Gelion
Retired Captain
Love that one!FriendlyFire said:
Squonk?
-
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Historical Joke Thread
- Thread starter Adler17
- Start date
Squonk?
nonconformist
Miserable
Moscow, 1950s.
A man stands in the line for meat.
He has been standing for many hours.
Suddenly, the shop distributing meat shuts, due to a shortage.
As the dissapoitned peopled walk off, he says "Where is all the meat that Communism should provide us with, Comrade General Secretary?"
Out of the crowd come two men in fedora hats and leather trenchcoats.
"We're watching you" says one of them, and then they dissapear back into the crowd.
The man walks home, enters his house, and sits down heavily on a chair in the kitchen, and ets out a heavy sigh.
His wife asks "A bad day, dear?"
He answers "Yes. Not only are they out of meat, but they're out of bullets too".
A man stands in the line for meat.
He has been standing for many hours.
Suddenly, the shop distributing meat shuts, due to a shortage.
As the dissapoitned peopled walk off, he says "Where is all the meat that Communism should provide us with, Comrade General Secretary?"
Out of the crowd come two men in fedora hats and leather trenchcoats.
"We're watching you" says one of them, and then they dissapear back into the crowd.
The man walks home, enters his house, and sits down heavily on a chair in the kitchen, and ets out a heavy sigh.
His wife asks "A bad day, dear?"
He answers "Yes. Not only are they out of meat, but they're out of bullets too".
In Soviet Union:
- A guy arrived earlier at the factory. He was arrested because he was accused of being a spy.
- A guy arrived late at the factory. He was arrested for sabotaging the production
- A guy arrived on time at the factory. He was arrested because he was accused of having bought his watch in the West.
In Soviet Union, people were often going by 3.
One who knew how to read. One who new how to write. And the third to watch these two dangerous intellectuals.
- A guy arrived earlier at the factory. He was arrested because he was accused of being a spy.
- A guy arrived late at the factory. He was arrested for sabotaging the production
- A guy arrived on time at the factory. He was arrested because he was accused of having bought his watch in the West.
In Soviet Union, people were often going by 3.
One who knew how to read. One who new how to write. And the third to watch these two dangerous intellectuals.
Lockesdonkey
Liberal Jihadist
Unfortunate story from WWI:
The British commanders, frustrated by their inability to see their troops when they crossed No Man's Land, ordered all of their troops to wear reflective triangles on their backs.
The plan seemed to work splendidly; the British troops were much easier to command (all one had to do was look for the swarm of white triangles). However, the Germans began to fire off their machine guns.
Then the British turned tail. Suffice it to say that the British commanders promptly removed the triangles.
The British commanders, frustrated by their inability to see their troops when they crossed No Man's Land, ordered all of their troops to wear reflective triangles on their backs.
The plan seemed to work splendidly; the British troops were much easier to command (all one had to do was look for the swarm of white triangles). However, the Germans began to fire off their machine guns.
Then the British turned tail. Suffice it to say that the British commanders promptly removed the triangles.
Slaughter
Paladin
Here's some:
"We're in a football match between Argentina and Paraguay. It's only four mintes of match, but the Argentinans are already calling help from Brazil..."
The (proud) history of Brazilian Warfare:
Napoleonic War: A victory, since the real family fled to Brazil and the french had to fight they way in Spain, weaking Napoleon and preparing the resistance against him in all europe. To defeat Portugal, this was stupid.
Independence War: Won, it was widely celebrated, until we've figured out we only defeated Portugal. Something the French could't do. As always.
Uruguay and Argentina versus Brazil war: Won, even if they fought together. They spent the next hunded years forgeting the humilation.
Triplice Aliance's War: Won, even if we got defeated at the begining. At the end, howerever, the other members left us fighting alone. As if we needed 'em.
Second World War: Came in along the americans, taked Mount Castelo, helped to conquest Italy. Something that even the French could't do.
Haitian Interference: Won, because only the General died in the operation, "suicide"... Or that what's they say.
"We're in a football match between Argentina and Paraguay. It's only four mintes of match, but the Argentinans are already calling help from Brazil..."
The (proud) history of Brazilian Warfare:
Napoleonic War: A victory, since the real family fled to Brazil and the french had to fight they way in Spain, weaking Napoleon and preparing the resistance against him in all europe. To defeat Portugal, this was stupid.
Independence War: Won, it was widely celebrated, until we've figured out we only defeated Portugal. Something the French could't do. As always.
Uruguay and Argentina versus Brazil war: Won, even if they fought together. They spent the next hunded years forgeting the humilation.
Triplice Aliance's War: Won, even if we got defeated at the begining. At the end, howerever, the other members left us fighting alone. As if we needed 'em.
Second World War: Came in along the americans, taked Mount Castelo, helped to conquest Italy. Something that even the French could't do.
Haitian Interference: Won, because only the General died in the operation, "suicide"... Or that what's they say.
FriendlyFire
Codex WMDicanious
FACT: During the sieg of Malta, the Italians bombers were actually faster then the british fighters. Orginally Malta wasnt defended by any airforce the three bufalo fighter were left as unuseable by a passing carrier.
Somehow they manage to get them fying. The pilots who have to climb high then go into a drive to catch the faster italian bombers.
And those three fighters were succesful at it.
Those wacky italians
Somehow they manage to get them fying. The pilots who have to climb high then go into a drive to catch the faster italian bombers.
And those three fighters were succesful at it.
Those wacky italians
privatehudson
The Ultimate Badass
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I believe they were Gloster Gladiators actually and there were 4 of them (although they had only 3 pilots)
Gelion
Retired Captain
There were 3 planes and as I heard 2 were disabled in the first month of fighting.privatehudson said:
privatehudson
The Ultimate Badass
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http://surfcity.kund.dalnet.se/malta.htm
I had heard it was four but apparently it was 6. The confusion arises because it seems that two were still packed away when the Italians declared war. Three of the six became famous as Faith Hope and Charity but there were certainly more than these planes involved. The first Hurricanes to arrive for example did so on tthe same day that the first two Gladiators were damaged. Disabled is an erroneous term since between repairs and canabalisations the two planes damaged on the 21st certainly did not stay lost nor reduce the strength for long. It certainly did not reduce the strength to one plane either - just two days llater 3 different planes were used
I had heard it was four but apparently it was 6. The confusion arises because it seems that two were still packed away when the Italians declared war. Three of the six became famous as Faith Hope and Charity but there were certainly more than these planes involved. The first Hurricanes to arrive for example did so on tthe same day that the first two Gladiators were damaged. Disabled is an erroneous term since between repairs and canabalisations the two planes damaged on the 21st certainly did not stay lost nor reduce the strength for long. It certainly did not reduce the strength to one plane either - just two days llater 3 different planes were used
Naskra
Emperor
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2006
- Messages
- 1,315
A German general and his Italian counterpart were preparing for battle against the Allies. The German dons his red leather greatcoat.
Italian general: Why do you wear that into battle?
German: So that if I am wounded, my soldiers do not see the blood and
become discouraged.
Italian: A good idea. Orderly! Bring me my brown pants.
Italian general: Why do you wear that into battle?
German: So that if I am wounded, my soldiers do not see the blood and
become discouraged.
Italian: A good idea. Orderly! Bring me my brown pants.
Adler17
Prussian Feldmarschall
In medievel times people loughed when they gave a blind a stick to beat a bag. But this "bag" was in truth another blind who had also a stick!
I don´t think that is very funny, but since it is a history thread I posted this to see how the tastes of humor changed, or?
Adler
I don´t think that is very funny, but since it is a history thread I posted this to see how the tastes of humor changed, or?
Adler
Dann
Green bug
Yes I still find it funny. 
But then again, I'm a sicko.
But then again, I'm a sicko.
Ukas
Pthooey of Tomainia
Few WWII GI jokes:
What's green and takes off from Berlin?
-Snotzies
How do you sink Italian Navy?
-Put it in the water
What is one idea that never got off the ground?
-The Polish Air Force
How did the Germans capture France so easily?
-They marched in backwards and said they were leaving
What's green and takes off from Berlin?
-Snotzies
How do you sink Italian Navy?
-Put it in the water
What is one idea that never got off the ground?
-The Polish Air Force
How did the Germans capture France so easily?
-They marched in backwards and said they were leaving
PrinceOfLeigh
Wigan, England
It's in my sig but I thought I'd document this joke from Blackadder Goes Forth incase I ever change my sig.
For those who don't know Blackadder IV was set in WWI
It's also from memory so may not be word for word what the programme said.
Private: "Why are we fighting the Germans?"
Major: "Because they are imperialistic, they want all of Europe to themselves"
Blackadder: "The British Empire extends from the head of Scotland to the tip of Australia, it covers one third of the world and is considered to be so large that upon it the Sun never sets. Germany consists of a sausage shop in Frankfurt.We can hardly accuse them of being Imperialistic"
For those who don't know Blackadder IV was set in WWI
It's also from memory so may not be word for word what the programme said.
Private: "Why are we fighting the Germans?"
Major: "Because they are imperialistic, they want all of Europe to themselves"
Blackadder: "The British Empire extends from the head of Scotland to the tip of Australia, it covers one third of the world and is considered to be so large that upon it the Sun never sets. Germany consists of a sausage shop in Frankfurt.We can hardly accuse them of being Imperialistic"
Dann
Green bug
Hahahaha.... 
7ronin
海軍少佐
Some time during the 1980's, Japanese Prime Minister Yasuhiro Nakasone made an official visit to the Peoples Republic of China where he had a meeting with Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping. During the private meeting, Nakasone apologized to Deng for the savage excesses of the Japanese military in China before and during World War II. Deng leaned over to Nakasone, patted his hand, and said, "Don't worry about it. We did much worse to you. After all, we gave you Chinese writing and Buddhism."
Supposedly a true story, but who knows. Several western officials who met Deng say he had a sense of humor.
Supposedly a true story, but who knows. Several western officials who met Deng say he had a sense of humor.
FriendlyFire
Codex WMDicanious
Dann said:Hahahaha....
/moves away from Dan
Are you seated Dan cause this ones will have you on the floor.
During ancient times a counter seige technique which came from china.
Having launch a sally out from the fort. The defenders located the enterance to enemy engineer tunnel.
They pushed a bear in as well as bags of warps into the tunnel.
Then they collapsed the tunnel enterance.
EDIT: Oh the hilarity
Dann
Green bug
I can't roll. I'm in the office right now.
privatehudson
The Ultimate Badass
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2003
- Messages
- 4,821
Perhaps he means a bear and a bag of wasps rather than an early use of the kind of technology more commonly associated with Stark Trek 
