Random Rants XLIV: I Can't Find The Answer

[Loppan Torkel]

Inaugural whinging post for this thread, spoilered for your convenience:

I haven't followed this story, but have you asked her out for a cup of coffee?


...or if you might be in over your head... any photos available to get a verdict?

 

[Joecoolyo]

I haven't followed this story, but have you asked her out for a cup of coffee?


...or if you might be in over your head... any photos available to get a verdict?

I plan on asking her out once we both get back to university. Its just the non-contact-ish situation for 5 weeks over break that's stressing me out and making me worry.

And I'm not sure what you mean by photos? How would they help?

 

[hobbsyoyo]

My wife fell on ice yesterday and hurt her knee. When I saw her scrape, it wasn't bleeding; I thought she was ok. She asked for a tissue, which I didn't have. I told her she'd have to get one inside the house (we were getting in the car to leave) without thinking what a jerk thing that was to say. I didn't say it with attitude or anything, just matter-of-factly because, as I said, I wasn't thinking about it and I didn't realize she was even bleeding.

She spent all day yesterday balling, screaming at me what a horrible husband I am and that this incident showed what kind of person I am. Every attempt at an apology ended with her yelling at me.

She has spent all day today moping over it and just when I thought she was coming around, she randomly went off on me for not asking how she was doing. Then she kept at it until I finally lost my temper after 2 days of her yelling at me and ignoring every overture for peace.

I didn't think to ask how she was because:
a) I've been busy unpacking, doing the laundry, scrubbing the stink out of the carpet and walls, hanging up pictures, etc. Basically, all of the cleaning and unpacking that badly needed to be done since we got back from vacation, all of it, I've been doing. She's been sitting in her room watching TV.

b) She's been barricaded in her room and every attempt to say I'm sorry has ended in her yelling at me.

I'm at my wits end and I don't even know what to do. It also doesn't help that this is coming off the tail end of 2 weeks spent with my parents or in a car on the road. My mom and brother and sister were fine but my father was in a pissy mood the entire time and made everyone miserable. Then, for the 40 hour total trips in the car, I was stuck with my grandmother who doesn't shower often and as such stunk something terrible. She also kept taking the GPS to mess with it and nearly caused 2 accidents by shouting the wrong directions out over the GPS at the absolute worst times.

So I'm just freaking the hell out and I'm really struggling right now guys.

 

[Loppan Torkel]

I wasn't sure why the indecisiveness, perhaps you thought she might be out of your league... I have no idea how either of you look. ..but I apologize, it's a bad idea.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

I think that packet of peas I had in the freezer compartment of the fridge may have gone off. I ate it anyway. Though I did cook the peas well. I shall find out tomorrow morning whether they were poisonous, I expect.

Trial and error.

But I've eaten off-stuff before. With surprising results sometimes.

I quite like a dish of peas, with butter. But no mint, sadly, this time of year.

Question: If food has turned and you cook it thoroughy, you can't get sick, right?

 

[Borachio]

My wife fell on ice yesterday and hurt her knee. When I saw her scrape, it wasn't bleeding; I thought she was ok. She asked for a tissue, which I didn't have. I told her she'd have to get one inside the house (we were getting in the car to leave) without thinking what a jerk thing that was to say. I didn't say it with attitude or anything, just matter-of-factly because, as I said, I wasn't thinking about it and I didn't realize she was even bleeding.

She spent all day yesterday balling, screaming at me what a horrible husband I am and that this incident showed what kind of person I am. Every attempt at an apology ended with her yelling at me.

She has spent all day today moping over it and just when I thought she was coming around, she randomly went off on me for not asking how she was doing. Then she kept at it until I finally lost my temper after 2 days of her yelling at me and ignoring every overture for peace.

I didn't think to ask how she was because:
a) I've been busy unpacking, doing the laundry, scrubbing the stink out of the carpet and walls, hanging up pictures, etc. Basically, all of the cleaning and unpacking that badly needed to be done since we got back from vacation, all of it, I've been doing. She's been sitting in her room watching TV.

b) She's been barricaded in her room and every attempt to say I'm sorry has ended in her yelling at me.

I'm at my wits end and I don't even know what to do. It also doesn't help that this is coming off the tail end of 2 weeks spent with my parents or in a car on the road. My mom and brother and sister were fine but my father was in a pissy mood the entire time and made everyone miserable. Then, for the 40 hour total trips in the car, I was stuck with my grandmother who doesn't shower often and as such stunk something terrible. She also kept taking the GPS to mess with it and nearly caused 2 accidents by shouting the wrong directions out over the GPS at the absolute worst times.

So I'm just freaking the hell out and I'm really struggling right now guys.

Wow!

You have my sympathy, for what it's worth.

I wish I knew what else to say.

Keep calm and carry on?

 

[Joecoolyo]

I wasn't sure why the indecisiveness, perhaps you thought she might be out of your league... I have no idea how either of you look. ..but I apologize, it's a bad idea.

Yeah, I don't think looks have any sort of matter right now. The indecisiveness on my part is I just cannot read what our interactions so far mean, and whether or not they amount to something more. I thought I was so sure before break began, but after 3 or so weeks of not seeing her and not really talking to her I'm doubting again.

Its me just belly-aching more than anything, I'm not sure how to handle this and its stressing me out.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Wow!

You have my sympathy, for what it's worth.

I wish I knew what else to say.

Keep calm and carry on?

Yeah, keeping calm is key. Other than my one outburst, I've been apologetic (genuinely), giving her space, doing useful stuff for her and just keeping cool. It irks the hell out of me though because she says/does stupid things all the time and I don't hold a grudge over it.

Case in point: Earlier today, I was trying to do something for her and she went off on me in a fit of anger because I dared speak to her (and I'm supposed to check how she's doing ). I didn't react and when I came back home after doing shopping, she apologized for exploding. I said 'what are your apologizing for?' because I didn't even remember she had gone off on me - it wasn't a big deal.

Ten minutes later, she was yelling at me and saying that I asked why she was apologizing because (according to her) I was trying to get her to apologize for yelling at me yesterday, which she tells me she will never do because I'm a terrible husband and deserved it. I told her that was nonsense, I asked what she was apologizing over precisely because I don't expect her to apologize for yesterday and didn't know what else she had to apologize over.


She's been extremely testy since last week. My father and grandmother stressed her out and she's carried that over onto me. She does this despite the fact that I'm her best friend and listen to her problems, do things for her (like driving 30 out of the 40 hours so she could sleep). I'm not a bad husband, I'm not an arsehole, especially not to her. I said something stupid not out of malicious intent, but because I simply wasn't thinking.


WHAT THE FRAK

 

[Synobun]

Personally, I don't think what you said was even stupid. For all intents and purposes you thought she was fine and told her that there were tissues inside if she needed any. Maybe I'm living in a dream world, but couldn't she have just said, "I'm in a lot of pain, can you get me a tissue from inside?"?

Though, judging by her behaviour, I don't think it'd be fair to expect something so reasonable from her. Does she always act like that? I hope not.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Yeah, I don't think looks have any sort of matter right now. The indecisiveness on my part is I just cannot read what our interactions so far mean, and whether or not they amount to something more. I thought I was so sure before break began, but after 3 or so weeks of not seeing her and not really talking to her I'm doubting again.

Its me just belly-aching more than anything, I'm not sure how to handle this and its stressing me out.

Stop that. Self doubt will destroy you. Keep your confidence up - women are turned off by indecisiveness and lack of confidence. Even if you don't have confidence, do a damn good job of faking it.

Call her up, text her, send her a facebook message or something till you can see her again.

Personally, I don't think what you said was even stupid. For all intents and purposes you thought she was fine and told her that there were tissues inside if she needed any. Maybe I'm living in a dream world, but couldn't she have just said, "I'm in a lot of pain, can you get me a tissue from inside?"?

Though, judging by her behaviour, I don't think it'd be fair to expect something so reasonable from her. Does she always act like that? I hope not.

This is precisely what I thought - though it was insensitive, it wasn't so insenstive to warrant a two day thrashing over. I haven't told her I didn't think she was hurt because she just yell at me and tell me I'm lying to her to get her off my back. It wouldn't help to say that, in essence.

She used to throw epic pouting fits with occassional tantrums to the point where I dumped her briefly for another woman. Since then, she's much much better. However, she still holds major grudges, gets angry/upset at the drop of a hat and drags crap out far too long.

I do not claim to be perfect or without my own issues, just so we're clear. But this time, she's being the crazy one. Also, I don't get angry with her nearly as often as she does with me, though she does things that warrant it just as often. I just don't get upset over the little stuff like she does and even when I do, when the fight is over, it's over and I stop being mad, unlike her.

Edit:

IT'S REALLY HARD TO STAY CALM RIGHT NOW SHE'S RUINING THE WHOLE FRAKKING WEEKEND.

thank god she left the house

 

[Loppan Torkel]

Yeah, I don't think looks have any sort of matter right now. The indecisiveness on my part is I just cannot read what our interactions so far mean, and whether or not they amount to something more. I thought I was so sure before break began, but after 3 or so weeks of not seeing her and not really talking to her I'm doubting again.

Its me just belly-aching more than anything, I'm not sure how to handle this and its stressing me out.

Again, without knowing much about the situation, it seems you need to break down the significance of the "first date" and just ask her out for.. ..a cup of coffee and a cookie.. (honestly, you need a word for "fika") ..or something else.

 

[Joecoolyo]

Stop that. Self doubt will destroy you. Keep your confidence up - women are turned off by indecisiveness and lack of confidence. Even if you don't have confidence, do a damn good job of faking it.

Call her up, text her, send her a facebook message or something till you can see her again.

Yeah, I think I'm just going to message her sometime tonight and break the no-contact streak. Hopefully I don't come off as pushy, or bugging her too much. That's the last thing I want to do.

Again, without knowing much about the situation, it seems you need to break down the significance of the "first date" and just ask her out for.. ..a cup of coffee and a cookie.. (honestly, you need a word for "fika") ..or something else.

I plan on doing that once we get back. Can't see each other now, since well she's a good 8 hour drive south of me. Its just, I don't know, I didn't/don't want to lose anything that possibly happened before break over the 5 weeks of not seeing each other. Hence, I'm scared about the no contact.

But because of blechy doubt, I'm scared of too much contact as well, it might off put her something. I don't know.

 

[Loppan Torkel]

WHAT THE FRAK

Is she pregnant?

Sorry for your, at the moment, crappy existence.

 

[hobbsyoyo]

Yeah, I think I'm just going to message her sometime tonight and break the no-contact streak. Hopefully I don't come off as pushy, or bugging her too much. That's the last thing I want to do.

Three weeks isn't pushy at all - just the opposite. Going that long with no communication makes it seem you aren't interested. Message her right now. Don't wait till tonight.

Is she pregnant?

Sorry for your, at the moment, crappy existence.

Not unless her birth control has failed. She also isn't on or about to start her period (which I only mention to head off the next question).

Thanks for the support though.

 

[JohannaK]

Is she pregnant?

You know, that's just what I thought...

 

[hobbsyoyo]

She just came off her period, could she start having mood swings from pregnancy after >5 days???? (assuming the birth control failed) Also, I don't think women can get pregnant right after their periods, can they?

 

[Joecoolyo]

Three weeks isn't pushy at all - just the opposite. Going that long with no communication makes it seem you aren't interested. Message her right now. Don't wait till tonight.

Hasn't been 3 weeks , 10 days. Which I guess is still a lot.

Yeah, I'm going need to message her sometime today.

 

[_random_]

Andy Dalton has got to get his stuff together.

 

[Takhisis]

Rant: people posting too much information.

 

[Borachio]

Rant: people not posting enough information. (Like who's posting too much of what information.)

Rant: Me wanting to know more than too much information.