Coming Out As A Bisexual

[Caesar of Bread]

At least, that's what I think.


I choose to identify as bi because more people know that term.


Questioning my gender, I have not finished dealing with it.


I started having these feelings in late 7th grade, but I began to fully understand them this year when I developed crushes on some boys I knew. When I found out about it, I realized that I was bisexual (I'm fine with a relationship with intersex/nonbinary/agender etc...). So, how do I tell people that I am bi? And what if they don't like that fact?


Thanks,
Caesar of Bread

 

[Plains-Cow]

I'd suggest communication via using your mouth for forming Modern English (American variant) words with the help of your lungs pushing air across your vocal cords so as to induce intelligible speech. Take a breath as needed to continue the process of speaking until the information transfer is complete.

 

[Synobun]

So, how do I tell people that I am bi? And what if they don't like that fact?

Is telling people something you want to do or something you feel you have to do?

 

[Hygro]

Ceasar, it’s great you’re trying to figure yourself out. If a label feels right, that’s good. But just an old secret, you can act on who you are without a label to back it up.”maybe” and “who cares” are acceptable answers to questions and if you want to get with boys or girls or both you can do it without any words of identity. Anyway, good luck and have fun.

 

[Arakhor]

You're not required to come out at any point, and I would suggest that you wait to tell people until you're sure that either they won't react badly or you're in a position to not have to worry about a bad reaction. I've never officially told my friends or family, though it probably wouldn't be much of a surprise to any of them.

 

[amadeus]

I’d hold back on that. Different generation, I guess, but I don’t think that’s something you want to broadcast when you’re still in school and part of that captive social group.

 

[Hygro]

On the other hand in my town, starting a few grades below mine, it conferred social advantage. So you never know.

 

[9gkj548hkm20vk79dj689bnj4]

just remember all those classmates will be GONE from your life in a few years. why live up to THEIR expectations?

 

[Euterpe]

All of my friends know of my orientation by now, but with everyone outside that circle, I have to be careful. I try to test the waters, try to find out if they're open-minded. I do live in Oklahoma and there are a lot of hateful people here, so I don't wear in on my sleeve.

The good news is that things have changed a lot over the years and now it is easy to test the waters because the individual you're thinking about coming out to might just bring up knowing someone that is gay or something. This happened to me recently, I had been talking to someone for a while and then she was casually telling me about a family member that was gay and she didn't speak demeaningly or anything. It was that evening that I came out to her. I had talked about an ex of mine with her, but always used male pronouns for my ex, because that's just what I have to do normally. So the way I came out to her was by saying "that ex I've talked to you about, he is not a he, she is a she" or something like that. lol. (She was accepting, but did give me the "That's fine, just promise me you won't hit on me" talk... Be prepared for that.)

Back in the ol' days (the 2000s lol) I would throw out hints, but most people are oblivious to hints, or at least don't acknowledge them until you straight-up come out.

The very first people I came out to were the ones who made themselves known as allies or at least were liberal in nature. If you have people like that in your life (which, again, they should be more open about being okay with LGBT people now than they were when I was first coming out back in the 2000s), I would come out to them first. That way you know you won't get rejected and then you can become more comfortable after you've made some allies and you can learn how to talk about it.

 

[Zardnaar]

Unless dorectlyvasked it doesn't matter and even then it's up to you in terms of what you want to tell people.

Also depends on how you think it defines you and how sure you are.

Teenage years are a mess of hormones.

Either way you don't need to rush into things like sex with anyone and it's awkward/confusing early on anyway. It does get easier later.

 

[Hygro]

Back in the ol' days (the 2000s lol) I would throw out hints, but most people are oblivious to hints, or at least don't acknowledge them until you straight-up come out.

I spent time in a small Central American town where the rate of lgbt youth was pretty high among the people you’d meet. They are as a group incredibly obvious and open, but the general attitude there had a 90s style homophobia. The straights were reaaaaaaally bad at knowing who were straight and who wasn’t. It was amazing how open you could be and not get picked on.

 

[Zardnaar]

I spent time in a small Central American town where the rate of lgbt youth was pretty high among the people you’d meet. They are as a group incredibly obvious and open, but the general attitude there had a 90s style homophobia. The straights were reaaaaaaally bad at knowing who were straight and who wasn’t. It was amazing how open you could be and not get picked on.

Here it was really only an issue in high school. Maybe small town gossip no one cared to much.

High school was hell on earth though.

 

[amadeus]

just remember all those classmates will be GONE from your life in a few years. why live up to THEIR expectations?

Have you ever been to a dinner party where maybe you only knew a couple people and it was really uncomfortable?

High school is like that, except it’s with 1,000 other guests, and it’s five days a week for four years, and you can’t leave.

And there’s no alcohol to blame people’s bad behavior on.

 

[FriendlyFire]

I’d hold back on that. Different generation, I guess, but I don’t think that’s something you want to broadcast when you’re still in school and part of that captive social group.

That's Japan, Where even being a halfiu is a problem
(Look at where Caesar lives)
Ok maybe hold back

 

[Birdjaguar]

Moderator Action: Keep this a helpful thread please.

 

[IglooDame]

At least, that's what I think.


I choose to identify as bi because more people know that term.


Questioning my gender, I have not finished dealing with it.


I started having these feelings in late 7th grade, but I began to fully understand them this year when I developed crushes on some boys I knew. When I found out about it, I realized that I was bisexual (I'm fine with a relationship with intersex/nonbinary/agender etc...). So, how do I tell people that I am bi? And what if they don't like that fact?


Thanks,
Caesar of Bread

If it was me, I wouldn't tell people, other than perhaps my best friend(s) (if I knew they'd be supportive based on how they treat other LGBTQ folks) and potential homoromantic partners. I absolutely understand wanting to be open and transparent about one's identity but the downsides of being broadcasting being bi seem considerably higher than the upsides, especially given where you are currently at in life.

 

[Tee Kay]

Echoing what most people in the thread is saying. Ask yourself if you need to.

IMHO you've got to do what makes life easiest for you. Blessedly I only realised my sexual orientation after high school (although in retrospect a lot of feelings I had back then now made sense) so I didn't have to walk around school keeping such a big part of myself secret. But as an adult, I tell people on a need-to-know basis, because 1. I don't want to be seen or labelled as "the bi guy", my personality is very much a lot more than my sexual orientation, and 2. it's not most people's business to know who I find attractive.

Some people will not like that you're bi, some people will be supportive, most will be neutral or don't care. It's not your place to tell people what to think, it's not their place to pressure you to be this way or that way. Practice appreciation for those who do support you, and rolling with the metaphorical punches from those who don't. (if the punches turn literal, then that's more serious)

 

[Remorseless1]

Honestly, it's nobody's business who or how you be with someone. If you feel a need to tell someone,do so. Otherwise, it's your business. Labels are meaningless really; they're just weapon used by a******s who in reality are scared to death that they'll have admit there into that non-straight stuff too. It's sucks. Avoid idiots.

And practice safe sex if/when you have sex.

 

[H4run]

Have you ever been to a dinner party where maybe you only knew a couple people and it was really uncomfortable?

High school is like that, except it’s with 1,000 other guests, and it’s five days a week for four years, and you can’t leave.

And there’s no alcohol to blame people’s bad behavior on.

That's not how I perceive high-school, nevertheless you are indeed a poet you describe that in style!

 

[EnglishEdward]

If you really must declare your sexuality to the world, then I suggest you wear a T shirt proclaiming that.

But be prepared for some strange looks as people read it and absorb the message.

For example: