Random Rants: --... ---.. Don't expect others to convert it for you.

[Snerk]

I'm guessing it's more than an issue of word choice because it ties in with the reason for his anger. Getting possessive over women with whom you haven't exchanged any commitments is at best an emotionally-draining waste of time. The other possibilities are of course even worse.

Getting irritated over the situation when a person you felt you had a connection with, hooks up with your mate, is IMO just human. Directing any of that anger towards that person is wrong for a lot of different reasons. Not sure I got the latter from the post but that's just me.

 

[H4run]

So you just met her, and that entitled you to claim ownership?

This thing is cultural I guess.
It is not in the sense of "owning" her, but in the sense of marking a sphere of influence toward his friends, his friend shouldn't cross that line. In here it is quite common, even it's consider to be jerkish to have a date with your best friend ex and it's not in the sense that they are still belong to each other, but it's more about the etiquette, sound too much, but without a proper etiquette it somehow an outrageous things to do.

 

[rah]

Dibs

 

[H4run]

Dibs

I think that's a correct word

 

[Lexicus]

Dibs

Yeah because women are objects to be claimed

I dunno maybe, just maybe, feminists are onto something when they say that objectifying women is deeply ingrained in the culture

Getting irritated over the situation when a person you felt you had a connection with, hooks up with your mate, is IMO just human. Directing any of that anger towards that person is wrong for a lot of different reasons. Not sure I got the latter from the post but that's just me.

It's happened to me before, not just someone I met in a bar the same night either but someone I'd had a crush on for years. She wasn't "mine", and realizing that helped me deal with it.

 

[AdamCrock]

So you just met her, and that entitled you to claim ownership?

Why not wait to find out if she and your friend actually got past the casual chatting stage before writing off this friendship?

Correct I do not own her . It's why I left them to themselves and left the bar and didn't interupted them. I wasn't even angry at the girl I was angry at my so called friend who "stole" (maybe that's a wrong word) - engaged her even if he knew I was interested in her. It was a dick move on his part I say.

edit It wasn't just chatting it really was making out in the sense they were kissing.

 

[H4run]

Yeah because women are objects to be claimed

I dunno maybe, just maybe, feminists are onto something when they say that objectifying women is deeply ingrained in the culture

maybe dibs is not a correct word, because it's to claim the belonging toward something/someone.

Like for instance, my own sister end up marrying her ex's best friend, they were pretty much awkward with their environment for awhile. It's not in the sense that her ex claimed her as his belonging, their relationship is pretty much over, but their friend hoping they should talk it over so there will be no hard feeling in the end.

It's unnecessary, but it happened.

 

[rah]

Yeah because women are objects to be clai

More like 'get the first crack at' when it comes to women, and if you strike out then your buddy gets a shot.
Part of the buddy code. But then, I've been out of the game so long, who knows what passes as the buddy code these days.

 

[Lexicus]

I wasn't even angry at the girl I was angry at my so called friend who "stole" (maybe that's a wrong word) - engaged her even if he knew I was interested in her.

My concerns were misplaced in this instance, but yes, be careful about the words you use for these situations.

It was a dick move on his part I say.

Big time.

maybe dibs is not a correct word, because it's to claim the belonging toward something.

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Like for instance, my own sister end up marrying her ex's best friend, they are pretty much awkward with their environment for awhile. It's not in the sense that her ex claimed her as his belonging, their relationship is pretty much over, but their friend hoping they should talk it over so there will be no hard feeling in the end.

I don't have much experience with this but my general view is that people who have a problem with their friends dating their exes need to get over it. This may reflect growing up in a small school, though. The dating/hookup pool just wasn't large enough to support a taboo on fooling around with friends' exes.

More like 'get the first crack at' when it comes to women, and if you strike out then your buddy gets a shot.

Well the problem is many men lack the confidence to put themselves in a position to 'strike out' and just sort of emotionally linger over people...I know this because I did it and I've seen plenty of others do it...feelings of possessiveness developing in such a situation are Bad and Unhealthy and can only lead to problems. Ideally they're just emotional problems for the man in question but this is also where stalking and other dangerous stuff can come from.

My attitude toward this is that "all's fair in love and war" and "buddy code" is less important than...what the woman wants [gasp]

 

[H4run]

My attitude toward this is that "all's fair in love and war" and "buddy code" is less important than...what the woman wants

it's quite human to be jealous Lexicus, that's mean you truly have a feeling toward your love interest, I guess both man or woman will be equally disappointed to their buddy if they somehow taking their crush over.

Just a while ago, between two female employee in my office get a problem toward each other, because her best friend that she bring to accompany her meeting her crush (he is a worker of our company vendor), ending up dating her very crush. This thing are something that we feel all gender. Don't you agree?

 

[H4run]

I don't have much experience with this but my general view is that people who have a problem with their friends dating their exes need to get over it. This may reflect growing up in a small school, though. The dating/hookup pool just wasn't large enough to support a taboo on fooling around with friends' exes.

I agree with this, I also think it is stupid, her ex is one of the most awesome dude I ever know actually.

edit: and now I pretty much foreign to him, while I close him for more than 4 years I guess

 

[rah]

Well the problem is many men lack the confidence to put themselves in a position to 'strike out' and just sort of emotionally linger over people.

In my case it was always practice makes perfect. I struck out more than I did in baseball, and I really sucked at baseball.

 

[Lexicus]

it's quite human to be jealous Lexicus, that's mean you truly have a feeling toward your love interest, I guess both man or woman will be equally disappointed to their buddy if they somehow taking their crush over.

Just a while ago, between two female employee in my office get a problem toward each other, because her best friend that she bring to accompany her meeting her crush (he is a worker of our company vendor), ending up dating her very crush. This thing are something that we feel all gender. Don't you agree?

I agree and imo it results from selfishness either way. It's just that when men do it it's often dovetailing with all that cultural baggage of women being treated as mere objects of male desire and endeavor.

 

[AdamCrock]

it's quite human to be jealous Lexicus, that's mean you truly have a feeling toward your love interest, I guess both man or woman will be equally disappointed to their buddy if they somehow taking their crush over.

Just a while ago, between two female employee in my office get a problem toward each other, because her best friend that she bring to accompany her meeting her crush (he is a worker of our company vendor), ending up dating her very crush. This thing are something that we feel all gender. Don't you agree?

Yes I completely agree. It gave me comfort that I am not the only one, Thank You for this. Now I feel better

 

[aimeeandbeatles]

Rant: I fell out of bed.

 

[H4run]

I agree and imo it results from selfishness either way. It's just that when men do it it's often dovetailing with all that cultural baggage of women being treated as mere objects of male desire and endeavor.

Yes you cannot shrug off the objectification of women in our society. For instance, I'm so tired seeing all the impractical skimpy heavy armor for woman while if the same armor wear by a man it turned out to be a full closed armor set. There was never a game that I play where females get full body armor while males get a metal boxer.

Rant: I fell out of bed.

I really hope you are alright.

 

[Lexicus]

In my case it was always practice makes perfect. I struck out more than I did in baseball, and I really sucked at baseball.

Oh yeah, I had "crushes" when I was too afraid to get rejected. If I had actually had the confidence to put myself out there I wouldn't have had crushes, I would have had a bunch of rejections and maybe a few dates or girlfriends (not at the same time obviously) or whatever.

As soon as I gained the confidence to actually get rejected I did that a bunch of times and now my fear of rejection is much less than it used to be.

OTOH the other side of this is that if you're a friend, you shouldn't do things that make your friends hurt which includes making out with a woman they were trying to chat up at a bar.

 

[rah]

OTOH the other side of this is that if you're a friend, you shouldn't do things that make your friends hurt which includes making out with a woman they were trying to chat up at a bar.

Couldn't agree more. My best friend did this (with my girl friend) but we were able to get by it and remain friends till he passed. In hindsight, he saved me big time.

 

[Lexicus]

he saved me big time.

I assume this girlfriend is not your wife?

 

[Manfred Belheim]

My concerns were misplaced in this instance, but yes, be careful about the words you use for these situations.

Yes Adam be careful. You've been told. Consider this a warning. (We're claiming ownership over you and your actions you see)