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Narz the terrorist

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Narz, Jul 26, 2005.

  1. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

    Joined:
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    Location:
    St. Petersburg, Florida
    I went to the bank yesterday to cash a check. I had biked to get there so I decided to sit for awhile and watch the financial news on TV. I put my bag down beside me and when I got up to leave I forgot it.

    When I got home I realized I'd left my bag there. I checked my e-mail and did a couple small things around the house and then returned to retrieve it.

    When I arrived the bank was locked. I recognized a man who worked there talking on a cell phone outside. He told me (and two other customers outside) that the bank was closed temporarily and would reopen shortly.

    I told him I just wanted to go in and get my bag. He looked at me and then let everyone inside. I asked him what all the hub-bub was about and he said it was because I left my bag. I looked at him incredulously. "This was all because of me??" :crazyeye: . What a trip. I watched in amusement as the ten or so bank employees filed back inside (anyone else ever notice that feamle bank tellers are hot in a disproportionate amount to the everyday female population?).

    I asked what they had done with my bag. He said no one had touched it (it might have exploded I suppose). I retrieved it quickly and went on my merry way.

    No one really seemed mad at me, they were probably happy to get a short break from work.

    Crazy world we live in these days. :D.

    In seriousness, I feel grateful that that this particular run in with paranoid officials was merely comic and not tragic.
     
  2. Bozo Erectus

    Bozo Erectus Master Baker

    Joined:
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    Pretty lax security at that bank. I would have told you to just wait outside, called the cops anyway, and let them sort it out. Just because somebody shows up to claim the bag, doesnt mean its not a bomb. Maybe the bomber came back to retrieve it because the timer didnt work and it didnt explode. Who knows?
     
  3. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    Why would anyone want to blow up a small bank in Surfside, Florida with barely ten employees?

    Still, I'm glad I didn't crack any jokes... wait actually I did. I said, "Good thing I didn't leave my chess clock (which makes a ticking sound if accidentally started) in the bag or you guys would've really flipped out" (not my exact words).
     
  4. BasketCase

    BasketCase Username sez it all

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Closer than you'd like
    BasketCase The Terrorist

    I'm at the airport, heading for my plane. Drop suitcase on conveyor belt, step through metal detector, make offhanded joke about bombs.

    Security guard gives me a pained grin and points at a sign nearby, which states that security guards are required to take all comments about bombs seriously.

    They knew I'd been just joking and hadn't seen the sign, so they let me go.
     
  5. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    Very lax :nono:

    If I were in charge of security, I would have demanded a full cavity search! :groucho:
     
  6. ybbor

    ybbor Will not change his avata

    Joined:
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    Chicago Suburbs
    wow, what a cool story to tell. So Narz, anything happen to you lately? Yeah, got my haircut, became a terrorist, saw batman begins, the usual.

    mind if I use it? ;) :mischief: :joke:
     
  7. Colonel

    Colonel Sandbox

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    Back in the Good Ole USA
    Watch out kids we have lots of Terrorists around here.
     
  8. akots

    akots Poet

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Moscow-Houston, Russia-USA
    Wait while you'de have all trash cans from all public places in all big cities gone. Like it is in Moscow for a few years.
     
  9. Stapel

    Stapel FIAT 850 coupé

    Joined:
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    's-Gravenhage
    Ten years ago, I dropped of my GF at Schiphol airport (Amsterdam). She was going to visit her family in Israel. I got this huge bag with wet laundry with me, (we just came from her parents's home, which had a washing machine, and I was getting home to my students home, where the washing machine had broken down).

    Now, carrying a around heavy bags is not my idea of fun, so I dropped it in a corner. Then we went to get a coffee.
    Man, within minutes two (Israeli) guards with machine guns picked me from the coffee corner.
    After a look at my totally flabbergasted face, they decided to simply order me to stick with my bag.
     
  10. Knight-Dragon

    Knight-Dragon Unhidden Dragon Retired Moderator

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    Hardly crazy. It's better to be over-cautious, than negligent.

    Even in Singapore, terrorism is being taken seriously, with measures in place. Like the security guards at office buildings keeping track of visitors and examining suspicious cars parked outside.
     
  11. Stapel

    Stapel FIAT 850 coupé

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    Recently, a Dutch TV-show tested the Rotterdam subway passengers. A rucksack was 'forgotten' and a secret camera whitnessed what other passengers did. Dozens of passengers clearly noticed the bag, but nobody did a thing.
     
  12. Knight-Dragon

    Knight-Dragon Unhidden Dragon Retired Moderator

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    That is sad.

    Perhaps Singaporeans are more security-conscious, since almost the entire male citizenry is militarily-trained and with the govt constantly pumping out Total Defence propoganda. National security is like the national ideology here. :)
     
  13. Jorge

    Jorge Yo mismo

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    Right Here

    How many bags do people forget in the world any day? And how many of them turn out to be a bomb? I think you have more chances of being killed by a heart attack due to the paranoia :lol:
     
  14. Rambuchan

    Rambuchan The Funky President

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    I agree Narz - Female Bank employees are HOT in very disproportionate terms to many other high street sectors. They seem to get HOTTER when they graduate from the young teller behind the screen to the Personal Banker with their own desk. As for the Business Bankers....*swooooons* :drool:
     
  15. Knight-Dragon

    Knight-Dragon Unhidden Dragon Retired Moderator

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    The banks want your business. Obviously they will select the 'right' kind of personnel to market it to you. :p Or con you while you're still drooling.
     
  16. carlosMM

    carlosMM Deity

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    LUCKY BasketCase!

    Remember the British girl who went to prison for a (dumb) joke?
     
  17. Rambuchan

    Rambuchan The Funky President

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    Ah yes, I knew it would be something like that. Last time I agreed a massive overdraft limit I swear the Personal Banker was leaning forward and offering me undue amounts of cleavage. (J/K - I don't actually have an overdraft anymore) :mischief:

    Anyway, as for the matter in hand:

    1) We really need to be more careful these days. People like Bozo are clearly terrified of the situation and we need to be more watchful about our bags. They do cause massive disruptions and unnecessary anxiety. See 2.

    2) A friend of mine left a cushion on the London underground last week. He was given it as a present at work and obviously had to carry it home. He decided that the best place to put it while riding the tube home was under his butt. I mean it was a cushion. Anyway, being the dope he is, he got off without it and only remembered once the train had pulled away.

    He took the next train in the same direction in an attempt to catch it up but found that it was terminated at the next station. Yup, the whole line (Northern I believe) had been closed down because of his cushion.

    He told the station employees and was brought before the police. There ensued a massive argument with my friend on one side saying "It's just a bloody cushion, and I simply forgot it, I'm sorry" and the police on the other saying: "Well sorry isn't good enough. Look at the trouble you have caused."

    They were both right in what they were saying of course. We need to be more considerate and careful these days. The security services have an already difficult job to do and we do need to help them. This includes reporting unattended baggage, promptly and calmly.

    3) I believe that the root of our problems here are the bags. This is the real problem and the common element in the European terrorist attacks. Recent Intelligence Agency reports have identified that there concentrations of bag production in Southern China. I mean truly prolific. These centres are supplying the First, Second and Third Worlds alike with these bags. Their penetration is deep within our societies and, even worse, there is simply no sense of abiding by any Non-Proliferation Bag Agreements.

    Specific reports have indicated that the level of progress attained by these Chinese bag manufacturers is quite startling. In many cases they are able to put together leather hold alls and synthetic based backpacks in less than 45 minutes! With the sophisticated logistics that exist in today's world, and the criminal / terrorist underworld's easy access to such baggage technology, it is only a matter of time before these hold alls and backpacks make it into terrorist hands and they strike again.

    We are therefore putting together a plan for a pre-emptive strike on the heartland of China, although both Taiwan and our allies South Korea are also appearing on our Axis of Baggage Evil, with major productivity in their areas. It is deemed prudent to begin such a strike with major air offensives (old Harry's jet based missile business is suffering a bit, and it would be good to dish out some orders for him, especially given that great charity dinner he held to celebrate his Mistress' 5th boob job - oh and the strippers were excellent too!)

    Anyway, we shall naturally be 'talking' to the UN about it. But in the meantime we'll be setting up our aircraft carriers and missile delivery systems in the Bay of Bengal (that nuclear deal with the Indians has indeed delivered the necessary puppet strings on their nice, shiney navy - which old Monty sold them last decade btw). We'll probably go for the civilian targets this time round. It's felt we stand more chance of hitting the actual factories of evil this way. Oh and don't worry, you'll get all the juicey blood and guts shots by the usual news networks (just in case the blood and mayhem in Iraq is getting a bit 'samey'). We've agreed more embedded journalists and have even recruited some WWF celebs to report on the strikes. Expect this sequel war to be way more 'pumped' than our last broadcasts.

    Anyone who wishes to protest can expect the usual battles with our riot police and to be cornered like sheep into some insignificant alley in the city. We'll also hijack the terms of debate, but please feel free to go ahead and guff on all you like. We all know it won't make a blind bit of difference. We shall continue to line the pockets of our friends in the arms, energy and news industries to bring Democracy and Freedom to the world, especially to those sinister Chinese bag manufacturers! Remember folks - 45 minutes!!!
     
  18. Yaniv

    Yaniv Prince

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Alone, in my room
    Here's a story of mine.
    It happened in my school days, about 8 years ago on our yearly field trip.
    There were 9 classes in our year, and therefore 9 buses.
    A few people from my class and another class, decided to hang up signs on the back of the 2 buses which say "Help, we've been kidnapped".
    Eventually these signs were noticed by officers driving behind the buses. The state was put into a small alert, and the airforce went up into the sky patrolling the areas, thinking this is a planned terrorist attack.
    The situation ended on our bus when it was pulled over, and police officers boarded the bus pointing a loaded gun to the bus driver.
    Since they were minors, nothing too serious happened to the students who hung up the signs.
     
  19. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    :lol:

    Did your friend ever get his cushion back?
     
  20. Narz

    Narz keeping it real

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    Yaniv, for real? That's way cooler than my story. I wish I had some helocoptors scouring the skies on account of me. :D
     

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