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1832-1902: The happy WAR days
In 1832, the Evil and Dastardly Aztecs (May Buddha Curse Them!!!) attempted for the third time to take the wonderful city of Mexico City. It was held yet again by our brave Grenadiers. (Hehehe….Silly Aztecs. Just give it up!)
In 1834, the researchers arrived in the Matthian Palace to announce they had discovered steel. They were ignored until they pulled out Steel swords and attempted to chop up King Matthias. After having the offending researchers shot, the swords were taken and Steel was discovered. Meanwhile, the researchers were told to work on a huge device to print massive amounts of paper full of stories. It was called a “Printing Press” by Matthias, and, though no one knew what a press was, the researchers trudged away to work. (Gotta say trudged!)Berlin finally finished its walls, and thus prevented all fatties from plundering the world’s cow supply, and started on a Grocer to make money (for money is good). Meanwhile, HU was finished and started on walls, because walls look cool.
In 1836, a Theatre was finished in Paris, thus being non-barbaric, and started on a Buddhist Temple to sacrifice random artists to angry squirrels, the Official Animal Of Buddha. Meanwhile, in Madrid, a Longbowman was finished and started on a castle, now common throughout the English Empire. A Castle was finished in Cologne, so now important and rich people could take home paintings of a castle. (They were “in” now.) Colonge started on the HMS Enterprise, a galleon for the simple reason that we needed one.
In 1840, London finished its bank. (Hehehehe……..money!!!) It started on a work boat for the simple reason that Matthias told them to. Meanwhile, Hamburg finished a huge series of walls, and started on a granary to keep the grain inside the city (for they forgot to put in a gate). In London, yet another Great Scientist (creatively named Great Scientist) was born in London.
In 1842, the Madrid Castle finally finished. Tourism in Spain was immediately tripled. Madrid started on a grocer to sell the tourists fake treasure maps and give them deceptive maps of the city that lead them into dark alleys to be mugged.
In 1844, the Printing Press was discovered in London. This was proved as a paper, the English Times, was published in London with nothing but new pictures of Matthias. Meanwhile, London had finished its work boat and started on a Buddhist Temple to sacrifice artists who dared to publicly show their art. Meanwhile, the Matthian researchers were immediately told to elaborate on Chemistry, which Matthias called the Scientific Method (after the phrase ‘Matthian Method’ was denied ). Meanwhile, Catherine of the Sneaky but Apparently Nice Russians offered us a trade. She offered to make us a Constitution for us teaching her how to make Steel and 190 gold. Despite the fact Matthias was extremely mad once he figured out that a Constitution was just a piece of important paper, the trade was allowed. In York, the new technology of Constitution was used to make a holding place for prisoners, called a jail, because that was what it was called. (Don’t argue.) 1844 was also a year of great turmoil in the English Empire. Nationhood (to draft hobos), Theocracy (to make the monks happy), Serfdom (hehehe….WORK FASTER!!!), and Free Market (I like money) were all adopted.
In 1846, Parrotville finished rioting and learned to speak English. It started on a market to make money. Meanwhile, Julius Caesar of Rome declared war with Mansa Musa. (SPOILER…. This is important later.)
In 1848, the anarchy had finished. It started due to the fact that people decided to riot for two years due to all the walls being built to prevent the people from eating the food. King Matthias in 1848 was finally able to stop the anarchy and made everyone work again. Meanwhile, on the Aztec front, the city of Teotihuacan was taken (thank you, copy paste) and was promptly renamed Brownsville, TX. Only one poor grenadier was lost in the assault. Our diplomats immediately went to Montezuma, and demanded peace before we crushed them. Mainly because we looked violent (the shiny Steel was a nice touch) he gave us his world map and 180 gold for peace.
In 1850, for some reason, someone took yet another census and it was revealed that we had 10 million people in the English Empire. Matthias looked at the researchers (who conducted the census) and told them “So we have 10 million potential soldiers. Interesting.” On that (somewhat scary) note, the researchers scurried away to continue of Scientific Method.
In 1852, the Buddhist temple in Paris had finished and Paris started on a grenadier to make up for the losses on the Aztec Front.
In 1854, the granary was finished in Hamburg. Finally, the city of Hamburg could start on a castle which was “all the rage” in English Europe. (Not so much in Roman Europe, because they thought they were surrounded by friends. Hmm….isn’t that what France and Spain thought? Hehehehehe…..)
In 1856, the researchers arrived again to announce that they had discovered Scientific Method. Oil was discovered in the seas around York, as a random boat got into it an never came out. At the request of the bankers, and that money is good, Matthias told the researchers to work on a huge system of merchants that join together in an abnormally large sized building and have titles like “Senior-Deputy Vice Chairman of Marketing”. It was called a Corporation. The researchers, confused at how something could be senior but a deputy, ran away to think. (And research. And stuff like that.)
In 1858, the Buddhist Temple of London was finished. London, after watching Matthias meet Buddha, started on a Longbowmen, for the simple reason the colonials needed help (hint: settlers near York). In York itself, the Jail was finished and artists were being arrested at a record rate. York started on a Granary, amazed that they didn’t already have one. Madrid, meanwhile, had finished its Grocer, and immediately started on a Buddhist Stupa which would be placed where Buddha was born, Madrid Square. Our diplomats were very busy this year. They made a deal with Julius Caesar for Replaceable Parts (which was apparently VERY important to Matthias
P) and 530 gold (Woohoo! Money!) for Scientific Method. Matthias accepted right away. Meanwhile, Saladin (the negotiations were held in Mecca to avoid the Salad in jokes) accepted a Defensive Pact, to scare away any hobos with aspirations to greatness. Meanwhile Alexander declared war on Mansa Musa and the Aztec invasion fleet sailed covertly to Mali, to invade. (With the army. Duh.)
In 1862, researchers had arrived to announce they had finished Corporation. With all the necessary materials, Matthias ordered them to produce an updated musket, called a rifle. Meanwhile, for some reason, Matthias ordered all the red coloring in the world and got a ton of wool. He started making some red-coats. They were coats that were red. (As opposed to what?) According to some guy named Toynbee, he was not very powerful, so Toynbee was sacrificed to Buddha, and that was that.
In 1864, the Longbowmen was finished in London and it started on an aqueduct to get running water. Meanwhile, the Granary was finished on York, and it too started on an aqueduct. In Paris, the Grenadier was finished, and Paris started on a harbor to have ships. The Castle was finished in Hamburg, and, as so many people tried to get over them, it had to start on a Jail to throw them in.
In 1866, Berlin finished its Grocer and started on a castle, because anyone without one was lame. Meanwhile, Stuttgart finished its Courthouse, and, because they were considered barbaric, immediately started on a theatre.
In 1868, Genghis Khan (what a happy little warmonger) declared war on Cyrus. As this didn’t concern Matthias, he went back to sleep.
In 1870, at the request of the Greeks, Matthias declared war on Mali. The invasion force landed just outside Gao, an important trading city with….only….one….longbowmen. (Defense fail.) In other news, Brownsville finished rioting and started on a theatre. No one wants to be barbaric any more. Shame.
1872 was a very important year in the English Empire. The researchers arrived to announce that they had discovered how to make a rifle. They were ignored until the shot the King’s favorite jester, for which they were sacrificed to Buddha. The new researchers were told to make the people vote for Matthias as King, also known as Democracy. Meanwhile, York, Paris, and Mexico City all finished their buildings and started on three Redcoats (riflemen with redcoats blest by Buddha, thus giving them extreme power) each. The first Drafts were initiated in Berlin, Paris, Cologne and Madrid for more Redcoats. The nearly defenseless city of Gao was taken, and was left alone as the Grenadiers advanced toward Djenne, another important city.
In 1874, an aqueduct was finished in London, and it also started on three Redcoats. Though no one knew what the Redcoats were for, they look0ed impressive. Berlin finished its castle, and was also forced to start on 3 recoats. (Hmmm…warmonger much?)
In 1880, Democracy was finished. The first elections were held in the English Empire, with King Matthias winning 10,000,000-0. (It wasn’t rigged. Well fine, maybe a little. Fine, a lot. FINE! They were completely rigged. Geez. Rude.) The researchers were told to work on being more liberal, thus Liberalism started being researched. In Madrid, the Buddhist Stupa was finished and Madrid started on three redcoats, like everywhere else. We also traded with Hatshepsut for Military Tradition and 40 gold for Democracy. (Hehehe….suckers.) Djenne was taken, and Mansa Musa offered to give us 550 gold and his World Map to leave him at peace. Matthias did, for he liked money. (Recurring theme.)
In 1884, Liberalism was finished as the researchers came in dressed as peace activists. They were punished. (Assorted evil laughter.) The even-newer researchers then started on a device to use coal bonfire under a deck to push a ship along. It was called Steam Power. (Ironically, Steam hosts CIV V.) Cologne finished its market, and was set to work on three redcoats. Hamburg finished its jail and was also told to start on three redcoats. Gao stopped rioting, and started on the HMS Orion Frigate. (For all of you WWI buffs, this is a kind of British Battleship. Thank you, Internet.) Another Great Scientist named Great Scientist was born in York, and, after the London one and the York one arguing over whose name it was, they agreed to have the same name and went to sleep. Drafts happened again in Paris, Cologne, Madrid, Berlin and Hamburg.
In 1886, the theatre in Brownville, TX was completed and started on a library to hold books. (Book are good, like money.)
In 1888, Matthias had another of his famous ideas. He told London to make a National Wonder to produce Iron, called an Ironworks. He used one of his two Great Engineers to almost finish it.
In 1890, the Ironworks was completed. London now had lots more production. London continued its 3 redcoats. Now prepared with lots of Redcoats on the Roman Border, the English declared war on Rome. Also, the researchers returned to prove that they had discovered Steam Power, and now started on a Assembly Line, which would somehow allow them to make infantry.
In 1894, York and London had finished its redcoats and started on an ironclad. The city of Rome, capital of the ROMan Empire, was taken with the loss of 6 Redcoats. (I was expecting to lose more.)
In 1896, the city of Djenne was lost to the EVIL Romans. This really wasn’t that big of a deal. On the European continent, 4 longbowmen and 1 musketman, all defenders of various cites, were updated to Redcoat in case of a Roman counterattack. Yet another draft happened in Madrid, Berlin, Cologne, Hamburg and Paris.
In 1898, the HMS Victory was built in London. It was the first known Ironclad. London started on West Point, which would make better troops.
In 1900, Ireland wasn’t taken after a huge effort. (Sad.) Massive drafts happened in London and York to get more troops to take Ireland.
In 1902, the HMS Kent was commissioned in York. It was the second in the HMS Victory class of Ironclads. York started on a Drydock to make better ships.
(Sorry. I have more screenshots. Just ask.)
. When you finally get to over 10,000 views, I can finally use this picture:
And I WILL go for 10,000 views.
Matthias then looked at a map and proudly announced “Western Europe is ours! Huzzah!” And, after three cheers for the English Empire, Matthias went back to sleep. 
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