Sooooooo I built a new computer. Well technically I just rebuilt my old computer but in a new case, because 95% of the other components are exactly the same as I just moved them over. The other 5%? The network card, which as it turns out was a very strange thing with a unique plug that doesn't go directly into the mainboard, but instead into another obsolete component which is itself connected to a third component which is hardwired through a part of my old case, and there is no way I can build that monstrosity into my new case, which means until the new network card I ordered arrives in some days I have no way of accessing the Internet with my computer.
... Unless I download the turns on my tablet and then move them over with a USB cable... Eeeeee never mind, I guess I can try that.