The Imperator will send an open letter to all northern Italian City-States, citing that a devastating war may not be in their best interests and offering them peace, prosperity and protection if they willingly join Rome.
1: Of course people don’t want war. Why should a poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best thing he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Thus your bid for reunification through thinly-veiled threat of force is especially disquieting, and plays right into the whole Northern Sovereignty movement, which declares independence from Rome, consolidates the army, and starts eyeing the Volksreich for a protection guarantee. (-5 diplomacy with the
Lega Nord, which now exists.)
ORDER ONE: Drop the Potomac on them.
ORDER TWO: Sign Civil Service documents in hope of gaining boon.
ORDER THREE: Attempt to establish diplomatic relationship with the Danes if the government is democratic, otherwise take Thor's Hammer and run. (disregard if Thor's Hammer cannot be easily found)
11 (16): It's time to clean up corruption... literally! Diverting the river right through the front line, you wash away opposition while stranding the American leadership at the White House!
christos200, Milo Yiannopoulos, Steve Bannon, Rand Paul, Anakin Skywalker, and PewDiePie suffer -5 to escape actions as Namibian forces surround the White House!
1 (4): You really have no-one to blame but yourself for not reading the fine print. In the interests of ensuring efficient operation of state agencies, you've ended up granting the Civil Service special powers and budget allocations while hamstringing the sitting government's ability to conduct future adjustments. Gain policy
Bureaucratic Boondoggle: +1 stability, -2 statecraft, -5% net revenue to cover higher paycheques; -2 to alter this policy due to pushback from public-sector interests.
4: Denmark
is democratic... for now. The delegation reports that South Sweden is in the midst of "aggressive negotiations" that somehow slipped under the German radar, and if not shored up by outside influence soon, København will likely fold to Stockholm's expansionist demands.
1) unleash Bellator and have him engage the dragon in fierce combat!
2) the Empress will use her magic to buff her forces with fire resistance!
3) have our civil service impose a form for the Heretic Crusade to fill in before they could continue their journey; this red tape should delay them...
6 (11): Making sure to step
over the city walls, the demonspawn draws the combat into a less-densely-populated area, dealing 12 damage.
16 (18): All Cretan forces not counting yourself and Bellator receive +3 fire defence for the next 10 turns!
5 (10): Surprisingly, an anti-government army led by a self-proclaimed crusader has little respect for your bureaucratic meddling.
1) Load up Darth Alexis, Frankie Drake (along with her cool motorcycle) and I (NinjaCow64) onto the 1st Transport Helicopter and beeline to CivCube's location. CUNF can manage the city while we're gone. NOTE: If we can't get there in under 5 turns with this method, we'll figure out something else.
2) The 1st Fighter Wing will intercept and shoot down Yuri's UFO, XCOM style. Or at least roughing him up a little. Assist Nambian fighters if appropriate.
3) The HMAS Parramatta and the HMAS Ballarat will assist the HMAS Anzac in Engaging PSI 6th Boomer Sub Flotilla.
18 (16): By running on the fumes of broken Liberal Party promises, you think you can make it to Africa without having to stop for a refuel, ETA 5 turns.
7 (5): The air force, on the other hand, can't make a non-stop flight
and be fit for fight on arrival. Besides, what the hell is a "Nambia"?
4 (2): Damn, it's as if they could read the crew's mind or something and predict their exact course of engagement! Two of the subs break off to ambush the frigates on approach, dealing a crippling 18% damage to both ships, impeding mobility by -1 and sparking deck fires that sap 3% strength for the next 5 turns!
the sultan will hand himself over to Athens. the bounty will just go towards a local charity for the homeless.
8: You have to be in Greek territory to turn yourself in.
Khanate of the Golden Horde
18: Exploiting the enfeebled Soviet postwar position, you successfully co-opt the Eurasia Movement toward pan-Turkic solidarity under the mantra "Crimea for the Tatars!" Free pony rides would seem an odd incentive for military recruitment, but given the recent, er, dark horse success of a certain cartoon/toy franchise, you won't argue with the results. Now you just have to make sure the good times keep rolling faster than the lingering ethnonationalist friction within your new empire.
NATIONAL OUTLOOK
Spirit of Genghis: A sturdy mount and a reliable bow will take a man far, especially when that bow can propel metal arrowheads at ridiculous speed. All horse-based cavalry units gain 3% strength/turn when not in combat; +2 to cavalry recruitment, -2 to vehicle production.
For the Horde: Forget stock margin-buying, adjustable rate mortgage and derivative swaps—if you want to rob people, just go and take their stuff! Gain immediate income from conquering territory at the cost of reduced wealth taxable; sacking cities and defeating units generates Fear Factor in rival countries; -3 to domestic economy.
Tatar Yoke: While you nominally promote religious equality empire-wide, there is a decidedly anti-Muslim sentiment in the western frontier. -5 diplomacy with Soviet splinter states; -2 loyalty and -3 military recruitment in the European half of the empire; escalating loyalty penalty in European cities the closer they are to foreign borders.
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
Batu Khan (TheGryphonPrince)
Khan
87% approval
+3 morale to nearby units
Inventory
Leader's Sword (+3 to mêlée)
Ceremonial Armour (+1 to basic defence)
Companions
War horse (+2 mobility)
4: America wasn't the only victim of the Mad King's hyperneoliberal aftershocks. Unfortunately, unlike the USA, the Caribbean states weren't that rich to start with. Conquering the islands was easy, but holding them on a shoestring budget isn't—turns out there's only so much ecological devastation and wealth disparity a finitely-resourced region can take before the system crashes out. After all, it's not like you could tax your fellow suits to cover operational overhead, now, could you?
NATIONAL OUTLOOK
Kleptocracy: Lacking the necessary legal, social, and financial infrastructure to enforce a more subtle brand of corporatism, you can still rob the consum—er, citizens with impunity, but it's a lot more obvious you're doing so. +25% to private income per turn; -3 to economic regulation, -2 happiness amongst the middle and lower class.
Private Security Industry: A man may not have himself killed for a halfpence a day, but a six-figure salary and immunity from prosecution makes a persuasive argument. Can contract forces out to other players as a free action; levying new troops always costs money, and can allocate funds to improve recruitment rolls.
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
J.K. Stockholme
Chief Executive Officer
68% approval
Inventory
$8 000 000
Investment portfolio (+$300/turn)
Flashy suit (+2 charisma)
1. Authorize all fighters in mainland Namibia to intercept Yuri's UFO.
2. I likewise relay orders to plan a tactical raid on Naval Station Norfolk to secure the USN for myself.
3. Some uppity Romans may or may not have indicated possible plans to try to parition the Volksreich with Majterre. And with the Golden Horde just spawning in the game, who knows if they influence the flank as well. Not on our watch. Offer a mutual DP with the Volksreich.
4. "I'm going to liquidate their assets"
20 (20): 1st and 2nd squadrons begin air patrol along the coast, gaining a +3 combat bonus to initial contact.
14: 3rd and 4th Bluecapes set out from Boston to
steal EMANCIPATE whatever survived the Mad King's War.
15 (20): Despite its recent establishmentarian drift, the Volksreich proves its heart is still revolutionary red, and happily accedes an alliance. Gain policy
Windhoek–Cologne Axis (replacing Comrades in arms modifiers): +5 diplomacy, +5 trade, mutual right of passage with, -5
casus belli v. Volksreich der Frau, +10
casus belli v. aggression on the Volksreich, and vice versa.
20:
Awoken by the conniving tomfoolery of CAPITALIST IMPERIALISM, Hugo Chávez has returned to steward
Chavezland Venezuela back into IOT prominence with a live-action roleplay of
the USA 2013 scenario for Civ2,
personally commanding an expeditionary force scheduled to hit the southern coast in four turns and "liberate" its "wealth"! But with the smell of sulphur drifting in from the magincompetent MANX
protectorate of Majterre, will El Presidente's nationalization campaign only content itself with the American continent?
Muck it, the prophet's going to go DBZ on those Ancap buts! Face the wrath of Super-Prophet 420!
The rest will be on the sidelines to witness his totally immense power, or job for the prophet.
10 (+5 [Power of Five] +1 [Ascetic Virtues] -1 [HYK roll bonus] =
15): Treating the insurgents to the awesome power of min-maxing, you inflict 12% damage each to the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Platoons while forcing them into defensive manoeuvres, invalidating their attack bonuses!
15 (+5 [Power of Five] +1 [Ascetic Virtues] =
20): The critical mass of yes-manning translates into a +3 combat bonus to you for the next six turns!
- All forces combine their weapons into a single Power Rangers-like metaweapon, encircling the entirety of the CivCube Action Hour Congo! BEAMIN OUT
- CivCube prepares his Ultimate Martial Art programming: Keeper of the Seven Strong Bulls' Strength. He meditates even as his auxiliary weapons attack enemy forces.
- In the capital city, the best youths are selected as representatives from the four boroughs of Science, Culture, Military, and Diplomacy. If the end draws near, they may have to scatter to the four winds...
13 (15): Deploying a
country-sized Death Blossom is all the persuasion needed for most of the rebels to beat a hasty retreat behind the starting line. For now, at least.
8 (10): You're
good, but completely tuning out a battle when you're in the vanguard line is a bit beyond even your considerable Zen practice.
ROLL TO DODGE!
5 (20): This does not, however, impede your obscene physical fortitude. South Congolese 3rd and 4th battalions lose 8% and 9% strength, respectively.
6 (8): Unfortunately, for all your considerable reforms, basic census data is still riddled with holes big enough to fit a Ford F150, and "best" in practical terms haggles down to "just good enough".
Decided to hire Satya Vaswani (AKA Symmetra) To further develop harden force field shields.
13: You contract her for a $95/turn salary to serve as Special Advisor on Applied Photonics, gaining a +2 bonus to all such research.
Order 1: Deploy our admirals to our fish island to oversee continued construction. It will be an impressive location to base our fleets!
Order 2: If CivCube is doing power rangers crap then I will match it in full! TIME TO START BUILDING MECHA! >:3
19: Admiral von Müwer hops aboard the
Skittles to assemble an escort for the dredge ships, increasing sailing speed and (probably) hurrying construction. (CV
Skittles, 6th Naval Task Group, 1st Fast Attack Squadron, 2nd Submarine Flotilla, and 5th Terraformer Flotilla have been consolidated into the
1st Fleet.)
8: "We got specs for this, or what?"
I use all the actions and water taxes I've thusfar banked to start a Europa terraforming program (or Venus if someone already did Mars) so I can have an entire moon's worth of oceans to myself.
7: You can't bank actions, and you’ve barely enough cash to preorder a Triple-A title, let alone embark on an interplanetary expedition.
1. Stop Choking
2. STOP CHOKING
10 (15): Thinking back to the time Gavrilo G. Gavrilovich defeated the Baron de Monterrey Jack with nought but his own picked bootheels, you heave with such mirthful
joie-de-vivre that the offending obstruction blasts off like a microscale imitation of the glorious Sarajevan space programme. The whole experience touches your soul deeply, and you level up +1 to projectile vomiting.
5 (10): You already did that.
News on the March
Mind over Matter
Yuri █████ so allies you think its ok to crash a mano-a-mano showdown? cause if so you really have no place in this altercation and can back off right now. I may not permit the free will of every individual but what I am trying to do is neutralize a player character, how can you be against that?
3 minutes ago
Whether or not Yuri had any intention of fighting fair is now irrelevant—with Australo-Namibian interference threatening to tilt the match, the Psi Corps has pulled all stops and is readying the faction superweapons! This brazen escalation may have a silver lining, as the Chinese splinter states have started talks to put their differences on hold to form a united front against the mind-bending menace.
Genetic Mutator at Nouméa will be primed in 16 turns, and the Psychic Dominator at Bernardo O' Higgins—Esperanza Base in 24!
Denial is a River in D.C.
Reports from the capital say the President is officially cut off from U.S. forces. Following a freak- yet meticulously-choreographed flood of the downtown area, Namibian troops have gained land supremacy around the White House, with remaining resistance pinned by unrelenting attacks. Observers are incredulous that despite his imminent capture and reinforcements still yet to arrive, Antonopoulos has issued no orders, let alone acknowledged his own physical peril. Frightened residents continue their flight from the capital, many expressing anxiety at the giant ball of
qi that has been steadily growing above a lone woman dressed in blue motif.
Meanwhile, fighting continues to rage throughout the country, with ultranationalist guerrillas launching a salient on rebel headquarters in Denver. While immediate fronts have ground to a stalemate, Venezuela’s recent declaration of war is poised to stretch the overtaxed U.S. Army too thin to mount an effective resistance. Thomas Friedman stated that the next six turns will prove critical in determining the outcome of the conflict, although his detractors point out he said the same thing six turns ago.
-3000 population in Washington, D.C. and United States loses $360 wealth taxable from continued refugee outflow.
Moscow Defies Tatar Yoke
Categorically refusing to recognize the legitimacy of the Crimean government, Soviet generals in Moscow have declared the city's
de facto independence while asserting it as the rightful capital of the Union, consolidating most of the district's surviving army. However, with the only known remaining splinter command isolated in East Asia and the Kipchak standing army on par in the field, Moscow is unlikely to push its claims for the foreseeable future.
Turning Point in Oz?
Despite his abrupt departure for Africa, Prime Minister for Life NinjaCow64 insists he is not abandoning Canberra, and that the fight against Yuri has never been stronger. And he may be right: with the government’s foibles finally settled, local security forces are finally ready to turn their attention to Sydney... if those damn bikers will ever finish with the [tier-2 swearword]ing tanks!
Palermo Allies with Jeanne!
The joke amongst Crusade historians is that God's soldiers tended to draw from the worst of society's refuse, in which case Jeanne's endorsement by a literal Mafia state is ironically fitting. Wary of being drawn into a potential Italian war and thoroughly distrustful of Majterre's intent, Sicilian dons have thrown their lot in with the pilgrim army, variably in religious solidarity and/or banking on a modern professional soldier still outclassing a hundred wizards. Despite a previous lukewarm reception to her landing, with the main crime bosses backing Jeanne's cause unconditionally, observers expect the rest of the island will soon fall in line.
The Silent Mageority
A minor diplomatic scandal has erupted following the leak of a private communiqué between Silvanian politicians and the Majterran embassy. While the memo itself was a simple follow-up on a previous document transmitted to Paris, investigation into that original document revealed Silvania seems to have gone behind the Kaiserin's back in a bid to garnish cross-border support for the controversial Magical Rights Party. As the Reichstag questions what Drakenhof was trying to pull, Majterre's relations vis-à-vis both factions have cooled: the Volksreich is suspicious of a counterrevolutionary agenda, while Silvania is upset the circus could have been avoided had its French counterparts delivered a timely reply.
(Majterre suffers -1 diplomacy with Silvania and -2 diplomacy with the Volksreich for 10 turns.)
The Revolution Will Not Be Quiet
Following a strategy session in Denver, the Revolutionary Council of Sgt Pillar's Band has removed JamesCaesar as the movement’s nominal head over mounting dissatisfaction with his leadership. While elements of the Denver garrison remain fiercely loyal and will continue to follow him in the field, several people have remarked that "When's the last time Paul put out a good album, anyway?"
Sgt Pillar's Lonely Meme Club Band is now an NPC.
Storm Clouds over Stanley
A coded message to Admiralty confirms the worst: determining it cannot provide adequate coastal defence, the HMS
Lazuli is withdrawing from the Falklands following a skirmish with one of Yuri's mutant octopuses. Landing craft are already in sight on the horizon, and the tenacious garrison now prepares to hold off the invaders for as long as it can.
Custerfield "May Need to Change Course"
Custerfield's survivalist isolationism may no longer be sustainable, the government admits. While the country has avoided entanglement in either the European or American conflicts, news that the Psi Corps is readying catastrophic superweapons has shocked the populace out of its complacency. After all, anyone out to
literally conquer the world probably can't be ignored forever.
Custerfield is now an NPC.
Foundational Assumptions "May Be In Error": Reus
Certain hypotheses by which Rationalia has constructed its policy may in fact have demonstrated themselves invalid, the Supreme Brain announced earlier today, summoning the College for a national brainstorm to develop a new paradigm. Hailed within the Republic as yet a further manifestation of His supreme Logic, the declaration has attracted its inevitable small-minded detractors who dare to claim the enlightened struggle against anti-scientific fanatics was somehow worsened by DarthReus Tyson succumbing to self-righteous dogmatism.
Technocratic Republic of Rationalia is now an NPC.
Piracy Reported in North Sea
As tensions simmer over the fate of Scandinavia, some groups are taking matters into their own hands, with scattered stories of raider parties prowling the Norwegian coast and even threatening the British shore. Witnesses describe long boats sailing straight onto the beach, crewed by bear- and/or bare-shirted bands that pillage and plunder nearby settlements. Anyone owning shoreline property is advised to contact local authorities if such groups are sighted, and to avoid any vigilante impulses in confronting them.
Notes from the GM
Let this be lesson for you: make sure you respond to Events, even if you're opting for status quo. Also, candid conversations on chat are now liable to inspire random insertions, you know who you are.
I have some Fun Stuff coming up at the end of the week, but provided Megs doesn’t go on an NPC binge, we shouldn’t have nearly as long a wait this round.
Orders due Sunday the 17th.
@Patient_Robot You may now post.
