Earlier today I sort of wanted to make a huge rant about all kinds of things, but the moment's passed and I can't do it
I kinda hate how I can't bloody explain myself
As I was commuting homewords I was struck by how disgusting I am, but also how disgusting everything else is. Like Everything I do and am is terrible, extraordinarily so, by realitiy's standards, but It's not like embetterment is worth it, because everything that isn't me is terrible in of itself as well
I can't quite explain it, and I find it pathetic that I'm not even trying
On the subway there was a ticket control, which is rare. As the train had stopped at the station I was going to leave at, and the doors having been opened, the guy wanted me to show him my ticket, but my ticket card and both bank cards I carry had slipped out of my wallet, so I coldn't find it at first. I was standing up and kinda moving towards the door at the same time, since I wanted to go off, but the guy held me back. I said "I have to go off here" and he said something along the lines of "no, not without showing your ticket". I was able to fish it out at that moment, and ran off the subway train.
Am I really that pathetic that all this is because I felt like a fool or something?
I think I felt pretty disgusted for like being a bloody trite mundane






being in bloody traffic and complaining I had to go off here and whatnot.
I don't know, it felt like in a way a betrayal towards everything I imagine I stand for.
Also the ticket control guy was african, so I'm also a tad woried I'm racist
Then afterwards on the train I had all these thoughts I can't quite describe, of how how like deplorable I am, and also how rotten human activity is. Being on a train felt very horrible just then.
I also had in the seat in front of me a girl with like those jeans with holes on the knees, which made me think she was quite a sheep or something (of course that applies to me too), and three middle aged ladies with like too much neck fat. I forgot what my point was. It felt like a sad sight to me at least, but I'm pretty terrible.
Also lately I feel like I've gotten pretty annoyed at how several women speak, moreso than men now, so I'm also afraid I'm turning into a mysoginist or what have you.
I had also like a class about Aristoteles today, and I wanted to say something about that, but I don't think I really can say anything of value.
I was distracted by something and now I've completely lost the shadow of a train of thought I had on that, so just forget it.
Just one anecdote or something is that it seems people make him and Platon into tyrants of the past, so to say.
Also all this might just be a pity bait which is pathetic on it's own.
Oh yea there was something about like what makes people happy, and I was thinking something about like attention hoggers (moreso than me) that will even make themselves look bad just for attention. I need to like look into that someday. Which I've said about dozens of things and then not done, so there's anoter thing pathetic by me