Roll II Rule

[Thorvald of Lym]

Order 1: As the Popess of the Church of Lucina, the amount of actions that we are getting is too damn low for the speed of the game. This is getting ridiculous. I therefore pray to Lucina to grant me more actions, and perhaps others too if it is in Her divine grace.
Order 2: I write a counter letter to thor that of course a nation listed as "insurrectionist communist state" is, in fact, insurrectionary and communist ie not capitalist. This is totally on him.

16: Despite an increase of actions meaning an increase of calculations, and thus an exponential increase in the GM-side workload (but that's OK 'cuz Oz is Opposite-Land ayy EnSee ya bog bastid!), your Prayers are Answered™. All players below 3 Actions receive one bonus Action, while you help yourself to an extra fourth.

5: Thorvald casually motions to the graves of Abaddon and Dhoomstriker and asks if you really want to keep haggling over this. -1 to rules lawyering.

5th Fighter Squadron has assembled at Albany.

Abandon Iraq. The minds of the populace of this region is too sullied by backwards theist mindset - it is the time to back off and move to somewhere more enlightened, like Florida.

10: O NOSES TEH EMENY IS AT TEH G8ES!!1
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (9): Everyone's so busy with the evacuation that the security detail forgot to secure a perimeter in advance of your withdrawal. You're grazed for 6 damage by the bullets loosed from the oncoming jihadis.

Build a divison of troops at Ittoqqortoormiit

15: In a clever manoeuvre to keep from depleting the workforce, you supplement local conscripts with foreign volunteers in it for the money, not the majesty, conducting training in rotations to build up the unit while you wait for the rest of the weapons to arrive. -$60,000, -1200 population in Reykjavík, -200 population in Tasiilaq, -$400 wealth taxable; 1st Polar Division begins training in Ittoqqortoormiit, estimated time to completion: 10 turns.

the Former Sultan will just get to a quiet village somewhere in the city state, and work a part time job in obscurity.

18: Retiring to İpsala, you set up a souvenir gift shop catering to Byziephiles that explodes on social media thanks in large part to Paradox memers. +$65/turn.

1) The 12th Biker Gang will disengage from their fight and retake Jarvis Bay in the name of the Australian Capital Territory as it is rightful Canberran clay.
2) Meanwhile in Canberra, the 1st Segway Platoon the rest of the forces that are engaging the 9th Psychic Company (including myself) breakthrough and force the unit to either rout, surrender or be destroyed entirely.
3) The Saberist Priesthood finally get through to the front of the queue and perform a long distance traditional Saberist purification ritual to purge Yuri's influence from me (NinjaCow64) and restore my willpower.
4)Get the ANU devs who were working on the program "that does the same thing as the Cult of Minimalism' s dice modifier reader program except better" to expand the scope of their project. I wish for them to create T.A.C.T.I.C.O.O.L (Tactical Awesome Cool Technological Intelligent Complete Object Oriented Lifesaver). T.A.C.T.I.C.O.O.L will be a giant computer program that will give me lots of beneficial features including:
-The stuff that the Cult of Minimalism's dice modifier reader program does except better.
-Gives me details on troop causalities, both allied and enemy.
-Do anything else that could be helpful in helping us win the war.

15: Sidestepping the main front, you reestablish contact with HMAS Creswell and three frigates that fled from Fleet Base East. +1 to naval training from the Royal Australian Naval College, and gain control of HMAS Anzac, Parramatta, and Ballarat.

11 (15): Well it can't very well retreat when it's encircled, so I guess the only answer is to die some more. 9th Psychic Company loses 18% strength, 2 morale.

1: O NOSES IT GOT CROSSWIRED WITH OMEGA'S PRAYER TO LUCINA!!1 Not only do you lose another 14% willpower, but when confronting a Lucinaist, there's an additional 25% chance that you'll yield wholesale! And since your Faith is clearly shaken, Saber RESCINDS one Action!

4: fak u gooby this isn't maths class your not my maths teacher I dom;t hav 2 show ANY of my work!!1 I'M IN CHARGE NOW, PHASMA!! I'M IN CHARGE!!! ...-2 to all rolls as the GM jealously burns the paper trail.

the Empress will use her executive administrative means to pass a new law granting her more actions per turn.

16: I mean you can't actually legislate your way into more actions but look at this number, I guess you get a bonus one.

Draw a map on the previously mentioned construction paper and use it to make a paper hat good enough to convince the world that we are in fact a member of the Lunar Royal Family.

15: It's one swell paper map-hat, that's for sure, and earns you some ballin' street cred. +2 to interactions with bronies.

Now it is time! The cult shall gather every single an-cap meme in existance, while the prophet shall assist the cult in the task.

2 (+1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] = 3): YOU FOOL! YOU MANIAC! YOU FOOLISH MANIAC! YOU MANIACAL FOOL!! The critical mass of amoral greed acts as a beacon to... The CULT of HAYEK!!1 Revoking the Mont Pelerin Society's doctrine of subverting the world through think-tank propaganda rather than brute force, these free-market radicals reject the notion that true economic emancipation can be implemented by a pseudo-state such as yourself. Don't worry, though—you're merely being forced to be free!
ROLL TO DODGE!
19 (+1 [Ascetic Virtues] +1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] -2 [HYK Libertarian Volunteer Platoon attack bonus] -2 [Flanking penalty] = 17): Thinking quickly, you hurl your assorted ritual memorabilia in all directions, distracting the aggressors long enough to rally your men for a concerted counterattack. 1st, 2nd and 3rd Libertarian Volunteers lose 18% strength each and are expelled from the city centre.

[MASKED MAN]
<<<BREAKING NEWS>>>
Mathalamus has been KIDNAPPED by a MASKED MAN, and is being held in a SECRET LOCATION!

ACTION 1: Land the SPD in Spain.
ACTION 2: The forces on the Falklands are to fall back to entrenched positions and are not to fire on Yuri's forces until they have landed in significant number. HMS Lazuli will remain on station to fight off the Kraken and the transport fleet until it is no longer able to. It is imperative that we bleed them as white as possible, as creating as big a distraction as possible in the Falklands will draw troops away from Canberra.
ACTION 3: Aquire for myself the Anti-Magic Tommy Gun.

18: Schulz is welcomed with adulation by the Spanish population, which seems to have had a major change-of-heart since Rajoy and is no longer beholden to the remnant Francoist militancy of the old Madrid government. For your swift and dedicated assistance in the migration, Labour gains 5% support, you gain 2% approval, and Britain as a whole gains +2 diplomacy with the European Federation in place of the fulfilled Falbour Declaration; London no longer Contested and Britain no longer divided: +$11,025 wealth taxable. European standing army is rebasing to Iberia and will return British equipment over the next 3–5 turns.

Unfortunately, just as Pearl finally breaks out of gridlock, incoming European military convoys trap her at an intersection, delaying her another 2 turns.

20: The garrison prepares for a re-enactment of 300, except with less homoeroticism, less anti-Iranian propaganda, and (hopefully) better survivability, laying out a comprehensive defensive strategy to maximize enemy attrition until you deliver unto Yuri as Maggie rolled the Argentine. 4th Infantry Company gains +6 combat and +3 stealth while it remains based on the Falklands.

19: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Punching in the super-secret password, you tap into the Parliamentary Armoury for some emergency firepower. After all, Majterre may be your ally now, but you know how unstable these political marriages can be... Acquired Anti-Magic Tommy Gun: +3 combat and +3 combat v. magic, -3 to social interactions with Majterran magic-users while equipped; +4 extra magazines.

Lapis Lazuli has arrived in Washington, D.C.

I bring aboard to my administration cabinet, as head of weapons research and development. Director Krennic.

18: It's funny because Mendelsohn's an Aussie! He's a shrewd meritocrat with a knack for leveraging the right people into the right places... Just keep him away from the Grand Moff. Orson Krennic hired as Director of Research and Development: +3 to military science, +1 to garrison defence, -2 v. Wilhuff Tarkin.

The anthem actually gives us an idea...let us contact the secret Temmie Village to negotiate a trade alliance! Together we will be unstoppable, and will have muns for ALL the coolegs!

11: Securing exclusive customs rights to the uNdeRGroUnd nets you a 5% bonus on per-turn revenue!

News on the March

Allied Forces Enter Toronto

Canadian and Namibian military liaisons report that the American garrison in Toronto's north end is in full retreat, and that Allied troops are pushing into the city centre in the first major breakthrough of the hard-fought campaign. While the armoured unit in the south end continues to confound the assault near Buffalo, if the Marines fail to rally, the joint expedition will soon be in a flanking position and may finally dislodge the American occupation for good. Reports are also coming in of similar success on the capital offensive, with the main army entering the D.C. suburbs. Various sources say President Antonopoulos has still not evacuated, possibly in a bid to convince loyalists to hold the line: although beaten and bloody, the garrison seems determined to stand its ground, at least for the immediate future.

The western ventures have been less successful, with the Californian offensive stalled by the sudden disappearance of the Meme Man, while inconclusive skirmishes continue between government paramilitaries and the midwestern rebels. Another refugee convoy has been attacked and looted by Redcaps, however the newly-formed Charlotte militias came to the aid of civilians fleeing south, engaging ancap guerrillas to provide a safe exit. As the fight for the American throne moves into urban areas, the largest convoy yet has departed from Washington, numbering some 1400 evacuees, including several businessmen the Christos administration had bent its back to court. (United States loses $120 wealth taxable from worsening internal displacement.)

Taranto Bars Jeanne
The Crusaders' arrival on the south coast proved less celebratory than expected, with Taranto the second city in a row to refuse Jeanne's call to arms. Stating it would not be drawn into the conflict over Crete regardless of aims, the city denied quarter to the army and barred the use of its harbour. As a result, Jeanne's pilgrims have been forced to divert further south—relief for the Cretans in the short term, perhaps, but a tour of Sicily may bolster the general's ranks.

Ottawa Reclaims Southwest Ontario
The Canadian government announced it has reestablished full sovereignty over southwestern Ontario. The disputed zone, which included the city of Thunder Bay, was occupied by US forces during the earlier wave of anti-Trumpnik rebellions but was not permanently garrisoned, and was swiftly reclaimed by the Canadian Forces in conjunction with First Nations volunteer partisans. (United States loses $94.38 wealth taxable.)

Cairo, Istanbul Pledge Levantine Expedition
In separate but closely-timed public addresses, government spokespeople from Egypt and the Istanbul City-State announced the deployment of expeditionary armies to combat the terrorist menace in Syria. The move can't come soon enough for Rationalia, which is already fighting jihadist forces within Baghdad suburbs.

President Gustavsson Resigns
In an abrupt speech delivered earlier today, the founder and first president of Norrland-Sápmi, Gustav Gustavsson, announced his immediate retirement from public office, citing undisclosed personal reasons. All presidential responsibilities have been transferred to Speaker of the Assembly Stefan Mikaelsson until a new Party chairman is elected. Stockholm has issued a statement deriding what it calls a "fragile communist régime" that "is barely holding itself together, let alone a country", although local sources say the SDLP's position has been little-affected by Gustavsson's resignation. (Social Democratic Left Party loses 5% approval.)

Democratic People's Republic of Norrland-Sápmi is now an NPC.

Memetic Mutilation
The Californian war effort met a drastic setback with the sudden disappearance of the Meme Man just as the main San Franciscan army was preparing to join combat. While the civil government has continued with minimal disruption despite the abscondment of its head of state, there is a palpable sense of loss that even amongst such a self-reliant citizenry will likely echo for some time. (Californian forces lose 1 morale for 5 turns.)

Nuevo Oso República de California is now an NPC.

Qingdao Concert Proceeds Without Hitch
Empress Ren's much-touted one-woman spectacular drew millions of spectators to downtown Qingdao in what local reviewers are calling "the greatest show on Earth, until her next one, of course!". Outside audiences are less impressed, however: noted one TV viewer, "The whole city's subject to passive thought control. Of course she'd sell out the whole stadium." There is nothing to suggest that the event was a carefully-orchestrated cover to subvert the Shen Yun cavalry unit currently occupying the city, much less that it had any effect.

Major Accident at Bunker Prime!
Only shortly after commencing subsurface mining operations in preparation for the war with Yuri, Hoxha's war effort encountered a catastrophic blowback when a portion of the tunnel system collapsed, killing seventeen workers and resulting in $60,000 in damages. The government has blamed the usual suspects, though critics charge such a hastily-constructed extraction network in such inhospitable conditions was bound to crash sooner or later, stating at least it wasn’t as boneheaded as sticking a multi-trillion-dollar research complex in the middle of a Greenland ice sheet.

Disastrous Assault on Khartoum
Faxum's civil war has not started in the government's favour. Attempting to disrupt supply of the main rebel base at Khartoum, a badly-outnumbered and outgunned infantry company bled itself against the mechanized garrison before northern reinforcements were in position. The scramble to arms has proven disorganized across the country, with the loyalist air force still waiting for flight paths even as ground forces launch hastily-organized battle plans. The consequence is that the Emperor has effectively laid his cards on the table, giving the corporatists time to prepare defensive positions for what they expect will be a salient on Addis Abeba to recover the supersoldier programme before prototyping is complete. Despite a communiqué sent by the Emperor himself, Faxum's alleged ally Majterre has not responded to recent developments.

East Atlantic Storm Passes
Meteorologists confirm that a major storm off the European coast is finally dissipating and normal traffic routes can resume. Radio reports picked up by a British fleet in the area indicate a civilian plane was drawn into the thunderhead and suffered moderate instrumental damage, but the pilot appears confident the aircraft will be able to carry on as planned.

Oz Hits Back
After a series of tactical and administrative blunders, Canberra seems to have found its war footing and is dealing damage against the Psi Corps occupying Sydney. Realizing that a containment strategy was actually working to their disadvantage by allowing Yuri's cloning vats to instantly recoup losses, the biker hordes successfully drew out forward elements of the strike force into open ground, where they have managed to harass the numerically superior but less-mobile invaders.

Rebel Forces Advance on Congolese Capital
With the humiliating rout of government forces by the South Congolese splinter group, the road to Mbuji-Mayi lies open and a siege of the capital may soon commence. While other rebel groups have thus far been cautious in their tests of CivCube's mettle, observers predict that if a decisive display of force is not made soon, the government's de facto legitimacy will quickly evaporate.


Notes from the GM

This should have aired in November. On the plus side, if you look closely, you'll see some units got new costumes thanks to Tanelorn releasing modern sets in the interim.

I'm looking at ways to break down the update process so most of the map-related changes (chiefly, combat) don't have to be done all at once, because as ironic as it sounds, about 80-90% of the update is done in a single stretch. What I thought was my cheat for this session didn't actually work the way I wanted—it wouldn't technically matter if I enforced order locks, but y'all know me and my loathing of leaking details.

Orders due next Sunday. Hopefully I'll have figured out a winning strategy by then.

 

[NinjaCow64]

1) Those debuffs are NOOOOOO GOOD. I use my Disengage A skill to remove all debuffs and recover HP.
2) For [expletive redacted]'s sake just kill that [expletive redacted] 9th Psychic Company already.
3) The actual competent members of the Saberist priesthood (if they actually exist) will summon Francis Drake to lead our navy, along with her flagship the Golden Hind. Francis Drake is a woman in the Fate/ universe, what did you honestly expect?

 

[Ailedhoo]

1) using a leaflet on tours of Cyprus the Empress will teleport herself, Bellator and the 5th Archer Regiment to Cyprus in a second attempt to reach there so she, Bellator and the imperial troops can aid the isle against the dragon.
2) have Ysbal XI train a batch of elven mages who will then be assigned to the command of Faxum, providing aid to our allies in need.
3) as a administrative act Esther will request for efforts to launch a recruitment campaign to construct more warships in Crete to counter the rising Greek-Egyptian build up against us.

 

[e350tb]

To: Involved Parties in the Battle of Washington (bar the USA, of course)
From: The Imperial General Staff, London
As you are probably aware by now, Lapis Lazuli has arrived in Washington DC. What are the present battle plans for the taking of the capital and the President, and how can we coordinate with them?

 

[Omega124]

To: United Kingdom
From: Feminist Union of Communist-Internationalist Namibia

Win

 

[e350tb]

To: Feminist Union of Communist-International Namibia
From: Great Britain

Fair enough.

 

[Omega124]

1. While I have my stealth bonus active, I shall stealthily try to observe positions of American troops from my hidey-hole, giving their coordinates to Allied command so bombing runs can be more accurate
2. Now that our new raptors are ready, TAKE OFF EVERY ZIG. Blow the Americans out of the sky!
3. Our next project in modernizing the air force must be turning the most OP air unit in RTS history, the Aurora Alpha, into reality. Close Air Support doesn't get much better than a Fuel Air Bomb launched at supersonic speeds with innate countermeasures making interception all but impossible
4. In thanks for her divine blessing, I shall have the Church of Lucina (which I am the Popess of) dedicate a thanksgiving to She Who Brings Light for her miraclous gift to the faithful. We are strong together

 

[Robert Can't]

It wasn't just the Bronies we wanted to convince, this was just a minor setback though as we can find other ways of convincing people we are in fact the rightful monarch of the moon.

1. Build Spaceship
2. Drink some tea and eat a piece of cake with it

 

[e350tb]

MESSAGE FROM DOWNING STREET STOP

PM'S COMPUTER BROKE STOP

UNDERSTANDABLE HAVE A GOOD DAY STOP

ORDER'S FOLLOW BELOW STOP

1. Build some more battleships and cruisers. Seems like a good time to do it.
2. Order Lapis to help in the destruction of American forces to the best of her ability.
3. Bolster our manufacturing industry.

 

[GenMarshall]

I have Krennic start research and development of the X-01 power armor.

 

[CivCube]

- Blast "One Winged Angel" from the capital sound system for a one hundred mile radius!


Link to video.

- Head out there with all forces, in all cardinal directions, while I head out and take on the rebel forces!

- CIVCUBE ACTION HOUR! I DEMAND TO FIGHT THEIR LEADER ONE ON ONE!


Link to video.

 

[KaiserElectric]

You implied that the Underground is a thing in this world, since Temmie is around!

1. I quickly make contact with them and propose a Monster-KET alliance!

2. I will also begin work on a giant artificial island in the middle of the pacific because that's what the cool kids do to maintain trade. Make it shaped like a fish! :3

 

[Danwar]

NOVUS IMPERIUMVS ROMANORUMVS

In the midst of the turmoil within the Italian peninsula, a new state begins to rise. One of the many feuding city-states fighting for control has gained power, dominating the region. They make good use of powerful modern technology, shrewd diplomacy, and the power and ambition of it's ruler. He is a man beset by past struggles and strife who only survives and prospers through force of will. He was originally only the mayor of the city, but over time he centralized control until he was effectively a dictator. However, he never lost sight of his people - popular support was what allowed him to centralize power in the first place, and he made sure to improve the people's lives with the funds he acquired through various means (dubious as some of said means may be). He leads a city with a great and ancient past, and over time established more and more control over the region.

His name was Valentiniano Romano

He looked back through his city's history and the greatest Empire it housed. It ruled great swaths of territory, developing it and keeping it's peoples safe from attack and invasion. It spread it's culture and civilized ways to the people it subjugated, and established it's legacy for generations even after it fell. One day, he looked up from a dusty tome and suddenly thought of something. What if... that empire was restored? What if it reestablished control over not just Italy but all the world, bringing peace and prosperity to all?

He entered the Vatican (under only light escort) and discussed his plans with the Pope. The pope was originally hesitant to do so, but realizing that there would likely be benefits to doing so, he agreed.

Valentiniano was declared Emperor of Rome.

---
In the year since the coronation, Valentiniano (having changed his name to Flavius Valentinianus Aurelius Augustus) has worked to reestablish Roman traditions, including establishing public baths for those who couldn't afford indoor plumbing and promoting the Latin language, as well as stabilize his military position. He has gained the ability to legitimately claim all of Italy but between the Malfia and other competing city-states it will be a struggle at best. However, he does have a few advantages...
---
Having control of the greatest city in Italy does have it's benefits. Rome's army, while small, is powerful, utilizing the most modern of exoskeleton technology, harsh training regimens and national pride, making their infantry the best in Italy. They haven't fallen behind in other areas, either, but this comes at a cost of reducing their army size. Their active armed forces are as of now about 16,000 strong, and recruiting much more soldiers would likely heavily damage the economy. Each and every soldier, however, is a force to be reckoned with.
---
The empire is unique amongst modern states in that it's religious policy is pluralistic. It does not persecute those of other religions but gives minor benefits to good Catholic faithful and invests significant amounts of money into missionaries. This ensures that the Pope is kept happy while religious minorities are content as well whilst slowly being integrated into the Catholic majority.
---
Now, however, the Emperor looks outward to his neighbors. Despite controlling large areas of Italy his dominance is not assured yet. He only really controls central Italy and Naples while the rest is held by squabbling city-states. He has claimed those lands for his empire, however, and it seems a campaign to claim them is to be expected.
---
Tl;DR:
Capital: Roma
Government: Hereditary Despotic Imperial Monarchy
Culture: Italian cultures with Latin returning
Religion: Catholic
Army: High-tech heavy infantry, average in other categories, expensive to maintain
Flag:

Battle flag:

Claims:
Dark red is currently held territory
Lighter red is territory claimed by but not held by the Empire

 

[poketwo]

ACTIONS OF THE CULT:
The prophet shall cast NEGATIVE MODIFIERS on the Ancap cultists. Applying negative modifiers on their rolls.
The Cult itself shall gather up the faithful to launch a counter-attack on the Cult of Hayak.
THE MASKED MAN HAS STOLEN THE CULT'S 3RD ACTION YET AGAIN! HE SHALL RETRIEVE THE BLUEPRINTS OF THE BASIL-CLASS FROM MATHALAMUS USING MEMORY EXTRACTION! PERHAPS THE AURORA CHAIR CAN HELP

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

NOVUS IMPERIUMVS ROMANORUMVS

Man, if Math hadn't gone AWOL in December he'd be kicking himself right now.

Anyway, update will take longer than expected.

 

[Mathalamus]

the former sultan, whos name even he doesnt remember, chooses to adopt the name "Mathalamus" in an effort to take his life in a different direction.

apparently also granted an additional action, he chooses to build a cult of personality. around himself, obvously inspired from north korea.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

1) I use my Disengage A skill to remove all debuffs and recover HP.
2) For [expletive redacted]'s sake just kill that [expletive redacted] 9th Psychic Company already.
3) The actual competent members of the Saberist priesthood (if they actually exist) will summon Francis Drake to lead our navy, along with her flagship the Golden Hind.

11 (9): You don't have that skill!

15 (16): PSI 9th Psychic Company has been destroyed! Invigorated by the victory, all Canberran forces gain +1 morale for 4 turns.

8 (6): Confusion between 'Francis' and 'Frances' ends up hiring Frankie Drake, Private Investigator, on a contract basis. While she comes with her own sweet 1920s motorbike, it is sadly not amphibious. Frankie Drake hired as Chief of the Navy: +1 to naval espionage defence, -1 to naval combat, -$60/turn for her salary.

1) the Empress will teleport herself, Bellator and the 5th Archer Regiment to Cyprus
2) have Ysbal XI train a batch of elven mages
3) Esther will request for efforts to launch a recruitment campaign to construct more warships in Crete

15 (17): Your abrupt arrival startles the beast, and as he hesitates the garrison counterattacks in force.
ROLL TO DODGE!
7 (4): Goaded into overplaying their hand, the soldiers stream out of the city where Caron mercilessly counters the counterattack. 19th, 20th and 21st Minotaur Battalions suffer 10% damage each.

8: You know how small Mann is, right? For $600 she's able to muster a platoon of sylvan foot soldiers with no special abilities.

8 (9): Given the island is under blockade, it's a little tricky to source the requisite timber, and special care must be taken to keep from completely clear-cutting everything. -$200,000; 6th Cretan Fleet begins construction in Iráklion, ETA 20 turns.

1. While I have my stealth bonus active, I shall stealthily try to observe positions of American troops from my hidey-hole, giving their coordinates to Allied command so bombing runs can be more accurate
2. Now that our new raptors are ready, TAKE OFF EVERY ZIG. Blow the Americans out of the sky!
3. Our next project in modernizing the air force must be turning the most OP air unit in RTS history, the Aurora Alpha, into reality. Close Air Support doesn't get much better than a Fuel Air Bomb launched at supersonic speeds with innate countermeasures making interception all but impossible
4. In thanks for her divine blessing, I shall have the Church of Lucina (which I am the Popess of) dedicate a thanksgiving to She Who Brings Light for her miraclous gift to the faithful. We are strong together

16 (20): You're not at all surprised to find that the headstrong government's forces are focusing wholly and unblinkingly forward in a large, but single line, leaving not only themselves, but the city itself dangerously vulnerable to a flanking attack. Street-to-street firefights will still be ugly, but once the front is shattered, they'll be scrambling to pick up the pieces. Washington garrison suffers -2 combat and increased penalties from shock and flanking unless/until it explicitly changes strategy; Namibian troops will incur fewer civilian casualties during urban combat.

7 (13): 5th Squadron joins the pursuit of the fleeing US group, inflicting 9% damage.

18: With your budget finally back in black and climbing at ludicrous speed, you earmark a cool $200 million to (re?)start the Aurora Project under the new specifications. The first prototype should be ready in Albany in 8 turns.

15 (18): $160,000 funds a national festival that raises public spirit to a fever pitch. Take that, Saberists! Namibia gains+2 national influence, +2 morale, and +1 diplomacy with (any future) Lucinaist powers, while the renewed sense of patriotism provides a +1 combat bonus for the next six turns!

1. Build Spaceship
2. Drink some tea and eat a piece of cake with it

15: Taking out an $80,000 loan for tools and supplies, you fabricate yourself your very own rocketship.

3: Settling down to an after-work snack, you try to consume both at once and now you're CHOKING!! You suffer 10 damage and ongoing -3 hp/turn!

1. Build some more battleships and cruisers. Seems like a good time to do it.
2. Order Lapis to help in the destruction of American forces to the best of her ability.
3. Bolster our manufacturing industry.

11: Hulls are laid down for battleships in Edinburgh and Liverpool (ETA 24 turns), and one frigate each in the mainland ports (ETA 16 turns). Total price: $84 million.

2 (6): Unfortunately the swamp appears pretty drained (the water was probably sold off for profit) and she's unable to bring her full hydrokinetic powers to bear, suffering 9 damage from retaliatory fire.

3 (8): Despite a government stimulus of $45,000, the heavy industries fail to revitalize.

Too much irrationality in this backwards-thinking ridden place - Escape to Florida

5: Not only did you already try that last round, but you can hardly pack up and move an entire country with neither planes nor ships nor transport trucks to carry the furniture, let alone the actual staff! While you contemplate your methodology, the unenlightened terrorists seek refuge in incompetence (AKA violence).
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (4): You’re shot in the arm for 12 damage and minor bleeding worth -1 hp/turn.

I have Krennic start research and development of the X-01 power armor.

4 (4): Ever heard of the Bob Semple Tank? Well, thanks to the fiasco with the Star Destroyers, the best he can manage with current supplies is Bob Semple Exosuits. -$300,000; new power armour suffers -1 combat, -2 mobility, -1 reliability.

- Blast "One Winged Angel" from the capital sound system for a one hundred mile radius!
- Head out there with all forces, in all cardinal directions, while I head out and take on the rebel forces!
- CIVCUBE ACTION HOUR! I DEMAND TO FIGHT THEIR LEADER ONE ON ONE!

5 (7): Someone cranked it a tad too loud and it blew out the speakers!

7 (11): Waving one of the few functioning weapons in your arsenal, you lead the charge straight into the oncoming forces as the rest of the army scrambles to reinforce the border.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (13): You provide covering fire for your retreating comrades, peppering the South Congolese 4th Battalion for 8% damage.

18 (20):

"You disturb me?"

Never one to back down from a fight no matter how close you are to suicidal overexertion, you lay down a no-holds-barred challenge that's taken up by no less than Yuri himself! On the one hand, you're going up against an evil mastermind with godlike psychic powers... on the other, you might actually be able to take down the whole Psi Corps with literally one punch! Yuri has departed from Antarctic headquarters and will arrive at your location in approximately 5 turns!

1. I quickly make contact with them and propose a Monster-KET alliance!
2. I will also begin work on a giant artificial island in the middle of the pacific because that's what the cool kids do to maintain trade. Make it shaped like a fish! :3

5: Yanno we haven't actually established whether this takes place before or after Frisk's adventure, in which case a certain Goat Dad might have certain intentions for the surface... +1 diplomacy with the Underground but -2 diplomacy with surface-dwellers until the status quo is clarified.

17: You slap down $120 million and dispatch a geo-engineering flotilla to custom-build your own little slice of Heaven. No ETA because cor blimey the GM was not prepared for this at all.

NOVUS IMPERIUMVS ROMANORUMVS

12: With Majterre gazing lustily toward the western regions and the crusaders' recent national tour, Italy thinks it's long overdue for getting organized, and you know just the sort of jingoistic revival it needs! Unlike most Romeantics, however, you actually have some clue as to what that society entailed and aren't just out to throw a neverending toga party. Leveraging your mayoral success, you've managed to sway most of the central regions to your standard through the promise of political efficiency and kick-ass cyberlegions.

NATIONAL OUTLOOK

Urban Renewal: As mayor of Rome, you're well-attuned to the social and economic dynamics of city life. +1 happiness, +1 health and +1 economic development in all cities.
Quality over Quantity: The keystone to imperial military strategy, these modern legions punch well above their weight in almost all situations—but in order to keep them in top shape, the rest of the armed forces has taken a distant back seat. All power armour units gain +5% strength/turn; -3 military recruitment, -10% wealth taxable.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ

Flavius Augustus (Danwar)
Emperor
85% approval
+2 charisma
+1 stability

The prophet shall cast NEGATIVE MODIFIERS on the Ancap cultists. Applying negative modifiers on their rolls.
The Cult itself shall gather up the faithful to launch a counter-attack on the Cult of Hayak.
THE MASKED MAN HAS STOLEN THE CULT'S 3RD ACTION YET AGAIN! HE SHALL RETRIEVE THE BLUEPRINTS OF THE BASIL-CLASS FROM MATHALAMUS USING MEMORY EXTRACTION! PERHAPS THE AURORA CHAIR CAN HELP

3 (+1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] = 4): You accidentally debuff them twice, and a double negative is a POSITIVE! Cult of Hayek gains +1 to all rolls!
ROLL TO DODGE!
9 (+1 [Ascetic Virtues] +1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] -1 [HYK roll bonus] -2 [HYK Libertarian Volunteer Platoon attack bonus] = 8): The insurgents regroup for a fresh offensive, inflicting 6 damage to you and -4% strength to 1st Coy.

14 (+1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] = 15): 2nd and 3rd Company race to relieve the capital, inflicting 12% damage and a -1 flanking penalty to the furthestmost platoons.

2: "HA HA," laughed the Masked Man as he brandished that contraption they used in Rick & Morty (you know, the episode with the Szechuan Sauce?), only to slip on a wet spot where he spilled his drink about five minutes earlier and go careening into the cabinets. By the time he recovered, Mathalamus escaped his bindings and "accidentally" triggered a self-destruct sequence for the entire base! (In retrospect, rigging the whole system to a giant red button marked "DO NOT PRESS" really was begging for something like this.) Anyway, long story short, Mathalamus is free once more and the smoking ruins of the secret base are visible to everyone that can download satellite imagery. On the plus side, the Masked Man won't be able to act for at least 10 turns as he's tied up in damage control.

the former sultan, whos name even he doesnt remember, chooses to adopt the name "Mathalamus" in an effort to take his life in a different direction.
apparently also granted an additional action, he chooses to build a cult of personality. around himself, obvously inspired from north korea.

9: You're nowhere near any sort of government office that could authorize an official name change.

1: "TRUCKING BYZZIES REEEEEEEEE!!!" screams literally everyone that you could potentially have seduced from the home region. Also, the world really isn't keen on dealing with yet another power-hungry megalomaniac right now, and the Greek government issues a warrant for your arrest. -5 influence in Greece, Bulgaria, Istanbul, and Egypt; any player that delivers you to authorities in Athens will receive a $25,000 bounty.

News on the March

American Forces Begin Withdrawal from D.C.
Reports from the American front assert the capital garrison is crumbling, with Namibian forces making precise, decisive surgical strikes throughout the downtown core that have sent the defenders reeling. Eyewitnesses say the 2nd Cavalry Company is no longer combat-capable and evacuating the city; the remaining units are struggling to hold the line, yet there is still no word whether President Antonopoulos has even acknowledged D.C. will almost certainly fall. The civilian exodus continues, with a heavily-armed convoy departing the city while and escape route remains open. (-2200 population in Washington, D.C. and United States loses $200 wealth taxable from continued refugee outlfow.)

CivCube Takes the Offensive
Congolese president CivCube may have taken some time to respond to his critics, but the reply couldn't be more decisive. Government armed forces have deployed from all bases in a show of force to reassert border control. Observers wait anxiously to see if the display will be enough to scare off the incursions, or whether like the Kolwezi régime, the rebels will stand their ground.

Messina Ambivalent to Crusaders
Jeanne's arrival in Sicily has been decidedly lukewarm, with the eastern port neither celebratory of nor hostile to the pilgrim army. All eyes now turn to Palermo, the final stop on the Italian tour before the crusaders set sail for the true prize: Crete itself.

Kaiserin Secures Stronger Government
Following parliamentary dealings that resembled a game of speed chess, Kaiserin Terra has emerged with a significantly stronger hold over the Volksreich's political apparatus. Support for a more direct Crown role in the legislature was welcomed by the establishment parties and supported to varying degrees by the moderate left; the immediate effect is a shift in the balance of power within the Beliebte Front from die Linke to the KSP. Though socialist influence remains strong, observers expect the empire’s foreign policy will continue the current trend of mediation and promotion of regional stability. Volksreich der Frau gains policy Strengthened Crown: +1 statecraft, +2 stability; KSP ↑5%, Spartakus ↓3%, Linke ↓5%, FDP ↓1%, CDU ↑2%, TuL ↑2%.

MAJTERRAN EVENT: Under Sea, Überwald
Even in such a heterogenous empire as the Volksreich, Silvania has been a special outlier, both geographically and politically. The County is considered one of the most conservative-leaning within the empire, with its mandarins consistently siding with monarchist factions in contempt of the socialist parties. The only province where support for the MRP is consequential, either due to its neighbours' scheming or a self-imposed hermitage it has achieved negligible influence in federal politics; now the supernaturally-inclined nobility is eyeing Majterre as a possible ally in bolstering the Volksreich's magical potential.

Propaganda Blitz: The recent Reichstag shakeup has seen increased support for centralized political power, and with help, the MRP aims to undercut the radsocs in favour of its own agenda. Gain policy Germanic Mysticism: +2 influence in the Volksreich, can boost MRP support in the Volksreich by 1% for $100,000 as a free action; +5% support for MRP in the Volksreich. If Majterran interference is exposed, the Volksreich will not be happy.
Shadow Embassy: The Silvanian elite shares much common ground with Majterran principles, in some cases more so than it does the rest of the Reich's. It may be worthwhile to establish a direct line with Drakenhof instead of middle-managing via Köln. Gain policy Drakenhof Hotline: Can interact with Silvania directly and +2 diplomacy with Silvania, can boost MRP support in the Volksreich by 1% for $50,000 as a free action; +3% support for MRP in the Volksreich. If the shadow embassy is discovered, the Volksreich will be very angry.
Pledge Public Support: Beset on all sides by anti-magical forces, you cannot afford to let any new friends pass you by! A formal and public declaration of friendship will not go over well with the Kaiserin, but will virtually guarantee Silvanian friendship in the event of any political upheavals. Gain policy Dragon Pact: Can interact with Silvania directly and +4 diplomacy with Silvania, -5 diplomacy with the Volksreich, can boost MRP support in the Volksreich by 1% for $25,000 as a free action; +10% support for MRP in the Volksreich.
Expose the Plot: Just because the MRP is magic-friendly doesn't mean the Silvanians are trustworthy, and this whole thing smells like a coup. Forwarding the proposal to Köln as a goodwill gesture will ease tensions with the Reich as a whole, but Silvania will likely never forgive you. Gain policy Friend of the Crown: +3 diplomacy with the Volksreich for 30 turns; Volksreich der Frau gains +2 spy defence for 20 turns. An independent Silvania or a Silvanian Kaiserin will be hostile to Empress Esther.
Dismiss the Offer: This cloak-and-dagger strategy seems far more trouble than it's worth. No effect.

Faxum Retakes Addis Abeba
Fearing it would be vored if defeated, the rebel garrison at Addis Abebea has capitulated to government forces, and the entire unit is now prisoners of war. The reconquest of the city has placed Project DBZ back in the Emperor's hands, but the battle for Khartoum continues to rage on.

Kiruna Reaches Settlement with Magical Demographic
Admitting its attempted ban on magic was a knee-jerk overreaction to concerns of Majterran infiltration, Norrland-Sápmi announced it is reversing course and will seek to integrate supernatural concerns into the Socialist agenda. While calls by some of the protesters for eastern autonomy were rejected, a compromise was reached involving funding for initiatives in dialogue and the creation of a new political party to advocate magic-related issues in Parliament. Demonstrations are reportedly dissolving peacefully.

The Power of 5
Philosophers and scientists alike are perplexed by the numeral 5. There are 5 digits to a hand, 5 toes to a foot; 5x5=25, but 20x5=100! What are the odds, they ask, that there would be 5 rolls of 5 within less than 5 players' actions? Clearly, there is more to this number than meets the eye. All natural rolls except 1 that produce a multiple of 5 will gain a +5 bonus this turn!


Notes from the GM

Yeah, yeah, missed my own anniversary. But at least it's still March somewhere! Here's to another 12 months of underbidding and overbilling!


Orders due this Friday.

 

[Danwar]

The Imperium is a bastion of civilization and stability, and the peoples of Italia are disparate and disunited. The Imperium serves as a beacon of culture and prosperity in a now disorganized, almost barbaric land. While moving to claim Magna Graecia now may be a bad move as it may cause conflict with the Crusade (the Imperator certainly wouldn't want that), the peoples of what was once Cisalpine Gaul are faced with other powers to the east and west - the aggressive Magi and the unholy German not-empire Volksreich. However, a violent reconquest may not be the best answer - showing the world that we can be peaceful will go great bounds to improving our view to the rest of the world. The Imperator will send an open letter to all northern Italian City-States, citing that a devastating war may not be in their best interests and offering them peace, prosperity and protection if they willingly join Rome.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Not the roll post

The minotaur diplomat Tester Movfoní, a loyal subject of King Leon II of Crete, has been selected to serve as the envoy of the Empire of Majterre to the Novus Imperiumvs Romanorumvs.

We hope to take this new tiding as potential for peace and stability, as well as a hopeful end of the violent crusade by the fanatical monster Jeanne d'Alter who threatened our populace with her theocratic wroth.

 

[e350tb]

Lapis Lazuli was not in a good mood. The swamp had been drained, and as a result, she'd been unable to use her water powers to their full extent and the Americans had gotten a few good hits in.

She flew above Washington, trying to think of a new approach. The Potomac gleaned in the sun beneath her, and...

...wait.

She smirked. She had an idea.

ORDER ONE: Drop the Potomac on them.

-------------

Back in Britain, the Prime Minister was in a bad mood.

"24 turns?" he demanded, "Given the rate this game updates, I'll be long dead by the time those battleships are done!"

"Well, there's not much that can be done about it," shrugged Ford, "In any case, Pearl should be out of traffic now - if we're lucky, she'll start finding objects on her quest soon."

"Yes Minister," nodded Sir Humphrey, "Now if you don't mind, I have some papers for you to sign."

"Sure, just let me read them," nodded the Prime Minister.

"Oh no, Minister, we certainly couldn't have you waste time with these," replied Sir Humphrey, "They're just minor administrative measures. Besides, I've had Mr. Blackadder doublecheck them, they're quite in order."

"Very well, hand 'em over and I'll sign," shrugged the Prime Minister.

"Do you really think that's wise, sir?" asked Wilson, "Perhaps it might be a good idea to give them a read after all..."

"Are you trying to suggest I have an agenda, Mr. Wilson?" Sir Humphrey asked evenly.

"You're from the Civil Service," replied Wilson.

"No, I think I can trust him," said the Prime Minister, "What's good for the Civil Service is good for the nation, right?"

ORDER TWO: Sign Civil Service documents in hope of gaining boon.

"Good, good," nodded the Prime Minister, "Now, to foreign affairs. We need to spread democracy. Ford, I want you to send a deputation to Copenhagen to see what is going on there. If you find a democratic state there, invite them into an alliance. If not, grab Mjolnir and run."

"But Prime Minister, Mjolnir can only be carried by the worthy, and-"

"Fine, bring Mabel along."

"Are you absolutely certain she'd be able to wield Mjolnir?"

"What am I, Dr. Science? Just go, Ford!"

ORDER THREE: Attempt to establish diplomatic relationship with the Danes if the government is democratic, otherwise take Thor's Hammer and run. (disregard if Thor's Hammer cannot be easily found)