1) "Yeah no thanks Sydney < Canberra you hecking heretic." I then shoot the agent with my QBZ-95. "Saber fidelis."
2) Professor X uses
Cerebro to identify and mentally pacify Psi Corps agents that have entered Canberra.
3) Order the biker gangs to begin an assault on Sydney as the best defence is a good offence.
4)
Jeanne d'Arc Alter from Fate/Grand Order decides to come out of the woodwork and finish her job of attaining vengeance against France for her absolutely miserable life.
11 (12): You open fire on the unit, inflicting 7% damage. Unfazed, the psi trooper redoubles his efforts.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (6):
Fighting Yuri is just a waste of bullets! Only by surrendering can you prevent the end stage of Capitalism from consuming the material world. Another 6% of willpower slips away...
3: No sooner has he plugged in than the Sydney Psychic Sensor picks up his brainwaves and launches the mind-control equivalent of a DDoS! Professor X is forced to abort, but not before suffering a catastrophic neural overload—his combat bonus is suspended for six turns!
16 (10): Tragically, they forgot to bring a company's worth of jump ramps and stonewall against... well, stone walls. A couple squads do break off to assist you, however, encircling the Psi Company and dealing 8% damage.
13 (20): "Demons? In
my France?" It's more likely than you think! Swearing never to rest until the Satanic forces are purged from the nation
so she can erect a dracophilic dystopia in its place, Jeanne d'Alter rallies what survives of pre-Sorcery France for a "crusade" to end the tyranny of Esther's bumbling black magic
and claim the spoils for herself. Now that you think about it, summoning Evil Joan might have been a mistake...
1. I myself enter the devil's den that is known as Washington, so that I may slay Christos myself in personal combat.
2. I send a message to all the governors of the United States. ...
19: With the entire army focused in the north and the government apparently twiddling its thumbs in the White House, you have no trouble infiltrating the city centre. Yvette is still at least ten turns away, but you have ample time to set up an ambush for when she arrives. (+4 stealth while in D.C.)
5 (9): At this point you honestly can't tell if the radio silence means you've rattled 'em good or just steeled them further.
have the Empress use her dark magic to summon a demonic champion to protect Majterre from dragons, Jeanne d'Arc Alter and other threats.
20 (20):
credit to NC for the inspiration
Deciding to fight fire with gasoline (or rather, the eldritch equivalent of liquefied dinosaurs), you've pulled all stops and summoned a true hellspawn to serve as the vanguard in the coming campaign—and unlike Caron,
this one actually seems to listen to you. The ensuing pants-wetting terror from your underlings should stymie further secessionist sentiment for the near future; neighbour states are decidedly less impressed, but at this point you've written off their support anyway. (+4 stability, -3 diplomacy with non-Dark Arts practitioners.)
1. Send our nation’s finest heartthrob, Rainbow Blitz, to Crete to use his charm and woo Caron the Terrible to the side of peace and justice.
2. Hold a status referendum in the disputed zone on whether it wishes to remain Faxumite or become Egyptian.
3. Spend $10,000 on municipal projects to try and strengthen the Faxumite economy.
2: He is promptly roasted and devoured. What did you expect? Needless to say, the senseless sacrifice of such a high-profile celebrity devastates the nation; all units lose 3 morale for the next 10 turns.
16: Thanks to an aggressive influx of Faxumite colonists prior to the poll, the vote resolves decidedly in your favour and you can now claim a populist mandate over the territory.
8: You blow 10K on make-work projects that keep the temps busy, but don’t actually
improve anything.
Roll for moooooooooooooooore roooooooooooooooooooooolllllllllllsssssss
1: Dude, you can't just come out and
say it! You gotta wrap it in like, fifty layers of ironic meta-humour and marinate it in witty circumstance! Otherwise the end product is so raw and tasteless, Gordon will physically gouge out your Michelin stars and bump you down to a -3-action penalty! ...Which, naturally, he just did.
FLEE BACK TO DICETOPIA, FOR MY PRESENCE IS REQUIRED THERE!
GATHER REAGENTS FOR A BIG RITUAL, ONE WHICH COULD ALTER THE COURSE OF THE GAME.
19 (+1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] +3 [The Prophet Stunning effect] -0 [NEGATED MNG 17th Cavalry Regiment mobility bonus] =
20): You and the boys huff it back to Headquarters post-haste.
8 (+1 [Know the Mods, Know Thyself] =
9): Which reagents? What ritual? I'm not a mind-reader, man—that's Yuri's department.
Action One: Send Task Force West on to the US coast around Washington. If it arrives in time, engage in naval support of the Namibian offensive and dispatch Lapis to assist personally - otherwise prevent escape by sea of members of the Christos Administration.
Action Two: Train up the new infantry regiments. I mean geez, we've got to make something of them.
Action Three: Create, effective immediately, the League for the Defense of Democracy. See if there's any established government in Spain or Italy (or elsewhere in Europe) that want to join in.
3: Oh no, a storm rolls in just as the fleet leaves LoS with the coast! All surface ships are waylaid for three turns as they try not to capsize!
1: "LET'S get DOWN to BUS—"
BOOOOM! There are a lot of explosions. There is a lot of blood. There is very little in terms of tangible progress, as training devolves in a desperate struggle to keep the cadets from
killing themselves. When the dust finally settles, the units are at half strength each through a mix of casualties and supply loss, and you've doled out $150,000 in repair expenses.
3: Oh God oh
man, you're all on your own! You can't deal with
Schulz, he's a bloody
squatter! Sweden's gone Alt-Right and you've allied yourself to a madwoman! You
maniacs! You
blew it up!! DAMN you ALL to HEEEEELLLLLL!!! -2 SAN as the horror of your situation sinks in.
Expand to Arabia, we need to reach Mecca and make it no longer the Mecca of uh...Mecca, but the Mecca of Science.
13: Troops from Basra begin the long march to
pilgrimage research expedition at the Red Sea.
Announce a Scientific Expo for the purposes of generating Great Interest in Congolese affairs. What's the worst that could happen?
2 (4):
I'll tell you what's the worst that could happen: Yuri got wind that Congo's the only country
not trapped in a horrendously unbalanced crisis, and decides to redistribute the wealth of knowledge for his own nefarious purposes, dispatching a psi-contingent to subvert Kolwezi.. and then YOU!
South Congo has been enslaved by the Psi Corps!
Action: increase my army size
20: The world's going to Hell in a handbasket, and much to the GM's displeasure, the express post was included free of charge. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and in a general mobilization you
double the standing army (the logistics can follow later). All Battalions upgraded to Regiments; all Companies upgraded to Battalions; all Platoons upgraded to Companies; all Squads upgraded to Platoons; all Fireteams upgraded to Squads; -$1 million; -680 population in Reykjavík, -360 population in Eskifjörður, -12 population in Tasiilaq, -8 population in Ittoqqortoormiit; -$4935 wealth taxable.
These Yuri people are freaks. We will bombard them with love
catnip drugs to make them more....wholesome.
19: What is love, but a neurochemical
Cirque du Soleil? And what better way to jam the Soviet traitor's signal than a hallucinogenic kaleidoscope? For $2 million you outfit the home guard with a revolutionary new ordnance to block the Psi Corps' mind-tricks through concentrated bliss. All garrisoned units are upgraded with 'Bliss Bombs', providing +2 attack, +4 mental defence, and a 5% chance of instantly capturing enemy units; while these remain standard issue the Khmer Thalassocracy suffers 5 vulnerability to prosecution under the Geneva Convention regarding chemical weapons.
1. The Ministry of Unification will open a diplomatic channel with the Northern Sami Federation to discuss unification under one northern banner to protect against Scandinavian and Russian threats to our independence.
2. Have the Department of Defense draw up a plan for new units to train in the north and send our most experienced units to fortify in cities closer to our southern border.
12 (14): The details will no doubt follow in due course, but Guovdageaidnu is none too optimistic about Stockholm’s intentions and pledges its support should armed conflict erupt. +3 to enact
First Kiruna Accord: Norrland-Sápmi gains mutual right-of-passage with the Northern Sámi Federation; NSF will automatically join war v. South Sweden.
17 (16): If you can't beat them with numbers, you'll beat them with training. While the ranger groups deploy to the border, reserves are called up for commando training in preparation for what will likely be a gruelling guerrilla war. It's $200,000 out of pocket, but you manage to draw in some Finnish expertise for that
special touch.
Have a team of engineers and scientist to develop technologies to counter Yuri's shenanigans.
18 (15): For a cool $200K, R&D creates a special aluminium-lined combat helmet that should deflect the brainwaves of
lezbo Wappanese voraphiles the psychic legions. Standing garrisons are automatically upgraded.
News on the March
The Heretics' Crusade
No-one knew what happened to France when Majterre appeared. With the overnight evaporation of the old communication networks, people were left wondering whether the government had merely been displaced, to whether the nation and its citizens had been totally erased by the sorcerous squatters. As it turns out, the people
had survived, biding their time until a leader emerged to rescue them from the usurping empire. Patriots have rallied around Jeanne d'Alter, a vengeful reincarnation of the Maid of Orléans, who has assembled a renegade stronghold on Corsica in preparation for a campaign to best the Cretan terror and exact revenge upon the "failed kingdom" in Paris. The so-called "Heretics' Crusade" is already preparing a march through Italy to rally support for the fight with the dragon Caron. But while her supporters have hitched their wagons to her train for a shot at reclaiming their country,
Fate nerds warn Alter merely intends to replace one magical despotism with another.
Whither Norway?
In the first of what was supposed to be a continental tour to salvage the European Project, Martin Schulz travelled to Oslo in a daring attempt to sway the remainder of Norway into Federation. This occurred at the same time a Swedish delegation arrived, apparently trying to pressure the as-yet-undeclared government into union with Stockholm, an act of "shameful imperialism" Norrland's media is milking for everything it's worth. Unwilling to take sides, Oslo has thus far remained neutral; but with its actual authority clearly compromised by the Sámi secession, it will likely face future visits on less-friendly terms.
BRITISH EVENT: The Future of Europe
Concurrent with the failed Norwegian venture, Martin Schulz delivered his formal proposal for a settlement on London to №10 Downing. Though the overture continues to assume the SPD has a home in England, several MPs suggest its position is precarious enough that Schulz will readily entreat the first decent compromise:
Shared City: This game actually allows you to
do this! How cool is
that?! Accepting Schulz's proposal will officially partition London into separate spheres of control and end the stand-off. Labour is actually receptive to the idea, but nationalist factions will likely remain unamused. London no longer Contested, population split 60/40 between Britain and the European Federation; Britain and EF lose 20% wealth taxable each; +2 diplomacy with, -2
casus belli v. EuroFed; +10% support for SPD, -15% approval.
Falbour Declaration: You won't entreat a kingdom divided, but you think you've figured out the perfect compromise: If the SPD agrees to withdraw from England, Britain will guarantee its support in securing Schulz a new base of operations. Gain policy
Falbour Declaration: +1 diplomacy with, -1
casus belli v. European Federation; +10% support for Conservatives, +5% support for Liberals; designate any European city, country or territory as Capital of the European Federation in a free action; European Federation gains +5 to claims (if unoccupied), +5
casus belli if target opposes annexation. Once Schulz is successfully installed, English land and military equipment is returned to Britain;
failure to support Schulz's claim may cause him to renege.
Kick 'Em While They're Down: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." Schulz has no allies yet, and can't even leave the island without your help. A sneak attack will settle the issue once and for all, albeit at the cost of your international reputation. Britain declares war on the European Federation; lose policy De-escalation; +2 attack v. European Federation for 5 turns; -3 reputation; +15% support for Imperialists, +10% support for Conservatives.
Sit on it: Sir Humphrey seems to have waylaid the memo, and by the time you finally receive it, Schulz assumed you weren't interested. No effect.
Egypt Occupies Halaib–Nasser Triangle
Egyptian Army forces have entered the contested zone with Faxum, defying the recent referendum that Faxum charges legitimates its claim to the territory. The area, encompassing the old Egyptian–Sudanese border and most of the land east of Lake Nasser, has been in dispute ever since Djibouti discovered the Egyptian government was still alive. While Faxum disavowed its original northern expansion plans, it has maintained its claim to the region, which Egypt charges is a direct violation of its territorial sovereignty. Faxum attempted to settle the matter by sponsoring a local referendum, citing the result as proof it has a popular mandate in the region. A spokesperson for the Egyptian Army stated that the deployment was undertaken without regard to the referendum, which Cairo dismisses as illegitimate, claiming an advance Faxumite settlement campaign was designed to rig the outcome by minoritizing the established population.
FAXUMITE EVENT: Halaib Hotseat
The question of war has been looming large ever since the beginning of the dispute, and Egypt's occupation has pushed the crisis to breaking point. With the Libertarian filibuster endangering effective national response, Emperor Tani has the option of allying with one of Faxum's leading political factions to fast-track decisive policy:
Side with the Capitalists: Faxum's corporate elite has already invested substantial time and money into the region, and offers considerable incentives to safeguard its investments. Siding with the Capitalists will gear the economy for the "inevitable" war, since diplomatic means have clearly failed. +3 military recruitment, +2 industrial development, +10% Capitalist support; Libertarian Agitation suspended for 10 turns, Schrödinger's Market skews 10% Capitalist; +2% wealth taxable; will almost certainly provoke war with Egypt.
Side with the Socialists: Whatever sympathies they hold for their besieged bretheren, Faxum's workers recognize that immediate military confrontation will only make the situation worse. Siding with the Socialists will result in a 'phased withdrawal' as leftist parties liaise across the border to smooth over the transition, although this will likely skew social and political influence in Cairo's favour. Border Dispute ended and territory ceded to Egypt; -2 influence with Egypt, +10% Socialist support; Libertarian Agitation suspended for 10 turns, Schrödinger's Market skews 10% Socialist; -2% wealth taxable.
Side with the Libertarians: The fastest and simplest way to appease Egypt is to pull out entirely. While this will immediately de-escalate the situation, unilateral withdrawal will be seen as a massive loss of face at home, especially in the wake of the referendum—but at least the Libertarians will finally be satisfied. Border Dispute ended and territory ceded to Egypt, +1 diplomacy with Egypt and guaranteed non-aggression for 5 turns; Libertarian Agitation ended, Kebri Dehar and Bosaso pacified, +10% Libertarian support; -2 morale for 10 turns; -5% wealth taxable; -10% approval.
We must continue to rely on negotiations: Refuse to take sides in Parliament. No effect.
In Isolationist NuZee, Conflict Finds YOU!!
According to radio traffic in the South Pacific, the Star Destroyer
Revengeance has come under attack by Psi Corps forces. The ship had dispatched from Wellington prior to Yuri's emergence to
conquer colonize the Marshall Islands; the crew had apparently thought it would be able to traverse the airspace unimpeded, only to fall into a trap, coming under fire from submarine-launched missiles and ground-based anti-air. Experts predict Yuri aims to capture the ship intact, because let's face it, who
doesn't want a giant flying laser death-triangle?
Hoxha Strengthens the Border
In response to Psi Corps aggression, His Most Enlightened Revolutionary Enver Hoxha has ordered the physical lockdown of the Bunker Emporium by—what else?—erecting a new ring of defences all along the frontier, declaring "
Fort Bunker
Squidward France Prime is now impenetrable!"
Fresh Offensives Planned in America
Having recovered from its initial fumble, Namibian command is redoubling its efforts in a bid to beat the US Army before it likewise rallies. While the Toronto campaign continues to stonewall, the main expedition continues to whittle down the D.C. Garrison's strength as repeated counterattacks are easily rebuffed. As the VRF expeditionary force departs from Europe, eyes turn to President Antonopoulos, whose government still has not officially responded to the latest developments.
The western campaign has seen unusual success for the home forces, as regular troops near Spokane hold the line against Californian salients. While the assault on Hill AFB has been abandoned, attempts by Californian soldiers to entrap the retreating guerrillas ended in a friendly-fire catastrophe when rebel aircraft strafed allied lines by mistake. The battle for Albuquerque has become locked in a stalemate as the encircled Redcaps continue to defy the rebel garrison. Although locals report one of the newly levied 'storm battalions' is marching to relieve the partisans, observers predict the battle will ultimately end in a government withdrawal.
Demons of the Twenty-First Century
As if the world needed another reason to distrust Majterre, Empress Solomon has chosen to address the chaos over Crete by summoning a demon from Hell. Unlike Caron,
this abomination has not opted to set fire to the playground... yet. While neighbour countries have grudgingly tolerated Esther's antics thus far, this latest act is considered by many to be a "tipping point" in international opinion, with several countries suggesting a united effort to kill the dragon before Majterre brings its latest monster to bear. Speaking of, Cretan soldiers have defied Paris's instructions to take the beast unharmed and through concentrated force have managed to scare it off long enough to earn a brief reprieve. However, no-one expects this crisis to wane any time soon.
MAJTERRAN EVENT: The High Council
Majterre's entry into the world stage has been marred by one blunder after another, and it is readily apparent Esther simply cannot handle every crisis at once. Between the Egyptian flashpoint and the Corsican uprising, war now seems inevitable, but domestic support is still faltering, and with Esther's own right to rule coming under question, her ability to actually respond is deteriorating each day. The court needs to address all these issues eventually, but which one takes priority?
Muster Our Men: The Heretics' Crusade may be a fledgling movement, but you cannot bank on Caron defeating Joan in the field. Though full mobilization is sure to provoke your neighbours, the sooner troops are levied, the easier it will be to scare them off any 'rash' reaction. Majterre declares war on the Heretics' Crusade; bonus to initial levy and +2 recruitment for 5 turns; Ireland, Volksreich der Frau, Greece, Istanbul and Egypt gain +2
casus belli v. Majterre and NPC behaviour is more hostile for next 8 turns.
Delegate Powers: Bellator may have temporarily cowed dissenters of the realm, but the domestic situation can only be normalized through permanent reforms. Further empowerment of local lords will help quell unrest, at the cost of your own executive capacity. Gain policy
Hyperfeudalism: +2 stability, +1 statecraft to local rulers, +10% wealth taxable, -1 Action; +10% support for Regional Governors, +5% support for Lay Council.
Entrench the Bureaucracy: If you can't rely on your courtiers for support, at least you can trust the civil service. Consolidation of executive power will be costly, but will ensure you can make decisive action regardless of the whims of the court. +10% support for Civil Service; Infernal Bureaucracy provides +1 to administrative actions and additional +1 to statecraft, -3% state revenue.
We shall consider well: Pretend to weigh the options to buy time for your own agenda. No effect.
Notes from the GM
or: Kool Kaiser Saves the IOTers: The Incredible True Story!
Everyone give a big hand to KaiserElectric: if not for his KIOT2 inspiring me to experiment with a Civ2 spin-off, I might not have been able to recover the graphics necessary for this update in anything approaching a reasonable time frame. That said,
next update starts Saturday.
