LINES-World of Magic
- Thread starter Lord_Iggy
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The Strategos said:
Thats outrageous! Our Elgovian allies respect us enough that each Hyperborean has their own chain - sometimes even two!!!
Note: orders will come late tomorrow. With maybe a story (I just haven't had time to write them recently)
Disenfrancised
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Lord_Iggy said:
The funny has been duly noted. (If you look at my post very carefully, it may indicate a humorous appreciation of the story)
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
From: Hawaii
To: Ross, Bikk
Thank you. Trade shall commence immediately.
OOC: Why don't I have Iron Age??????????????
To: Ross, Bikk
Thank you. Trade shall commence immediately.
OOC: Why don't I have Iron Age??????????????
jalapeno_dude
AKA Panda Judo Eel
Orders sent. Fear the might of the six trade routes I will soon have!
Kozmos
Jew Detective
I'll try to send orders today....also Strategos the war is still on.....I have a feeling my role in this NES is coming to a bloody end,so I might as well go in style...
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Thy wish is my command!Lord_Iggy said:
THE MISFITS' WAR
ACT I
Scene 1.
(A huge chair is standing on a patch of sand. Birds are pecking at the sand for no apparent reason. One hears the fluttering of wings.)
The Chaos Throne: Hear me, Lord of Abyssinia! I command your birds to bring you word that I desire a meeting with you!
The Chaos Throne: I said hear me! (the birds flutter off, spooked by the great voice. The Chaos Throne disappears in a puff of multicolored sand, then reappears as a striped green sofa.) I feel your presence, why will you not hear me!
(There is distant rumbling. A large boulder rolls onto the scene.)
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: (appearing on top of the boulder) Who's making all this noise?
The Chaos Throne: I desire... wait, you command the birds of the air, why are you rolling around on a huge stone?
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: It's a Rock.
(embarrassing silence)
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: I want to invade Mali.
The Chaos Throne: I know of no such place. Let us invade Karthage.
(Menelik flaps his arms, and the Rock carries him up into the sky.)
The Chaos Throne: I appear to be stuck.
Scene 2.
(The sofa from the previous scene is this time standing on the left in a richly decorated room, obviously a palace. A man enters from the left and touches the sofa)
Elgovian: (touching the sofa) This magical artifact compels me! I hear it speaking in my mind! I am to go to the Lord of Clean and beg him to help us!
The Lord In Green: (entering from stage right) I bear good news. The terrible Ghashenfrantuzlades have been subdued, and today one of our Master Ingroapnicators was able to summon a... yes, do you have something to say?
Elgovian: (cowering on floor) Yes! This terrible chair is trying to take over my mind!
The Lord In Green: Oh, that. It's nothing. What did it say?
Elgovian: (holding hands to head) It asks your aid in attacking Karthage and promises you a library of some sort.
The Lord In Green: Excellent. Now sit down on the Chaos Sofa so I can talk to it, or else I'll send a Horrible Murkanderinderosa after you.
Elgovian: NOOO!! (runs off stage)
Scene 3.
(The stage resembles a towering mountain fortress. A huge map of the Mediterranean is the backdrop. A number of stark chairs are scattered about the empty stone room.)
Meremmor: (enters, sits down) Toodle pip everyone, you all have a jolly good time now, y'hear me?
Meremmor: I hear footsteps! They are excessively slow and plodding. It must be that excuse for a for a leader the Hemrites have.
(a man stumbles in, hands held out. His face, like his arms, is alternately white and grey. A gold circlet rests on his brow.)
The Lich King: Braaaaaaaaaiiinns.
Meremmor: I'm sure you do, help yourself to a glass of wine! Do you have any idea of when Lick will be along?
The Lich King: Braaaaaaiiiiiins.
(Sound of giant wings from the right. Meremmor and TLK turn their heads)
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: (sitting on a giant bird) Why didn't anyone TELL me that a Roc is a giant bird?!?! I've had boils on my ass so large by now that they've grown their own personal little boils!
The Lich King: Brains!
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: You're really not helping, you know.
Meremmor: Now, now, old chappies, musn't quarrel like that! Here, Menny, how are you going to get in the window, and where are you going to park that giant bird?
Scene 4
(The same room, some time later. Assembled are The Lord in Green, The Lich King, Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia, and Grandmaster Meremmor.)
The Lord in Green: As I was saying, Lich King, I received word from the Chaos Throne-
Meremmor: (interrupting, smiling brightly) Sofa, don'chaknow?
The Lord in Green: -the Chaos Sofa...
The Lich King: Braaaaaaaaaiiinns.
The Lord in Green: So he told you already, did he? Well, you're probably right on the first count, but with the new breed of Murkanderinderosas...
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: (grumpy, not sitting due to boils) Order! I call the meeting of our cabal to order!
The Lord in Green: (to The Lich King) It was my idea that we be a cabal, you know.
The Lich King: Brains.
Menelik, Lord of Abyssinia: ARE WE INVADING KARTHAGE OR NOT?
(The meeting dissolves in disorder.)
Silver Steak
The Ghost of SS
Laughs and hickups! Looks like we have (at least) two dramatic geniuses in our NES. Somebody kill me now, I can't breathe!
The Strategos
Thanatos
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Messages
- 1,175
It's called exageration, with each their own chain, everyone would just shrug and say "I thought this was supposed to be a comedy, that's not funny, just true"
Silly Elgovians that's a prequel, not a sequel. Hmphf seems like I have to do everything around here. Still its nice to gather together and have a few laughs before we go back to attempting to wipe the other off the face of the earth.
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
Enough frivolity for a while.
@Strategos: I printed it afterwards, ergo it is a sequel. However, since this is a fantasy NES, it will obviously become a trilogy (or a pentology). That is the immutable law of fantasy series.
@Kal'thzar: He does not have a thing for brains, and I never said so. However, all undead of Sentience Grade 2 or higher are required to utter "Brains" as their only vocalization.
@Cleric: I think you have a role to play yet.
The war is far from over. (unless, of course, Karthage surrenders.)
@Iggy: I have 12 points to spend this turn, right? (6 base + 4 banked + 2 from trade)
@Strategos: I printed it afterwards, ergo it is a sequel. However, since this is a fantasy NES, it will obviously become a trilogy (or a pentology). That is the immutable law of fantasy series.
@Kal'thzar: He does not have a thing for brains, and I never said so. However, all undead of Sentience Grade 2 or higher are required to utter "Brains" as their only vocalization.
@Cleric: I think you have a role to play yet.
The war is far from over. (unless, of course, Karthage surrenders.)@Iggy: I have 12 points to spend this turn, right? (6 base + 4 banked + 2 from trade)
The Strategos
Thanatos
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Messages
- 1,175
This is the last one, I promise (unless I get really bored between now and the update)
The Empire Strikes Back
Act V Scene 1
Setting: Somewhere in Southern Italy. On stage is a small dilapidated farm. Beside this is a small pigsty with several pigs happily grunting. With the pigs are two figures conversing softly together
Hyperborean: My lord, I am not one to question your legendary wisdom, but remind me again why we had to meet in a pig sty?
Meremmor: How many times do I have to explain before it penetrates your thick Hyperbowlean skull? Karthaginian spies are everywhere, looking for us, seeking to overhear our brilliant plans. How else have they been able to foil us for so long? Think, where would be the first place Karthaginian spies would look for the commander of the army?
Hyperborean: Ummmm .the commanders tent?
Meremmor: Exactly! In the commanders tent, sitting in a tub filled with hot water with slave girls wiping the soil from between our toes and incense filling the room, billowing up like smoke but not the nasty fire smoke, but good smelling smoke that tickles your nostrils like your pet dog licking your face
Hyperborean: (interrupting) So were not at the tent because of spies, why are we HERE?
Meremmor: (looking crossly at the Hyperborean) Isnt it obvious? Where would be the last place they would look for us? Here, in a pigs sty, hiding in plain sight! (noticing something behind the Hyperborean) Quick, someones coming! (The Hyperborean and Meremmor get down on all fours and start rolling in the mud, grunting like pigs. The passerby, a Hyperborean infantryman, looks at the two strangely, giving the them a wide berth as he walks by. Meremmor looks up triumphantly as the Hyperborean walks out of sight) See! What did I tell you, he had no clue that we were plotting the destruction of Karthage.
Hyperborean: Yes, Im sure that was the last thing he would think we were doing.
Meremmor: (ignoring the Hyperborean) Luckily for us, I have harnessed my vast intellect to figure out what our next move should be in this war, and I have come up with a foolproof plan. Whats the advantage of having the Karthaginians fighting us here? (Hyperborean looks blankly at Meremmor) Why if theyre fighting us here, that means there is somewhere where they are not! All we have to do is find where that somewhere is and attack them there!
Hyperborean: But our army is here! What are we going to attack with?
Meremmor: (waving his hand) Details, details, quickly, to a map!
Act V Scene 2
Setting: In a tent, with a map in the center. Meremmor is seen pouring over it. Four others, three Elgovians and a Hyperborean stand to one side watching
Meremmor: (Jumps up suddenly) Aha! Thought you could outwit me did you Hannibal? Well, youve just met your match.
Elgovian 1: Our lord has come up with a plan!
Elgovian 2: Victory is ours!
Elgovian 3: Hail Elgovia and her great general Meremmor!
Hyperborean: (warily) Whats the plan?
Meremmor: Ah, yes, the plan Operation Turkeyhawk. Youll notice, that my plan has nothing to do with either turkeys or hawks. And thats part of the brilliance! The Karthaginians will be so busy inspecting turkeys and hawks, racking their brains to figure out how they will contribute to their downfall, theyll be completely surprised by our real movements! Ill have to admit, it was difficult. Everywhere I turned, there he was, one step ahead of me, it was as if some demon were letting him read my mind, causing him to place his army there right before I moved. But now, now I have him beat. Behold gentlemen, our next objective!
Elgovian 1: (sheds a tear) This is the happiest moment of my life
Elgovian 2: Its so .so beautiful
Elgovian 3: Its the place where Karthage is the weakest, no doubt about it.
Hyperborean: (looks at Meremmor strangely) The Iroquois Nation? Thats where were going to attack next?
Meremmor: (in a thoughtful voice) Yes yes its so obvious. There hasnt been a Karthaginian army there for the entire war. Theyre so busy over here that theyll never suspect it and by the time they realize what weve done, it will be too late! Well have already wrested it from their grasp and fortified it, daring them to try to retake it. Make no mistake gentlemen, this will be a blow from which Karthage will never recover. Now, to the battlefield, we must choose only the best fighters for this task.
Act V Scene 3
Setting: In the Elgovian/Hyperborean camp.
Meremmor: Here, Hyboperean, have you ever seen such grand troops as these?
Hyperborean: (uncertainly) Who what are they?
Meremmor: (proudly) Awakened Ripples. Aint they a grand sight?
Hyperborean: These arent awakened ripples, theyre theyre men with white sheets draped over them! (Reaches out one hand to pull the sheet off. Meremmor quickly slaps the Hyperboreans hand, causing him to pull it back)
Meremmor: Careful! What do you think youre doing? One touch from these monsters and your hand will turn to rot, its flesh melting from the bone before the bone itself turns to dust and blows away! Think man, think! (pause) Ok, I see youre going to need a demonstration of their powers. So be it. Attack my pretties, attack the Karthaginians, show our skeptical Abyserborean your awesome might! (The Awakened Ripples move off stage, holding their arms stiffly in front of them, moaning and groaning as they walk off. From offstage a loud crash is heard followed by several screams. The Hyperborean and Meremmor cover their eyes and flinch at each new scream)
Hyperborean: My god, the horror, the absolute horror I never thought it would be this bad. (He flinches at one last loud scream as the stage returns to silence)
Meremmor: (clenches his fists) Curse those Karthaginians who would have thought that they would have realized the one weakness of Awakened Ripples are iron weapons? Now, its personal. Now my wrath will come down upon you like the wrath of a strong nation comes down on a not-so-strong nation when the not-so-strong nation provokes the wrath of a strong nation. Quick, to the pig pen! It is time for strategerizing! The Karthaginians will pay! (Meremmor and Hyperborean exit stage)
Exeunt
The Empire Strikes Back
Act V Scene 1
Setting: Somewhere in Southern Italy. On stage is a small dilapidated farm. Beside this is a small pigsty with several pigs happily grunting. With the pigs are two figures conversing softly together
Hyperborean: My lord, I am not one to question your legendary wisdom, but remind me again why we had to meet in a pig sty?
Meremmor: How many times do I have to explain before it penetrates your thick Hyperbowlean skull? Karthaginian spies are everywhere, looking for us, seeking to overhear our brilliant plans. How else have they been able to foil us for so long? Think, where would be the first place Karthaginian spies would look for the commander of the army?
Hyperborean: Ummmm .the commanders tent?
Meremmor: Exactly! In the commanders tent, sitting in a tub filled with hot water with slave girls wiping the soil from between our toes and incense filling the room, billowing up like smoke but not the nasty fire smoke, but good smelling smoke that tickles your nostrils like your pet dog licking your face
Hyperborean: (interrupting) So were not at the tent because of spies, why are we HERE?
Meremmor: (looking crossly at the Hyperborean) Isnt it obvious? Where would be the last place they would look for us? Here, in a pigs sty, hiding in plain sight! (noticing something behind the Hyperborean) Quick, someones coming! (The Hyperborean and Meremmor get down on all fours and start rolling in the mud, grunting like pigs. The passerby, a Hyperborean infantryman, looks at the two strangely, giving the them a wide berth as he walks by. Meremmor looks up triumphantly as the Hyperborean walks out of sight) See! What did I tell you, he had no clue that we were plotting the destruction of Karthage.
Hyperborean: Yes, Im sure that was the last thing he would think we were doing.
Meremmor: (ignoring the Hyperborean) Luckily for us, I have harnessed my vast intellect to figure out what our next move should be in this war, and I have come up with a foolproof plan. Whats the advantage of having the Karthaginians fighting us here? (Hyperborean looks blankly at Meremmor) Why if theyre fighting us here, that means there is somewhere where they are not! All we have to do is find where that somewhere is and attack them there!
Hyperborean: But our army is here! What are we going to attack with?
Meremmor: (waving his hand) Details, details, quickly, to a map!
Act V Scene 2
Setting: In a tent, with a map in the center. Meremmor is seen pouring over it. Four others, three Elgovians and a Hyperborean stand to one side watching
Meremmor: (Jumps up suddenly) Aha! Thought you could outwit me did you Hannibal? Well, youve just met your match.
Elgovian 1: Our lord has come up with a plan!
Elgovian 2: Victory is ours!
Elgovian 3: Hail Elgovia and her great general Meremmor!
Hyperborean: (warily) Whats the plan?
Meremmor: Ah, yes, the plan Operation Turkeyhawk. Youll notice, that my plan has nothing to do with either turkeys or hawks. And thats part of the brilliance! The Karthaginians will be so busy inspecting turkeys and hawks, racking their brains to figure out how they will contribute to their downfall, theyll be completely surprised by our real movements! Ill have to admit, it was difficult. Everywhere I turned, there he was, one step ahead of me, it was as if some demon were letting him read my mind, causing him to place his army there right before I moved. But now, now I have him beat. Behold gentlemen, our next objective!
Elgovian 1: (sheds a tear) This is the happiest moment of my life
Elgovian 2: Its so .so beautiful
Elgovian 3: Its the place where Karthage is the weakest, no doubt about it.
Hyperborean: (looks at Meremmor strangely) The Iroquois Nation? Thats where were going to attack next?
Meremmor: (in a thoughtful voice) Yes yes its so obvious. There hasnt been a Karthaginian army there for the entire war. Theyre so busy over here that theyll never suspect it and by the time they realize what weve done, it will be too late! Well have already wrested it from their grasp and fortified it, daring them to try to retake it. Make no mistake gentlemen, this will be a blow from which Karthage will never recover. Now, to the battlefield, we must choose only the best fighters for this task.
Act V Scene 3
Setting: In the Elgovian/Hyperborean camp.
Meremmor: Here, Hyboperean, have you ever seen such grand troops as these?
Hyperborean: (uncertainly) Who what are they?
Meremmor: (proudly) Awakened Ripples. Aint they a grand sight?
Hyperborean: These arent awakened ripples, theyre theyre men with white sheets draped over them! (Reaches out one hand to pull the sheet off. Meremmor quickly slaps the Hyperboreans hand, causing him to pull it back)
Meremmor: Careful! What do you think youre doing? One touch from these monsters and your hand will turn to rot, its flesh melting from the bone before the bone itself turns to dust and blows away! Think man, think! (pause) Ok, I see youre going to need a demonstration of their powers. So be it. Attack my pretties, attack the Karthaginians, show our skeptical Abyserborean your awesome might! (The Awakened Ripples move off stage, holding their arms stiffly in front of them, moaning and groaning as they walk off. From offstage a loud crash is heard followed by several screams. The Hyperborean and Meremmor cover their eyes and flinch at each new scream)
Hyperborean: My god, the horror, the absolute horror I never thought it would be this bad. (He flinches at one last loud scream as the stage returns to silence)
Meremmor: (clenches his fists) Curse those Karthaginians who would have thought that they would have realized the one weakness of Awakened Ripples are iron weapons? Now, its personal. Now my wrath will come down upon you like the wrath of a strong nation comes down on a not-so-strong nation when the not-so-strong nation provokes the wrath of a strong nation. Quick, to the pig pen! It is time for strategerizing! The Karthaginians will pay! (Meremmor and Hyperborean exit stage)
Exeunt
Disenfrancised
Beep Beep
Erik Mesoy said:
If anyone pulls a Robert Jordan I will kill them as they sleep...
Erik Mesoy
Core Tester / Intern
All right, I'll be serious. Can I send new orders tomorrow, or is the update starting soon?
Ascendancy
They had told him Meremmor waited on the tenth floor, waiting for the mages that would crew his ship. So far he had scampered up the first six, the sights commonplace from a year's apprenticeship. Now the young man was crawling up the stairs to the seventh floor, eyes tightly closed, attempting to stay as close to the wall as possible as the stair circled into the skies.
"I won't look. I won't look. I really won't look." muttered Othniel. His hand failed to find a step, and hit wood instead. He drew himself up onto the seventh platform and opened his eyes.
Elgovia, and the world, stretched below him, bent into a circle. Straight ahead and above him hung the night sky. Behind him, the sun. It had somehow lost its power of illumination. Othniel screamed at this corruption of nature.
He turned around, staring to face the... no, surely it wasn't the sun. Couldn't be. It had to be the moon, or an overly large star, or perhaps a comet like the ones the older mages kept telling him about. He turned resolutely around and headed for the next stairwell.
He stepped into it with relief. The grey steps beneath his feet and the iron bars on his left were the only things real to him now. Othniel had entered a grey mist where he couldn't see further than an arm's length in front of him.
"I really hope Meremmor really is up there."
As the grey mist dimmed a few minutes later, Othniel stood once again on a wooden platform, the eighth floor. Now there was a night sky all around him, but it didn't seem particularly dark. The platform seemed to stretch for miles in all directions.
Othnieal decided not to hesitate and ran around the main structural column, panting as he looked for the stairs on the other side. Instead, he came full circle, finding the stairs he had just come up. NO! He realized there was a second colum some distance away, with stairs leading up, and ran over to it.
As he stepped onto the first step, he was blinded by a blast of light. A second step and he could see again. The stair had already ended.
Othniel shook his head to clear his eyes, and realized that he stood amidst a multitude of fantastical beasts.
To Be Continued... (tomorrow, will edit)
Ascendancy
They had told him Meremmor waited on the tenth floor, waiting for the mages that would crew his ship. So far he had scampered up the first six, the sights commonplace from a year's apprenticeship. Now the young man was crawling up the stairs to the seventh floor, eyes tightly closed, attempting to stay as close to the wall as possible as the stair circled into the skies.
"I won't look. I won't look. I really won't look." muttered Othniel. His hand failed to find a step, and hit wood instead. He drew himself up onto the seventh platform and opened his eyes.
Elgovia, and the world, stretched below him, bent into a circle. Straight ahead and above him hung the night sky. Behind him, the sun. It had somehow lost its power of illumination. Othniel screamed at this corruption of nature.
He turned around, staring to face the... no, surely it wasn't the sun. Couldn't be. It had to be the moon, or an overly large star, or perhaps a comet like the ones the older mages kept telling him about. He turned resolutely around and headed for the next stairwell.
He stepped into it with relief. The grey steps beneath his feet and the iron bars on his left were the only things real to him now. Othniel had entered a grey mist where he couldn't see further than an arm's length in front of him.
"I really hope Meremmor really is up there."
As the grey mist dimmed a few minutes later, Othniel stood once again on a wooden platform, the eighth floor. Now there was a night sky all around him, but it didn't seem particularly dark. The platform seemed to stretch for miles in all directions.
Othnieal decided not to hesitate and ran around the main structural column, panting as he looked for the stairs on the other side. Instead, he came full circle, finding the stairs he had just come up. NO! He realized there was a second colum some distance away, with stairs leading up, and ran over to it.
As he stepped onto the first step, he was blinded by a blast of light. A second step and he could see again. The stair had already ended.
Othniel shook his head to clear his eyes, and realized that he stood amidst a multitude of fantastical beasts.
To Be Continued... (tomorrow, will edit)
Disenfrancised
Beep Beep
Hope I'm still in time for orders, writing them now...
Cursed RL stuff interfering with NESing!
Cursed RL stuff interfering with NESing!
Spoiler :
