LINESII - The Council of Kallamas

[Kentharu]

Umm Davar is far from Gorin's arch-enemy, cause guess what we defeated them. The Lengel are probably the "arch-enemy" that will forever be the arch-enemy.

 

[alex994]

I might find this more believable if every Emperor of yours wasn't an idealistic patron of the defenseless. I find it highly ironic that it turns out that an entire line of rulers are selfless, and that none of them are even slightly corrupt in any form or sense. Get over yourself and annex one of your little neighbors .

OOC: *raises eyebrow* Every Emperor of mine were idealistic patrons of the defenseless? A large majority of them stayed in their palaces, enjoyed their fine food, toured the countryside and lived the good life with occasional public appearances of reassuring the public while the aristocrats/gentry and the cities mostly dealt and managed with themselves. We're not followers of Legalism you know... And how many Emperors of mine do you actually know? (aside from the hopeless Valin loving one who died form the Gasping Death)

Iggy, I would appreciate it if you could step in and make a few comments in my Emperor's defense and how he's such a flaming liberal hippie.

 

[Kentharu]

ooc how come im not worthy of your protection

 

[Lord_Iggy]

OOC: *raises eyebrow* Every Emperor of mine were idealistic patrons of the defenseless? A large majority of them stayed in their palaces, enjoyed their fine food, toured the countryside and lived the good life with occasional public appearances of reassuring the public while the aristocrats/gentry and the cities mostly dealt and managed with themselves. We're not followers of Legalism you know... And how many Emperors of mine do you actually know? (aside from the hopeless Valin loving one who died form the Gasping Death)

Iggy, I would appreciate it if you could step in and make a few comments in my Emperor's defense and how he's such a flaming liberal hippie.

Diankang is a very odd Emperor. He is idealistic- he has dedicated large amounts of his treasury to the education of large swathes of the populace. He has wholeheartedly worked towards the development of his southern neighbours. He is viewed as much more, for a lack of a better word, human by the populace of Guangfei- like a kindly uncle as opposed to a distant figure of authority.

He is not the typical leader of Guangfei- not by a long shot.

 

[~Darkening~]

You know, what I really meant was that I have yet to see a single 'corrupt' one.....

 

[alex994]

OOC: How many Emperors have you even seen? If they weren't mentioned, they weren't important

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Many have been corrupt, in the sense that they don't do what is best for their country, and they prefer to compulsively make monuments of penguins for themselves on a whim (Emperor Yi-Ga), and other wasteful, self absorbed behaviours.

 

[~Darkening~]

OOC: How many Emperors have you even seen? If they weren't mentioned, they weren't important

More than I ever wanted to see .

Many have been corrupt, in the sense that they don't do what is best for their country, and they prefer to compulsively make monuments of penguins for themselves on a whim (Emperor Yi-Ga), and other wasteful, self absorbed behaviours.

That's odd and egocentric, not corrupt. Corrupt is seizing things for their selves, and making the poor peasants cry.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Considering that multiple EPs were thrown into pointless things, there is certainly corruption.

 

[Oruc]

So has it been decided? we're going to fight amongst ourselves first?

 

[North King]

We're not, and will welcome anyone who wishes to march with our armies. In light of the apparent dissolution of this coalition, we'd like a reaffirmation of who will contribute troops, and hope to coordinate strategy with them all.

 

[alex994]

Guangfei will of course love to contribute troops directly with Kelios, but we are afraid that in light of current situations we will be unable to help Kelios. However, rest assured that we will contribute aid through another source.

 

[Wubba360]

Myocaca will commit aid and forces to this war.

 

[North King]

Myocaca will commit aid and forces to this war.

Please forgive our rudeness, but how many?

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Greetings established representatives of the various major powers of Tellus. To introduce ourselves, we represent the so called so sea-raiders. Now before you capture the messenger and torture him, he is just that, a messenger. This message has been handed to him by another and in turn he got this from a dead-drop. So attempts to trace this will be futile, but you are welcome to try if it will make you feel better.

A proper introduction is that we are The Consortium, a rather large group of like minded individuals who influenced and guided the Old World since the dawn of time and the New World with it's discovery. This means that the plausible accusation by the Guangfei representative that we are funded by the Valin Republics is wrong.

In fact they've been manipulated as much as the rest of you, if not more. The fanatics on the Island are the result of an alliance of convenience with the zealous order of Saint Thryn, not the Assemblum. Their greatest secrets of blackpowder and Valin Fire technologies have been copied by our agents and put to use by our forces. We dont discriminate, you all have been used at one time or another. Myocacan ships, Guangfei fireworks and so on....it is all irrelevant past at this time for we have to resolve a present matter.

We have watched you squabble about Otaria/Exilsium long enough and we have the following to say about this. The Islands shall be free. It will be ruled by a Council of Twelve which shall be composed of three Guangfei representatives, three Myocacan representatives, three Valin representatives and three representatives from smaller countries of Tellus, one chosen by each major power. (Guangfei, Cultesian Bladeist Empire of Greater Myocaca and the Valin Republics).

You will all bring settlers and troops to the Islands and mix them amongst each other. No border forming or wall building shall be allowed. There you will establish the headquarters to lead the war against the Great Enemy and from there shall you send your troops. It will be the first true cosmopolitan society, unbiased, democratic and just. Hopefully it will bring peace and understanding to your countries.

Do this and we will withdraw our 'sea-raiders', through the proper intermediaries. You will also enjoy our direct and indirect support in the struggle against the Great Enemy. Our forces are much more mobile and can reach Syracia quickly to provide relief.

All of you must consent to this. Even if just one side refuses we will execute our threat. We will cross over to the Great Enemy. We will give them information regarding all your positions of land and naval forces, barracks, critical shipyards, food and water supplies. With their concentrated power they will send taskforces to cripple you within a few years and we will all be collectively doomed. Not only that, but we will turn our political, economic and military assets against you. You've seen but a mere fraction of our capabilities on Otaria/Exilsium.

You cannot fight us without fighting yourselves. We are everywhere, we are in the very fabric of your societies. Dismantling us would mean dismantling your infrastructure, belief systems and governments. It's the very thing the Great Enemy seeks. We are their polar opposite. So we implore you do the right thing, for the sake of civilization as you know it.

This is the last you shall hear of us. There is no need to contact us to inform us of your decision, once you bring it we will know.

 

[alex994]

OOC: Conspiracy theories for the win I'll have to think about this.

EDIT: IC

As a representative of His Imperial Majesty, the Han Empire of Guangfei fully consents to the proposed offer regarding Otaria and nominates the nation of Destre to send a representative as well. Regardless of the validity of the messenger's words, they are ones of great wisdom and knowledge.

The Han Empire of Guangfei fully agrees and hope that Myocaca and the Valin Republics will agree as well.

 

[foolish icarus]

Zuoharra here, sorry I'm late. It's bleatin impossible to find a map with 'Kallamas' on it, much less get here. Impassable mountains, jungles, deserts, and bureaucracies, rivers with no bridges, armies mulling about and a dozen little feuds an civil wars ever which way you look. I admit, we got a little distracted once we arrived. Your part of the world has some fine entertainment, some damn fine entertainment, I don't need to tell ya. You should be proud.

But as for the pertinent business, I wore a few inches off me feet so I could see if all this talk of 'Eastern Oceans' and 'Azulia' and 'Syracia' and 'Grim Armies of Total Death' were real, and it seems y'all are pretty convinced. There were a few hunnerd crazies from our parts who were going to check it out anyway, but I may be able to sucker a thousand or two further into joinin in with what I tell of what I seen and heard here. Our geezers'll be going by way of the west seas, of course, so for a lot of you we won't see ya 'til we all get there, as the saying goes.

Secondly, I hear some of the other talk what's going on in here, and well I might just be able to help out.

I got somethin here in with my papers--never thought I'd have use for this except maybe for startin a fire--it's a Zuoharri Primer (that's from the Nurmaferi word for 'punishment meted out to wicked children') on the history of Guangfei, from them so called ancient origins to the recent day. I hope it might settle a few issues.

Spoiler :

Tyrant deposes slightly crueler tyrant. What passes for copper age prosperity follows. Centralized economic practices feed the coffers. Expansion by way of bribes.

Population growth. Displaced rural second through eighth sons flee destitution and bring more wilderness under cultivation. Hereditary monarchy established. "a policy of almost aggressive goodwill towards the surrounding barbarians and city states".

Explorers condemned to march over impassable mountains. Luck out and find an ocean.

Shangei and co. catches on to bribery scheme.

First in a long line of self serving political-religious monuments constructed. While this is by no means unusual, Guangfei might be the only nation with the guts to call theirs 'The Temple of Heaven'.

Fun for all ages: "Competitions to discover and refine the strongest metals in Guangfei have been popular competitions, but have yet to produce significant results." Fortunately these competitions were nowhere near as successful as they were boring and arbitrary.

"Numerous innovations have been made by the people of Guangfei [Ed. Note: read, 'by those fortunate visionaries with access to history books about China'], such as currency, the Han Code of Laws, military reforms, Astronomy and Astrology."

Tarty court spy woman destabilizes Shangei. The people of Shangei try harder to emulate Guangfei in the hopes that they too can someday have their own cadre of harlot infiltrators.

Opium comes to Guangfei. In their commendable effort to prevent any possible ounce of sweet, desperate relief from softening the ceaseless agonizing mundanity of the lives of their people, the government officials duly ban this pernicious substance. From being used by any commoners. The next millenium will show the marked influence of the poppy on the upper echolons of Guangfei's aristocracy.

Shangei says to hell with it and decides to embrace the fever dream and have some fun before their inevitable conquest by a culture whose word for 'fun' is literally 'the peaceful beating of one's heart that comes from dutifully submitting to the harmonious insanities of your heavenly senile parents. In autumn.'

Jade is serendipitously discovered in serendipitous large quantities, and, serendipitously, valued highly in Guangfei and its environs where its serendipitous export brings serendipitously substantial revenue to the serendipitously open hands of the serendipitous masters of serendipitous Guangfei. In a kinda-lucky sort of way.

"A clever [read: actually clever] Guangfei metalworker [read: thief] striving for the prizes offered by his government traveled to Nurmafer and discovered how they made bronze [read: an unfortunate choice of words given the Nurmaferi idiom]. He then returned, forged bronze [read: err, close your eyes kids] in front of the Emperor, and was given the massive
prize [read: oh jeez]. Everyone was happy, except for the Nurmaferis, who were annoyed that Guangfei had gotten for practically no effort what had taken them great investments of time and capital. [read: our ancestors were a sensitive people. Nothin wrong with that.]
(Guangfei enters Bronze Age)
But they got some opium from Guangfei traders, and decided to call it even [read: In retrospect, not a fair trade]."

Then Guangfei totally sneak attacks Shangei. Seriously. It's embarassing. Their declaration of war was delivered with an arrow to the throat of the Minister of Calling Each Other Nice Names. While he was eating brunch in the palace. From a bow carried by a soldier whose company had been in the city for months, posing as a traveling band of actors. Okay that part is actually kind of cool. (Prince Hong played the part of Li xiaojie in the classic tale of heart rending romance and exhilirating adventure, "Brave young scholar-potter Zhao and the eight lusty lasses of pristine virtue in their search for the radiant peach of Chanjiang!" He had a fine falsetto.)
Not that the zizyphus eaters could offer much resistance beyond rolling their eyes angrily and occasionally falling over in an inconvenient place (i.e., onto the confused Guangfei soldiers). To this day Shysang is one of the few remotely tolerable places in all of that blasted stretch of indignity, and under no circumstances are you allowed to go there, kids.

There was a brief civil war where some peasants died over the question of which particular imperial foul-up would take the lead in making their lives miserable over the next few decades. Turns out the pompous gluttonous ass by the name of Che (Reign name Wu) (Temple name Sugar Cheeks) (Posthumous name Jeraldo) won out in this one over Hong, our favorite crossdresser.

Further expansion and cultural achievement, which in Guangfei terms means all corners of the country are developing towards a unified standard of dullness. The high point comes when the Order of Malevolent Monks, who dress identically to their football rivals the Order of Benevolent Monks, travel around New Veritas playing hilarious pranks on the Valins (Do not be mistaken about the Han: if you can get them outside of their own soul-freezing borders then the creativity and suppressed parricidal rage that make them among the most ingenious and capable peoples in the world really shine through). This is basically when it all started to go wrong in an otherwise beautifully blossoming Han-Valin relationship. It would have been one for the ages, folks.

Then came Prince Ku, who by the power of Greyskull transformed into the mighty Emperor Yi-Ga, best Han emperor ever. By law, every city had a replica of his footprint carved into a marble plinth in the central square. This helped standardize measures, but the downside is it lets us know he had corns.

More trite grandstanding momuments and forced labor projects [in the Han dialect, literally, 'harmonious weekday activities of heavenly gratifying peace']. Paper was 'invented', making it even easier to produce vast quantities of vapid, sycophantic essays and the occasional piece of (ultimately banned) decent literature.

Great explorations were launched in all directions; East, West, North and South fared rather better than Up and Down. In and Out were never heard from again.

Emperor Yi-Ga had wild, lucid dreams about waddling, swimming birds that travelled in flocks and lacked the ability to fly [in the Han dialect, literally, 'fish']. We know this because he would scream out the lurid details at the top of his lungs to the city every morning before the sun [in the Han dialect, literally, 'merciless reminder of our servitude'] would rise.

Guangfei exports some technology to Trinlin, which exports some of its religion to Guangfei. It's hard to say whether this might have been an improvement.

Magical happy jade continues to magically make the masses happy, except for the magical slavedrivers in charge of the happy mines around Hangshei, which failed to continue to be magic and were mostly shut down leaving the poor slavedrivers with few options. Tourism in Hangshei also suffered a bit when a lot of reaaaaaaally ugly prostitutes flooded the industry.

But gosh darnit, even in Guangfei, most irritatingly causelessly cheery and devoted nation in the world, you can't keep everyone happy. When imperial propaganda rather lamely attempted to paint Nurmafer's "King Anarion III as, among other things, homosexual, incestuous, and heretical" anyone who could possibly escape Guangfei tried to flock to their perverted northwestern neighbor. Monks, mercenaries, peasants, and peddlers hopped the border hoping to try the tiniest tempting taste of tantalizing titillation they might lay their yearning limbs on. It got so crowded the the King of Nurmafer had to close the gates right shut.

Now this next part is tragic, but understandable. Those huddled masses that hadn't quite made it into Nurmafer had the scent of freedom, and weren't going to give up. They started busting their way in by force, and the whole thing turned sour. They were in such a frenzy to get in that once they did, they were still so riled up they started breaking things. And killing things. "One force burst northwards into Nurmafer, at
first claiming to be a mercenary force hired by Anarion to help with the
Swade war. The locals asked why Anarion would hire the Guangfei who had
insulted him and his family so, and why Guangfei citizens had ignored the
closed borders declaration made by Anarion III shortly before. They were
quickly killed."

"Guangfei’s official reason for the attack was essentially a repetition of
their earlier claims, as well as declaring that Anarion III had usurped the
throne from his father, despite the fact that his father had died from
natural causes at the age of 78. Most of the other claims were quickly
disproven, or at least left unsettled. Guangfei’s claims fell upon deaf
ears, and served little purpose other than to alienate itself from the
Nurmaferi people."

The whole thing might've been avoided if they'd decided to go to Qingdao instead, which was even then having a salty breeze of fresh friendly fanatical air breathed into it by nearby Valins. Any guesses on how long the Imperial government let this good thing live unmolested?

If you guessed 'not very gorram long', you nailed the proverbial Bladeist to the proverbial cross. The officials were quickly mucking with the whole thing, engineering a minor schism.

Let it not be said that Guangfei is completely opposed to playing nice: about this time they also demilitarized this region near the borders with New Veritas. It seems feasible this was a genuinely sincere gesture that they intended to uphold, but we'll never know for sure because New Veritas went and provoked them. By selling them a bunch of silver (should have gone with jade). Turned out not to be such a big long lasting deal thanks to Emperor Whose? love of statist monopolies. Hooray price fixing.

Compared to Guangfei, the Valins were way behind in the bribe-the-minor-states game. They weren't able to garner much support when they made their attack on Guangfei.
Some fighting.

"The people of Bandong and Faitei had considerable resentment
towards the government of Guanzhong for several reasons, such as the
‘disappearances’ of the lords of the cities who had traveled to the capital
and general economic discrimination against the region. With the help of New
Veritas, they rebelled and established the new Kingdom of Shangei."
More fighting. A 'white peace' with Nurmafer.

Guangfei sings a peace treaty "with the misnamed Kingdom of Shangei,
which was neither a Kingdom nor centered around (or even containing) the
city of Shangei.Why was it not a Kingdom? Officially, it was, but in truth, it became clear that New Veritas had an inordinate deal of control over it, to the point of providing the monarch’s own bodyguard, which was rumoured to have the secondary purpose of keeping Shangei in line."
More back and forth fighting.

"Though things suddenly don’t look so great for Guangfei either…
For Trinlin stabbed into its soft southern underbelly.
Prior to the war, the Emperor of Guangfei had been celebrating his successes
with, among others, several Trinlin diplomats. Following their departure,
the Emperor fell ill with a strange sickness. The discovery of toxic
sediments in the emperor’s drink pointed to foul play. But by this point,
Trinlin’s forces had already crossed the border."

Trinlin captured Jianking, giving the city a much needed tidying by cleaning out a bunch of kitschy relics.

Here we need to dispel all rumours that Guangfei was allied to the Swade. Not so! They were merely co-belligerents. Though a lot of shy glances were given and awkward declarations begun, they ultimately both decided that at this stage in their lives they wanted to focus on their careers, you know? Kind of spend some time figuring out what they really wanted, what...what they were meant to become, kind of on their own, for now? That right now...now it's just best if they stayed, you know, friends.
They both completely understood, of course, and were thinking absolutely the same thing anyway, so it's no problem. They were adults, after all, and, you know, needed their own space anyway, you understand?
So they both lived happily ever after. Except for Swade which went home and cried and threw some dishes around and started taking out some seriously bad mojo on everyone they could get their hands on. It was a painful time for them. ...That's another story.

Guangfei's propaganda offices (and armies) then proceeded to kick ass for a while (possibly aided by food poisoning from a poorly cooked pig).

Until Vandrios' Valin army got into Guanzhong utilizing a pretty stunningly well balanced combination of luck, treachery, speed, general awesomeness, and oh-great-horned-goat-god-spare-me-look-at-the-teeth-on-those-beasts-no-please-don't-crush-me-with-your-tremendously-powerful-prehensile-nose-oh--it-hurts and also the part about not caring that they were inevitably going to be surrounded in the middle of enemy lands without hope of escape and end up slaughtered and losing the war to Guangfei. Cause that's what would have happened. And by the gods when you set Han stubborness against Valin stubborness (words just don't suffice) that's damn well what should have happened.

But Vandrios died and the Valins left and peace was had. A startling display of wisdom, that last bit--hold the thought of it in your bloated, cadaverous hearts cause you won't see its like again.

For a brief moment the unquestioning obeisance of Guangfei's population began to waver as the people sensed, in the netherrealms of their instincts, that not all was right. But then everything was rebuilt and rehashed and the status quo returned and the chance for something new was tidily turned to ash.

Fortification, expansion, and conversion followed and by the reactionary stoked fires of standarization a new stilted regularity once again settled its putrid bulk across the sunshiney bright nation.

The imperial government did some shopping at a liquidation sale down in Magland and picked up some pretty exact replicas of their old Jianking trinkets, which they dutifully installed as near to exactly as they were before as they could get.

Because it cherishes its people so much and has a blessedly patronizing neurotic need to keep exacting records of what every single one of them is doing all the time and how best they can be squeezed of every ounce of dignity--for their own good--Guangfei organized a national census.

Imperial Academies of Science and Medicine are opened which are hailed as the freest bastions of original thought and dynamic research in any nation starting with the letter G that isn't Gamorrea, Gerougia, Guarela, or the long buried corpse of Gerber.

Free education programs are extended to "criminals, deserters, and general undesirables" in the form of road building. Said program also doubles as free burial service, which is why roads in Guangfei, while numerous and generally pretty well engineered, can be a little bumpy.

"Guangfei has established a ban of Bladeist missionaries in the country, and
has instated a ‘Bladeist Tax’, where they have to pay huge amounts of their
income to the government, plus all of their children after their firstborn.
In Shangei, a new faith known as ‘Tzu’ as appeared. Little detail is known
of it by most outsiders, but it appears to be a monotheistic extrapolation
of traditional Guangfei and Shangei beliefs.
Guangfei's campaign against the Bladeist protostates has come to its
completion. They were weakened earlier, and no help reached them from
outside. A quick strike against each of them was decisively carried out."

Guangfei gets fed up with receiving calls from Swade at 2 AM and being called a 'dirty, faithless, harlot' and joing in with a bunch of other to kick the crap out of them.

Peace resumes, and so does the bride selling. Which is not to say the young King Cheng Ji VII didn't get what he paid for. What's a kingdom compared to a real looker like the one he got to marry?

"In Guangfei, fireworks have been developed. The Emperor enjoys the
spectacle, but others suggest potential military uses of explosive
projectiles." Those advisors are wisely ignored. Fireworks as weapons, feh. Unseemly. With all the sincerity I can muster, I salute thee, Guangfei.

Then there was some more fighting, some more bickering, some dying of plague, some shameless unprovoked conquest, and the Han live and die in as much fear now as they did a thousand years ago. If you care about the details from here on out you can listen to recent rumours, I guarantee you they're not half as bad as the truth. Get outside and play you filthy kids. I don't want anyone else losing any more eyes or Otornos help me I'll sit you down and subject you to the history of Gorin.

You cannot fight us without fighting yourselves. We are everywhere, we are in the very fabric of your societies. Dismantling us would mean dismantling your infrastructure, belief systems and governments.

c'mere and I'll dismantle your face

 

[~Darkening~]

I seriously want to refuse their offer.......All these conspiracy groups/space-age enemies/turtlemen are really to starting to annoy me. p). I'm curious Iggy, since I'm not able to send a direct response, what would happen if I chose to abstain from this little "friends-friends!" experiment? You know, just never show up or send anyone?

 

[alex994]

OOC: I don't think you're part of the deal with Otaria darkening

And ah... how interesting icarus

 

[Oruc]

Why does Guangfei send representatives it has never had any interest in Exilsium.
Zamdar is the only nation of justice a beacon of hope to the downtrodden and oppressed.

OOC: funny as hell Icarus