Karnage of the Kingdom of the Kongo
- Thread starter constantinople
- Start date
constantinople
not Istanbul
Chapter XI
Mbemba: Stupid Brits... I will one day take Moskuitoville or whatever it's kalled...
Adviser: At least the British are building railroads for us. That's konvenient.
Adviser: For now, we need to fokus on katching up to the rest of the world.
Mbemba: So many tekhs! Hey, um, Western World? Kan you slow down advancing for me? I'm still living in the stone age and you guys have hoverkars already. It's mean...
Adviser: At least mutual tekh lagging brings third world nations kloser together.
Adviser: Something called the United Nations was formed. It's similar to the Apostolik Palace, but everyone is in.
Mbemba: That will never work out... I assume we have to vote for a supreme diktator.
Adviser: Yup. Sillyman or Churchy.
Mbemba: Well, I'll have to go with Churchill. He's been kind, for the most part, and doesn't not like me, unlike Sully.
Adviser: The USSR is ready for peace.
Mbemba: Please, take some of our money!
Stalin: What's money?
Adviser: Pardon?
Stalin: We are living in a utopian society, komrade. There is no need for money. Everyone is happy!
Starving worker: Help... me...
Stalin: See?
Mbemba: ...Well, will you akcept this gold as a war tribute.
Stalin: Fine. Add give me your wallet too.
Adviser: News flash: Churchill wins the slightly rigged elektion!
Mbemba: Hooray! ...I guess...
Mbemba: I just really want Somelolland back... I wish I could invade but I kan't thanks to the stupid UN peacekeepers... What fun is a world where you kan't kommitt genocide?
Adviser: A world I'd rather live in...
Adviser: FRANCE IS DEAD!
Mbemba: What? What happened?
Adviser: I don't know, I guess each French city surrendered to each other and the government kaved in on itself.
Mbemba: This really is a messed up world. Looks like Stalin's birthplace is going from English kontrol to Spanish kontrol.
Adviser: But hey. Fort Dolphin has deklared independence...
Mbemba:
Adviser: And is now its own kountry...
Mbemba:
Adviser: A weak kountry...
Mbemba:
Adviser: That kould easily be invaded by us...
Mbemba:
Adviser: And we should do that...
Mbemba: Oh, why didn't you just say so!
Mbemba: We just need to advance a bit more to fight them infantry-ie. We need to "fly" and drop balls of "eksplosions" on them. But no such thing eksists and never will...
Mbemba: We also need to capture South Afrika.
Adviser: Good news! Britain is ekspanding even more!
Mbemba: How is that good?
Adviser: Britain will kollapse under its own weight! She is overekspanding! Britain will kollapse, South Afrika will be divided and weak and we kan take over!
Mbemba:
Mbemba: Stupid Brits... I will one day take Moskuitoville or whatever it's kalled...
Adviser: At least the British are building railroads for us. That's konvenient.
Spoiler :
Adviser: For now, we need to fokus on katching up to the rest of the world.
Mbemba: So many tekhs! Hey, um, Western World? Kan you slow down advancing for me? I'm still living in the stone age and you guys have hoverkars already. It's mean...
Adviser: At least mutual tekh lagging brings third world nations kloser together.
Spoiler :
Adviser: Something called the United Nations was formed. It's similar to the Apostolik Palace, but everyone is in.
Mbemba: That will never work out... I assume we have to vote for a supreme diktator.
Adviser: Yup. Sillyman or Churchy.
Mbemba: Well, I'll have to go with Churchill. He's been kind, for the most part, and doesn't not like me, unlike Sully.
Spoiler :
Adviser: The USSR is ready for peace.
Mbemba: Please, take some of our money!
Stalin: What's money?
Adviser: Pardon?
Stalin: We are living in a utopian society, komrade. There is no need for money. Everyone is happy!
Starving worker: Help... me...
Stalin: See?
Mbemba: ...Well, will you akcept this gold as a war tribute.
Stalin: Fine. Add give me your wallet too.
Spoiler :
Adviser: News flash: Churchill wins the slightly rigged elektion!
Mbemba: Hooray! ...I guess...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: I just really want Somelolland back... I wish I could invade but I kan't thanks to the stupid UN peacekeepers... What fun is a world where you kan't kommitt genocide?
Adviser: A world I'd rather live in...
Spoiler :
Adviser: FRANCE IS DEAD!
Mbemba: What? What happened?
Adviser: I don't know, I guess each French city surrendered to each other and the government kaved in on itself.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: This really is a messed up world. Looks like Stalin's birthplace is going from English kontrol to Spanish kontrol.
Spoiler :
Adviser: But hey. Fort Dolphin has deklared independence...
Mbemba:
Adviser: And is now its own kountry...
Mbemba:
Adviser: A weak kountry...
Mbemba:
Adviser: That kould easily be invaded by us...
Mbemba:
Adviser: And we should do that...
Mbemba: Oh, why didn't you just say so!
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We just need to advance a bit more to fight them infantry-ie. We need to "fly" and drop balls of "eksplosions" on them. But no such thing eksists and never will...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We also need to capture South Afrika.
Adviser: Good news! Britain is ekspanding even more!
Mbemba: How is that good?
Adviser: Britain will kollapse under its own weight! She is overekspanding! Britain will kollapse, South Afrika will be divided and weak and we kan take over!
Mbemba:
Spoiler :
pole475
The Blinding Light
The english kant be too kareful about kollapsing
constantinople
not Istanbul
Chapter XII
Adviser: The UN is finally ready for its first proposal. Stop the war against Mali.
Mbemba: That's it? It should be: Cede all of your territory to the Kongo. Oh well, I guess you kan't always get want you want.
Adviser: But if you try sometimes-
Mbemba: Kwiet! I vote in favor of this initiative. Only bekause I don't want the Euros to klaim Mali. Kuz that's not fun.
Adviser: The Mughals are dead!
Mbemba: Finally, the Mogul Akbar and his Mughal army have been defeated. The best part is Britain will klaim most of Admiral Akbar's territory and will die an even more horrible death. I like Britain: we have a defensive pakt and they don't hate be 100%, a rarity in the world. But, any nation more powerful than me sucks.
Adviser: Translation: Every nation sucks.
Adviser: The entire world is krumbling like a kookie.
Mbemba: Mmm... Kookies... Germany and France have been divided, like always, and the Ottomans are assimilating just about everything.
Adviser: At least the Kongo is industrializing. Hooray for railroads!
Mbemba: Yes! No nation would dare attack our musketmen!
Adviser: As one civ dies, another arises. Meet Mongolia. The granddaddy of the Mughals.
Adviser: Oooh, another UN proposal.
Mbemba: Environmentalism? Skrew the jungles! Chop down the Kongo jungles, we need steel and barren wasteland! No, no, no! I ain't no hippy!
Mbemba: Hey, another war. Oh well. Germany, aka Austria, is one of the few civs that makes me look big.
Adviser: That's in eksaggeration...
Mbemba: Kwiet, you. The Russians are a threat, but their land is just barren tundra with a few polar bears here and there. Bring it on!
Adviser: Yes! We are one the largest civs!
Mbemba: Largest? How? I barely feed my people, they are starving! I've violated more human rights than children Michael Jackson violated!
Adviser: I don't mean large and fat... What was that about human rights violations...?
Mbemba: Nothing, nothing, you must be hearing things...
Adviser: Finally, the modern era.
Mbemba: Wasn't the last era we were in teknikally the modern era?
Adviser: No. This one is the modern era.
Mbemba: Okay...
Mbemba: ...Anyway, we have refrigeration. I use it to refrigerate the severed heads of rebels who disobey me.
Adviser: That...
Mbemba: We can use this tek to trade with less fortunate civs, like Saudi Arabia.
Mbemba: Some sap is trying to stop the war with us.
Adviser: Vote yes!
Mbemba: Why?
Adviser: We don't want war!
Mbemba: Let's not go that far...
Adviser: We don't want to get nuked by the Soviets!
Mbemba: Oh, well in that kase...
Mbemba: We need reforms... If only a karismatik stranger kould help me out.
Mobutu: Allow me to introduce myself.
Mbemba: Well, yeah, I don't know who you are, I kan't introduce you.
Mobutu: ...I am Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga which means "The all-powerful warrior who, bekause of his endurance and infleksible will to win, goes from konkwest to konkwest, leaving fire in his wake." But you can call me Mobutu. So, that Western world sure is evil.
Mbemba: I'll say. They keep advancing teknologikally and aren't giving me free stuff! It's not fair, I miss the days when we lived in dirt huts and got mauled my leopards daily. Aktually, I don't miss that, but you get my point.
Mobutu: ...Yes... So, I have a plan to start an authenticity kampaign to return Afrika and the Kongo to its former glory!
Mbemba: Former? We were never powerful. We've always lagged behind teknologikally and we are at our greatest ekstent.
Mobutu: You're really starting to bum me out. Look, what I'm saying is, I need to get to power- I mean, we need to give you even more power.
Mbemba: I'm already king-for-life of the Kongo. And I doubt I'll die anytime soon. My doktor said I'd die at age 35 but it's been over 1000 years. It's really weird.
Mobutu: Look, you may think you have power, but you don't. See that adviser over there? He's not advising you, he's using you!
Mbemba: *GASP* IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Adviser, get over here!
Adviser: Yessir?
Mbemba: You know how you advise me and you've been so "nice" recently?
Adviser: Yeah?
Mbemba: Well, I'm giving you... a vakation! It's klear you're begging for time off! Get outta here, man!
Adviser: Thank you so much! Bye, Mbemba! Bye, M'booty!
Mobutu: ...Ugh... Is this really worth the effort? Now that he's gone, I think you have the perfekt chance to solidify your power! You must appoint me as President of the Kongo!
Mbemba: President? Don't you have to elekt those things?
Mobutu: Yes.
Mbemba: I'm not very fond of the whole "elektion" process.
Mobutu: Well, all I need is one vote. From you.
Mbemba: What are my choices?
Mobutu: Me.
Mbemba: And?
Mobutu: Nothing. You kan only vote for me.
Mbemba: Oh God... I'm so pressured! Give me some time to think! Oh my... I decide the fate of the Kongo!
Mobutu: Son of a... Just vote-
Mbemba: DON'T PRESSURE ME, DANGIT! Oh me... Oh my... Oh me... Oh my...
Mobutu: Take your time...
Mbemba: All right. I've decided. I chose to abstain.
Mobutu: What the- That's not an option!
Mbemba: Too bad. I don't like your platform.
Mobutu: Well, since I'm the only kandidate, I win by default.
Mbemba: Kongratulations, Mr. Mobutu! What is your first plan?
Mobutu: Gain world support. See that evil USSR? They are filthy kommunists. And what do Amerikans hate the most?
Mbemba: Having to learn about foreign kulture?
Mobutu: No!!! Well, that's a klose third. They hate kommunists the most. We need to konvice Amerika to side with us. I mean, I'll do that. Amerika will be sending us loads and loads of money. We kan use this money to satisfy our own needs while oppressing our people. You will live in a mansion and they will live in mud huts.
Mbemba: But it's already that way.
Mobutu: Then we are one step kloser!
Mbemba: Oh! So, what government are we adopting?
Mobutu: Autokracy.
Mbemba: That sounds ugly.
Mobutu: It's beautiful! I- Er, we reign supreme! I'm going to let you toy around with our new government, I need to go to Merika to konvince the US to donate us sacks and sacks of money to prevent Mali and English South Afrika from bekoming kommunist.
Mbemba: Bai.
Mbemba: Wow, that guy was nice. He will make a great autokrat... Now, I'm all alone.
Mbemba: What?!
Maria: Hello...
Mbemba: What is it, my dear?
Maria: Tehe. I would like to form an alliance.
Mbemba: Yes, we kould "form" an alliance. Of love and defense... But wait! You're Portuguese! You tried to kill me hundreds of years ago!
Maria: Hey, we offered you a bribe, you gotta respekt us for that. So, what will it be... *shudders* handsome...?
Mbemba: What would Mobutu do? ...Yes!
Will Mobutu gain US support? Will Mbemba learn about Mobutu's evil skheme? Will there be another eksessively long konversation? Find out next time!
Adviser: The UN is finally ready for its first proposal. Stop the war against Mali.
Mbemba: That's it? It should be: Cede all of your territory to the Kongo. Oh well, I guess you kan't always get want you want.
Adviser: But if you try sometimes-
Mbemba: Kwiet! I vote in favor of this initiative. Only bekause I don't want the Euros to klaim Mali. Kuz that's not fun.
Spoiler :
Adviser: The Mughals are dead!
Mbemba: Finally, the Mogul Akbar and his Mughal army have been defeated. The best part is Britain will klaim most of Admiral Akbar's territory and will die an even more horrible death. I like Britain: we have a defensive pakt and they don't hate be 100%, a rarity in the world. But, any nation more powerful than me sucks.
Adviser: Translation: Every nation sucks.
Spoiler :
Adviser: The entire world is krumbling like a kookie.
Mbemba: Mmm... Kookies... Germany and France have been divided, like always, and the Ottomans are assimilating just about everything.
Spoiler :
Adviser: At least the Kongo is industrializing. Hooray for railroads!
Mbemba: Yes! No nation would dare attack our musketmen!
Spoiler :
Adviser: As one civ dies, another arises. Meet Mongolia. The granddaddy of the Mughals.
Spoiler :
Adviser: Oooh, another UN proposal.
Mbemba: Environmentalism? Skrew the jungles! Chop down the Kongo jungles, we need steel and barren wasteland! No, no, no! I ain't no hippy!
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Hey, another war. Oh well. Germany, aka Austria, is one of the few civs that makes me look big.
Adviser: That's in eksaggeration...
Mbemba: Kwiet, you. The Russians are a threat, but their land is just barren tundra with a few polar bears here and there. Bring it on!
Spoiler :
Adviser: Yes! We are one the largest civs!
Mbemba: Largest? How? I barely feed my people, they are starving! I've violated more human rights than children Michael Jackson violated!
Adviser: I don't mean large and fat... What was that about human rights violations...?
Mbemba: Nothing, nothing, you must be hearing things...
Spoiler :
Adviser: Finally, the modern era.
Mbemba: Wasn't the last era we were in teknikally the modern era?
Adviser: No. This one is the modern era.
Mbemba: Okay...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: ...Anyway, we have refrigeration. I use it to refrigerate the severed heads of rebels who disobey me.
Adviser: That...
Mbemba: We can use this tek to trade with less fortunate civs, like Saudi Arabia.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Some sap is trying to stop the war with us.
Adviser: Vote yes!
Mbemba: Why?
Adviser: We don't want war!
Mbemba: Let's not go that far...
Adviser: We don't want to get nuked by the Soviets!
Mbemba: Oh, well in that kase...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We need reforms... If only a karismatik stranger kould help me out.
Mobutu: Allow me to introduce myself.
Mbemba: Well, yeah, I don't know who you are, I kan't introduce you.
Mobutu: ...I am Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga which means "The all-powerful warrior who, bekause of his endurance and infleksible will to win, goes from konkwest to konkwest, leaving fire in his wake." But you can call me Mobutu. So, that Western world sure is evil.
Mbemba: I'll say. They keep advancing teknologikally and aren't giving me free stuff! It's not fair, I miss the days when we lived in dirt huts and got mauled my leopards daily. Aktually, I don't miss that, but you get my point.
Mobutu: ...Yes... So, I have a plan to start an authenticity kampaign to return Afrika and the Kongo to its former glory!
Mbemba: Former? We were never powerful. We've always lagged behind teknologikally and we are at our greatest ekstent.
Mobutu: You're really starting to bum me out. Look, what I'm saying is, I need to get to power- I mean, we need to give you even more power.
Mbemba: I'm already king-for-life of the Kongo. And I doubt I'll die anytime soon. My doktor said I'd die at age 35 but it's been over 1000 years. It's really weird.
Mobutu: Look, you may think you have power, but you don't. See that adviser over there? He's not advising you, he's using you!
Mbemba: *GASP* IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Adviser, get over here!
Adviser: Yessir?
Mbemba: You know how you advise me and you've been so "nice" recently?
Adviser: Yeah?
Mbemba: Well, I'm giving you... a vakation! It's klear you're begging for time off! Get outta here, man!
Adviser: Thank you so much! Bye, Mbemba! Bye, M'booty!
Mobutu: ...Ugh... Is this really worth the effort? Now that he's gone, I think you have the perfekt chance to solidify your power! You must appoint me as President of the Kongo!
Mbemba: President? Don't you have to elekt those things?
Mobutu: Yes.
Mbemba: I'm not very fond of the whole "elektion" process.
Mobutu: Well, all I need is one vote. From you.
Mbemba: What are my choices?
Mobutu: Me.
Mbemba: And?
Mobutu: Nothing. You kan only vote for me.
Mbemba: Oh God... I'm so pressured! Give me some time to think! Oh my... I decide the fate of the Kongo!
Mobutu: Son of a... Just vote-
Mbemba: DON'T PRESSURE ME, DANGIT! Oh me... Oh my... Oh me... Oh my...
Mobutu: Take your time...
Mbemba: All right. I've decided. I chose to abstain.
Mobutu: What the- That's not an option!
Mbemba: Too bad. I don't like your platform.
Mobutu: Well, since I'm the only kandidate, I win by default.
Mbemba: Kongratulations, Mr. Mobutu! What is your first plan?
Mobutu: Gain world support. See that evil USSR? They are filthy kommunists. And what do Amerikans hate the most?
Mbemba: Having to learn about foreign kulture?
Mobutu: No!!! Well, that's a klose third. They hate kommunists the most. We need to konvice Amerika to side with us. I mean, I'll do that. Amerika will be sending us loads and loads of money. We kan use this money to satisfy our own needs while oppressing our people. You will live in a mansion and they will live in mud huts.
Mbemba: But it's already that way.
Mobutu: Then we are one step kloser!
Mbemba: Oh! So, what government are we adopting?
Mobutu: Autokracy.
Mbemba: That sounds ugly.
Mobutu: It's beautiful! I- Er, we reign supreme! I'm going to let you toy around with our new government, I need to go to Merika to konvince the US to donate us sacks and sacks of money to prevent Mali and English South Afrika from bekoming kommunist.
Mbemba: Bai.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Wow, that guy was nice. He will make a great autokrat... Now, I'm all alone.
Mbemba: What?!
Maria: Hello...
Mbemba: What is it, my dear?
Maria: Tehe. I would like to form an alliance.
Mbemba: Yes, we kould "form" an alliance. Of love and defense... But wait! You're Portuguese! You tried to kill me hundreds of years ago!
Maria: Hey, we offered you a bribe, you gotta respekt us for that. So, what will it be... *shudders* handsome...?
Mbemba: What would Mobutu do? ...Yes!
Spoiler :
Will Mobutu gain US support? Will Mbemba learn about Mobutu's evil skheme? Will there be another eksessively long konversation? Find out next time!
Moai_Spammer
Ave, True to Caesar!
portugal has a defensive pakt with the kongo!?!11//?!?
what a twist!
what a twist!
constantinople
not Istanbul
Chapter XIII
Mobutu: I'm back. Ready for a slaughter?
Mbemba: Not really.
Mobutu: We need to rule the seas.
Mbemba: Isn't that England's job?
Mobutu: Skrew England!
Mbemba: What?!
Mobutu: Oops... Look, we need to kontrol the most powerful army. That we, we kan boss everyone around like England is doing now.
Mbemba: Shouldn't we treat others like we want to be treated?
Mobutu: I thought you were a brutal king, not a nun?
Mbemba: I just don't like "sharing" power.
Mobutu: Neither do I...
Mobutu: Time for Mbanjo Kongo to produce aktual militaristik units.
Mobutu: We need to send a spy to Pretoria. That city is England's most important kolonial holding. Once England kollapses, we kan kapture it. The city is England's most important kounter-espionage center, besides London. We need it more than umm... I'll get back to you on that.
Mbemba: We need to get into spaaaaaaaaaace. The rest of the world seems to be do it.
Mobutu: Why? We need to fokus on Erf.
Mbemba: But all the kool kids are doing it. And I want to be popular.
Mbemba: Global civic... serekularlism... What's serekularlism?
Mobutu: It means you can't be forced to believe in a religion.
Mbemba: Vote NO!!!
Mobutu: No, yes.
Mbemba:
Mobutu: We need to vote yes.
Mbemba: You kan't tell me what to do.
Mobutu: Well, all the kool kids are serekularlists.
Mbemba: Vote yes then!
Mobutu: Time to advance to the modern era. We will soon have fighters.
Mbemba: Mahbooto, look. England died!
Mobutu: YESS!!!! South Afrika will be ours!
Mobutu: I'm back. Ready for a slaughter?
Mbemba: Not really.
Mobutu: We need to rule the seas.
Mbemba: Isn't that England's job?
Mobutu: Skrew England!
Mbemba: What?!
Mobutu: Oops... Look, we need to kontrol the most powerful army. That we, we kan boss everyone around like England is doing now.
Mbemba: Shouldn't we treat others like we want to be treated?
Mobutu: I thought you were a brutal king, not a nun?
Mbemba: I just don't like "sharing" power.
Mobutu: Neither do I...
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Time for Mbanjo Kongo to produce aktual militaristik units.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: We need to send a spy to Pretoria. That city is England's most important kolonial holding. Once England kollapses, we kan kapture it. The city is England's most important kounter-espionage center, besides London. We need it more than umm... I'll get back to you on that.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We need to get into spaaaaaaaaaace. The rest of the world seems to be do it.
Mobutu: Why? We need to fokus on Erf.
Mbemba: But all the kool kids are doing it. And I want to be popular.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Global civic... serekularlism... What's serekularlism?
Mobutu: It means you can't be forced to believe in a religion.
Mbemba: Vote NO!!!
Mobutu: No, yes.
Mbemba:
Mobutu: We need to vote yes.
Mbemba: You kan't tell me what to do.
Mobutu: Well, all the kool kids are serekularlists.
Mbemba: Vote yes then!
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Time to advance to the modern era. We will soon have fighters.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Mahbooto, look. England died!
Spoiler :
Mobutu: YESS!!!! South Afrika will be ours!
constantinople
not Istanbul
The final chapters will be long and fast paced.
GreekAnalyzer
Back from the Dead
- Joined
- May 9, 2013
- Messages
- 1,618
Whoa! England Collapsed
pole475
The Blinding Light
And it komes out of nowhere (not really true) the kingdom of england Kollapses!
mrrandomplayer
Hopeless Situation Warrior
Yay!!!!!! England died!!!
Moai_Spammer
Ave, True to Caesar!
Welp, afrika is easy pickings now eh?
GreekAnalyzer
Back from the Dead
- Joined
- May 9, 2013
- Messages
- 1,618
Reminds me of what Wang Kong says in vanilla BTS (Actually, that's a paradox): "Betray us and your live will be short and full of excitement..."
Moai_Spammer
Ave, True to Caesar!
paradox you say?
constantinople
not Istanbul
Chapter XIV
Mobutu: Oh, Europe. You sure love descending into madness.
Mbemba: At least our allies, the Ottomans, are kreating some powerful spheres of influence there.
Mbemba: We should vote for them in the UN election.
Mobutu: For once, you're right- I mean, you're right like always. Sillyman is better than Stalin.
Suharto: Kan I be your slave?
Mobutu: Yo, Suharto! Wat is up!
Suharto: Hey, Mobutu! I didn't know you were in this game.
Mobutu: Yeah, well... I get around. Of kourse you can be our slave!
Suharto: Yes! So how's the west?
Mobutu: Oh, you know... As desperate to stop the kommunists as ever!
Mobutu: STALIN WON?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!
Mbemba: Why are you so upset?
Mobutu: HE CHEEEEEEEEETED! THE KOMMIES KANNOT KONTROL THE UN!
Mbemba: What is wrong with you?
Adviser: A better kwestion is what is right with him...
Mobutu: I thought you were on vakation!
Adviser: Vakations don't last forever...
Mobutu: Dang. Kan you pass me the number for the eksekutioner?
Mbemba: Sure!
Adviser: Umm...
Mobutu: You best be leaving...
Adviser: Ummm... Mbemba, sweetie. I have to go?
Mbemba: Wat? yyyyyy?
Adviser: I have to run errands... Forever! Bye!
Mbemba: He was the klosest thing to a mother I ever had...
Mobutu: What a sad life you've been living.
Mobutu: Welp, it's time to attack Pretoria. It's in our range.
Mbemba: Finally! Maybe you aren't a bad autokrat after all.
Mobutu: Look!
Mbemba: Somlolia! And they have jet fighters! We need that city.
Mobutu: In time, my dear, in time.
Mobutu: What? SABOTAGE! THE KOMMUNISTS
Mbemba: I don't think they did that...
Mobutu: Ah, but if we run to Amerika, they'll send us money to stop the "kommies." What Merika doesn't know won't hurt it.
Mbemba: Why are they doing that?
Mobutu: Don't kwestion their ignorance.
Mobutu: Time to bombard Kape Town.
Mobutu: We also need to take Gabababababourne or whatever. It is a strategic lokation. The useless desert is misleading.
Mobutu: ENVIRONMENTALISM? No way! Merika sent us agent orange and I want to try that stuff out!
Mbemba: What are we taking nekst?
Mobutu: Hopefully Durban.
Mbemba: Phew. Environmentalism wasn't passed. Who would found a religion based on the environment!
Mobutu: Ugh...
Mobutu: K'mon, k'mon... Die...
Mobutu and Mbemba:
Mobutu: Oh, Europe. You sure love descending into madness.
Mbemba: At least our allies, the Ottomans, are kreating some powerful spheres of influence there.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We should vote for them in the UN election.
Mobutu: For once, you're right- I mean, you're right like always. Sillyman is better than Stalin.
Spoiler :
Suharto: Kan I be your slave?
Mobutu: Yo, Suharto! Wat is up!
Suharto: Hey, Mobutu! I didn't know you were in this game.
Mobutu: Yeah, well... I get around. Of kourse you can be our slave!
Suharto: Yes! So how's the west?
Mobutu: Oh, you know... As desperate to stop the kommunists as ever!
Spoiler :
Mobutu: STALIN WON?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!
Mbemba: Why are you so upset?
Mobutu: HE CHEEEEEEEEETED! THE KOMMIES KANNOT KONTROL THE UN!
Mbemba: What is wrong with you?
Adviser: A better kwestion is what is right with him...
Spoiler :
Mobutu: I thought you were on vakation!
Adviser: Vakations don't last forever...
Mobutu: Dang. Kan you pass me the number for the eksekutioner?
Mbemba: Sure!
Adviser: Umm...
Mobutu: You best be leaving...
Adviser: Ummm... Mbemba, sweetie. I have to go?
Mbemba: Wat? yyyyyy?
Adviser: I have to run errands... Forever! Bye!
Mbemba: He was the klosest thing to a mother I ever had...
Mobutu: What a sad life you've been living.
Mobutu: Welp, it's time to attack Pretoria. It's in our range.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Finally! Maybe you aren't a bad autokrat after all.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Look!
Mbemba: Somlolia! And they have jet fighters! We need that city.
Mobutu: In time, my dear, in time.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: What? SABOTAGE! THE KOMMUNISTS
Mbemba: I don't think they did that...
Mobutu: Ah, but if we run to Amerika, they'll send us money to stop the "kommies." What Merika doesn't know won't hurt it.
Mbemba: Why are they doing that?
Mobutu: Don't kwestion their ignorance.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Time to bombard Kape Town.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: We also need to take Gabababababourne or whatever. It is a strategic lokation. The useless desert is misleading.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: ENVIRONMENTALISM? No way! Merika sent us agent orange and I want to try that stuff out!
Spoiler :
Mbemba: What are we taking nekst?
Mobutu: Hopefully Durban.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Phew. Environmentalism wasn't passed. Who would found a religion based on the environment!
Mobutu: Ugh...
Spoiler :
Mobutu: K'mon, k'mon... Die...
Spoiler :
Mobutu and Mbemba:
pole475
The Blinding Light
Konkwer the world on order of the krazy kazooing kingom of kongo!!
constantinople
not Istanbul
Chapter XV
Mobutu: Kontinue the bombing of South Afrika. The rebels must be slaughtered!
Mbemba: Kan't we just send them a gift basket instead?
Mobutu: Since when have you been so soft?
Mbemba: I don't know. I guess I like being the villain of the story. But then you kame...
Mobutu: Hey, I helped modernize this place and got rid of the dopey adviser.
Mbemba: Hey, he's my friend!
Mobutu: Then what's his name?
Mbemba: ...Adviser?
Mobutu: ...Okay, maybe I don't know either but does it really matter?! The point is: Mugadishyou must die. The jet fighters are being meanie pies.
Mbemba: We'll get the city... Just after some bombardment and air strikes...
Mobutu: At last, our troops are approaching the rusty gray gates of Kape Town...
PEW! BOOM! BANG! POW! LAKGDFIOHGADFB!!! HE'S DEAD! SBNDAGKJBADKJLGBKLA! I'M DEAD! HDFAKGJLBKGHABHGLA!!!
Mbemba: War is awful...
Mbemba: Yes! I think.
Mobutu: Mbemba, meet Mbeta, the new adviser.
Mbeta: Hi, Mbemba. Mobutu told me a lot about you.
Mbemba: Like what...?
Mobutu: Um, let's not go into that. Mbeta will mainly serve as my adviser but he can be your slave too.
Mbemba: Slave?
Mobutu: We kaptured him from Kape Town. He was living under a kardboard boks... Would you believe that made him upper klass?
Mbemba: Ummm...
Mobutu: Anyway, we will kontinue bombing Madagaskar and Mosalkghandgishyou.
Mbemba: Okay...
Mobutu: Mwahaha! All akkording to plan...
Mbeta: Are we going to kontinue to phase 6?
Mobutu: That's my favorite part! Mokadishu will be kaptured at the ekspense of thousands of innocent lives! AHAHAHHAHA! Seriously, innocent lives taken are the best!
The Kongo in 1994
Mbemba: The only other threat is the Portuguese city. We're in the klear! Oh, how there are so many Ports of Portugal...
Mbeta: We've kaptured an enemy spy! He comes from Siam. Also known as Tieland.
Mobutu: MURDER THE SPY!
Mobutu: Hey, uh, Siam. Do you know what happened to the spy?
Mongkut: No. Why do you ask?
Mobutu: No reason... No reason at all............................................................
Mongkut: Okay... Go away.
Mobutu: But Mbeta doesn't know is that I will kill his slave friends! AHAHAHAHAH!
Mbeta: Dude, I'm right nekst to you.
Mobutu: Oh! Uh... Hi?
Mbeta:
Mobutu: Baby...
Mbemba: AND I WAS LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHHHH!
Mobutu: What are you doing?!
Mbemba: You said baby. You were asking for it.
Mobutu: Aw, another m-thing died. The Mughals.
Mobutu: Why don't you go investigate it!
Mbemba: Okay! Lalalalalalalalalaaaaaa!
Mobutu: Finally, he's gone! Mbeta! Get out the red button!
Mbeta: The RED button? Are you ready?
Mobutu: Of kourse I am, you fool! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Mbemba: Ah, the Mughal empire... So many young moguls are here...
Adviser: Mbemba? Is that you?
Mbemba: Hey there... Stranger... Heheh...
Adviser: Mbemba? Do you remember me? My name's Lloyd Floyd.
Mbemba: Oh yeah! It's all koming back...
Adviser: Mobutu is evil! He only wants the Kongo to himself!
Mbemba: Nah, he's a kool guy. He gave me a 10% koupon for Subway.
Adviser: Well, besides the koupon giving... He only kares about nuking Afrika!
Mbemba: He'd never do that.
Adviser: Look, he's evil! We have to go back to the Kongo before he nukes Somlolia.
Mbemba: Why should I trust you?
Adviser: Remember 600 years ago...? When no one else rekognized you as the King of the Kongo...? But I did. And I threatened to kill all of the dissenters?
Mbemba: Oh yeah, I do remember that! That was awesome! God still isn't done sorting out all of the bodies!
Adviser: So that's why we should go back to the Kongo!
Mbemba: Then letsa go!
Mobutu: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Finally, after a good night's sleep I am ready to launch the nuke! I'm going to do it really slowly so if a kharakter bursts through the door right now, they will have time to stop me.
*Mobutu's finger slowly goes down to the red button*
Mbeta:
Mobutu: Anybody? Anybody? Oh well.
*DEE*
*Door bursts open*
Adviser: MOBUTU, STOP!!!
Mbemba: *pant* Yeah... *pant*
Mobutu: You're 27 minutes too late!
Adviser: DANG IT! I told you we shouldn't have stopped for that burrito!
Mbemba: Well eksuse my belly for being hungry! Don't worry, belly. Daddy loves you...
Moubutu: Was it worth it?
Mbemba: ...Eh, not really. Tako Bell burritos give me gas.
Mobutu: NO! Feeding yourself at the ekspense of thousands of lives in Somlolia?
Mbemba: ...Aktually, it was.
Adviser: Dang it, Mbemba! Mobutu, you're fired!
Mobutu: HAHAHA! This is an autokracy! I make the rules here! And we will attack Somlolia!
Mbemba: Kan I use the restroom?
Adviser and Mobutu: NO!
Adviser: So, Mbemba. Who will it be?
*Mbemba looks to Adviser and Mobutu*
Mbemba: Umm... Uh... Umm... Uh... I DON'T KNOW!!!
Mobutu: Pick all ready! The episode's almost over!
Mbemba: I... choose... The bathroom!
*Runs away*
Adviser: ...Sorry folks... 'Till next time!
Mobutu: Kontinue the bombing of South Afrika. The rebels must be slaughtered!
Mbemba: Kan't we just send them a gift basket instead?
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Since when have you been so soft?
Mbemba: I don't know. I guess I like being the villain of the story. But then you kame...
Mobutu: Hey, I helped modernize this place and got rid of the dopey adviser.
Mbemba: Hey, he's my friend!
Mobutu: Then what's his name?
Mbemba: ...Adviser?
Mobutu: ...Okay, maybe I don't know either but does it really matter?! The point is: Mugadishyou must die. The jet fighters are being meanie pies.
Spoiler :
Mbemba: We'll get the city... Just after some bombardment and air strikes...
Spoiler :
Mobutu: At last, our troops are approaching the rusty gray gates of Kape Town...
Spoiler :
PEW! BOOM! BANG! POW! LAKGDFIOHGADFB!!! HE'S DEAD! SBNDAGKJBADKJLGBKLA! I'M DEAD! HDFAKGJLBKGHABHGLA!!!
Mbemba: War is awful...
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Yes! I think.
Mobutu: Mbemba, meet Mbeta, the new adviser.
Mbeta: Hi, Mbemba. Mobutu told me a lot about you.
Mbemba: Like what...?
Mobutu: Um, let's not go into that. Mbeta will mainly serve as my adviser but he can be your slave too.
Mbemba: Slave?
Mobutu: We kaptured him from Kape Town. He was living under a kardboard boks... Would you believe that made him upper klass?
Mbemba: Ummm...
Mobutu: Anyway, we will kontinue bombing Madagaskar and Mosalkghandgishyou.
Mbemba: Okay...
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Mwahaha! All akkording to plan...
Mbeta: Are we going to kontinue to phase 6?
Mobutu: That's my favorite part! Mokadishu will be kaptured at the ekspense of thousands of innocent lives! AHAHAHHAHA! Seriously, innocent lives taken are the best!
The Kongo in 1994
Mbemba: The only other threat is the Portuguese city. We're in the klear! Oh, how there are so many Ports of Portugal...
Spoiler :
Mbeta: We've kaptured an enemy spy! He comes from Siam. Also known as Tieland.
Mobutu: MURDER THE SPY!
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Hey, uh, Siam. Do you know what happened to the spy?
Mongkut: No. Why do you ask?
Mobutu: No reason... No reason at all............................................................
Mongkut: Okay... Go away.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: But Mbeta doesn't know is that I will kill his slave friends! AHAHAHAHAH!
Mbeta: Dude, I'm right nekst to you.
Mobutu: Oh! Uh... Hi?
Spoiler :
Mbeta:
Mobutu: Baby...
Mbemba: AND I WAS LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHHHH!
Mobutu: What are you doing?!
Mbemba: You said baby. You were asking for it.
Mobutu: Aw, another m-thing died. The Mughals.
Spoiler :
Mobutu: Why don't you go investigate it!
Mbemba: Okay! Lalalalalalalalalaaaaaa!
Mobutu: Finally, he's gone! Mbeta! Get out the red button!
Mbeta: The RED button? Are you ready?
Mobutu: Of kourse I am, you fool! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Spoiler :
Mbemba: Ah, the Mughal empire... So many young moguls are here...
Adviser: Mbemba? Is that you?
Mbemba: Hey there... Stranger... Heheh...
Adviser: Mbemba? Do you remember me? My name's Lloyd Floyd.
Mbemba: Oh yeah! It's all koming back...
Adviser: Mobutu is evil! He only wants the Kongo to himself!
Mbemba: Nah, he's a kool guy. He gave me a 10% koupon for Subway.
Adviser: Well, besides the koupon giving... He only kares about nuking Afrika!
Mbemba: He'd never do that.
Adviser: Look, he's evil! We have to go back to the Kongo before he nukes Somlolia.
Mbemba: Why should I trust you?
Adviser: Remember 600 years ago...? When no one else rekognized you as the King of the Kongo...? But I did. And I threatened to kill all of the dissenters?
Mbemba: Oh yeah, I do remember that! That was awesome! God still isn't done sorting out all of the bodies!
Adviser: So that's why we should go back to the Kongo!
Mbemba: Then letsa go!
Mobutu: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Finally, after a good night's sleep I am ready to launch the nuke! I'm going to do it really slowly so if a kharakter bursts through the door right now, they will have time to stop me.
*Mobutu's finger slowly goes down to the red button*
Mbeta:
Mobutu: Anybody? Anybody? Oh well.
*DEE*
Spoiler :
*Door bursts open*
Adviser: MOBUTU, STOP!!!
Mbemba: *pant* Yeah... *pant*
Mobutu: You're 27 minutes too late!
Adviser: DANG IT! I told you we shouldn't have stopped for that burrito!
Mbemba: Well eksuse my belly for being hungry! Don't worry, belly. Daddy loves you...
Moubutu: Was it worth it?
Mbemba: ...Eh, not really. Tako Bell burritos give me gas.
Mobutu: NO! Feeding yourself at the ekspense of thousands of lives in Somlolia?
Mbemba: ...Aktually, it was.
Adviser: Dang it, Mbemba! Mobutu, you're fired!
Mobutu: HAHAHA! This is an autokracy! I make the rules here! And we will attack Somlolia!
Mbemba: Kan I use the restroom?
Adviser and Mobutu: NO!
Adviser: So, Mbemba. Who will it be?
*Mbemba looks to Adviser and Mobutu*
Mbemba: Umm... Uh... Umm... Uh... I DON'T KNOW!!!
Mobutu: Pick all ready! The episode's almost over!
Mbemba: I... choose... The bathroom!
*Runs away*
Adviser: ...Sorry folks... 'Till next time!
mrrandomplayer
Hopeless Situation Warrior
Roflol!
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