DarthNES II - Superpowers

[Adrogans]

Turn socialist.

Crezth did that last time...it didn't make a difference, may in fact have made it worse.

 

[ZeletDude]

To: PKP/Whatever is left of The Filipino Government
From: Japan
Surrender now and many lives will be spared, you have lost. Your cities have been destroyed, your armies have been destroyed and your aircraft shot down. This is our last offer, surrender or face the dire consequences.

 

[Nuka-sama]

No, eff it

 

[Omega124]

To: A country who can't realize its 100 years of Superpowering is up
From: Mexico

Be that way. But let it be known we did all the real fighting, while you sunbathed and stood outsite the main objective. You wouldn't even be here if it weren't for us. So eff you, America.

 

[TheLizardKing]

To: The Country That, For A Majority of It's History, Reveled In It's Own Inability To Have A Government That Last Longer Then Two Years
From: The United States of America

I think it's fair to assume that you either had another revolution mid-transmission, or another drug cartel has bribed one of your officials to scramble your message. But we will humor you. Your point is a prime example of your nations relative servitude to us. We didn't have to fight. Why? Because we had a few thousand silly Mexicans willing to do it for us.

The fact that we even received any land is a testament to the overall failures of the Mexican government to serve its people's interests. You practically gave away land for us to put our name in the invasion memo sent to the Cuban government. It is understandable for you to be frustrated. So go sit back, have some tacos, a Siesta, have another revolution, and calm down. We all make mistakes. Some more then others.

As such, we will give you a chance to redact your rather informal insult to your better. After all, we have offered you friendship. We highly suggest you take it, while our College Students are still buying your biggest export.

 

[DarthNader]

From: Philippines (PKP)
To: Japan

We fought hard to fight off the capitalist swine amongst us...now you expect us to submit to a new capitalist scum? Never!

 

[GamezRule]

OOC: 666th post above.

Also, the rules specifically state the NPC's won't agree to peace unless you leave. You have to conquer the entire place.

 

[ZeletDude]

From: Philippines (PKP)
To: Japan

We fought hard to fight off the capitalist swine amongst us...now you expect us to submit to a new capitalist scum? Never!

Awesome, more Commies to kill. , have fun seeing your lives ruined further!

 

[DarthNader]

OOC: 666th post above.

Also, the rules specifically state the NPC's won't agree to peace unless you leave. You have to conquer the entire place.

Well, Japan's actions could technically be considered a "gun to the head". That strategy has worked in a handful of instances.

 

[TheLizardKing]

America- Today!​

Celebrating 177 Years Since The End Of The Mexican-American War
A Tale of Two Nations, And A New Meaning Of 'Take Whatever You Want'
Part 1, Written by Don Smith

Fact.​

That's right ladies and gentlemen! It's been 177 years since that glorified training exercise in the land of cartels and drunk college girls! And only "America- Today!' has all the details of the massive celebrations. My name is Don Smith, and I was sent to report on this awe-inspiring anniversary of the center building block for Mexican-American relations through the next 200 years.

The war itself was one of passion. America wanted a girl named California. Yet, California's drunken, lazy, abusive boyfriend (metaphorically speaking of course) Mexico refused to even think about letting America have its time with her. She however, felt mighty neglected, as he was too busy running up European debt (presumably through Cock-Fighting gambling) and having revolutions. Seeing California's plight, America did the one thing easier then signing a Treaty with Mexico. Beating Mexico in a war. Yes indeed, it was up to the United States to save that Pacific-based damsel in distress. Oh, and due to obligations from my editor, I have to mention Texas had something to do with it. But that's besides the point.

I started down to the Lone Star state, where it all began. I stood at the point where Mexican and American armies once eyed each-other nervously, wondering who would take the first shot. And not surprisingly, it was a few Mexican soldiers that decided to jump an American dragoon unit, assumably looking for food, or a horse to get the hell out of Mexico. Regardless as to which of the reasons is correct, that violent, yet characteristic action thrust the nation and sub-nation into a battle that blazed across Mexico (note: Mexico) for two years.

Crossing the border, to get into Mexico was easier then one would think. So many Mexicans do the exact reverse of that, that the Mexican guards viewed my passage as almost a hope that the many millions of their compatriots might one day make it back from the Land of Opportunity, into the Land of Yellow-Fever. I followed a dirt trail in my truck, towards Monterey, site of the first major confrontation between the two armies. It was astounding to me, that in this glorious, modern age, no paved roads existed in the region. Yet, then I realized that in a land where most money is spent on bribing people not to do their jobs it is certainly within the bounds of reality. Many of the locals I passed looked at my shining truck, with dull, tired eyes. At first I assumed it was because of the heat and exhaustion from their assumingly physically trying jobs, I in fact realized in was 3:30 PM, Siesta time. Yes, in the small town of Los Aldamas, a few hundred miles from Monterrey, all was quiet, and the sound of work not being done was deafening. I pulled over to a small rest-stop, that I soon found to be owned by an American business man. I walked in, hoping to find a cold drink, and perhaps interview him. As I walked to the counter, he eyed me up, and quickly realized that, unlike the locals, I could afford his wares. I put a dollar-fifty on the counter, and promptly bought myself a Coca-Cola. I found out his name was Ryan Locke, and we soon began talking.

DS: So, Mr. Locke, I have travelled across the border to this fine-

RL: Hell hole.

DS: Er, yes. If that's the terminology you'd like to use. I drove here, en route to Monterrey, reporting on the 177th anniversary of the end of the Mexican-American War.

RL: Oh yeah? 177 years since that whole mess?

DS: Yes indeed. I was hoping to ask you if you have noticed if any of the locals.. had any real opinion on the war?

RL: spits Well, quite honestly Smith, I've owned and operated this pit-stop for 7 years. I opened this whole business on the assumption that I would get a lot of local business, in accompaniment to travellers such as yourself. But I'll be damned. I reckon it took these bastards about 3 days to realize I wasn't a Red Cross worker handing out free food, and once they did, they left me alone. I'd be shocked if I talked to more then 10 of them since then. My only real visitors are men such as yourself.

DS: Americans?

RL: You betcha. After all, it costs money to buy that coke you're sippin' on, and for the gas you put in your truck. Something these locals don't have. I mean, hell, they think the Air-Conditioner is some form of witch-craft. Can you believe that? Witch-craft. You'd think it was 1848 here.

DS: Oh my, that sounds horrible. Well, you mentioned that you had talked to 10 of the locals. Had they even mentioned the war?

RL: All of em'.

DS: I imagine they didn't have anything nice to say to you then, huh?

RL: Laughs nice? Hell, they were goddamn pleasant. The only time I ever saw any of them actually smile, or talk above a whisper was when they were talking about it. The one child got this twinkle in his eye, looked me square in the face and asked me if the 'Yankee Army would come and save them too'. I couldn't help but laugh at the little fella'. It's like God played a cruel joke on these people. I mean hell, they had their chance at liberation, and they missed it. Because our government deemed Santa Fe more important then them.

DS: Ouch!

RL: Ouch indeed. These people are miserable. They sleep all day, and just about exist when they're not sleeping. I saw some kids 'playing' outside the other day. You know what playing as? Chasing a giant rat around with a stick. When they finally caught the poor bastard, they summarily beat it. Then they played soccer with the body. And when it was all over-and this is the damndest thing- when it was all over, their mother came over, and cooked it on a fire right there. It was their dinner, breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

DS: How barbaric!

RL: The way they see it, spits, it's only a matter of time till' the Yankees come down here and save them from their own failures. Hell, it breaks my Goddamn heart every year, when they celebrate the Fourth of July, and try to single our patriotic songs in their broken barbarian tongue. I just don't have the stomach to go out their and tell them that it's not happening any time soon.

We continued to talk for a bit after that. It was mostly peaceful, save for the good twenty minutes a local warlord came to demand tribute from the people. Yet, Mr. Locke assured me that we are fine. This happened every Thursday.

I soon jumped back into my truck, something the local villages had apparently began calling 'El Diabolo Negro' (the Black Devil) in my absence. Their awe struck eyes followed me as I left the village, continuing towards Monterrey.

To be continued next edition..

Who Let The Uzbek Out Of It's Cage?
Russia, and It's Growing(?) Importance(?) To American Foreign Affairs
Written by Samantha Jones

Russian Air-Port Landing Strip​

Russia. A land in which misery is a national sport. For the past 100 some years, Russia has proven an effective counter-weight to German and Irish drinking stereotypes. In America, you wash failure down with a new perspective. In Russia, that applies if a new perspective is Vodka. Tensions between the United States and Russia have always existed, be it when they were in a Civil War, and/or getting invaded by the rest of the World, and we weren't (to either), or when a Soviet figured out how Atomics worked 4 years after Oppenheimer let that cat out of the bag (and over Japan).

Yet, as much as we hate our hairy and drunken brethren, America has become increasingly reliant on Russia's presence in the world, to help our nations image. After all, if Russia didn't exist, what nation would drive entire continents into our loving embrace? And if we didn't exist, who would fuel their hate during their May-Day Parades? Yes, it is a well-known fact, that without America, Russian parades would lack the flourish that's been so prominent since the late 40's, and we'd lose the ability to reply to every diplomatic message with 'Yeah, well, at least we're not Russia.'

In an attempt to get some Russian perspective on this growing phenomenon, I attempted to contact a Mr. Vlad частнопредпринимательскими, Russian ambassador to America. Our meeting was scheduled to occur on July 7th of last week, yet received a notification the day of, informing me that "It is National Hate and Misery Day in Russia, Mr. частнопредпринимательскими is out drinking, and will not be able to attend the meeting as planned." And so, I tried again, receiving the same response. As a fact, it seemed that every day between the dates of July 7th and July 31st was a National Hate and Misery Day. But finally, after almost a month of trying, I finally managed to sit down with Mr. частнопредпринимательскими. The plump, bald old man sat in front of me, rubbing the highly prominent birthmarks on his head, all while cursing a 'Mikhail' under his breath. As soon as the interview began, Mr. частнопредпринимательскими offered me several shots, 'In Celebration Of New Day'. Professionally, I was obligated to refuse said shots, which caused Mr. частнопредпринимательскими to slowly grow more and more disgruntled through the interview. As such, it was highly laced with profanity, and we were unable to print it, in honestly, any way. In fact, their was so much drunken profanity in his statements, that even attempting to edit it, would lead you readers to assume I was talking to a slightly mentally ******** gentlemen. To save you the frustration, and Russia the embarrassment, I attempted to find another Russian to interview, which in all honesty was easier then it should have been.

I drove to the nearest IHOP, hoping to find a Russian worker there. Coincidentally, it seemed every worker there was Russian, or a 'Pig-Headed Latvian', and they were more then happy to be interviewed by me, 'Bar-bara Wulters'. Upon telling them that I could only interview one, one worker, his name being Sergie, revealed he was carrying a revolver in his pocket. With a nod, him and several of his co-workers walked into the kitchen. Once the door closed, several shots were heard, and before long, a smiling Sergei walked out. Appalled and disgusted at this apparently recreational use of Russian Roulette, I quickly left IHOP, almost as fast as Washington D.C. PD officers stormed the building.

And sadly, things of this nature continued. Every time I attempted to make contact to a Russian national, bad things befell me, or them, generally the latter, and even then, generally being at the latters own hands. But in a sick way, I feel this is God helping me prove my point to a higher degree. Russia and America need each other. Russia needs America, for it to be miserable, and America needs Russia, to give it the chance to have diplomatic do overs. Without America to hate, Russia would simply be Ukraine on a massive scale. And without Russia making us look so damn good, we'd be.. well, quite honestly, Mexico.

Serbia Remembers It's A Nation
Ruins Continent-Wide Rave Party
Written by John Louise

European Advance Towards Belgrade​

Save for the occasional drunk-Russian shooting spree, Europe has been, for the most part a relatively peaceful, happy utopia. Long gone are the days of warmongering Germany and Austria. Instead, Europe now looks forward to war as a more collective venture. That roving Daft Punk concert, known as the European military, attempt to drop some 'Big E' in a mysterious, yet notoriously square land, called Serbia. Needless to say, the Serbs just wouldn't have any of it, and had to be major buzz-kills.

Daft Punk, soon changed to Deadmau5 as European bombs pounded the small nation in a way that any true Dub-step fan would have been proud of. Yet, the Serbians, who many are simply calling 'New Russians', were too drunk on their Russian imported liquor to sit down and join the party. Instead, they gave the Europeans what could best be described as a 'bad trip'.

Our good friends in Europe however, continue to press on their advance. I myself have brought a Bassnectar album to the European Forward Command Base. It seems to of brought new ground hope to the offensive. We can only wish our European friends the best in their advance.

Tiger Woods at 50- Does He Regret It?
No.
Written by Mark Phelps

Woods and his first hand-full of mistresses.​

I wouldn't either.

 

[Lord of Elves]

From: Mother Russia
To: Yankees

Link to video.

 

[DarthNader]

Just noticed that stats were off. Upkeep was severely messed up for several of you...some for a couple turns. I have three sets of orders in, two of them have incorrect stats. Rewrite your orders.

 

[DarthNader]

This is the 48 hour warning.

So far I have received orders from Vietnam, China, the EF, and South Africa. If you sent orders before noon on July 22nd, check your orders and the updated stats to make sure your spending and such is appropriate. If I encounter any orders with incorrect stats, I will not carry out some of what you want.

 

[ZeletDude]

Japanese orders will be in later tonight !

 

[GamezRule]

OOC: I love having positions where 5 minute orders are possible!

 

[ZeletDude]

Orders have been sent.

 

[Lord of Elves]

Orders sent. Glory to Mother Russia!

 

[DarthNader]

This is the 5 hour warning.

I am missing orders from the UIR, Mexico, Indonesia, and Nigeria. Get those orders in folks.

 

[Tecknojock]

Orders Sent.

 

[Dreadnought]

Shoot - I forgot to post that I wasn't in town until today.

Can I send orders now?