Pravda Interview Transcript
Q: I Natalya Semanovya reporter form Pravda have been granted exclusive interview with Comrade First-Citizen Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, Savior of the Revolution, Father of the Republic and Hero of the Republic. I thank him for being here today.
A: *laughs* No need for all the titles Comrade Natalya, Comrade Putin or First-Citizen if you prefer, will do just fine. And I am always happy to speak through Pravda to the proletariat.
Q: Comrade Putin can you tell us a little of how you first to be in the position you are in today?
A: Well I joined the KGB in 1975 and was transfered throughout various departments and units. Eventually I came to be stationed in East Germany. That is where I was when the Soviet Union collapsed. I remember it like it was yesterday, I saw the headlines and couldn't believe my eyes. The once mighty USSR torn apart, the Warsaw Pact satellite broke away with Russia itself tore itself apart with the corrupt Russian Republic taking most of the core lands, while the capitalist Northern Collective scum taking the north.
I sought to return immediately to do anything within my power to stop the disintegration of my Motherland. The East German government was able to help me, and I owe them a great debt of gratitude. I am also pleased to say that East Germany became an island of stability and a bulwark of the Revolution in Europe, they are now known as the People's Republic of Europe. They provided me with a plane, I landed in Moscow. It was pure chaos, no one knew who was in charge. Fortunately the KGB and parts of the Red Army had good discipline and loyalty. I met with a group of die-hard Red Army generals and KGB officers through my good friend Anatoly Sobchak. Together we decided that the Communism must not die. We would flee to the Far East and safeguard the Revolution. With loyal Red Army units we reestablished Communist rule over the Far East. The corrupt Russian Republic sent forces to stifle the Reveloution but we crushed the capitalist dogs and sent them fleeing.
The early days of the foundation of the Far Eastern Republic were bloody one's. China and North Korea both attacked us. I was placed in command of the Third Shock Army. I am pleased to say that it is my unit that smashed Chinese lines in Manchuria and drove all the way to Beijing taking the capital. It is for this that I am given my various titles Hero of the Republic,Founding Father of the Republic, and Savior of the Revolution. In subsequent actions we seized with the aid of loyal Mongolian forces, Inner Mongolia, Turkestan rose and joined us, Korea and Northern Japan were both incorporated.
It is at this point that the various generals and KGB officers unanimously elected me as First Citizen to lead our state. A lengthy answer, but I hope I answered it adequately Natalya.
Q: Of course First-Citizen Putin! A wonderful answer! Can you tell us about your early influences?
A: I was born into humble beginnings. My father no doubt shaped the man I would become today. I also had great admiration for Karl Marx, Comrade Engels, Comrade Lenin, and Comrade Trotsky. Indeed I fear that it was the rise of Stalin that began the demise of the Soviet Union and corrupted it away from True Communism. If Trotsky had been leader perhaps things would have been different.
Q: Where do you see yourself leading FEAR in the near future?
A: I hope to first and foremost safeguard the Revolution, the fire must not die. It is for this end that I founded Communist International and I am pleased to say that it is very promising. It is only through unity that we can survive and prosper. We have all seen the results of disunity, it breeds only collapse, chaos, bloodshed, misery, grief, and suffering.
I will wipe all of these away with the purifying flame of True Communism. The corruption of the USSR is over. The old system will not be re-established. We will keep closer to the principles of Marx and Lenin.
Q: What sort of system do you intend to re-establish Comrade Putin?
A: Ah that is being worked out as we speak. Indeed my friend Comrade Sobchak and myself are working on the creation of this new system. I can't speak much of it yet, but in the next few years it will become clear.Well I suppose I could tell you a little, the program is called The Democratic Order Of Municipalities (DOOM).
The DOOM program seeks to establish a series of commune's throughout the state. It is my belief that the one purest Communist state to ever exist happened once in 1871. It was the Paris Commoune. Sadly Imperialist-Capitalist forces of the French Republic saw to it that it was destroyed. But by taking the principles of the Paris Commune, learning from their mistakes, and refining it we can recreate the most perfect Communist state here.
This is what we hope to do.
Q: Thank you Comrade Putin very much for this interview.
A: It was my pleasure Comrade Natalya.