Roll to Dodge: Ludicrous Edition

[bestrfcplayer]

I join a pro-basketball leage (I would like it to be the NBA), and be the #1 pick in the draft to get a lot of money.

 

[civplayah]

Hey! Don't steal my thunder!

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I decide to explore the city and see what I can find that would help me win.

7: You find nothing of value.

Fine. Since I am indestructible as I am in the other plane, I use this chance to completely heal myself.

5: You accidentally heal TheLastOne36 3 health.

I find a magical health pack which not only heals me, but actually raises my (base) health!

7: You fail to find a medipack.

I Intimidate reality so that the Medkit will have everything I need, and I shall heal the soldier.

11 (12): You manage to find a transfusion kit that wasn't there before, and restore the soldier to active duty.

I rescind the order of the auto-pilot to autotarget kill fire, and instead just look for a medkit in the back of the helicopter.

17: You restore 50 hp.

I find a Gatling Laser in an abandoned garage.

4: You find a Gatling laser, but it is part of an automated defence system. The owner must not like trespassers.
ROLL TO DODGE!
3 (6): You dodge just a smidgen too slow, taking 7 damage.

I send out my cultists to preach my greatness and collect tithes.

17: You attract three new minions and $8.50.

I advise my friend the Metal Detector Guy to "go off and make some sound investments, buy stock in upcoming companies like Microsoft...maybe run for office and gain some influence, and then down the line look to use your wealth and power for r&d, funding, and support of the Illuminati organization...they'll be in touch, even if it takes a couple of decades."

3: He heads off into the world. You do not know his fate.

Good, then I heal myself.

3: You lower your superpowers to regain a paltry 10 hp.

Having just recovered from the loss of my angels, I go on a quest to destroy St Peter and reclaim my angels and claim all the angels. Transferring myself to a new plane of existence if necessary.

10: St. Peter kicks you out at the Pearly Gates.

We execute the plan.

16: The President is now in your custody.

I join a pro-basketball leage (I would like it to be the NBA), and be the #1 pick in the draft to get a lot of money.

2: You wander onto the dodgeball court and are immediately bombarded.
ROLL TO DODGE!
15 (14): You do some pretty nifty moves to avoid the oncoming projectiles.

choxorn and kill fire have formed a pact! They no longer need to destroy each other to win.

Just a heads-up, I'll be out of town for the next couple of days and I won't be able to update.

 

[civplayah]

I try to telepathically insert myself into the choxorn-killfire pact.

 

[TheLastOne36]

I find a magical health pack which not only heals me, but actually raises my (base) health!

I try again.

 

[GenMarshall]

I had enough of these strings of bad luck -_-.

I find a pair of night vision goggles laying on the ground.

 

[tuxedohamm]

I run back in and stage a coup of Heaven itself, placing myself in command.

 

[Omega124]

As a FREE action, I formally ask Earthling if we want to pact.

For my actual action, I shall re-attempt to summon Napoleon I, Alexander the Great, and Eisenhower.

 

[Earthling]

Yeah, in diplomatic talk I agree to a pact with Omega doesn't have too many quabbles about some alterations to the history of more modern-day empires.

Anyway, fairly straightforward what I'm going to be doing first now. Calling upon whatever reserves of dweomercraft I can muster, I install a flux capacitor in my car, powered by the unobtainium, with my return coordinates in spacetime to Odessa, Ukraine in the present day (present being whatever the present is for all the other players).

I'm in no hurry and if it's ruled this will take 2 or more turns/actions, that's fine - I keep at it unless interrupted by some catastrophe/interruption.

 

[kill fire]

Good. Now that I'm a little more patched up I power up again and start hail-firing energy beams at the players.

 

[choxorn]

I FIRE MAH LAZOR at Omega's Illuminati soldiers. I also FIRE MAH MISSILES AND MAH AUTOCANNONS.

 

[Seon]

I fall into angelic hibernation so that I can heal and grow/level up into a Seraph!

 

[Abaddon]

Gain the early bird hp bonus

 

[mythmonster2]

I demand 10 tanks, 2 helicopters, 50 automatic guns, and *Dr Evil Voice* 1 million dollars in exchange for Mr. Obama.

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

I try to telepathically insert myself into the choxorn-killfire pact.

2: Dr. Hax is unamused by your attempt to shortcut real-time diplomacy.
ROLL TO DODGE!
16: You pull off a Matrix dodge.

I try again.

2: You find a suspicious-looking medical package that when used, petrifies your left arm. It is now little better than a club, but it is pretty damn tough.

I find a pair of night vision goggles laying on the ground.

4: You trip over a pair of NV goggles and careen into a beet stall, suffering 8 damage.

I run back in and stage a coup of Heaven itself, placing myself in command.

19: God is on holiday so you don't formally wrest control of the position, but you are now the new No. 2.

As a FREE action, I formally ask Earthling if we want to pact.

For my actual action, I shall re-attempt to summon Napoleon I, Alexander the Great, and Eisenhower.

Divine Intervention: 19
ROLL TO DODGE!
6: "HAAAAX!" A monitor hits you square in the face, dealing 14 damage.

Yeah, in diplomatic talk I agree to a pact with Omega doesn't have too many quabbles about some alterations to the history of more modern-day empires.

Calling upon whatever reserves of dweomercraft I can muster, I install a flux capacitor in my car, powered by the unobtainium, with my return coordinates in spacetime to Odessa, Ukraine in the present day (present being whatever the present is for all the other players).

2: Your engine's on fire!

Now that I'm a little more patched up I power up again and start hail-firing energy beams at the players.

2: You overcharge yourself and inflict 14 damage.

I FIRE MAH LAZOR at Omega's Illuminati soldiers. I also FIRE MAH MISSILES AND MAH AUTOCANNONS.

14: You take out 3 and critically injure 6.

I fall into angelic hibernation so that I can heal and grow/level up into a Seraph!

16: You enter a state of inner sanctum that will heal you 20 hp per turn; this action may be sustained for free at the expense of all other actions. If you return to full health without breaking the state, you will ascend to Seraphhood.

Gain the early bird hp bonus

13: You gain +100 hp to your base health, but do not gain 100 hp.

I demand 10 tanks, 2 helicopters, 50 automatic guns, and *Dr Evil Voice* 1 million dollars in exchange for Mr. Obama.

15: The World Powers are sceptical of your sincerity, but nevertheless put the order in the mail.

Earthling and Omega124 have formed a pact! Killing each other is now a BAD strategy.

Palpatine invokes the Power of Two: everyone who has rolled a 2 this turn has a 50% chance of their next roll defaulting to 2.
choxorn's SPARTANs have arrived and are awaiting orders.

 

[civplayah]

Diplomacy: Hey, Seon, do ya want a pact?
For my action, I try to avoid roll of two.

 

[mythmonster2]

I wait patiently for my order to arrive in the mail.

 

[Seon]

I continue to sleep.

 

[GenMarshall]

I pick up the Night Vision goggles

 

[kill fire]

Being overcharged and full of power, I rain death and destruction onto the players.