I have a bunch of questions for you! I've had a few friends with significant mental disorders like schizophrenia or severe bipolar, and I'm interested to hear what it's like.
What was it like discovering you had schizophrenia, and how did that happen? Did you have prodromal symptoms before full-blown psychosis manifested? What did your delusions tend to consist of? Could you tell your hallucinations from reality, or delusions from valid thoughts? Do negative symptoms like flat affect or social withdrawal occur for you as well? Finally, have there any positive or interesting aspects for you, or have your experiences been all negative?
Bootstoots: I apologize I was going to devote a single post just to all the questions you have and then forgot about it.
When I first discovered I had mental illness I spent many years in denial. It was like a sharp break occured between the old me and the new, schizophrenic me. I lost interest in many things I once liked. Mostly I think it was due to the meds I was taking. Medicines for Schizophrenia have very pronounced side effects, many of them. Most of mine seemed to make me apathetic and uncaring. I didn't feel the same intensity of feeling I had as a younger child. The world was like a magical place when I was younger. I had a lust for life. Once on meds the world lost most of its luster.
As far as being able to tell dellusions from reality when I'm schizophrenic. At the early stages of an attack I can tell something is wrong. But once I get into the heart of an episode I am so under the fog of dellusions that I can't tell I'm having them. It's like being in a dream. You follow the course of your dream and you seldom think to yourself, something is wrong, I'm in a dream. Everything is misinterpreted but there's no way to set myself on track. Everything and I mean every little thing get's incoporated into the dream. I see someone look at me. They're not just looking at me they're part of some conspiracy that is going on around me.
I would have to say that schizophrenia has been mostly negative for me. Now I am happier as an adult on meds than I was as a child. And I'm a little better adapted to society now but I still sometimes miss that intensity of feeling I think I had when I was younger. Things do seem a bit more "blah" now (for lack of a better word). But I was also very depressed quite often as a child.
That's actually quite scary, because I feel this as well. For example, I always try to stay out of the reflection of mirrors because I always think that someone is seeing all these reflections, even though this is stupid.
I'd like to answer the questions about whether one has schizophrenia or not this way. If you think you may have schizophrenia, then you are probably not so absorbed by your delusions that you can't think straight. Obviously you are rationally judging your behavior thinking to yourself, was that "normal" for me to do that? Now it could be that a person is on the road to schizophrenia or something but I think as long as you are questioning your behavior like that I'd say you are in relatively good shape. If you get to the point where you can't function and I mean SERIOUSLY can't function, then you have a serious problem. If you walk around in circles whimpering because you think cameras are looking at you and you can't do anything else then you probably have schizophrenia. But a little "paranoia" is probably natural for many people.
Regarding the cameras watching you thing, that has been a common recurring theme with me as well. I'm willing to bet that most paranoid schizophrenics have had the "they're watching me" syndrome at some time or another.
Lastly for now. I would like to say "thank you" to the community as well for allowing me this opportunity to talk about my affliction. Everyone has been very understanding and I hope some progress has been made in enlightening others to what sort of things happen to people like Virote and I.
