Gotm and sgotm cured me of this, basically. So i back Olafeson, only you will know if you really play on this partly very cruel level.
Sometimes did this way back too. I remember especially one low point where I lost a crucial battle early on, and tried to do all kinds of stuff in different sequence to be able for that one dude to win his combat and take the city. The game is much more fun and rewarding if you just play and take whatever happens on the chin. Probably one of the main reasons I play BOTMs tbh. When trying out HoF games I just get too hung up on perfection and if something goes badly (like not being able to Oracle CS in a low-ish difficulty), I just start over. Result typically is that I never get to the end. I've lost count of how many really promising games I had for #1 spots, but never got the end for one reason or another (like those gruesome Sushi marathon games). With BOTM there is more reason to actually complete the games, even if things go tits up.
As for this project, how about just posting a 'shadow'/learning save instead, and get advice from the true Deity players? Admittedly you are more likely to get good advice if playing on 'normal' settings instead of Epic or Marathon. But if e.g. Epic is what you prefer, I'm sure that will work too.
One of the main things with this game, and especially on Deity, is to
play the map. It's difficult to offer more general advice in a guide for beating Deity, because everything depends on the situation in each and every map. Land, resources, opponents, diplo, religions, tech situation, and so on. It's kind of like thinking about chess and how the game can develop in
millions of ways. It's the same here. There are so many factors, and they will always differ greatly.
Sure, you have core strategies like Libbing towards Cuirs, cottaging the capital (if it has suitable land), and things like that. But these are good moves on all difficulties. If you want to learn more about what it takes to beat Deity, I therefore suggest to post such a game. Then people can help you along and offer advice, and you play short stints and post back images and saves. It's a fantastic way to learn, because others will have ideas you don't have yourself, and if nothing else it will open eyes to different thoughts.