SS-18 ICBM
Oscillator
The thing is, all the stuff we're doing in Chemistry right now is math.
Yes, but it's algebra. WebAssign Calculus is aggravating.
Sigh, I know what you mean. Parents can be quite antsy sometimes.
RANDOM RANTS XXI: Relapse
- Thread starter Abaddon
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Yes, but it's algebra. WebAssign Calculus is aggravating.
Sigh, I know what you mean. Parents can be quite antsy sometimes.
Yeah, after seeing some of my friends pre-calc homework, I can imagine how annoying regular Calc would be on WebAssign.
I just hope when senior year comes around, my teacher doesn't force me through that.
Virote_Considon
The Great Dictator
I really don't know how long I can keep going on for... I'm just mentally exhausted.
Let's start with the psychosis. Probably the biggest problem I have. I've ranted about it a fair few times. I suppose I should feel lucky, because in the last couple of months, I've had pretty much no major psychotic attacks (apart from one pretty bad one last week), which is surprising considering the frequency and scale of the attacks I was getting beforehand. But it's the day to day paranoia and delusions that I just can't deal with. I wake up. I start feeling paranoid. I leave my flat. I start feeling even more paranoid. I get on the bus. I get the uncontrollable feeling that someone on the bus (and I don't know who!) can see every thought that goes on in my head. I get home. I think there are cameras everywhere in my flat. Especially in the shower. Why would someone even want to put cameras in my shower? I don't know, but there are cameras in my shower, invading my privacy and being used undoubtedly for some kind of malicious purpose. There's a little dip in the paranoia. Not much, but enough. I leave my flat again. I get more paranoid, and so on and so forth until I go to bed. This is my typical day when I have been taking my medication properly.
Then there's the depression. Every day, severely depressed. So depressed I can hardly leave my bed. I might get up for around twenty minutes to go on my computer or eat or something, but pretty soon I'll be sure to be back in bed. About the only other things I can manage when I'm really depressed are having a shower and maybe walking to the seafront. Maybe. I don't know why I can manage to do these two things, but there you go. Initially during the day, it's not the paranoia that I'm suffering at that point in time which leads to the majority of my depression, but anticipation that I'm going to be more paranoid at some point in the near future than I currently am. Then it starts feeding into itself, and I'm depressed because I'm depressed. By the end of the day, I'm depressed because I'm physically finding it difficult to cope. I'm mentally and physically tired from the stress. I go to bed...
...But oh, wait! Here comes my lifelong friend insomnia here to give me another restless night! Despite the fact that I'm physically tired, for some reason, I just can't get off to sleep! I wait maybe an hour or two before I finally drop off to sleep, and then POW! An hour later I'm wide awake again, still tired as all hell. It'll take me about an hour or so to get back to sleep, then whadya know? An hour or so after that and I'm right back awake again! This continues for another few hours. It could end at around about half five in the morning, it could end at around seven or eight. If I have to do something the next day, you can guarantee that I'll drop off back to sleep at around seven or eight, or whatever time I need to get up, probably the best quality sleep I'll have all night. Otherwise, when it ends, you can guarantee that I'm awake, and tired as all hell the next day. I'll spend hours upon hours upon hours trying to get back to sleep after this to no avail, until I finally get out of bed, only to have the wonderful day I described in previous paragraphs start all over again! And these are the nights where I actually manage to get sleep! And then there's the times when sleep likes to play a little trick on me. I'm in bed, and I'm actually about to fall asleep! But oh, wait! I become aware of this, thus waking me strait back up, and making me feel even worse! And nights where this happens, it just keeps happening and happening all night until I finally decide to just get up.
It's just like this day in, day out. Every day. The only change is some days are a little worse (but never better!) And every day, I keep soldiering on, for the sole reason that I don't know how to do anything but soldier on, and with the knowledge that the only benefit soldiering on brings is that I get to live through the same day again the next day, week, month and so on. If for whatever reason I wake up and the depression is giving me slack, I can be pretty sure that psychosis is brewing up something nasty, and vice versa. And it's really taking its toll, and I really can't deal with it for much longer. I don't know what I'm going to do, and to be honest, I don't know what I can do, but I can't be dealing with this much longer. I just hope I don't snap or something. To be honest, I don't think my brain knows how to snap, or it probably would have done long ago. Either that or it's just a masochist.
And these are just the problems I feel like mentioning... There are many more which effect me day in, day out.
Glad I got that out of the way.
Big wall of text...
Let's start with the psychosis. Probably the biggest problem I have. I've ranted about it a fair few times. I suppose I should feel lucky, because in the last couple of months, I've had pretty much no major psychotic attacks (apart from one pretty bad one last week), which is surprising considering the frequency and scale of the attacks I was getting beforehand. But it's the day to day paranoia and delusions that I just can't deal with. I wake up. I start feeling paranoid. I leave my flat. I start feeling even more paranoid. I get on the bus. I get the uncontrollable feeling that someone on the bus (and I don't know who!) can see every thought that goes on in my head. I get home. I think there are cameras everywhere in my flat. Especially in the shower. Why would someone even want to put cameras in my shower? I don't know, but there are cameras in my shower, invading my privacy and being used undoubtedly for some kind of malicious purpose. There's a little dip in the paranoia. Not much, but enough. I leave my flat again. I get more paranoid, and so on and so forth until I go to bed. This is my typical day when I have been taking my medication properly.
Then there's the depression. Every day, severely depressed. So depressed I can hardly leave my bed. I might get up for around twenty minutes to go on my computer or eat or something, but pretty soon I'll be sure to be back in bed. About the only other things I can manage when I'm really depressed are having a shower and maybe walking to the seafront. Maybe. I don't know why I can manage to do these two things, but there you go. Initially during the day, it's not the paranoia that I'm suffering at that point in time which leads to the majority of my depression, but anticipation that I'm going to be more paranoid at some point in the near future than I currently am. Then it starts feeding into itself, and I'm depressed because I'm depressed. By the end of the day, I'm depressed because I'm physically finding it difficult to cope. I'm mentally and physically tired from the stress. I go to bed...
...But oh, wait! Here comes my lifelong friend insomnia here to give me another restless night! Despite the fact that I'm physically tired, for some reason, I just can't get off to sleep! I wait maybe an hour or two before I finally drop off to sleep, and then POW! An hour later I'm wide awake again, still tired as all hell. It'll take me about an hour or so to get back to sleep, then whadya know? An hour or so after that and I'm right back awake again! This continues for another few hours. It could end at around about half five in the morning, it could end at around seven or eight. If I have to do something the next day, you can guarantee that I'll drop off back to sleep at around seven or eight, or whatever time I need to get up, probably the best quality sleep I'll have all night. Otherwise, when it ends, you can guarantee that I'm awake, and tired as all hell the next day. I'll spend hours upon hours upon hours trying to get back to sleep after this to no avail, until I finally get out of bed, only to have the wonderful day I described in previous paragraphs start all over again! And these are the nights where I actually manage to get sleep! And then there's the times when sleep likes to play a little trick on me. I'm in bed, and I'm actually about to fall asleep! But oh, wait! I become aware of this, thus waking me strait back up, and making me feel even worse! And nights where this happens, it just keeps happening and happening all night until I finally decide to just get up.
It's just like this day in, day out. Every day. The only change is some days are a little worse (but never better!) And every day, I keep soldiering on, for the sole reason that I don't know how to do anything but soldier on, and with the knowledge that the only benefit soldiering on brings is that I get to live through the same day again the next day, week, month and so on. If for whatever reason I wake up and the depression is giving me slack, I can be pretty sure that psychosis is brewing up something nasty, and vice versa. And it's really taking its toll, and I really can't deal with it for much longer. I don't know what I'm going to do, and to be honest, I don't know what I can do, but I can't be dealing with this much longer. I just hope I don't snap or something. To be honest, I don't think my brain knows how to snap, or it probably would have done long ago. Either that or it's just a masochist.
And these are just the problems I feel like mentioning... There are many more which effect me day in, day out.
Glad I got that out of the way.
Big wall of text...
You could've been born Asian.
Lucky me, my Mom only yells at me if I'm getting lower than a B, even if she isn't happy with the B.
Ah, the joys of being descended from a bunch of Northern European peasants.You, sir, have made my day.
azzaman333
meh
4 to 9 days til it ships.... I want it now 
Yared
That Guy
Ask to be moved or for the teacher to do something. Your education is being affected.
D'Artagnan59
The Gascon
And they help me unstick the end of my backpack that somehow ended up inside the chair wheel. They are forgiven.
Also, they didn't play their music. Instead, two girls played the ENTIRE Soulja Boy album and the Spice Girls. The couple can play their music to drown out the horrible excuse known as Soulja Boy.
Ansar
Détente avec l'été
Four days until Physics -- onward, ho!
GenMarshall
High Elven ISB Capt & Ghost Agent
The phone has been PESTERING ME all day today. It would have been nice if it was from the jobs I applied to. However, all of the calls are from FLIPPING telemarketers!!!
Zack
99% hot gas
It's just you.
Huayna Capac357
Deity
I hate trolls
Ulyaoth
Emperor
You're lazy for not having done well in the first place, as obviously shown that you could do since you did improve. I did the same thing in school, failed 2 semesters straight and finished the last quarter with all high 90s.
Real rant: everything is fake.
D'Artagnan59
The Gascon
The phone has been PESTERING ME all day today. It would have been nice if it was from the jobs I applied to. However, all of the calls are from FLIPPING telemarketers!!!
Weird. I just flipped out on one because they've been calling me for three hours straight.
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 15,195
Rant: I missed the seniors meeting yesterday. Meaning we need to go up to the school to pick up my stuff, and also need to fill out some paperwork. Funnnnn. Wonderful.
It was the first actual rant I did on the forum too. So you can tell how PO'd she made me.
At least she now finally commended me for it, and said I don't have to do it. I WTH'd. Given her pressures, I thought she'd force me to give a speech. She also forced me into Student Council(thankfully our Council was a bust because of the whole virtual thing, but still).
Your good point and my thought of "touché" angers me! I will have to eat somebody for this!
Now, me, I managed to recover in both semesters... last one I had two As and two Cs, this one I'll be getting two As and 2 Bs, or hopefully all four As if I manage to get enough in before May 21st. I'm already up to 2 As, 1 C, and 1 B, so who knows!
It was the first actual rant I did on the forum too. So you can tell how PO'd she made me.
At least she now finally commended me for it, and said I don't have to do it. I WTH'd. Given her pressures, I thought she'd force me to give a speech. She also forced me into Student Council(thankfully our Council was a bust because of the whole virtual thing, but still).
Your good point and my thought of "touché" angers me! I will have to eat somebody for this!
Now, me, I managed to recover in both semesters... last one I had two As and two Cs, this one I'll be getting two As and 2 Bs, or hopefully all four As if I manage to get enough in before May 21st. I'm already up to 2 As, 1 C, and 1 B, so who knows!
West 36
Can count up to 4
Girl I was with met some guy. They're dating. Since Last night. Expletive...
azzaman333
meh
Essay due in 4 hours.
Haven't started.
cbf
Haven't started.
cbf
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 15,195
If a furry can do it, so can you!
Don't give up! Just stay focused and work hard! Once your fingers begin typing, you'll have written a novel before you know it!
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