Child Rearing Thread

[Loppan Torkel]

Bringing a child to the world is usually a quite significant event in people's lives. Some people take easier on such decisions, some doesn't take one at all and some take action against it.

What's your thoughts on having a child?
Do you want to be a parent? Do you fear it? Do you regret becoming one? Is it worth it? Can you live with it? Could you consider donating to let others have your biological child? Would you be okay with taking care of another parent's child?

Anonymous poll. Answer if you want to.

poll coming when I get the questions straight...

 

[Snorrius]

There is no poll.

The problem with having a child is that it is not your property but property of the state. You have to follow endless instructions of government officials but you still have to pay all the bills. In some countries they can easily snatch your children and redistribute him to other family or keep in custody of the state. Not a fair deal for me. What are benefits? Surely there is a strong biological urge but in face of so much disadvantages and having no advantages a rational person have a lot of serious doubts.

 

[Tahuti]

The problem with having a child is that it is not your property but property of the state.

A child is not supposed to be property at all. Rather, it is supposed to be seen as kin. However, the importance of this concept has been eroded as government indeed is presetting what kind of values you are going to instill on your children.

 

[Commodore]

There is no poll.

The problem with having a child is that it is not your property but property of the state. You have to follow endless instructions of government officials but you still have to pay all the bills. In some countries they can easily snatch your children and redistribute him to other family or keep in custody of the state. Not a fair deal for me. What are benefits? Surely there is a strong biological urge but in face of so much disadvantages and having no advantages a rational person have a lot of serious doubts.

Blame that on all the bad parents who have abused or neglected their children. If it weren't for them, the state wouldn't have had an excuse to step in and tell parents how to parent.

I also find it a tad disturbing that people without children increasingly view having children in a "what's in it for me" manner. Thinking about it like that makes it seem like children are some sort of commodity instead of actual human beings. Not to mention it's an extremely selfish attitude to have.

 

[bathsheba666]

Clarification ?

Is the rearing bit referring to us bringing up the child, or the child kicking off when there is something they don't like ?

 

[Loppan Torkel]

Bringing up a child.

Blame that on all the bad parents who have abused or neglected their children. If it weren't for them, the state wouldn't have had an excuse to step in and tell parents how to parent.

I also find it a tad disturbing that people without children increasingly view having children in a "what's in it for me" manner. Thinking about it like that makes it seem like children are some sort of commodity instead of actual human beings. Not to mention it's an extremely selfish attitude to have.

It may be selfish to not have a child, but it could be considered selfish to have one too, unless you're having one for the state.

 

[Commodore]

It may be selfish to not have a child, but it could be considered selfish to have one too, unless you're having one for the state.

I'm not saying it's selfish to not have kids, I'm saying it is selfish to base your decision whether or not to have kids on what you personally stand to gain or lose by doing so.

 

[Samson]

Do you want to be a parent?

I would like to be one.

Do you fear it?

Anyone who does not have a certain amount of trepidation probably has not thought about it enough, or does not care enough.

Could you consider donating to let others have your biological child?

Strange idea (to me). I have never considered it.

Would you be okay with taking care of another parent's child?

It would be hard, but I could consider it.

The problem with having a child is that it is not your property but property of the state.

The child is no-ones property. If anything, you are their property.

You have to follow endless instructions of government officials but you still have to pay all the bills.

In some countries they can easily snatch your children and redistribute him to other family or keep in custody of the state. Not a fair deal for me.

I do not know what it is like in Russia, but here it seems like it has to be pretty generally accepted child abuse to have a child taken into care (or a bad mistake). I do wonder it the bar may be a bit low in some cases, but it is generally the child who is put into care that I am sorry for, rather than the parents.

What are benefits? Surely there is a strong biological urge but in face of so much disadvantages and having no advantages a rational person have a lot of serious doubts.

What are the benefits? It is a pretty long list, and I do wonder how any adult would need it spelt out. One would have to start with the sating of a biological urge, which cannot be underestimated. Then you have the real darwinian result, which some would say is the only thing that matters in life (you do not think it is your brain that matters do you, it is your genes (jk)). Then you have the inflation proof retirement policy. Then you have the years of pleasure you get from spending time with your progeny. Then you have the societal benefit from having someone in the next generation who has the right idea about how the world should be run (you are right about that arn't you?) I could go on, but I do not think you are really going to claim further that there is no benefit.

I do agree that a rational person should have serious doubts. If the decision is taken without some serious soul searching then you will probably regret it.

I also find it a tad disturbing that people without children increasingly view having children in a "what's in it for me" manner. Thinking about it like that makes it seem like children are some sort of commodity instead of actual human beings. Not to mention it's an extremely selfish attitude to have.

Really? Once we go beyond the point that children are an inevitable result of sex, what considerations do people have other than "what's in it for me" (and my partner)? I do not buy that people really do it much so there can be more liberals, conservatives, monarchists, whatever, in the next generation

 

[downtown]

I have a little baby girl. She's around 4 months old.

I was worried until right before she was born. Unquestionably it's made my career advancement a little harder, and I sometimes do feel a little bummed, since few of my peers have children. It makes socializing harder, and since I live in an exceptionally expensive area, having a baby does add additional stress.

But I love my daughter, and she's been a great joy in my life. She's changed the way I feel about my wife (for the better), she's helped my wife and I mature even more (very quickly), and she's been an important source of perspective. I'm very excited to have her part of our family, and to see how she grows and develops.

Being a parent is hard. Shoot, my kid can't even walk yet and she's already a handful. But I'm glad that I did it. I feel like I'm going to be a good dad.

Now, for these questions:

Do you want to be a parent?

I've always wanted to be a dad. I wasn't crazy about the timing when I finally became one, but I'm not sure there is EVER great timing.

Do you fear it?

Anybody who doesn't have any fear hasn't thought about this hard enough. I have different fears now, but they're still real. But I worry about all sorts of stuff anyway.

Do you regret becoming one?

I do not.

Could you consider donating to let others have your biological child?

I guess I haven't really thought about it before. I don't see why not?

Would you be okay with taking care of another parent's child?

I'm not opposed to it (my sister is about to adopt a baby), but I don't have the means, time or energy to take on another kid right now. Maybe later in life.

 

[Loppan Torkel]

I'm not saying it's selfish to not have kids, I'm saying it is selfish to base your decision whether or not to have kids on what you personally stand to gain or lose by doing so.

It seems somewhat rational too. I think the potential child is the first to consider, but I think 'you' come in as a close runner-up.

 

[Samson]

It seems somewhat rational too. I think the potential child is the first to consider, but I think 'you' come in as a close runner-up.

For me, the potential child is a good reason to NOT have a child. I find it hard to rationalize having a child for the benefit of the child.

 

[Commodore]

It seems somewhat rational too. I think the potential child is the first to consider, but I think 'you' come in as a close runner-up.

If there's one thing I have learned from being a dad, it's that 'you' are a very distant runner-up. Ever since having my daughter my life is really no longer my own, and I have come to terms with that. There are moments when it really sucks and you feel like you aren't master of your own destiny anymore, but at those moments you have to just suck it up and remember that there is a human life that is 100% reliant on you for survival. When you have that kind of responsibility, there is no time or room for you to be thinking about yourself. Doing so will inevitably lead to you failing in your responsibility to the human life that is relying on you.

 

[Loppan Torkel]

If there's one thing I have learned from being a dad, it's that 'you' are a very distant runner-up. Ever since having my daughter my life is really no longer my own, and I have come to terms with that. There are moments when it really sucks and you feel like you aren't master of your own destiny anymore, but at those moments you have to just suck it up and remember that there is a human life that is 100% reliant on you for survival. When you have that kind of responsibility, there is no time or room for you to be thinking about yourself. Doing so will inevitably lead to you failing in your responsibility to the human life that is relying on you.

This is you after becoming a parent. Before becoming one you'd have to consider the well being of the yet unborn, of yourself, your spouse, the state, etc. You're stuck, having to suck it up until you die. It may still be worth it, but it's something to consider before having a child, perhaps.

 

[Commodore]

This is you after becoming a parent. Before becoming one you'd have to consider the well being of the yet unborn, you, your spouse, the state, etc. You're stuck, having to suck it up until you die. It may still be worth it, but it's something to consider before having a child, perhaps.

That's why I think it's almost better to not have the opportunity to think about it. I used to think about all that stuff and was dead-set against having children until my wife woke me up one morning and told me she was pregnant. I wasn't ready for it, but by that point there really wasn't anything to do about it but spend the next 9 months getting myself in the right state of mind to be a father.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I voted 'other' because some people get downright livid if I say that my cats consider me a mother-surrogate. But that's how it is when you adopt a kitten, especially one that really should have had more time with its biological mother.

As for human children, I decided 30 years ago that I would not be having any, and if for some reason I were to become pregnant, I would not carry the child to term. I've explained my reasons for this stance in other threads in OT.

 

[Birdjaguar]

I'll be blunt: until you actually raise a child, you will be clueless about parenting.

 

[Commodore]

I'll be blunt: until you actually raise a child, you will be clueless about parenting.

Exactly. Raising a child really is one of those "learn as you go" things in life.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I'll be blunt: until you actually raise a child, you will be clueless about parenting.

Message received. My input is not welcome in this thread.

 

[MilesGregarius]

I'll be blunt: until you actually raise a child, you will be clueless about parenting.

Gotta say bull to that. While there certainly are parent-specific issues that can only be mastered on the job, not everyone is "clueless" about raising a child until they've done so.

Many of the responsibilities generally subsumed under the term "parenting" can be, and usually are, learned without actually having any progeny of your own. Having nieces, nephews, younger siblings, younger cousins, or friends (platonic or romantic) with children can (not necessarily will) provide a solid set of the tools need to rear a child.

Unless all of that qualifies as "actually raising a child" in your eyes.

 

[Takhisis]

This thread disappoints me in that I expected a terrific discussion on the enfant rampant as a heraldic symbol, but, well…

What's your thoughts on having a child?

One of, if not the most amazing, wonderful, and terrible things you can do in life. You're causing new life to occur.

Do you want to be a parent? Do you fear it? Do you regret becoming one? Is it worth it? Can you live with it? Could you consider donating to let others have your biological child? Would you be okay with taking care of another parent's child?

All those will be answered by a future Tak when he gets there.