Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
No, they had overloading warp reactors! 
Adler
Adler
Historical Joke Thread
- Thread starter Adler17
- Start date
When he was really old yet still in Parliment, Churchill was walking through the seats when one young Tory MP saw his infirm condition and whispered to his friend "There's no doubt about it, the old man's going ga - ga."
Without turning around Churchill said "He's stone deaf and all."
Without turning around Churchill said "He's stone deaf and all."
FriendlyFire
Codex WMDicanious
privatehudson said:Perhaps he means a bear and a bag of wasps rather than an early use of the kind of technology more commonly associated with Stark Trek
My Bad
I was too busy chuckling like mad while tying that in.
One can imagine the hilarity of a bear, swarms of wasps and humans inside a tunnel.
FriendlyFire
Codex WMDicanious
Another ww2 FACT
The Russians had trained dogs to carry explosives under tanks and detonate. A sort of smart suicide bomb. tacticaly it made sence as tank amour is weakest underneath. Each dog carried explosives on there back with a level extended up. On entering underneath the tank the level would break and explosives detonate
Problem was that in tranning to dogs by feeding them food under russian tanks. The dogs being smarter would find there way back and detonate under the russian tanks. the few that got through caused the Germans to simply shot all dogs on the battlefield. Which was the end of that.
The Russians had trained dogs to carry explosives under tanks and detonate. A sort of smart suicide bomb. tacticaly it made sence as tank amour is weakest underneath. Each dog carried explosives on there back with a level extended up. On entering underneath the tank the level would break and explosives detonate
Problem was that in tranning to dogs by feeding them food under russian tanks. The dogs being smarter would find there way back and detonate under the russian tanks. the few that got through caused the Germans to simply shot all dogs on the battlefield. Which was the end of that.
These were popular Radio Yerevan Cold-War jokes
This is Radio Yerevan. One of our listeners asked: "Does one get 10 years of prison for saying that Brezhnev is an idiot?"
We're answering: "In principle yes, because that's a state secret."
Q: Is it true that half of the Central Committee of the Communist Party are idiots?
A: It is not true. Half of them are not idiots.
Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR? Both guarantee freedom of speech.
A: In principle yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.
Q: Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?
A: We don't answer questions related to agriculture.
Q: Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in landlocked Armenia. Do you have a sea?
A: To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture.
Q: Were the people equal in USSR?
A: Yes, but some people were more equal than the others (a reference to George Orwell's Animal Farm)
Q: What was permanent in the USSR?
A: Temporary difficulties.
Q: What methods do our enemies use in their subversive work against the socialist state?
A: Such questions we discuss in our program "Useful Advice."
Q: What is permitted and what is prohibited?
A: In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited. In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited. In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted. In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited. In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
Q: What is a one word joke?
A: Communism.
Q: What is the longest joke?
A: The speech made by Khrushchev at the Party congress.
Q: Is it true that Adam and Eve were the first communists?
A: Probably, yes. They both dressed very sparingly, they had modest requirements toward food, they never had their own house, and on top of all that, they believed that they were living in the paradise.
Q: Why have Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents been exiled from the country?
A: Don't you know that the best products are always selected for export?
Q: When will the economic situation become better?
A: Better? It was better already.
Q: What has changed in our justice system since the death of Stalin?
A: It has become prohibited to shoot down the defendant before the announcement of the verdict.
Q: Can bedbugs make a revolution?
A: In principle, yes, for in their veins flows the blood of peasants and workers.
Q: Can you sit with a naked ass on a hedgehog?
A: In principle, yes - if the Communist party calls for it, if the ass belongs to somebody else or if the hedgehog is properly shaved.
Q: Is it true that Russian U-boats hold the record for extended submersion?
A: In principle, yes. Two of them have been on the bottom since 1957.
Q: How come Canada and the U.S. can sell us so much wheat?
A: The fault lies with the catastrophic capitalist overproduction.
Q: What is the difference between socialism and capitalism?
A: Capitalism makes social mistakes, while socialism makes capital mistakes.
Q: Can we pride ourselves with an exceptional achievement in Soviet agriculture?
A: In principle yes, we plant the crops and afterwards we receive the harvest from Canada.
Q: Is it possible to wrap an elephant in a newspaper?
A: Yes, if the issue contains the theoretical considerations of Leonid Brezhnev.
Q: Is it true Comrade Mikulin got 20 years in Siberia from libel on calling Leonid Brezhnev an idiot?
A: No. The sentence from libel was six months. The 19 years 6 months were from leaking out a national secret.
Q: Is it true Mikulin was freed soon after that?
A: Yes. After Premier Brezhnev's speech in United Nations his condition ceased to be a national secret.
Q: We have sent one of our best breeding bulls to Cuba, but he sits at the edge of the lawn, ruminates and has no intention to take care of the cows. What we should do?
A: We are afraid that nothing can be done. The bull probably thinks he has been sent as an advisor.
Q: What should we do if the USA hits us with nuclear missiles?
A: Everybody must put on white shrouds and creep towards the nearest cemetery, very slowly.
Q: Why very slowly?
A: To avoid panic.
Q: How do you know a death certificate has been made out by a Soviet doctor?
A: The signature is under 'cause of death'.
Q: Why did the Soviets invade Czechoslovakia?
A: To find the person who invited them.
Q: When will they leave?
A: Once they find him.
A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk in Poland to make a deposit. Since he has never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous. "What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?" he asks. "Well, in that case your money would be insured by the Bank of Warsaw." "But, what if the Bank of Warsaw fails?" "Well, there'd be no problem, because the Bank of Warsaw is insured by the National Bank of Poland." "And if the National Bank of Poland fails?" "Then your money would be insured by the Bank of Moscow." "And what if the Bank of Moscow fails?" "Then your money would be insured by the Great Bank of the Soviet Union." "And if that bank fails?" "It is insured by the government of Soviet Union." "And if it fails?" "Well, in that case, you'd lose all your money. But, wouldn't it be worth it?"
Radio Yerevans last minute news: The winners of -74 socialist ****oo-clock competition (OK, we are a bit out of date - even as the head of broadcasting has been doing time). The purpose of the competition was to find new, anti-bourgeois ****oo-clock-models for the masses:
3rd prize: ****oo comes out of the clock every hour saying "Lenin!"
2nd prize: ****oo comes out, says "All the proletariat of the world, unite!"
1st prize: A small Lenin comes out of the clock and says "****oo, ****oo..."
TASS: Yesterday, on the Soviet-Chinese border, Chinese soldiers disguised as peasants opened fire on a peaceful Soviet tractor. Our tractor returned fire, neutralized the intruders, and flew away...
Q: Is it true that people are healthier in Russia than in USA?
A: Certainly. Think about the American national obesity problem.
Q: Comrade editor, is it correct that the Americans have dwarves?
A: In principle yes, but the Soviets are larger.
Alla Pugacheva calls incognito radio Yerevan's office:
- Could you please tell me what the meaning is of the word “jubilee”?
- That's when you are surrounded with many flowers and you are still alive!
Q: What is the difference between the dollar and the ruble?
A: The dollar is covered by gold (used to), while tanks cover the ruble.
First question:
- What would be best for the people: to raise the cost of living and then the salaries or vice-versa?
- We don't want to comment on political issues.
Second question:
- What kind of night-gown should the bride wear during the first matrimonial night, satin or cotton?
- It doesn't actually matter, either way she's going to get screwed. The same also applies to the first question.
Q: Would it be possible that one would have shot Nikita Khrushchev instead of JFK?
A: In principle yes, but it is questionable whether Onassis would have taken the widow...
Q: How can I overcome the fear from a dentist?
A: Think of it as the only place you can open your mouth freely.
Q: Is it true that the Soviet Government gave Evgheny a brand new black Mercedes?
A: Yes, it is true, only that it was not black it was red, it wasn't a Mercedes it was a Zhiguli, and they didn't give it TO him, they took it FROM him.
Hello, Radio Yerevan?
- Yes.
- Yesterday I was listening to a very interesting political discussion on your station, but today I can barely hear you. What is wrong?
- Since today we are airing from Siberia.
Radio Yerevan kindly informs its listeners: Our chief editor used to live right across the street to county prison. Since late last week he works right across the road to his home.
Q: How long will it take still to reach socialism?
A: Eighteen kilometers. Each Five Year Plan takes us one step closer to socialism.
Q: What is the principal difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Lenin said "Communism is the Soviet regime plus electricity in the whole country". Therefore the difference is the same as with a chair and an electric chair.
This is Radio Yerevan. One of our listeners asked: "Does one get 10 years of prison for saying that Brezhnev is an idiot?"
We're answering: "In principle yes, because that's a state secret."
Q: Is it true that half of the Central Committee of the Communist Party are idiots?
A: It is not true. Half of them are not idiots.
Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR? Both guarantee freedom of speech.
A: In principle yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.
Q: Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?
A: We don't answer questions related to agriculture.
Q: Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in landlocked Armenia. Do you have a sea?
A: To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture.
Q: Were the people equal in USSR?
A: Yes, but some people were more equal than the others (a reference to George Orwell's Animal Farm)
Q: What was permanent in the USSR?
A: Temporary difficulties.
Q: What methods do our enemies use in their subversive work against the socialist state?
A: Such questions we discuss in our program "Useful Advice."
Q: What is permitted and what is prohibited?
A: In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited. In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited. In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted. In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited. In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
Q: What is a one word joke?
A: Communism.
Q: What is the longest joke?
A: The speech made by Khrushchev at the Party congress.
Q: Is it true that Adam and Eve were the first communists?
A: Probably, yes. They both dressed very sparingly, they had modest requirements toward food, they never had their own house, and on top of all that, they believed that they were living in the paradise.
Q: Why have Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents been exiled from the country?
A: Don't you know that the best products are always selected for export?
Q: When will the economic situation become better?
A: Better? It was better already.
Q: What has changed in our justice system since the death of Stalin?
A: It has become prohibited to shoot down the defendant before the announcement of the verdict.
Q: Can bedbugs make a revolution?
A: In principle, yes, for in their veins flows the blood of peasants and workers.
Q: Can you sit with a naked ass on a hedgehog?
A: In principle, yes - if the Communist party calls for it, if the ass belongs to somebody else or if the hedgehog is properly shaved.
Q: Is it true that Russian U-boats hold the record for extended submersion?
A: In principle, yes. Two of them have been on the bottom since 1957.
Q: How come Canada and the U.S. can sell us so much wheat?
A: The fault lies with the catastrophic capitalist overproduction.
Q: What is the difference between socialism and capitalism?
A: Capitalism makes social mistakes, while socialism makes capital mistakes.
Q: Can we pride ourselves with an exceptional achievement in Soviet agriculture?
A: In principle yes, we plant the crops and afterwards we receive the harvest from Canada.
Q: Is it possible to wrap an elephant in a newspaper?
A: Yes, if the issue contains the theoretical considerations of Leonid Brezhnev.
Q: Is it true Comrade Mikulin got 20 years in Siberia from libel on calling Leonid Brezhnev an idiot?
A: No. The sentence from libel was six months. The 19 years 6 months were from leaking out a national secret.
Q: Is it true Mikulin was freed soon after that?
A: Yes. After Premier Brezhnev's speech in United Nations his condition ceased to be a national secret.
Q: We have sent one of our best breeding bulls to Cuba, but he sits at the edge of the lawn, ruminates and has no intention to take care of the cows. What we should do?
A: We are afraid that nothing can be done. The bull probably thinks he has been sent as an advisor.
Q: What should we do if the USA hits us with nuclear missiles?
A: Everybody must put on white shrouds and creep towards the nearest cemetery, very slowly.
Q: Why very slowly?
A: To avoid panic.
Q: How do you know a death certificate has been made out by a Soviet doctor?
A: The signature is under 'cause of death'.
Q: Why did the Soviets invade Czechoslovakia?
A: To find the person who invited them.
Q: When will they leave?
A: Once they find him.
A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk in Poland to make a deposit. Since he has never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous. "What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?" he asks. "Well, in that case your money would be insured by the Bank of Warsaw." "But, what if the Bank of Warsaw fails?" "Well, there'd be no problem, because the Bank of Warsaw is insured by the National Bank of Poland." "And if the National Bank of Poland fails?" "Then your money would be insured by the Bank of Moscow." "And what if the Bank of Moscow fails?" "Then your money would be insured by the Great Bank of the Soviet Union." "And if that bank fails?" "It is insured by the government of Soviet Union." "And if it fails?" "Well, in that case, you'd lose all your money. But, wouldn't it be worth it?"
Radio Yerevans last minute news: The winners of -74 socialist ****oo-clock competition (OK, we are a bit out of date - even as the head of broadcasting has been doing time). The purpose of the competition was to find new, anti-bourgeois ****oo-clock-models for the masses:
3rd prize: ****oo comes out of the clock every hour saying "Lenin!"
2nd prize: ****oo comes out, says "All the proletariat of the world, unite!"
1st prize: A small Lenin comes out of the clock and says "****oo, ****oo..."
TASS: Yesterday, on the Soviet-Chinese border, Chinese soldiers disguised as peasants opened fire on a peaceful Soviet tractor. Our tractor returned fire, neutralized the intruders, and flew away...
Q: Is it true that people are healthier in Russia than in USA?
A: Certainly. Think about the American national obesity problem.
Q: Comrade editor, is it correct that the Americans have dwarves?
A: In principle yes, but the Soviets are larger.
Alla Pugacheva calls incognito radio Yerevan's office:
- Could you please tell me what the meaning is of the word “jubilee”?
- That's when you are surrounded with many flowers and you are still alive!
Q: What is the difference between the dollar and the ruble?
A: The dollar is covered by gold (used to), while tanks cover the ruble.
First question:
- What would be best for the people: to raise the cost of living and then the salaries or vice-versa?
- We don't want to comment on political issues.
Second question:
- What kind of night-gown should the bride wear during the first matrimonial night, satin or cotton?
- It doesn't actually matter, either way she's going to get screwed. The same also applies to the first question.
Q: Would it be possible that one would have shot Nikita Khrushchev instead of JFK?
A: In principle yes, but it is questionable whether Onassis would have taken the widow...
Q: How can I overcome the fear from a dentist?
A: Think of it as the only place you can open your mouth freely.
Q: Is it true that the Soviet Government gave Evgheny a brand new black Mercedes?
A: Yes, it is true, only that it was not black it was red, it wasn't a Mercedes it was a Zhiguli, and they didn't give it TO him, they took it FROM him.
Hello, Radio Yerevan?
- Yes.
- Yesterday I was listening to a very interesting political discussion on your station, but today I can barely hear you. What is wrong?
- Since today we are airing from Siberia.
Radio Yerevan kindly informs its listeners: Our chief editor used to live right across the street to county prison. Since late last week he works right across the road to his home.
Q: How long will it take still to reach socialism?
A: Eighteen kilometers. Each Five Year Plan takes us one step closer to socialism.
Q: What is the principal difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Lenin said "Communism is the Soviet regime plus electricity in the whole country". Therefore the difference is the same as with a chair and an electric chair.
7ronin
海軍少佐
aussieboy said:
Very funny. More please!
Q: Is it true that the X-rays were discovered in Russia?
A: Yes, it's true. Even in 17th century prince Morosov wrote to his wife "I see through you, whore." Later, it became a popular adage, "I see through you and even deeper."
Q: Is it true that due to the achievements of the Soviet technology, we will soon be able to order food over the phone?
A: Yes, our sources tell us it is true. The same sources told us the ordered food would be delivered via TV.
Q: Why was the return of the Soviet Space station from the Moon marked as a huge success?
A: Because finally we have evidence that something can leave the Soviet Union and come back.
Q: What is the shortest description of a scientist?
A: A person whose blood pressure is higher than his salary!
BBC asks radio Yerevan:
What is the average salary that your engineers receive monthly?
…. the weather in England sucks.
Q: What do humans and computers have in common?
A: Just like computers, when you are young you have lots of hardware and little software. When you get older you have lots of software but your hardware comes short.
Q: Is it possible for a man to live only on maize?
A: In principle, yes, if you filtrate the maize through chickens.
Q: What is the difference between miniskirt and Sputnik?
A: Sputnik: maximum resources spent, minimum information gained. Miniskirt: minimum resources spent, maximum information gained.
Q: Is it true that all the most remarkable inventions have been come up in USSR?
A: In principle, yes. We invented inventors.
A: Yes, it's true. Even in 17th century prince Morosov wrote to his wife "I see through you, whore." Later, it became a popular adage, "I see through you and even deeper."
Q: Is it true that due to the achievements of the Soviet technology, we will soon be able to order food over the phone?
A: Yes, our sources tell us it is true. The same sources told us the ordered food would be delivered via TV.
Q: Why was the return of the Soviet Space station from the Moon marked as a huge success?
A: Because finally we have evidence that something can leave the Soviet Union and come back.
Q: What is the shortest description of a scientist?
A: A person whose blood pressure is higher than his salary!
BBC asks radio Yerevan:
What is the average salary that your engineers receive monthly?
…. the weather in England sucks.
Q: What do humans and computers have in common?
A: Just like computers, when you are young you have lots of hardware and little software. When you get older you have lots of software but your hardware comes short.
Q: Is it possible for a man to live only on maize?
A: In principle, yes, if you filtrate the maize through chickens.
Q: What is the difference between miniskirt and Sputnik?
A: Sputnik: maximum resources spent, minimum information gained. Miniskirt: minimum resources spent, maximum information gained.
Q: Is it true that all the most remarkable inventions have been come up in USSR?
A: In principle, yes. We invented inventors.
Q: With whom does the Soviet Union border?
A: With whoever it wants!
Q: What would happen if Bulgaria invades Sahara?
A: After 2-3 years they will start importing sand.
Q: Do you think that a Civil war might break out in Bulgaria?
A: No. Bulgaria is mostly populated by village people.
Q: What is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?
A: The English fairy tale start with "Once upon a time...., and ours with "It will be soon..."
Q: How many fools are there in Armenia?
A: Come over here, you'll be the first.
Q: Is there anti-Semitism in the USSR?
A: We must answer in the positive: No!
Q: What is the difference between Zionism and Impressionism?
A: We don't know about this difference, but if you are who we think you are, you better go.
Q: Is there a symphony orchestra in New Guinea?
A: Of course not, as no Jew would agree to put a ring into his nose.
Q: How does a smart Bulgarian talk with a stupid Bulgarian?
A: By the phone from Canada.
Q: What do a pregnant eighth-grader and a Trabant have in common?
A: Both are the shame of the family.
Q: What is the shortest description of an Armenian?
A: From the waist till the hair – pictures from the wild nature. From the waist till the toe unbelievable but true.
Q: What can you use a women's bra for?
A: To make two hats for Uzbeks from it.
Q: What is "Russian business"?
A: To steal a crate of vodka, to sell it, and then drink the money away.
Q: Who were the first people?
A: It is well known that a man descended from an ape. Therefore we have to admit that the first people were: Aron Gutan, a Jew, Chimpanidze, a Georgian, and Gavrilla, a Russian.
Q: How can you tell if the pilot of the plane is Armenian?
A: He would open the window and his hand would stretch out.
Q: Is it possible to set up socialism in Monaco?
A: No. Such a great disaster does not fit in such a small country.
Q: Why isn't Finland yet a Communist country?
A: Do we really hate the Finns so much?
Q: Would the East Germans rather live in Germany, USA or USSR?
A: In Germany, of course! Isn't the West Germany a Germany as well?
Q: Which is better, Russian tea or Chinese tea?
A: Do not meddle with grand geopolitical disputes. Drink coffee instead.
Q: Why did the Kremlin staff again visit Finland?
A: To learn how to live in unison with a grand eastern neighbour.
Q: Are the Czech our brothers or our friends?
A: Brothers, of course. You can choose your friends but not your relatives.
Q: Why do the Chinese shoot cats?
A: From counterrevolutionary provocation. They refused to say "Mao!", saying instead "Meow!".
Q: The relations between US and USSR are termed as "peaceful coexistence of different systems". What is the term to describe the relations between USSR and China?"
A: Hostile coexistence of similar systems.
Q: Which is the largest country in the world?
A: Cuba. Its intelligentsia is in Florida, government in Moscow, grain fields in Ukraine and graveyards in Angola.
Q: Which is the most important city in the Soviet Union?
A: Yerevan, of course.
Q: So, if Americans want to nuke us, they should target Yerevan, right?
A: Well, Moscow is pretty important, too.
Q: Is it true all prostitutes have glowing eyes?
The Armenian radio didn't know what to say. Instead, the Odessa radio said "If all prostitutes had glowing eyes, then Odessa would have white nights" The Leningrad radio requested that no comments be made
A: With whoever it wants!
Q: What would happen if Bulgaria invades Sahara?
A: After 2-3 years they will start importing sand.
Q: Do you think that a Civil war might break out in Bulgaria?
A: No. Bulgaria is mostly populated by village people.
Q: What is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?
A: The English fairy tale start with "Once upon a time...., and ours with "It will be soon..."
Q: How many fools are there in Armenia?
A: Come over here, you'll be the first.
Q: Is there anti-Semitism in the USSR?
A: We must answer in the positive: No!
Q: What is the difference between Zionism and Impressionism?
A: We don't know about this difference, but if you are who we think you are, you better go.
Q: Is there a symphony orchestra in New Guinea?
A: Of course not, as no Jew would agree to put a ring into his nose.
Q: How does a smart Bulgarian talk with a stupid Bulgarian?
A: By the phone from Canada.
Q: What do a pregnant eighth-grader and a Trabant have in common?
A: Both are the shame of the family.
Q: What is the shortest description of an Armenian?
A: From the waist till the hair – pictures from the wild nature. From the waist till the toe unbelievable but true.
Q: What can you use a women's bra for?
A: To make two hats for Uzbeks from it.
Q: What is "Russian business"?
A: To steal a crate of vodka, to sell it, and then drink the money away.
Q: Who were the first people?
A: It is well known that a man descended from an ape. Therefore we have to admit that the first people were: Aron Gutan, a Jew, Chimpanidze, a Georgian, and Gavrilla, a Russian.
Q: How can you tell if the pilot of the plane is Armenian?
A: He would open the window and his hand would stretch out.
Q: Is it possible to set up socialism in Monaco?
A: No. Such a great disaster does not fit in such a small country.
Q: Why isn't Finland yet a Communist country?
A: Do we really hate the Finns so much?
Q: Would the East Germans rather live in Germany, USA or USSR?
A: In Germany, of course! Isn't the West Germany a Germany as well?
Q: Which is better, Russian tea or Chinese tea?
A: Do not meddle with grand geopolitical disputes. Drink coffee instead.
Q: Why did the Kremlin staff again visit Finland?
A: To learn how to live in unison with a grand eastern neighbour.
Q: Are the Czech our brothers or our friends?
A: Brothers, of course. You can choose your friends but not your relatives.
Q: Why do the Chinese shoot cats?
A: From counterrevolutionary provocation. They refused to say "Mao!", saying instead "Meow!".
Q: The relations between US and USSR are termed as "peaceful coexistence of different systems". What is the term to describe the relations between USSR and China?"
A: Hostile coexistence of similar systems.
Q: Which is the largest country in the world?
A: Cuba. Its intelligentsia is in Florida, government in Moscow, grain fields in Ukraine and graveyards in Angola.
Q: Which is the most important city in the Soviet Union?
A: Yerevan, of course.
Q: So, if Americans want to nuke us, they should target Yerevan, right?
A: Well, Moscow is pretty important, too.
Q: Is it true all prostitutes have glowing eyes?
The Armenian radio didn't know what to say. Instead, the Odessa radio said "If all prostitutes had glowing eyes, then Odessa would have white nights" The Leningrad radio requested that no comments be made
Gelion
Retired Captain
Aussie do you mind if I use your translation for my personal site?
Love them
Love them
Gelion
Retired Captain
Thanks it is a useful answer to meSquonk said:
Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
The people of Ostfriesland in Lower Saxony are told to be a bit dumb, so there are many jokes about them, like in Ireland the people of Kerry.
The Ostfriesen declare war on the Soviets by sending a letter in which they say, they would have 1.000 men and 10 tanks. The Soviet respond they had 1.000.000 men and 10.000 tanks and if they really want war. The Ostfriesen then said: "We have to apologize but we do not declare war due to humanical reasons. We do not have capacities for so many PoW."
Adler
The Ostfriesen declare war on the Soviets by sending a letter in which they say, they would have 1.000 men and 10 tanks. The Soviet respond they had 1.000.000 men and 10.000 tanks and if they really want war. The Ostfriesen then said: "We have to apologize but we do not declare war due to humanical reasons. We do not have capacities for so many PoW."
Adler
Gelion
Retired Captain
Even better, thanksaussieboy said:
Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
Question on Radio Jerewan:
Is it correct that our army was asked for hel by the Checzs (Sp???)?
Answer:
Yes, the request of 1939 was positievely answered in 1968.
Q: Is it correct that the Armenians have the best humor?
A: Yes, but we need it also very much.
Q: What is the difference of an optimist and a pessimist?
A: The optimist learns English, the pessimist Chinese.
Q: May I eat apples from Chernobyl?
A: In principle yes, but your toilet is then not allowed to be connected with the sewer system.
Q: We want to show "Wilhelm Tell" by Schiller at our school. Are we allowed to do so?
A: In principle yes, but where do you want to get an apple?
Q: Do we still have to fear the Germans?
A: In principle no. We do not have a common border with Germany.
Q: Is it correct that Stalin collects jokes about him?
A: In principle yes, but at first he collects the men who say them.
Some more I had found.
Adler
Is it correct that our army was asked for hel by the Checzs (Sp???)?
Answer:
Yes, the request of 1939 was positievely answered in 1968.
Q: Is it correct that the Armenians have the best humor?
A: Yes, but we need it also very much.
Q: What is the difference of an optimist and a pessimist?
A: The optimist learns English, the pessimist Chinese.
Q: May I eat apples from Chernobyl?
A: In principle yes, but your toilet is then not allowed to be connected with the sewer system.
Q: We want to show "Wilhelm Tell" by Schiller at our school. Are we allowed to do so?
A: In principle yes, but where do you want to get an apple?
Q: Do we still have to fear the Germans?
A: In principle no. We do not have a common border with Germany.
Q: Is it correct that Stalin collects jokes about him?
A: In principle yes, but at first he collects the men who say them.
Some more I had found.
Adler
Gelion
Retired Captain
^ never heard one of them 
GoldEagle
Deity of All Drummers
.
pboily
fingerlickinmathematickin
If you tell the joke in english, the names should be left in their original, methinks... Aron Gutan, a Jew, Chimpanidze, a Georgian, and Gavrilla, a Russian.
EDIT: Oh, I see. In the original message, he had left them in their original language, you changed it your message, and all I really did was to retranslate it to the original. That'll learn me to read only the last post.
EDIT: Oh, I see. In the original message, he had left them in their original language, you changed it your message, and all I really did was to retranslate it to the original. That'll learn me to read only the last post.
