Dating: trying to find "the one" or trying to find yourself?

[GenMarshall]

However, I am very impatient and I expect instant gratification. If I hear a girl is single and not taken by someone, I jump at the opportunity (though still held back due to fear of rejection and shyness).

 

[Gilder]

Where is the sex option?

 

[LucyDuke]

None of the above. I'm not trying to find anything but something to do. That probably sounds horrible, but it's not like a casual relationship can't evolve into a serious one if that's the course it takes. I just don't worry about it one way or the other. It makes dumb breakups like my most recent suck way, way less.

Here's the thing. I found out in high school that the less you look, the more you'll find. So it seems pretty counterproductive to me to look for something you'd really like to find. I'll be patient until I stumble across it, and if I don't, at least I had fun in the process rather than agonizing about how he wasn't perfect.

If you're dating to find yourself, you've got even more serious problems.

 

[Prince_Imrahil]

However, I am very impatient and I expect instant gratification. If I hear a girl is single and not taken by someone, I jump at the opportunity (though still held back due to fear of rejection and shyness).

Ya know CG, I've heard you say your appearence and shyness and fear of rejection and so forth were your issues keeping girls away (not to mention their shallowness according to you) but none of that is the problem. At all. You see, ultimately the whole relationship IS a self-interested self-serving thing, you're in it for the benefits that YOU get, but, but wait-a-minute there... why the hell would a girl want to get into a relationship with you just to SERVE your benefits? What's in it for her?

You see, shes in it for the same reasons you are in it, to have her self-interests and benefits served. So then this means for it to work, this self-serving thing must be MUTUAL-serving, or in other words, it has to work for both of you and be about BOTH of you, not just you and YOUR gratification, let alone INSTANT gratification, and if by that you mean sexual gratification thats instant, heck thats what, er, escorts are for... but even flings have to be mutual, meaning it can just be about your gratification, you have to be able to satisfy her... now I'm not talking about your skills in the sack, all I mean is that you have to be a man who actually gives other people the the time of day if you expect any from them at all.

Impaitient for what? Getting to know someone is not INSTANT at all... and if its just about the sex like I said, you have to be the kind of guy that a girl wants to have sex with, and that kind of guy is not one who EXPECTS instant Gratification.

 

[Brighteye]

So women are tools, eh? That's essentialy what you just said, unless you mistyped your statement.

Consenting partners enjoying fun too. Relationships are the tools. It just takes (at least) two to get anything out of one.

 

[Tycoon101]

Consenting partners enjoying fun too. Relationships are the tools. It just takes (at least) two to get anything out of one.

And then you are left with the empty feeling of being alone when your partner leaves you. Fun and games could seem nice, but you might just be breaking a woman's heart without noticing it.

 

[Brighteye]

Her heart is her problem. If she thinks it's all about love and commitment, she shouldn't get into a casual relationship should she?
If she's that narrow-minded she needs a bit of a shock to the system. The empty feeling comes from needing someone else to make one's life fulfilling, not from not having someone else.

 

[Tycoon101]

Her heart is her problem. If she thinks it's all about love and commitment, she shouldn't get into a casual relationship should she?

People will always be emotionally attached to a relationship, no matter how casual. If you are not emtionally attached to it, then what's the point of even being in the relationship?

If she's that narrow-minded she needs a bit of a shock to the system. The empty feeling comes from needing someone else to make one's life fulfilling, not from not having someone else.

But in one of your "casual" relationships, the woman doesn't even have you. Humans do not need a "shock to the system" to make them see that committment is not needed for a relationship.

I have a reason to believe that you are the one who needs a "shock to the system", so to speak. Relationships are about being committed, not being casual.

 

[Prince_Imrahil]

But in one of your "casual" relationships, the woman doesn't even have you. Humans do not need a "shock to the system" to make them see that committment is not needed for a relationship.

I have a reason to believe that you are the one who needs a "shock to the system", so to speak. Relationships are about being committed, not being casual.

But the thing is, why be commited if you are better off casual? If you're not one to have emotional attachments and can engage in casual affairs casually wouldn't it be the other persons fault for going along with this and then perhaps getting emotionally attached only to be shrugged off by you? If you say to them, "me, I'm all nsa" then they've accepted that the only string attached was that there would no other ones and thus by accpeting that they can only blame themselves for wanting more out of it later on.

 

[Tycoon101]

But the thing is, why be commited if you are better off casual? If you're not one to have emotional attachments and can engage in casual affairs casually wouldn't it be the other persons fault for going along with this and then perhaps getting emotionally attached only to be shrugged off by you? If you say to them, "me, I'm all nsa" then they've accepted that the only string attached was that there would no other ones and thus by accpeting that they can only blame themselves for wanting more out of it later on.

Well, you had better put down all those terms and conditions onto paper before the relationship, so the partner can't make you pay child support in the event of a pregnancy.

 

[Harbringer]

I think all people go into relationships for all kinds of different reasons, perhaps even two people together for different reasons. Im in mine for lots of reasons, one of the main being that its nice to have somebody love you, and its nice to have someone you can tell anything without having to watch what you say, and its also nice to be able to make her happy. I think by meeting all of these needs they sortov feed off of each other. Like, If im open with her, shes happy, and she loves me more, and then I'm happy because she loves me. But other people might get into relationships for different reasons, I know some who tear others apart because one was in it for the commitment and the love while the other was in it for the sex. I think if you are gong to be in a relationship for whatever reasons, at least make it clear why you are in the beginning. SO, treating your partner like a sex toy is fine so long as they understand that.

 

[capslock]

Just want to have fun. Why does it have to be about any more than this at a young age?

 

[Irish Caesar]

^ Or any age, for that matter.

 

[Gangor]

None of the above. I'm not trying to find anything but something to do. That probably sounds horrible, but it's not like a casual relationship can't evolve into a serious one if that's the course it takes. I just don't worry about it one way or the other. It makes dumb breakups like my most recent suck way, way less.

Heh, that's exactly how I met my current gf

Here's the thing. I found out in high school that the less you look, the more you'll find. So it seems pretty counterproductive to me to look for something you'd really like to find. I'll be patient until I stumble across it, and if I don't, at least I had fun in the process rather than agonizing about how he wasn't perfect.

Yes. I was just about to write exactly that.

If you're dating to find yourself, you've got even more serious problems.

People do that???

 

[puglover]

What you are looking for, in part, is what sort of traits and habits you really want in a partner; then finding someone who has enough of them.

Exactly. I don't believe there is "the One" for me, and I don't believe I'm looking for my clone. I'm just trying to find someone who aligns with my personality enough to be a good marriage partner.

 

[CaptainF]

I am the one.

 

[Nylan]

A little of both

 

[Brighteye]

People will always be emotionally attached to a relationship, no matter how casual. If you are not emtionally attached to it, then what's the point of even being in the relationship?



But in one of your "casual" relationships, the woman doesn't even have you. Humans do not need a "shock to the system" to make them see that committment is not needed for a relationship.

I have a reason to believe that you are the one who needs a "shock to the system", so to speak. Relationships are about being committed, not being casual.

Who says that relationships are about this?
The point of a relationship is someone to have fun with, including in bed. The point of a friendship is someone with whom to have fun, but not in bed.
Some humans do need that little bit of information. There are people who assume that sex=marriage and other strange and wacky ideas.

Well, you had better put down all those terms and conditions onto paper before the relationship, so the partner can't make you pay child support in the event of a pregnancy.

I intend to. Or, more specifically, I try to chat to people enough to find out about their opinions on abortion before we go too far...

 

[Hygro]

When you date people, you learn a lot about yourself with that kind of person. You may have three distinct personalities with three different women. What if you like one woman more, but don't like yourself as much, one woman is equal, and with the last woman, you really like yourself but don't like her as much as the other two?

This is one of a few reasons why one might date in order to learn more about oneself.

 

[Golden Touch]

i'm gonna say 'trying to get laid, meet fun people and do interesting things'.