Breakup: what happens next

[pau17]

It depends a lot on what precipitated the break-up...I assume it has something to do with long-distance, or at least that compounds whatever else. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, or hold any grudges; that's the healthiest thing. You don't want to be one of those people still bitter about some break-up 10 years ago ("she/he was the one!"), and you definitely want to have this cleared out of your head if someone else comes along. It might take a while, but when you can really just let it go and move on, it'll be a big weight off your shoulders. Start preparing yourself for the next special person in your life because they'll come when you least expect it.

Anyway, it's hard to have long-term relationships when people are moving around so much these days; you might have to wait until you're a bit older and more settled down somewhere to seriously pursue a potential marriage situation.

 

[Shylock]

Nothing you can do. There is no silver bullet to kill the pain.

Proceed as normal. Do NOT contact her for the next couple weeks and when you choose your words very carefully.

 

[BCLG100]

Nothing you can do. There is no silver bullet to kill the pain.

Proceed as normal. Do NOT contact her for the next couple weeks and when you choose your words very carefully.

I'd agree with this.

You just have to cut all contact which includes gettind rid of her number/facebook friends etc. Put any and all stuff of hers or anything that reminds her of you in a bag and put the bag somewhere (i'm not going to say get rid of it because if you don't end exchanging stuff then it's always nice to have a look back in a few years). If you really want to keep her number, copy it down and put it in the bag (incase something important comes up-actually important mind, not just missing! ).

I would say most importantly is to ignore everything everyone says and just do whatever you feel like to make you happy bearing in mind the consequences.

 

[Syterion]

Do things that make you happy, and doubly dedicate yourself to them.

Exercise. Eat well. Go find art that you like, play your instruments. Seek with vigor new and interesting people. Actively take this opportunity of free time and free emotions to reshape your lifestyle.

When I broke up with my ex last year, I had a bad fling with this needy girl (and I was only too happy to oblige the attention, because I had such a void from the ex), and after, realized that what's important is what I do now. So I started working out and running, joined a club of cool people, called up some old friends, and tried learning some new dance styles. I think it worked out better than I thought. And now I'm more ready for someone new.

 

[Yared]

I'm eagerly waiting for a huge reply by DT.

 

[Leonel]

Keep yourself busy, man. Try your hardest to realize that it's over.

I remember when I broke up with my girlfriend it was hell for me. I had a hard time keeping myself from crying and let myself cry my eyes out in the afternoons. This went on for a good week but it still hurt and I cried every so often 6 months afterwards. Today I'm completely over her but deep down I still damn miss her.

 

[JollyRoger]

Get accepted into law school. Cured the negatives from my last serious break-up.

 

[Mr. Dictator]

wallow in your sadness until it becomes embarassing, then you just snap out of it.

 

[Karalysia]

Or date one of your students mums

Date one of your students.

Also if How I Met Your Mother has taught me anything you have to grow a break-up beard.

 

[Jabarto]

Demonize her in your thoughts. Every time you find your mind creeping back to her and how good things were, immediately remind yourself of something you really hated about her (the break up itself can serve this function fantastically) and how you're actually glad that you are no longer with someone who would do something like this to you. Its not like a job, where everything is honky-dory so long as you manage to keep it; if you're broken up and its definitely a for-good broken up, then IT was never going to happen anyway, so it would be better for you to revel in your luck that you escaped that situation as soon as you did, rather than mire in the hypotheticals about what "could have been," since in reality, it couldn't have been, except in the realm of your mind.

Is that healthy? I mean, it's good to acknowledge that things are over, and for the better to boot. But I did this the last time I got rejected (I've never been dumped, guess why?) and all it really did was, well...make me mad. As if I wasn't already.

Now listening to viking metal, THERE's a good idea.

 

[BCLG100]

Get accepted into law school. Cured the negatives from my last serious break-up.

attend law school. you simply do not have the time to feel negative about anything. Has been working for me since last september!

 

[JollyRoger]

attend law school. you simply do not have the time to feel negative about anything. Has been working for me since last september!

The downward spiral doesn't come until the 3rd year.

 

[Yared]

Vent your sadness in the form of tragedies?

 

[BCLG100]

The downward spiral doesn't come until the 3rd year.

Try doing a course that compacts it all into 9 months... there is no third year- just hell throughout.

 

[LucyDuke]

Take a mini-vacation in New England.

No, seriously, do the opposite of rebound. Being in a relationship for a long time makes you heavily dependent on that one person. Rebounds try to replace that person, but that doesn't work. You're gonna feel alone, and it's going to hurt more than when you felt alone before you had her, because you're used to her being there. But you've been alone and okay before her, and you can be alone and okay after her. Take as much time as you need to become comfortable being downtown's downtown instead of ms. town's downtown.

It is gonna suck, and there's no way around that. There aren't any shortcuts to better, but as long as you're going in the right direction you will get there.

If you want to rebuild some kind of friendship, don't try any harder than she does. It's not easy even if you're both trying. If she's as determined as you, it can work. If not, you're wasting effort. Know when to cut your losses. (Which will also suck.)

You don't need a lady to be awesome. Let the suck pass and embrace your ladyless awesomeness.

 

[Gilder]

Try to be more like Barney and less like Ted for a little while. Womanizing optional.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Is that healthy? I mean, it's good to acknowledge that things are over, and for the better to boot. But I did this the last time I got rejected (I've never been dumped, guess why?) and all it really did was, well...make me mad. As if I wasn't already.

Now listening to viking metal, THERE's a good idea.

Well if you wallow in what was, then yes, it'll make you mad. The point is to experience all that while being optimistic about the future; since you aren't stuck with that girl who wasn't The One anymore, the world is now your tomato!

 

[Grimz101]

Join the army, then lead some heroic mission that gets you a medal of honor just like in every other Hollywood movie.

 

[Jabarto]

Well if you wallow in what was, then yes, it'll make you mad. The point is to experience all that while being optimistic about the future; since you aren't stuck with that girl who wasn't The One anymore, the world is now your tomato!

Ah, I gotcha.

 

[Elta]

So last night, me and my girlfriend broke up. The whole thing has hit me very hard...we had been dating for around 16 months, and I thought things were eventually going to move in a much more serious direction (I had been quietly saving money for a ring).

The pain is compounded by my living situation. I've struggled to find more than superficial friends in my new city, and my job is terribly soul-sucking (not in a boring way, but in a profoundly depressing see-a-shrink-way)...so I don't have much of a support structure to help through the next steps. Me and my girlfriend were in the same fraternity in college, and shared most of our close friends. My family and I aren't especially close at the moment.

I tend to stay in relationships for a pretty long time, so I don't have too many big breakups under my belt. What do I do? How do I go about coping with losing one of the most important people in my day to day life? How long does it take? What should I say to my students when they find me even more depressed than usual in the next week? (thats only a little bit of a facetious question. My 4th graders are hyper sensitive to anything about *me*)

Please don't say get drunk. That may help, but I am still Mormon after all.

What did you do to get back on your feet after a breakup?

Link to video.

Take it easy my brother Downtown. When it's meant to be it's meant to be. When it's not it's not. Roll on.