Thorvald of Lym
A Little Sketchy
Khrushchev-senpai was consuming his most-cherished cuisine, corn on the cob, as he contemplated the conundrum. "But how can we corral the convicts without coercive application of clout?"
"Yes, Comrade," sighed Malinovsky, "This is the dilemma of which I have presently availed you. Also I'm pretty sure you've just exhausted this month's consonance budget."
There must be a solution, he thought, as he stared at the remaining buttered kernels in quiet reflection. "THAT'S IT!" he cried, hoisting the most revolutionary of vegetables high above his head. "We will grant a general amnesty, but only to those prisoners that apply to work on the farms! Thus through the truth of Collectivization, they will be too busy working to engage in counterrevolutionary activity, but will also be contributing meaningful labour toward the triumph of Socialism! It's win-win!"
"Isn't an open-air prison still a prison?" asked Malinovsky, eyebrow raisedbut not as much as Brezhnev's.
"Da, but you're confusing this with capitalist consumerism, and the decadent West is practically tripping over itself to autoincarcerate in that regard."
Malinovsky rolled his eyes.
"Isn't it past the growing season for corn?" piped upOleksandr Shargei Yuri Kondratyuk, who could build a centrifuge out of nothing but Siberian wood so he somehow thought he could grasp the intricacies of maize cultivation.
"There's just one problem," said Malinovsky, "Winter is coming and corn doesn't grow in snow."
"Hmm, this is a definite obstacle," conceded Khrushchev-san. He pondered for some time.
Meanwhile, Malinovsky got up and poked his head out the window to where Makhno was spinning figure-eights on the pavement below. "Cut it out, you anarchist!" he hollered.
"Don't tell me what to do!" he shouted back, flipping the bird before tearing his wagon right across the flowerbed.
"What if we could develop a hardier strand of corn that can grow in colder climates?" mused Kondratyuk, clearly out of his element.
"I've got a better idea," announced Khrushchev. "What if we developed a new breed of corn, that could weather winter temperatures?" The room rejoiced in the Premier's insight into Marxism. "Comrade Kondratyuk, you have been honoured with this mission, for the betterment of workers worldwide!"
"But I'm not even an agricultural—"
"Next item on the agenda," continued Malinovsky, "Thefree real estate plight of the Proletariat in central Europe."
"Everyone knows that Cauşescu is the worst ciorbă," Khrushchev nodded gravely. "He is like a vampire, but instead of impaling Turks he sells off the national economy for bargain-bin prices to fund his personality cult. This cannot be allowed to stand."
"Are we sending in the army?"
"Actually no, I want it running exercises for the foreseeable future. And I don't mean wargames and field manoeuvres—I mean the fitness circuit, aerobics, the whole Engels-damned gamut: a tank brigade's no use if your muffin top's catching in the cupola! For this, I have a better idea." Khrushchev got up and leaned out the window. "Hey anarchist, whatever you do, don't instigate revolution in Romania!"
"Nice try, but I'm going to not instigate revolution in Romania!"
Khrushchev took off his shoe and pounded it against the wall, thwarted by the Black Army's insane logic.
===== MEANWHILE, IN THE WHITE SEA =====
"I think we can safely declare that there are no White ships here," said Hirohito.
"Should we be getting back to Ukraine now, Comrade?" asked the Vice-Admiral.
"Yes, it seems rather odd we were deployed this far north in the first place."
===== BACK IN КИЇВ =====
"Anything else, Comrade?" asked Malinovsky.
"Yes, we have received a petition for state support in a global outreach programme to strengthen cultural ties amongst the Kozaky diaspora. They are, after all, one of the most powerful social forces in all of human history (before Communism, of course)."
"I don't think Grant Georgeson is a real professor," Malinovsky began.
Dzhemilev momentarily raised his head to glance bemusedly across the room, before returning to the preparation of his succulent Turkic meal.
ORDURRRRZZZZZZ
In a cunning manipulation of circumstance, Khrushchev shall create an advantage over No-Gulag November, offering convicts amnesty on the condition they work on the collective farms, thereby secretly shepherding them back under State control while increasing national corn production.
Malinovsky shall assist the Armed Forces in training exercises, since neither has anything better to do, plus it's an easy way to move to alert-readiness without actually looking like a military build-up.
In a splendid move of 6D chess, Makhno shall join the Black Army to subvert Khrushchev's subversions by actually infiltrating Romania to inspire popular revolt (read: create a neighbour NPC).
The Cossacks will send a delegation to (re-)establish contact with the fabled Black Hosts of West Africa.
Kondratyuk shall seek to overcome the mission of creating a winter corn by travelling to (what survives of) Canada in search of Charles Saunders, in the hope of adapting his research into Marquis wheat.
Hirohito shall assist the Navy in providing logistical support for the preceding two actions (and getting back to port).
Dzhemilev shall seek to complete his succulent Turkic meal.
"Yes, Comrade," sighed Malinovsky, "This is the dilemma of which I have presently availed you. Also I'm pretty sure you've just exhausted this month's consonance budget."
There must be a solution, he thought, as he stared at the remaining buttered kernels in quiet reflection. "THAT'S IT!" he cried, hoisting the most revolutionary of vegetables high above his head. "We will grant a general amnesty, but only to those prisoners that apply to work on the farms! Thus through the truth of Collectivization, they will be too busy working to engage in counterrevolutionary activity, but will also be contributing meaningful labour toward the triumph of Socialism! It's win-win!"
"Isn't an open-air prison still a prison?" asked Malinovsky, eyebrow raised
"Da, but you're confusing this with capitalist consumerism, and the decadent West is practically tripping over itself to autoincarcerate in that regard."
Malinovsky rolled his eyes.
"Isn't it past the growing season for corn?" piped up
"There's just one problem," said Malinovsky, "Winter is coming and corn doesn't grow in snow."
"Hmm, this is a definite obstacle," conceded Khrushchev-san. He pondered for some time.
Meanwhile, Malinovsky got up and poked his head out the window to where Makhno was spinning figure-eights on the pavement below. "Cut it out, you anarchist!" he hollered.
"Don't tell me what to do!" he shouted back, flipping the bird before tearing his wagon right across the flowerbed.
"What if we could develop a hardier strand of corn that can grow in colder climates?" mused Kondratyuk, clearly out of his element.
"I've got a better idea," announced Khrushchev. "What if we developed a new breed of corn, that could weather winter temperatures?" The room rejoiced in the Premier's insight into Marxism. "Comrade Kondratyuk, you have been honoured with this mission, for the betterment of workers worldwide!"
"But I'm not even an agricultural—"
"Next item on the agenda," continued Malinovsky, "The
"Everyone knows that Cauşescu is the worst ciorbă," Khrushchev nodded gravely. "He is like a vampire, but instead of impaling Turks he sells off the national economy for bargain-bin prices to fund his personality cult. This cannot be allowed to stand."
"Are we sending in the army?"
"Actually no, I want it running exercises for the foreseeable future. And I don't mean wargames and field manoeuvres—I mean the fitness circuit, aerobics, the whole Engels-damned gamut: a tank brigade's no use if your muffin top's catching in the cupola! For this, I have a better idea." Khrushchev got up and leaned out the window. "Hey anarchist, whatever you do, don't instigate revolution in Romania!"
"Nice try, but I'm going to not instigate revolution in Romania!"
Khrushchev took off his shoe and pounded it against the wall, thwarted by the Black Army's insane logic.
===== MEANWHILE, IN THE WHITE SEA =====
"I think we can safely declare that there are no White ships here," said Hirohito.
"Should we be getting back to Ukraine now, Comrade?" asked the Vice-Admiral.
"Yes, it seems rather odd we were deployed this far north in the first place."
===== BACK IN КИЇВ =====
"Anything else, Comrade?" asked Malinovsky.
"Yes, we have received a petition for state support in a global outreach programme to strengthen cultural ties amongst the Kozaky diaspora. They are, after all, one of the most powerful social forces in all of human history (before Communism, of course)."
"I don't think Grant Georgeson is a real professor," Malinovsky began.
Dzhemilev momentarily raised his head to glance bemusedly across the room, before returning to the preparation of his succulent Turkic meal.
ORDURRRRZZZZZZ
In a cunning manipulation of circumstance, Khrushchev shall create an advantage over No-Gulag November, offering convicts amnesty on the condition they work on the collective farms, thereby secretly shepherding them back under State control while increasing national corn production.
Malinovsky shall assist the Armed Forces in training exercises, since neither has anything better to do, plus it's an easy way to move to alert-readiness without actually looking like a military build-up.
In a splendid move of 6D chess, Makhno shall join the Black Army to subvert Khrushchev's subversions by actually infiltrating Romania to inspire popular revolt (read: create a neighbour NPC).
The Cossacks will send a delegation to (re-)establish contact with the fabled Black Hosts of West Africa.
Kondratyuk shall seek to overcome the mission of creating a winter corn by travelling to (what survives of) Canada in search of Charles Saunders, in the hope of adapting his research into Marquis wheat.
Hirohito shall assist the Navy in providing logistical support for the preceding two actions (and getting back to port).
Dzhemilev shall seek to complete his succulent Turkic meal.
