent. Right now, from what I gather, this girl just knows you by name but has no special interest in you. It is up to you to make her interested in you. How to do that would require pages of material but suffice it to say that you have to let her know that you have qualities that she would want without seeming like you are eager for her attention. The qualities that women look for include confidence, wealth, leadership, and others.
 
abstraction said:
Hi guys, this is for girls and guys, I just didn't want to start another one of those infamous girl advice on a bus threads. But it's pretty much the same thing. Here's the scenario:
All my life I've been a shy quiet guy, I was homeschooled and out of five siblings I was the one who kept to myself and hardly interacted with anoybody. Growing older I found I wanted to but didn't know how, social situations and just talking with people was just plain difficult, unless they were really extroverted and all I had to do was listen and keep the conversation going, not bring up any conversation myself. I'm getting a little better, but I still find myself facing awkward silences because I can't find the way to say anything to people most of the time, unless we had something specific to talk about (like work, games, etc.) and even then I tend not to be say that much. But anyways, that just to let you know what kind of guy you're dealing with... (i'm 20 by the way)
Click to expand...

Of course, I used to be very shy too. Didn't hang out with much people (in fact I used to get nervous outside of school), until I realized that all the BS I was getting from parents and teachers about how my "shyness" used to be so "cute" and a "good thing" was just that, BS. And believe me, it's a horrible thing to get complimented and ecouraged on something that in this world really gets you nowhere. It sucks, especially when its from people you're supposed to be able to trust.
No one really gets rewarded for being shy, especially these days.
And personally one of my biggest pet-peeves is when a girl says that she likes shy guys. Well guess what? The guys she's going with aren't shy!

The issue now is that there's this girl I'm interested in; she works at a bar (no, she's not a trashy girl or anything like that) where I first met her, and then I realized we go to the same classes. At the bar with the help of some liquid courage I've tried talking to her but ended up just saying nonsense (After the trivial what shes taking in school and hows work questions) and after I'd say a little but of nonsense and she'd reply however she was able to, though she didn't really have anything to reply to, I' wouldn't what to say or talk about and just walk away, before coming back 15 minutes or more afterwards and repeating the process of making a fool out of myself. Not even a funny interesting fool, just a plain dumbass. Once right before I left the bar I told her she was a beautiful woman, and she seemed a little suprised but smiled and said thanks and I just left.

And then at school when she first saw me there she stopped to say hi and we exchanged names and that was it, she had to go. Afterwards we pass by eachother with hi's a few times.
Click to expand...

Before I give you advice keep in mind that that's what I'd do in this situation. I've been called a womanizer, a prick, and a sexist by people who've no idea about me in RL, and that's alright. It's not their fault that they can't see something for what it is. Yet I've probably got more friends as girls than I do guy friends.
Anyway, I personally don't take life too seriously (not in terms of my goals though, I don't plan to live under a bridge). That said, I pretty much make fun of awkward situation and pretty much anything that can go wrong. If there's an awkward moment - boom! That's something to talk about. I playfully accuse her of making the conversation awkward and not being fun enough to talk to me. Any woman who doesn't recognize this as playfulness is in my book a loser (yes, there are guy AND girl losers, no matter how hard it is to believe), and I just move on. But most of the time, the conversation escelates and gets even more fun.

I also don't compliment a girl on her looks. Even if I do I'd say, "so what? Beauty is a very common thing, what else do YOU have to offer?"

I've said it before and I'll say it again. A lot of guys are afraid to challenge girls because they think that girls will react the same way guys do, in an angry, pissed-off way. Since that's the common thought process I'll say that guys and girls are very different. Guys get offended because their security as a man is being challenged. Since girls like to prove themselves, they'll be attracted to you for giving them a challenge. Few attractive girls get challenged.

Now after all that, tonight I thought I'd just go to the bar and this time actually talk to her (she sells drinks at a stand thats rarely busy) but once again I couldn't bring myself to talk to her normally. I said hey, bought a beer, said some silly nonsense about yup its me again, left, went back, unable to find anything to say, i just asked her what her favorite song was ( since music was playing, you know)... but she couldn't think of one and then someone came to buy beer and so I just waved bye and left and after that she left before I was able to see her again.

My problem is that I have no idea how to talk to this girl or what to talk about or how to bring myself to start, have, and carry a conversation with her, either at the bar, in school, and especially if I ever had the nerves to, heaven forbid (but please don't) ask her out to coffee... (yes, I've never done this before)

Can anyone help me out here?
Click to expand...

This may sound harsh, but I don't intend it to be an attack, but a motivator to better yourself here. At this point what you are doing is creating no attraction in this girl. Telling her she's beautiful and buying her drinks really gets you nowhere. Don't be surprised if in the end she starts pulling away from you, as you become confused as to what the hell happened.

Answer this question: How many guys before you do you think have treated her the same way as you? There has to be some originality. A challenge.

There's no silver bullet out there that I can tell you about something specific you should say to improve your conversation with JUST HER. What I can suggest is each time you head out, you should talk to everyone as much as possible. That becomes into a habit and you'll learn as you go along, making you into a better conversationalist.

If anyone else has something to say, feel free (comments, concerns, critiques?). I'm all open. :)
 
Death through waffle i think.. and guys trying think like girls.. :rolleyes:

I think we have 2 (?) more girls since you have gone... they might get involved in your bump :)
 
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